"Hey Matt?" Matt turned as he heard Mello's voice next to him on the bed and tilted his head a bit at him after pausing his game. The blonde sounded…distracted? Like he was thinking too much but the redhead could only guess what was going on inside his friends head. He saw those blue eyes watching him with a sort of deep sadness that only he was allowed to see and it struck a chord in his heart causing it to twist painfully in his chest. Had something happened…? He turned off the game sitting on his knees facing Mello the other boy mere inches from him and he could almost sense his unease.
"What is it Mels? Are you ok?" Mello nodded a bit taking his time to open a chocolate bar watching it before absent-mindedly sucking on it and Matt was now terribly confused. Mello put all of his focus on the bar in his hand his mind caught in thought and he was almost scared to ask his question out loud, as if…as if that would make his fears more real than they were when they were just in his head.
"Will I ever beat him?" He looked up at Matt then, hard icy blue eyes bearing into green ones demanding an honest answer. Matt frowned, of course that's what this was about…it was never anything else, the blonde was obsessed with his ranking and with beating Near. There were times where Matt had to wonder if he were too focused on beating the albino, that becoming all he thought about and this proved him right. Sometimes he wished that at least once his friend would be worried about something else, something he could actually help him with but no…that was never the case, and probably never would be if things kept going as they were.
"I don't know Mello, I think you will." I hope you will…he thought hoping that if Mello actually achieved his goal that he might become something to the person that meant the most to him besides just someone who was always there.
Mello nodded in response his eyes lighting up and he smirked as if Matt's words had fueled him and he grabbed his book saying a quick thanks before putting all his focus onto his studying. Matt leaned back looking up at the ceiling a moment before turning his game back on only to figure out he no longer had the will to play it. He stood up grabbing his cigarettes and walking to the window opening it and sitting on the chair next to it lighting the cancer stick relaxing when he felt the nicotine set into his system.
He couldn't even remember the first time he'd ever smoked, cigarettes or otherwise, his mother having practically shoved them down his throat in an attempt to keep him too drugged up to cause more problems for her. He could still hear her screams if he let himself think about it too much, those constant accusations that he was the reason for all of her problems and that she should have aborted him when she had the chance. As if he'd even known what that meant when she'd told him…
Matt shook his head trying to force those memories away, they were nothing to him now except that, or he figured if he told himself that enough they would be. What you believe will control you rather it's true or not...that had to be true for this too right? He frowned at himself putting out his cigarette and looking over at Mello who hadn't moved from his studying spot, most likely didn't even noticed he'd moved. Not that he has a reason to notice you; his mind supplied only further increasing his worries about being abandoned by yet another person. He had to stop this. He lit another cigarette taking a long drag of it to force his mind away, he didn't want to listen to those things, he didn't want them! He watched Mello as he worked and thought surely that wasn't true, no, it couldn't be. Mello cared for him, at least more than he did the other kids and that counted for something…right?
"Matt, get your ass over here already. I'm ready for bed." Matt jumped a bit having zoned out and put the now completely burned out fag into the ash tray not having even realized how late it'd gotten. He nodded slowly looking at the time and yawning realizing just how tired he was walking over to Mello's bed crawling into it and curling up with his friend.
Matt knew that to other people them sleeping together was odd but he couldn't imagine not sleeping in the same bed as Mello, it had just been something they'd done since he'd gotten here and if he thought about it he wasn't sure he'd be able to sleep any other way. He was always comforted knowing someone was there with him… He closed his eyes relaxed by the sound of Mello's breathing in his ear and slowly drifted off his mind hoping for a dreamless sleep to avoid the horrid lingering memories of his mother.
"Matt, you are the laziest bastard I have ever met!" Mello yelled hitting his friend over the head so that he would let go of him squirming in his arms before glaring at him. "Get up would ya!" Matt gave a small whine of complaint before sitting up putting a hand through his hair as if that would make the bedhead go down. He yawned big his eyes closing as he did and he gave Mello a half asleep smile afterwards knowing he'd just be hit again if he laid back down, a series of tests having proven this theory.
"But you love me!" He said to him happily still smiling at him like an idiot and he was happy to report that Mello sighed returned the sentiment with a 'yeah, whatever'. It was so far the closes Matt had gotten to the blonde actually admitting he cared, he felt very accomplished to say the least.
The gamer stood from his comfortable perch on the bed after several minutes of Mello nagging at him and went to grab his clothes and take a shower only to come out finding the little blonde tornado running around the room freaking out about not being able to find something or another just as he did every test day. He laughed at him a half-hearted glare being sent his way and he smiled at him picking up the chocolate bar on the bedside table and throwing it at him thankful for his friend's fast reflexes. He swore sometimes that guy was part cat…he was quick, prissy, and tended to do whatever he wanted despite what everyone asked of him.
"How'd you find it so quickly?" Mello stalked over to him accusations in his eyes and Matt put his hands up in a defensive pose laughing at him a bit. They went through this more times than he could count and while he knew the blonde honestly was slightly irked that he'd been able to find it when he couldn't he also knew Mello wasn't pissed enough to do anything but stand in front of him with his hands on his hips. Much like he was doing now.
"It was just right there?" He pointed at the spot on the nightstand where he'd just grabbed the chocolate from and Mello looked at it then frowned snapping a bite off of the bar to avoid having to say anything refusing to admit that he'd been stupid enough not to look there. He made a slight 'humph' then turned and stalked across the room, throwing his book bag over his shoulder and out the door he went with the redhead right on his tail an amused smile on his face.
Although Matt wished he could say the rest of the day was as amusing and eventful as his morning had been, it sadly went as every other testing day. He walked into the testing room, spent the first 30 minutes actually taking the test, then several hours wanting to bang his head against the desk in boredom because the teachers had learned to check him for electronics before-hand.
He groaned in annoyance putting his head down the silence driving him insane as well as Mello telling him to shh every time he made an impatient sound, which happened to be every few seconds. It's like a kid on a road trip except instead of 'are we there yet' it's 'is it over yet?' and a monthly occurrence of it at that.
Matt's head snapped up and he cheered loudly as they were dismissed for lunch no one even bothering to give him a weird look anymore and it seemed even Mello had given up shooting him glares. He followed the blonde out of the classroom and to the cafeteria a certain hop in his step as he smiled stupidly, simply happy to be out of that room. He sat down with a full tray digging in while his friend sat across from him eating his usual healthful meal of, insert gasp here, chocolate!
"You know Matt; if you'd stop smiling like that all the time someone might actually take you seriously." Matt looked up at Mello seeing the amused smile on his face as he talked around his chocolate bar snapping a piece of it off and sucking on it the part that hung out of his mouth bobbing slightly. Matt's smile only widened and he stuck his tongue out at him.
"You know Mello; if you learned to be like me, you'd have a lot more fun in your life! Only you prefer to waste your life on books and chocolate. Oh woe is me; you won't even ever play a game with me! Not ever even one measly level." He gave a dramatic sniffle and bust out laughing at the look on Mello's face that spoke exactly what the blonde was thinking. Yeah, he knew he was stupid, but someone here had to bring life to this place!
Looking around his point was proven as he stared at the drained faces of kids who were too tired to even eat, all color void from them and not one seemed to have any energy to even bother smiling. In fact, it was also eerily quiet; the redhead being the only one talking in the entire place and it was probably because he was the only one who didn't spend hours upon hours reading over the same material for weeks on end. Sure they got a break here, a week just after tests, but during that time the kids here slept, partied for maybe a day and acted like kids should, then just went right back to their normal boring routine.
"So Mello, how do you think you did on your tests?" The sneer that was placed on Mello's lips at that moment could probably kill an army, too bad it seemed the person who'd just spoken was immune to it. Matt looked up at the albino as Mello turned around to give him an annoyed look before a smirk was placed perfectly on his lips.
"Better than you, twit." He replied easily his hand coming up to flip his hair behind his shoulder then turning around again the chocolate's snap resounding around the silent cafeteria that had now turned toward them to watch the consistent feud between Whammy's top 2.
Matt simply sat by and watched knowing it was a much safer thing to do than try to speak up, because if he did then somehow Mello managed to turn it on him later…then again he did that anyways by saying he should have sided with him. There just was no winning where the blonde was concerned.
"We shall see." Was all Near said in reply before walking to his empty table and pulling out a robot playing with it as he always did. Matt wondered at times if the white-haired boy did it just simply because, or if there was more to it than that. Oh well, he thought, I'll never know and it's not worth a bitch fit from Mello to find out.
"That fucking Near! I'll beat him you just watch!" Matt watched him stand and gave his food a longing look before standing and following him out his stomach growling in protest but he didn't have much of a choice. He'd just have to go back and steal food from the kitchen later after Mello was done ranting.
He sat on his bed pulling out his PSP and nodding his head giving small responses every once in while during the series of complaints that seemed to last hours before Mello finally seemed to have worn even himself out, sitting down on the bed and pulling his knees to his chest.
"I'll come in second again won't I Matt…?" His voice sounded resigned and although one would think that Mello was about to give up on his wish to be first, Matt had been through this too many times to think that the truth. He would go into his sad mode, see the results and trash every object in their room that he could get his hands on, calm down again, go back into sad mode, get over it during the week long break, only to get right back up on his feet when school started up again and do this same process all over. This was Matt's life, he revolved his entire being as well as when he did what, around this and for the most part it never changed. Mello was bipolar, this was true, but after being with him as long as Matt had he had learned what sparked which emotions and how long it would take before he calmed down again.
He looked at Mello pressing pause on his game and giving him a smile. He knew that the question Mello had just asked didn't need an answer, he could tell him yes and have the blonde close to tears with his defeat, he could tell him no and deal with him being even angrier the next day when he saw the results then have him close to tears after he calmed down from that, or he could do as he did now and say nothing. The result of this was simple; Mello frowned at him, gave a small sigh then returned the smile as best he could.
"I'll beat him one day! You just wait!" Matt laughed at his sudden burst of determination that came out of his friend his own smile growing as he got punched playfully in the shoulder.
"Come on Matt, I'll play a game with you just so you can't complain I never do again." Matt cheered jumping up off the bed and across the room turning on his gaming system and looking at all of his games trying to figure out which to put in that Mello would have the most fun with.
"Only one level though!" Mello cried seeing Matt bound across the room and knowing he'd probably just sold the rest of his day to the gamer on accident.
"Yeah, sure Mello!" Matt responded popping in the game and coming back to the bed handing him a controller his mind easily tossing away Mello's comment. He knew the blonde, he knew he'd get started, Matt would beat him then he'd be stuck playing the game with him because his own pride wouldn't let him stop until he won. He smiled at the blonde as he concentrated his own fingers slowing down slightly to give him the advantage and as he looked back toward the game, Mello's shouts of satisfaction as he beat him resounding through the small room, he could say that although Mello gave him a run for his money, he was honestly happy. He almost laughed, happiness, who would have thought the only place he'd find that would be with the person that seemed to do nothing but give everyone around him misery. It was definitely irony at its best.