A/N: I really loved the feedback about the possible Gamlen/Hawke Family-relationship. I like to think he's a big ole softly sans finding out he has a daughter and his relationship with Charade has softened him some when it comes to Hawke and Bethany. Well, as much as to be expected from Gamlen. But I digress! You guys are awesome, thanks for reading. Appreciate the feedback! ;* all of it!
Weeks had passed since Hawke had returned to Kirkwall. She succeeded in playing possum towards those who stopped by the estate to inquire about her arrival. Much to Gamlen's dismay; he hadn't been this popular in his entire life. It'd been even longer since she'd received a letter from Varric. Surely he had heard about her return, or at the very least suspected it.
Varric was Marian's best friend. Their time in Skyhold, and later at Adament was sufficient enough to lay to rest any ill will one had for the other. She remembered the letter from Varric that had brought her to Skyhold. It'd been the first time they'd made contact since her so called companions had left her side.
"Hawke,
I'm sorry I haven't written you sooner, but we're ass deep in demons at every turn. I care about you. Sometimes more than maybe I should. What the Seeker is doing here; this whole thing. It's bigger than what happened in Kirkwall. It's bigger than Meredith. I hate to ask, because you've been through so much already. We need your help.
Always thinking about you, Varric"
Meredith's ghost continues to haunt Hawke. Had she just been more careful about whom she trusted. What about the prison? If only they had made sure Coryphaeus was dead. Truly dead. The statement from Varric backing what the inquisition was doing was all the validation she needed to help. She wanted to be angry at Varric. Scream at him for leaving her side. She'd heard stories of the Hero of Ferelden and her companions. The kinship people talked about while reciting their tales. Perhaps she was a little envious of that. She was envious of that. Even more so, after seeing it first hand with the Inquisition.
Locked away in her old bedroom inside the estate, Hawke had wondered if she'd been on the verge of going mad. This was the city she'd discovered herself in. Why she'd become so afraid of facing it had been uncharacteristic of her.
"Girl, there's someone here to see you." Pounding on the door came hard and fast, her bedroom staying locked with her inside for the better part of the weeks passed. "I'm not your servant. Come out here right now!" The pounding halted only for a few moments before the portrait of Leandra came crashing off the wall. That again only to be proceeded by a series of knocks again.
Making her way to the door, she quickly moved her hands over the locks, and then slowly turned the knob open. It wasn't Gamlen on the other end of the door facing her this time, it was Varric. "Hawke!" He seemed pleased to see her. "I need to have Leliana's scouts fired for misinformation. I had no idea you were back from Weisshaupt. What happened? Are you okay? You never returned any of my letters."
"Varric, I never got any letters." Hawke stared at him for a moment before turning back into her bedroom to grab something from her drawer. All of his letters; none of which from her time in Weisshaupt. "You had Leliana's scouts spying on me?"
"Spying is such a strong word. I prefer keeping an eye out for." He gives a relieved look up at her and those piercing blue eyes instantaneously soften his expression. "I thought… after everything in Skyhold and what happened before you went into the fade."
"That I'd finally die." Her tone hard, and unapologetic.
"That I wouldn't be able to say goodbye, again." He sits on the edge of her bed and lets out a sigh. There hadn't been many women he cared about in his life. Bianca, sure. Merrill, Aveline, Bethanny, hell even the seeker. None of them measured up to how he felt about Hawke though. She was just different. Hawke had eventually joined him on the bed and stared at the wall where Leandra's portrait had been. There'd even been a heavy sob that shot through her body, as if to say, 'let it out, it's okay.' But she refrained. Varric wanted to discuss a lot of things with her. Starting with what had happened in the fade, the moment the two of them shared before the Inquisition had headed to Adament. The more topics started piling up in his head, the more he could sense Hawke pulling away from him. "The seeker said you… wanted to die. That leading those Warden's to Weisshaupt was a suicide mission."
"In the fade, there was a demon that preyed on our nightmares. I thought I'd already lived my worst, but found very quickly that I still have people I care very deeply for and couldn't afford to lose. Bethanny, Gamlen, Fenris, you, An... He told me you'd all die because of me, that I couldn't save you." Hawke didn't want to die. She felt responsible for Coryphaeus. For the red lyrium. For the mages and Templars. All of it. "I went to Weisshaupt because I thought he'd be there." She had to fix what Anders had broken. She had to finish what she'd started. What they had inadvertently started.
Forcing a sigh and heavy breath through his nostrils, Varric gives a look. "He made his own bed darling; you can't save Blondie any more now than you could then." Varric didn't want to know what made her think Anders would be in Weisshaupt, or why she'd be on a one woman mission to find him and not Fenris. What had happened to Hawke? She looked and sounded like the woman he knew and loved, but she didn't act like her.