Disclaimer: Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Paramount and TPTB. The plot is the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Warning: Rated PG for some mild language.
And the Coffee Will Set You Free Ch.2
"I should be confined to quarters," Kathryn said when Chakotay entered her quarters for dinner the following evening.
"Wh…" Chakotay started to ask. He stopped himself and began again. "Tell me what happened."
Kathryn acknowledged his control at not asking a direct question with a nod of her head before speaking, "You know I went to sickbay this morning?"
"Yes," He replicated tea and sat down while she paced in front of him.
"Well, the Doctor does not show the same consideration as you do and I think he is actually enjoying taking advantage of my condition."
"Good morning Captain," the Doctor greeted her cheerfully. "Did you sleep well last night?"
"No."
"Did you sleep at all?"
"Some."
"How long?"
"Three hours."
"Have you eaten this morning?"
"No."
"How much coffee have you had?"
"Eight cups."
"How long have you been awake?"
"Four hours."
"Captain, it is 0730. Are you telling me you've been up since three in the morning?" he asked, incredulous. "And that you've been inhaling caffeine like it was oxygen?"
"Yes, that's exactly what I'm telling you," Janeway said giving him the full death glare. "And you know I'm not making any of this up. In fact, I think you've asked just about enough questions for today."
"But," He began but swallowed his objection when she held up her hand in warning, "Very well."
"Do you have anything new to report about my condition?" she asked.
"No. You are as healthy now as you ever are. You lack proper nutrition and sleep…"
"Doctor," She warned.
"The serum has not affected you outside of its intended side effect," He continued. "I have been unable to determine a way to countermand the effects, and I believe that by the time I can come up with something the drug will have run its course."
"Keep working on it," She said and turned to leave sickbay.
"Captain," He called after her.
Janeway froze halfway to the door bracing for another onslaught of questions.
"Please eat something." He said simply.
She gave him a curt nod and headed out.
Chakotay smiled to himself imagining the Doctor taking full advantage of the Captain's once in a lifetime inability to avoid his questions, "I'm surprised he was able to restrain himself."
"At least he didn't ask my opinion on his opera or photo essays."
"Hopefully Tuvok won't ask you about his poetry," Chakotay said choosing his comments very carefully. It was difficult to not phrase things as a question. "Your sickbay visit wasn't enough to warrant confining yourself to quarters."
"Oh, no. I was downright kind to the Doctor in comparison," Kathryn continued. "I went to engineering after leaving sickbay. Surely, B'Elanna had something I could work on that didn't require a lot of questions."
"Good morning, Captain." Torres greeted Janeway as she entered engineering. "How are you feeling?"
"My back muscles are still sore and I'm frustrated with the doctor's lack of progress," Janeway grimaced.
"I'm so sorry, Captain. I didn't mean to ask…" Torres started.
"It's alright, B'Elanna. As you can see, I'm still having some side effects from my recent away mission," Janeway reassured her engineer. "I was hoping you needed help with something down here."
"There's a ruptured conduit in Jeffries tube 47. I was about to send a team to check it out," Torres said looking at a PADD.
"Work in an out of the way Jeffries tube sounds like an excellent place for me right now," The Captain told her taking the offered PADD.
"Do you want anyone to come with you?" Torres asked and then grimaced.
"No," Janeway stated. "Thank you, but no. I'll be fine on my own."
Torres nodded understanding.
"That doesn't sound like it went so bad," Chakotay commented.
"Oh, it gets better," Kathryn said finally sitting down. "Lt. Carey doesn't know about my condition. And I guess after awhile he saw that the Captain was working by herself so he sent someone down to help me out."
"Who did he send?"
"Mortimer Harren."
"Captain, Lt. Carey told me to come assist you," Crewman Harren announced his presence in the Jeffries tube.
'Damn.' Janeway briefly closed her eyes. "Well, you're too late. I'm just about finished here."
"Oh," He didn't sound very upset about having missed the work, but he helped her put the covering back over the exposed circuits. Janeway began putting away her tools so she could crawl back to engineering when Harren asked, "Have you had the opportunity to read my theory on the dark matter lifeforms?"
"Yes," Janeway answered. 'Damn again.' It was true she'd had the opportunity. At the time she hadn't felt like reading through it, and had put it to the side intending to read it later.
Mortimer brightened, "Well, wha…"
Janeway cut him off by asking her own question, "Why don't you explain your opening statement to me? I'll admit I don't have as thorough an understanding of the subject as you do."
After crawling through the access tunnels all the way back to engineering with Harren explaining in detail his theory, Janeway had a very good understanding of the subject by the time her feet touched the floor of engineering.
Torres saw her emerging with Harren and hurried over, "Captain, is everything…"
"Everything is fine, B'Elanna," Janeway said cutting both B'Elanna and Harren off. "Thank you, Crewman, for that explanation. I appreciate the complexities of your theory much better now."
"Of course, Captain," Harren picked up the diagnostic kit. "I'll take care of these. Thank you for your time, Captain."
"Captain, I am so sorry. I had no idea Joe sent someone down to help you," Torres said as Harren walked away.
"It's alright, B'Elanna. My knowledge on dark matter needed refreshing," Janeway managed a small smile.
Torres began explaining to her what the engineering team had accomplished that morning and neither woman noticed Paris appear behind them.
"It's 1300 ladies," Paris said. "Is anyone hungry?"
"Yes," Janeway answered. Torres glanced at her sympathetically.
"Well, then let's go to the mess hall. I understand lunch isn't half bad," Paris said as he corralled the two women out of engineering. "Of course, that also means it isn't half good either."
"That's what I'm afraid of," Janeway muttered loud enough for Torres to hear.
"Oh no," Chakotay said. "You mean you actually ate the lunch today. This really should've been a replicator day."
"Tell me about it," Kathryn moaned slightly. "I'm sure Neelix wishes I had stayed out of the mess hall today."
Tom was chatting away happily about his latest holodeck endeavor while the threesome walked through the corridors towards the messhall. He didn't notice that neither woman was really paying any attention to what he was saying. Torres had her mind on the Captain vowing to herself that she would step in if anyone asked an uncomfortable question. Janeway was thinking about how she could avoid any well intentioned crew member asking her potentially embarrassing questions.
"So, Captain," Tom said as they stepped into the turbolift. "What do you think?"
Janeway's head snapped up and Torres stomped on Tom's foot. Tom missed Kathryn's answer as he swore and grabbed his foot to start rubbing it.
"What did you do that for B'Elanna? All I did was ask the Capt…"
"Paris," B'Elanna stopped him mid-sentence. "If you finish that question, you will find yourself sleeping on the couch tonight."
Janeway smiled at B'Elanna's protective gesture. "Computer, halt lift. Mr. Paris,"
"With your permission Captain," B'Elanna interrupted. She received a nod from Janeway. "Tom, you know about the Captain's incarceration planetside, but what you don't know is that she is still experiencing some side effects from that trip. You will not ask her any questions, and we will ensure that no one in the mess hall asks her any questions."
"Uhm, okay," Tom said thoroughly confused looking between the two women and settling on his wife. "Can I ask you a question?"
Torres nodded. Tom pointedly did not look at the Captain, "Is the Captain okay?"
"I'm sure she'd agree with my answer," Torres said looking at Janeway. "She's fine."
"And she's still standing here in the lift," Janeway spoke up. She relented when Tom turned back to face her. "They gave me a truth serum, Tom."
Comprehension dawned on Paris' face. Then he just nodded.
"Computer, resume lift."
"So, Captain," Tom began ignoring a growl from B'Elanna. Janeway looked at him warily and saw the twinkle in his eye that usually got him in trouble. "A few years back you mentioned sneaking out of your house when you were in high school."
"Your point, Lieutenant?" She asked stressing his rank.
"Would you care to enlighten us as to where you were sneaking off to?"
"No way in hell."
Janeway insisted on getting her own plate and encountered her first problem when Ensign Chell greeted her in line, "Captain, what do you think about today's selection?"
"I hadn't realized until today how much I enjoy ration bars," Janeway answered. She immediately faked a coughing fit to cover him asking her to explain what she meant. Torres stepped in and distracted Chell as the Captain hurriedly took her tray to a table in the corner. She sat down and put her head in her hands. She missed seeing Neelix approach her table.
"Captain, how delightful to see you today," Neelix greeted her.
'Oh hell,' Janeway brought her head up slowly and groaned inwardly when she saw he had a tray in his hand. "Good afternoon, Neelix."
"Have you tried my new Sumarian root melts?" He asked indicating the jiggling blue poofs on the tray.
"No."
"Oh well, you simply must try one," He plopped one on her plate where it landed with a squishy sound.
Janeway looked down at it. It continued to jiggle on her plate as she contemplated what would happen if she poked it with her fork.
"Well, aren't you going to try it?" Neelix asked her.
"No."
"C'mon Captain, these are quite similar to the Mesopian nectar pies I made last week," He commented happily. "Didn't you like those?"
"No," Janeway answered sinking further down into her seat wishing she could disappear. 'Where's Paris when I need him?'
"I'm sorry to hear that Captain," He said looking crestfallen.
"Me too," She said wondering what he would think if she crawled under the table.
"Can I get you some of yesterday's stew?"
"No," She tried to stop him from going any further. "Really Neelix, I don't need anything, thank you."
"Well, Captain, it's the rare chance you let me fuss over you," Neelix continued lost in thought. "Hmm, what have we had this week that you liked?"
"Nothing," She answered unable to stop herself.
Neelix looked stunned. "Did you eat the Rigelian lasagna?"
"I only had one bite," Janeway jumped up. She had to leave. Quickly.
"Neelix!" Paris finally managed to make it through the crowded mess hall. "You aren't trying to poison the Captain are you?"
"I can't stay here, Tom," Janeway said shoving her tray into Tom's hands and pushing past him. She headed for the doors with her head down hoping to avoid any other crew member questions.
"Neelix has a thick skin. I'm sure he'll just try harder to impress you," Chakotay said when he finally finished laughing at Kathryn's story.
"You have no idea how badly I felt. He tries. All this time, and he still can't cook. I was so afraid he was going to ask me to name something that he's made that I really enjoyed," Kathryn leaned against the arm of the couch. "Do you think that was the end of my day?"
Chakotay smiled. "By all means, continue."
"Well, I thought that at least in my ready room I wouldn't have to deal with anyone."
Janeway groaned when the chime to her ready room door sounded. "Come in."
"Well, Captain, I see you aren't following my orders," The Doctor chided as he walked into the room.
Janeway sighed.
"Have you eaten?"
"No."
"Have you been working all day?"
"Yes."
"Have you relaxed at all?"
"No."
"Captain," the Doctor was exasperated. "What will it take to get you to relax?" "Reaching the Alpha Quadrant, securing pardons for all former Maquis, attaining citizen status for you and Seven, and," Janeway lowered her voice almost to a mumble, "sex."
The Doctor feared deletion of his memory files again if he acknowledged that he heard her, "I'm sorry, Captain, I didn't quite hear that last part."
"Good," Relief flooded her features. "And I think that's about enough questions for one day. Did you stop by for any other reason?"
"I'm making progress on a cure," He set a PADD on her desk as he crossed to the replicator. He ordered a bowl of vegetable bouillon with crackers and a cup of tea. He took the PADD out of her hand and put the bowl in front of her. "Please Captain, I think we'd both prefer to not have this conversation again."
Janeway's stomach growled loud enough for them to both hear it. "Thank you, Doctor."
"Eat and then go to your quarters and take it easy, or I will return for another truthful conversation about your health and habits."
The Doctor was out the door before the PADD Janeway threw hit the wall.
"And now all I need to do is make it through this evening with you," Kathryn said stretching her legs out so her feet rested on the coffee table.
"I promise to behave," Chakotay smiled. "I must confess though, I never realized how difficult it is to have a conversation without asking any questions."
"I never realized how much I lied throughout the day," She sighed.
He smiled the full dimples at her. "I knew."
"Hmph," She let his comment pass. "I can't imagine getting into a diplomatic situation and having to speak like this. I'd probably offend every race that we met."
"You mean, there are races in the Delta Quadrant that don't already hate us?" he chuckled.
"I'm sure there are one or two out there still, that I could manage to alienate," She said as she picked up a PADD to review.
They had both settled into reading while relaxing in each other's company. It had been a few hours when Chakotay stirred and commented quietly, "I do have a question for you."
Kathryn stiffened, "Oh."
He didn't look up from the PADD he was pretending to read. "Yeah."
Kathryn waited. He said nothing more. She couldn't stand it, "Well?"
"Hmmm?" He asked looking up innocently.
"Your question," She urged.
"Oh, right," He put his PADD down and looked at her. "I don't think you know the answer to my question."
She raised an eyebrow. "Well, you can be sure that if I do know the answer…I'll tell you."
He stood up and crossed to the replicator. "I already know the answer."
"Let me see if I understand you correctly," She followed him. "You want to ask me a question to which I don't know the answer, but that doesn't matter because you already know the answer."
He recycled his cup before answering her, "Yes."
"Why?"
"Because I don't know if you know the answer," He offered to recycle the coffee cup she was holding. She handed it to him and as he took it from her his index finger trailed along the back of her hand. He smiled when her eyes snapped up to look into his. There was electricity there.
He turned his back to her as he put her cup in to be recycled. He busied himself until he felt her draw nearer to him. He knew she wouldn't be able to stand the suspense for long. 'Any second now. Wait for it.'
"Chakotay?"
'Gotcha.' He turned to face her and took a step towards her invading her personal space. He could smell the light fragrance of roses. "Yes, Kathryn?"
She had to look up to see into his eyes, but she didn't step back. She cleared her throat, "You said you had something you wanted to ask me."
He smiled, "It can wait until tomorrow."
Confusion crossed her features. He planted a quick kiss on her forehead and headed towards the door. "Goodnight, Kathryn."
Kathryn stood rooted to the spot for a good five minutes. She could just barely smell his aftershave. With a sigh, she ran her hands through her hair and headed for the refresher. 'How does he expect me to get any sleep now?'
Despite not being on duty, Kathryn stepped on the bridge at eight sharp the next morning. She couldn't help herself. She had been going stir crazy in her cabin since five in the morning. She had considered going to sickbay, but she really didn't want to have another conversation with the Doctor.
After Chakotay had left she had only been able to sleep for four hours. Now she was on the bridge, and she was tired and anxious. Not a good combination. At least her bridge crew knew better than to ask her any direct questions. She stepped down to her chair and saw the source of her discomfort. She amended her thoughts. Most of her crew knew better.
"Good morning, Captain," Chakotay greeted her.
"That has yet to be proven, Commander," She said taking her seat.
Paris turned back to the conn when he heard this comment. He had been about to ask the Captain a question, but decided he didn't want to spend the next month scrubbing the hull.
Kathryn saw Tom turn back to his station. She looked down and smiled. She had seen the look in his eye. She was almost sorry she had blocked his shot so easily. Almost. Her smile faded when she looked to her left. Chakotay just looked too damn smug.
"You look tired, Captain," Chakotay commented. "I'd ask if you slept well, but I wouldn't want you to think I was taking advantage of your condition."
"I appreciate your concern, Commander," She replied tightly. "I slept fine."
"Good to hear Captain," he said brightly. "So after our shift we'll be able to finish our conversation from last night."
Janeway stiffened. "Of course, Commander."
Paris slumped in his seat. It was going to be a long shift.
Janeway stayed on the bridge out of sheer stubbornness for three hours. She'd never looked his way, but Chakotay's amusement radiated towards her. The energy of the rest of the bridge crew, however, was a reflection of her mood. It was not one of amusement. She sighed inwardly and turned the bridge over to Chakotay so she could escape to her ready room.
Tom let out a breath of relief as the ready room doors closed behind her. He turned in his seat to assess how the rest of the bridge felt about her departure and was confused by the smirk on Chakotay's face. Normally, he would be concerned after a morning like today, but now he looked like he had just swallowed the canary. Tom decided to reassess the betting pools. This might prove to be an interesting shift after all.
Janeway paced around her ready room. She usually tried not to pace finding it to be pointless, but this situation with Chakotay was driving her to distraction. She hadn't gotten any work done, and she still had two hours until the end of his shift.
Her badge signaled the Doctor calling. She hit her badge to acknowledge and rattled off all the answers before he had the chance to ask any questions, "Doctor, I've slept, eaten, and left the bridge. Is there anything else I can do for you?"
"As a matter of fact, I have one more instruction for you Captain." The Doctor responded not missing a beat despite her curt manner.
"Doctor," she warned.
"Go to the holodeck and do something active."
Surprising herself and the Doctor, Janeway agreed. She needed to do something to get her mind off the upcoming dinner conversation.
As Chakotay's shift came to an end he was very aware that Kathryn had not returned to the bridge. Once he was in the turbolift, he asked the computer her location.
"Captain Janeway is in holodeck two."
He was pleasantly surprised, but he wasn't about to let her get out of dinner that easily. He hit his badge, "Chakotay to the Captain."
"Go ahead Commander," she answered sounding out of breath.
Chakotay frowned. Before he could speak, he heard a muffled grunt over the comm. line and a clang of metal. Janeway's voice sounded over the line again, "Computer, pause program."
"Captain, is everything alright?" he asked concerned.
There was a distinct pause before she replied, "No. You distracted me and I got pummeled by a Klingon."
"A Klingon?" Chakotay couldn't believe B'Elanna would take such a cheap shot and especially not at Kathryn.
"Don't worry Chakotay, Torres is in engineering," Janeway laughed roughly. "I should've paused my sparring partner before answering your call."
"Captain, are you sparring with Klingons?" Chakotay asked astounded as he stepped off the turbolift and headed towards the holodeck.
Another pause. "Yes. I have to prepare for B'Elanna somehow."
He shook his head and came to a stop outside the doors of the holodeck.
"Commander, did you call me for a reason?" she asked.
"Come on out of the holodeck, and I'll escort you to dinner."
Another pause. "You're outside the holodeck right now?"
He smiled a different smile now. "Surely you haven't forgotten our dinner plans."
Chakotay continued to smile when she didn't respond. His smile disappeared when the doors of the holodeck opened and she emerged carrying a bat'leth. She was wearing workout clothes and her hair was plastered to her face with sweat. And she had blood flowing freely from her nose and down her chin.
"Captain!"
She held up her hand. "It's your fault. You distracted me."
"Are you…" He began.
"Relax Commander, before you ask, I'm fine," She swiped at her chin with her sleeve. "However, I think I'll make a trip to sickbay before joining you for dinner."
He simply nodded finding himself speechless.
"Give me half an hour," Kathryn said as she turned to leave. She stopped and turned to look back at him. "And I hope you haven't forgotten."
"Forgotten what?" he asked finding his voice.
She paused. "I believe you wanted to ask me something."
Forty-five minutes later, Kathryn rang the chime for Chakotay's quarters. When he answered the door wearing slacks and a shirt, she was glad she had chosen the casual pants suit instead of her uniform. Once she stepped inside, he took her chin in his hand and made a show of looking over where her injury had been.
"The Doctor does good work." He withdrew his hand and crossed to the replicator. He needed some space away from her to regain his composure.
"You have no idea," Kathryn said quietly. She was thankful he had his back turned. 'Inhale. Exhale. This is not your first rodeo.'
"Wine?" he asked.
"Yes, please." She settled herself onto the couch. Chakotay smiled as he watched her slip off her shoes and tuck her feet underneath her.
"So, how long have you been battling Klingons in your spare time?" he asked handing her the glass.
She pursed her lips for a moment before answering, "Almost two years now. One day B'Elanna offered to spar with me, but I realized I had better prepare if I wanted a chance in hell of keeping up with her. Unfortunately, we've never settled on a date and time."
"Well if you ever do pick a day, please let me know," He said sitting down across from her. "I'd like to give the Doctor some forewarning."
She chuckled but said nothing more.
"I take it from some of your silences the effects of the serum are wearing off," Chakotay commented.
She looked up and nodded, "I can almost control it now. For just a moment I can hold back, but then the truth just pops out."
"So, by tomorrow you'll be back to normal?"
"I'll be able to handle Neelix's cooking once again," She smiled.
"Well, speaking of cooking," Chakotay stood and offered his hand. "Shall we adjourn our conversation to the table?"
She took his hand, "Lead on."
Dinner conversation flowed evenly between ship's business and speculation on crew members. They both cleaned up after dinner managing to bump into each other more than once. When they returned to their pre-dinner spots on the couch, both fell silent.
'Are we thinking about the same thing? I used to be able to tell.' Kathryn studied the side of his face. She smiled when she realized he was pretending not to notice her scrutiny. "Chakotay."
He looked up, "Yes?"
"What are you up to?" she asked.
The full dimples came out as he chuckled, "You do realize, I haven't been exposed to a truth serum. Direct questions won't work with me."
She raised an eyebrow at him.
He laughed, "The 'look' wont work either. We're off duty."
Kathryn's voice seemed to lower a few notches, "I guess I'll have to try something else."
Chakotay swallowed tightly. The sound of her whiskey voice made all the humor drain from his body. He took a breath to steady himself. 'Keep it together, we've been here before.' Her normally light blue gaze had darkened, but he forced himself to look into her eyes. "Kathryn, I haven't forgotten."
Kathryn's breath caught in her throat when his brown eyes locked with hers. The mischievous twinkle that had been in his eyes a moment before had turned to something else. Something sensual. She could feel her entire body grow warmer under his gaze. She didn't trust herself to speak so she just nodded for him to continue.
Chakotay took a breath and asked, "Kathryn, is protocol the real reason we don't have a more personal relationship?"
'That wasn't exactly the question I was expecting.' She paused before answering, "No."
A question began forming on his lips, but she reached out and pressed two fingers over his mouth silencing him.
"It was the reason at one time," She said simply. "But time out here has changed that. I know now that a relationship between us wouldn't affect this crew or this ship. I couldn't have known that when we started."
He nodded understanding, "May I continue now?"
Kathryn nodded slightly. 'Ask me the question, Chakotay. The one we've been dancing around for years.' Despite how it terrified her, she welcomed it.
Chakotay took a breath in, "Kathryn, do you love me?"
"Yes."
A smile broke out on his face at her immediate response. 'She said it. She finally said it. Ever since New Earth it's been a formidable presence between us and now it's gone. It no longer matters about protocol. She loves me. She's talking and I have no idea what she just said.' "What?"
Kathryn smiled at his delayed response to her comment but didn't bother repeating it. She simply watched the emotions go across his face as he let his head drop back to rest on the couch. 'He looks like he just finished running a marathon. In a way I guess he has.'
He reached over and clasped her hand, "You have no idea how long I've wanted to hear you say that."
She smiled, "It felt good to say."
He relaxed and then frowned, "But, if protocol isn't the reason, then what's been holding you back?"
"Me."
A cold hand reached into his chest, "You?"
"I haven't had the best of luck in love, and I couldn't handle losing you," She said looking down at their joined hands. "I lost Justin to death. I lost Mark to time and space.
I can handle assimilation, being hunted on the holodeck, and aliens trying to harvest my organs. But I can't face losing you."
"Kathryn, you could never lose me," he said then added sheepishly, "Well, outside of a shuttle accident anyway."
"Oh, I know your record with shuttlecraft, but that's not what I mean," She said.
"Then what?" he asked.
"If I lost you physically it would be difficult enough. It would take a lot of time, but I would eventually recover from that." She reached out and took his hand. "I'm talking about something else."
"I'm not following you," he said.
"Ransom and Equinox. Seven and the Borg. Both times, for a very short time, I lost you. It almost destroyed me," She admitted. "But those circumstances weren't because of our personal feelings towards each other. Mostly. We were able to come back from those instances. If I ever lost you over love, I wouldn't be able to come back from that."
"Kathryn, when are you going to hear me when I tell you that I will always be here for you?" He cupped her face in his hands when she started to shake her head. "I have seen you at your worst when we were in the void. I've been scared of you when you were chasing Ransom. I've been scared for you when you went off to be assimilated. I've even seen you die. You cannot make me leave your side."
"Chakotay," She started but he put his fingers on her lips.
"Let me finish. I've seen you with other men. I've seen you bloodied in battle with the Hirogen. I've seen you laugh. I've seen you embrace B'Elanna in comfort. Not an easy feat I know. I'm still here." He continued. "You can't get rid of me. I can't promise something won't happen to me and you can't promise me that either. But I can promise you that I will never let you lose me."
Kathryn tucked her head and said quietly, "I want to believe that."
"Then believe it," He said to her and lifted her chin so he could look into her eyes. "Believe what I tell you, and you tell me the same thing. We'll argue, disagree, and agree to disagree. If it's something with this ship or crew, I'll follow your lead. If it's something personal, then we'll work through it. Just tell me, right now, that you won't give up on me."
"I've never given up on you," she said then added guiltily, "I've wavered a couple of times, but those were the times I missed you the most."
"Even then, you still had me," He said then smiled. "Except when you were a Borg. I was never interested in being assimilated, not even by you."
Kathryn smiled, "It's just as well, pale skin doesn't suit you."
A comfortable silence descended on them. Kathryn leaned back against him and he put his arm around her letting his chin rest on the top of her head.
"This is nice," Kathryn murmured. She had imagined sitting like this with him so many times. "Is this real? Can we do this?"
"It's real," Chakotay smiled at her whispered question, "If this was a dream, we wouldn't have any clothes on."
She slapped his chest. "One thing at a time."
He trapped her hand against his chest, "I have one more question I want to ask you."
She stiffened slightly before answering, "Well, go ahead and ask. You know I'll answer you."
"Oh, I know you will," He paused. "When exactly did the effects of the truth serum wear off?"
Kathryn pushed away from him sitting straight up, "You knew?"
He nodded, the laughter rolling out of him at the expression on her face. "Well?"
Her shock faded and her half smile appeared as she gave her confession, "Since sickbay."
He continued to chuckle at her.
"The Doctor called me earlier while I was in the ready room and ordered me to go to the holodeck and engage in something active." She explained.
"Like sparring with Klingons?" Chakotay supplied.
"Exactly. He didn't explain it at the time in case it didn't work, but he thought the increase in adrenalin and endorphins would help expunge the remnants of the serum from my system." She said. "So when I showed up in sickbay, the Doctor had been expecting me, but he wasn't expecting me to show up with a broken nose."
Chakotay frowned as the image of Kathryn with blood dripping down her chin flashed through his mind. "So he gave you a clean bill of health?"
She smiled again, "That's how I found out the serum was almost worn off. I didn't automatically answer his questions when he started sputtering about my face. I couldn't completely ignore them, but I was able to evade answering them directly. I made him fix my nose before I would tell him how it happened. It felt really good to give him a hard time. I think he regrets my recovery."
"I can understand how he feels," Chakotay grinned.
"Well, anyway, he had a solution that was able to erase the final remnants of the serum. It wouldn't have worked earlier, but it was strong enough to eliminate the weakened serum," She said and sat back against the couch. "So how did you know?"
"When you walked in here tonight, you were relaxed. All day today, and since your return from the planet you've been like a tightly coiled spring ready to jump," He explained. "Tonight, you were the calm cool Kathryn Janeway, and not the Captain at red alert with no shields."
'I was anything but calm.' Kathryn nodded at his comparison but remained quiet. Chakotay didn't miss the pained look that crossed her face as she studied her hands.
"Kathryn, what are you thinking?"
She looked up and shrugged, "I just never used to consider myself a liar. I always thought I was pretty straight forward with people, and said what was on my mind. But you're right. I knew tonight that I could avoid any question that I didn't want to answer. I could even lie if I wanted, and that brought me a great deal of comfort. God, Chakotay that really makes me…"
"It makes you human," Chakotay interrupted and completed the sentence for her.
She raised an eyebrow at him, "I didn't tonight though."
"Didn't what?"
"I didn't lie." She said taking his hand in hers, "I meant everything I said tonight."
He kissed her hand, "I know."
She smiled and leaned back against him again, "So what was that about today?"
"What do you mean?" he asked innocently.
"You forget Chakotay, I know you pretty well too. I trust you and know that you would never take advantage of me."
He nodded still smiling.
"That being said, you've stressed me out all day today and you know it."
"But I didn't question you directly," He said. "I was very careful about that."
"So, why all the hinting and implications?" She asked. "I jumped every time you spoke to me today."
He grinned, "Were you surprised by any question I asked you tonight?"
"Not really. I've been obsessing since last night about what we could possibly discuss tonight," She sighed. "Needless to say, I didn't sleep well last night."
"I could tell. The entire bridge crew could tell. Sorry about that," He said. "But it was for a reason."
"And what was that reason?"
"I hoped the serum would work on questions you asked yourself."
'You thought, I didn't know that I loved you.' She understood. "You knew I'd be up last night obsessing?"
He nodded. "Did you come up with any answers last night?"
"None that I didn't already have."
That surprised him, "Really?"
She nodded, "I didn't have any revelations, but I reinforced to my head what my heart already knew."
"Then why were you so jumpy today?" he asked confused.
"I wanted to choose when I told you how I felt. I didn't want my declaration to be the result of what some alien culture did to me." She sighed. "However, the experience did help me realize something."
He waited for her to continue, but when she didn't finish her thought, he prompted her, "Kathryn, what did you realize?"
"I was tired of hiding," She said softly but with conviction. "I was standing behind a tree on the holodeck waiting for the opportune moment to strike, and it hit me that I've been doing the same thing in my personal life. I've been ready to tell you for some time now, but I kept waiting for that perfect moment."
'A perfect moment in the Delta Quadrant to express your love? That could've taken the full seventy years.' He snorted at his own thought and then realized something. "Kathryn, if you knew you were going to tell me tonight, why did you wait for me to ask?"
She looked down not answering, but he could see a smile on her face, "Kathryn?"
She looked up and he was thrilled to see the mischievous twinkle in her eyes, "A girl likes to be pursued."
He let out a bark of laughter, "Kathryn, I've been pursuing you for over six years."
She settled back against his chest again, "Well, I've been told I have a stubborn streak."
"Stubborn as a Klingon is putting it mildly," He laughed again.
She poked his chest. "Be nice or I'll include you in my sparring program."
He chuckled again and then was silent, enjoying the smell of her hair and the way it tickled his chin. Kathryn had almost dozed off listening to his heartbeat when his voice broke into her daze.
"Kathryn, are you still awake?" he asked quietly.
"For now," She answered. She could hear the mirth in his voice despite his whispering. "Why?"
"When we were first starting out on this journey, I asked you if you would've served under me if our situations had been reversed."
"Mmmhmm," She had her eyes open now.
"If I had repeated that question to you yesterday," He continued. "What would your answer have been?"
'Should I tell him?' She smiled into his chest not looking up at him, "Can you imagine that? I'd be the only first officer that always got the last word."
"Kathryn?"
"I'd make you take shore leave."
"You're avoiding the question."
"I'd never let you lead away missions."
"Kathryn."
"I certainly wouldn't let you fly any shuttles," She giggled. "Too dangerous."
Chakotay sighed, "You aren't going to answer the question are you."
'I would've served under you.' Kathryn closed her eyes again and answered him, "I would've been content to serve as your first officer."
Chakotay thought about that for a moment before responding, "Liar."
Finis