The smile lasted for a moment, passing as quickly as it came. Rin's happiness connected with a wound, trying to pull it back, making a pain that sat deep in the pits of her stomach most days. Most tasks weren't difficult for her much anymore, but she had recently run into hiccups with her attention span. Every so often her thoughts drifted to him, the gallant knight holding her face so sincerely as if it were delicate porcelain. A part of her hurt from it; his grasp felt like it burned. Her nights were endless. She stayed awake through most of them, turning in her bed while she fought the nightmares back. Memories clashed into demonic forms that brought back feelings she had hidden for most of her life. Sealed in a lockbox, she had left them to fester and gain power. This gallant knight had adeptly opened her proverbial Pandora's Box and unleashed unrelenting torrents of emotional abuse into her head.

Rin was lauded for her confidence and rather bossy demeanor by most—it was almost her trademark, and she was proud of it. Nothing hurt her because nothing dared to touch her. He did. He pushed her in a way that, at first, was new and welcome. It pushed her to new limits and forced her to try hard. Not for many years had she sought the approval of someone; the slight smile that comes to their face as you accomplish something otherwise unheard of.

Within an instant, she could tell he understood. The comfort of the tan hand left her as he quietly removed it from where she was. The concerned look remained as another flash of lightening hit. Rin jumped before she could stop herself. However, the words remained unspoken. The electricity in the air tinged both of their motions. Archer stared at her, concerned; Rin looked at him, lost. What she was searching for she knew, but she didn't know if she could see it. Part of her wanted to chide herself, to say something and lash out at him, but that time had come and gone. Many days, weeks, and months had come with bursts of passive-aggressive actions and hate-tinged words as she fought back at him relentlessly. The pain had worsened as he stood there, taking the brunt of everything: insults, slurs, tears, fists, slammed doors, hugs, screams… He'd never returned any of it and that infuriated her. She felt child-like, throwing a temper-tantrum, but the pain hit so hard that at the moments when she felt closest to him, the moments when she wanted to say "I love you", hurt the most.

Why? Why did you do this to me?

Rin had been a once unbreakable wall, protecting herself from invaders. Now, it was a long forgotten idea. Parts of her had tried to rebuild quickly, but she couldn't do it. No part of her had the strength. Everything was drained from her. She barely ate, which only seemed to infuriate herself because she felt as if it made it all seem…melodramatic. But the hunger wasn't there; the drive wasn't there.

Without any words, she laid herself down in the bed and pulled her blankets back towards her head, tucking herself in. Archer didn't say anything. He made a solemn movement to her side and tucked her in with the ease and gentile nature that someone has with a child.

"Why? Why, Archer?"

He made no attempt at excuses. He never did. Archer stood there for a moment, looking at her. Rin couldn't make eye contact with him, and she knew why. He had felt so much in life. Everyone had betrayed him and lied to him, and he ultimately paid with his life for that. Selfless, he gave up his afterlife as well to protect people, but the world and its horrors had jaded him. He had come to her far more broken than she was now, determined to kill someone she had once been so closes to. They had lost, but she had found a way; severed her contract with Saber, Rin forged one with Archer and leveled her magic until the wish had been granted. No one remembers what was asked for, and Rin truthfully didn't know who said it. They had awaken in a rubble, greeted by familiar faces. Life had been tough since then. At first it was blissful, but they say honeymoon periods don't last forever.

No. He made no excuses because there weren't any. His life had taught him one thing: you make your own decisions. And, in a way, Rin knew there were issues that she had caused as well. No mistake is purely one-sided in her opinion.

"I don't know, Rin. I made a mistake. I'm sorry, and that is all I know and mean now." His voice was deep, but she felt it waver. He had hurt again. Lately, it had seemed to be getting worse; she almost couldn't hold herself together each day. A school break was up, and she desperately needed it. She couldn't handle it much longer, pushing herself through the meaningless days. They needed it. Without looking, she heard the steps as they neared the door and began to leave. Rin wanted to call out, wanted to ask him to stay, but she couldn't. Tears welled up as she lay there, making no sound. She couldn't stand to let him know she was crying again. It hurt him so much every time.

"I love you, Rin. Please get some rest," Her guardian said as he shut the door. She heard a familiar sound from the few nights she had nightmares and screamed or cried all night. Archer's back slid down the door as he sat on the floor before her door. He would stay there all night, should she need something. But she never called out.

Rin lay there, in her bed, tears streaming down her face much like the water on her windows, as she tried to find some peace in herself for just a moment's rest.