In a world on fire

Nothing's ever as it seems

Even your dreams

Bathed in gasoline

- World on Fire by Klergy, Lucifer Episode 4x03

Nothing's Ever as It Seems

"Trixie!" Chloe called, her voice echoing down the hall. "Hurry up or you're going to be late!"

Her daughter's response was garbled, but Chloe could hear the frenetic movement from the bedroom, so at least Trixie was doing something. Good. Chloe needed a moment to herself.

She placed her arms out on the kitchen counter, closed her eyes, and just breathed.

What struck Chloe first was how much it hurt. Deep breaths in and out, in and out, in and out, each one punctuated by this deep, aching pain coming from behind her breast bone. Had it always been there? Or was this simply the manifestation of a heart that had been shattered one too many times and finally failed to be put back together again? She hated to think of herself as broken, but there was no better way to put it. Since Lucifer...since he left...it was like a piece of her had left with him, and now...Chloe didn't think she would ever be fixed. Not so long as the one who held that piece of her heart remained in Hell for all eternity.

Tears stung at her eyes, and once more Chloe was overwhelmed at the emptiness of her too-large house.

It had been months since Maze had moved out, but now Chloe felt her absence even more. When she first came back from Rome, Chloe felt relieved that Maze had left. Maze was a demon. Maze was dangerous to have around Trixie. Now, Maze's absence was another hole in Chloe's heart.

Everyone was leaving her.

"Mommy, are you crying?"

Trixie was standing at the counter, her pigtails crooked as she cocked her head, studying her mother. God, Chloe needed to get herself together, if nothing but for Trixie's sake. Chloe cursed herself mentally, shaking her head.

"No Monkey," Chloe lied, pushing a smile onto her face. Most days she was fine, but some days were harder than others. Today had been a hard day, and on hard days, Chloe wanted to curl up into a ball and cry into her sofa. She did not want to worry her daughter. "I'll be fine. Don't worry about me. Worry about how mad your teacher is going to be for holding up the field trip."

Trixie, however, did not seem convinced, her eyebrows arched on her small forehead. "You definitely look sad. Do you need a friend? I can skip the field trip, and we can watch movies and eat chocolate cake."

A friend...now there was an idea. It wasn't like Chloe could talk to Dan about everything, or Ella. They had enough on their plates. Besides, they wouldn't believe her even if she tried. Lucifer had stared Ella in the eyes and confessed and she thought he was joking. Without proof, they would think she'd lost her mind. Maybe she had. Loving the Devil had to be the craziest thing she had ever done. The hardest thing, and the best.

Chloe laughed, but the hurt remained. "That's sweet baby, but I don't think a friend is going to help this time."

"You always say that when somebody's going through something, that's when they need their friends the most," Trixie reminded her, her chin jutted out as if to dare Chloe to take her words back.

"You're right," Chloe sighed and smiled a little more brightly, ruffling Trixie's hair. "But you still have to go on the field trip. Come on. We're definitely going to be late now."

Chloe watched as Trixie bounded down the hall to grab her backpack near the front door.

Maybe she would call Linda, see if she was up for visitors. She hadn't been over to see the baby since the kidnapping. It had been too hard to be around the happy family while her heart was raw and bleeding. But maybe now was the time to start moving forward and putting heartbreak in the past. Every day, the sun would rise, the world would keep turning, and Lucifer would remain in Hell.

As much as Chloe did not want to accept it, Lucifer was gone, and he wasn't coming back.

... _ ...

By the time Chloe made it to the school, they were only ten minutes late and the teacher was only mildly pissed off. All things considered, it could have been a lot worse. Chloe made sure Trixie had her lunch and her permission slip before letting her on the bus. Chloe sat and watched as the chaperones welcomed her on board, as Trixie's head disappeared behind rows of plastic seats, as the big yellow bus rumbled to life and chugged out of the lot.

Leaving. Trixie was leaving.

It isn't like that, Chloe reminded herself when she felt the tears coming again and she'd be damned if she lost in this parking lot with all the soccer moms watching her. Trixie will be back in the afternoon, Dan will pick her up, they'll go for ice cream, and she'll spend the night at his place. Like every other night.

Not everyone in her life was Lucifer. Chloe just wished his loss didn't make everything so hard.

Going into the precinct every day, staring at the chair he used to claim, having everyone ask 'where did your partner go?' and watching their faces contort as they tried to figure out what went wrong was hard. Going on cases and feeling a black hole at her side where he should have been, consumed by uncomfortable silence, was hard. Driving past Lux, the lights in the building off, the entire space devoid of life when it was once flashing and vibrant, was hard.

To think, only a month ago, everything she had ever wanted was so close within reach. In those few moments after the dust had settled and Charlie had been saved, before Lucifer had dropped the bomb of his going away, Chloe thought she could truly have it all.

Now all she had was an abandonment complex.

Putting on her sunglasses, Chloe bucked up and got back in her car. She had a full day of work ahead of her, and she could not afford to keep losing her head over every little thing. However, there was no way she could face the day as drained as she was now. Pulling out her GPS, she searched the address of the nearest coffee shop. Normally she would just brew her own at home, but she had been so out of head that she didn't have the time. Between remembering to make a lunch for Trixie's field trip and the physical effort of getting out of bed this morning, she didn't have the energy to think of much else.

Thankfully, coffee was only five minutes away.

Chloe may have driven faster than necessary to get to her destination - recklessly, even. She pulled up to the curb, her car crooked in the space, but she wasn't in the right head space to think to fix it. She got out the car and started walking in the direction of the coffee shop. It was fine. People parked worse than that all the time. If she got a ticket, she would worry about it then. It wouldn't be her first ticket. But her tail was sticking out a little too far; what if she got hit? The last thing she wanted was to be stranded, not with so much work waiting for her at the station, and her coworkers were already starting to think she needed time off because she couldn't cope -

In her distracted daze, Chloe ran straight into a jogger.

She lashed out with one arm to catch him, but it was no good. The jogger had already fallen to the ground.

"I'm so sorry," Chloe apologized, mortified.

How had she not seen him? He was wearing bright yellow running clothes for God's sake! She should have seen him. How sleep deprived was she? Joggers did not just come out of nowhere.

"It's quite alright," the jogger assured, seemingly not bothered. In fact, didn't seem concerned about himself at all. Instead, he took Chloe's arm and pulled himself up, assessing Chloe with concern knit between golden brows and endless blue eyes. "Are you alright?"

"I-I'm fine," Chloe stammered, woozy from the impact of hitting a jogger who must have had muscles carved from steel. "I'll be fine."

The man stared at her for another minute, watching Chloe try to gather her bearings. Chloe knew she was still reeling, still gripping his arm for dear life from when she had tried to stop his fall. She wasn't fooling anyone. So, she forced her fingers one by one to unpry themselves from this nice man's arm. She forced herself to stand up straight and pull her jacket closer to her chest, trying to regain some semblance of self-confidence.

Then, Chloe took one step and felt the Earth violently shake.

"Pardon my overstepping, but you really don't look fine." He wore one of those smiles that was in reality a grimace or a 'lady you really need to get your head examined' pity glare. The only difference was that there was a calming element to his smile, one that tamed the overwhelming dread Chloe had been carrying ever since Lucifer left. "Can I get you something? Some water, maybe a coffee to clear your head?"

Normally, Chloe would tell guys like this to get lost. As a cop and single mother, she could take care of herself. But there was something about this man in particular, something about breadth of his shoulders, the set of his jaw, the shagginess of his sandy blond hair that made Chloe envision him as a giant teddy bear. And when he spoke, she felt safe. There was a sincerity in his offer that made her feel warm and cared-for, and when was the last time, outside of a work-related crisis, that someone genuinely asked her if she was doing okay? Trixie had said Chloe needed a friend, and she could really use someone to lean on right now.

Besides, she was going to get coffee before this accident happened anyway. What was the harm?

"Yeah," Chloe found herself saying, nodding her head. "Yeah that would be nice."

"Okay." The stranger smiled and steered her toward the coffee shop.

They had gone half a block before Chloe realized. "I'm sorry, I didn't get your name."

The stranger smiled again, that same calming smile that made everything feel like things were going to be okay. "My name is Michael. Nice to meet you."