Deep in the middle west...

Amidst the concrete jungle that is downtown Los Angeles...

Lived... a hobbit.

But he wasn't just ANY hobbit.

He was a hobbit known as...

Ansem the Brave.

Now, Ansem the Brave was a brave little hobbit living on the shores of Altadena Drive and Templin Highway, in a little village known as... Studio 2.

Now Ansem the Brave was a brave little hobbit. He couldn't see over the sink, the doorknobs were all MUCH too high for him, and if he forgot a stool before going into the bathroom... well...

But Hobbits... they weren't like the other Disney fairy tale creatures, in fact they were so hated and scorned by all the little... Fairies and... talking pigs... and... Aflac Ducks... that they were only allowed to come out and play... in Hobbiton.. a little village owned by the notoriously famous kind hearted man living out of Studio 4: Peter Jackson.

Now Peter Jackson doesn't appear in this story, I'm sorry to say. But if you happen to be a hobbit.. contact him. He MAY just make a movie about you.

Now, Ansem the Brave.. he was a brave little hobbit, for he decided he was going to do that one thing nobody ever expected him to do...

write a script for:

KINGDOM HEARTS: THE MOVIE 2

KARY'S REVENGE

(special note: Now's a good time to look up Uruk Hai battle music)

BEN AFFLECK IS

BATMANNANMAN/Sora/Racksis

GEORGE CLOWNEY IS

George Clowney in a Goofy Suit

NICK CAGE AS

Merlin/Yen Sid/Ricky/Dark Ricky/The Magic Mirror/All seven dwarfs/A pigeon

MC HAMMER AS

Kary/Kary's Ghost

and A Brave Little Hobbit Pictures Presents

KINGDOM HEARTS: THE MOVIE 2

KARY'S REVENGE

(WHOOSH)

(Letters hit the screen)

(Cue funky dance intro)

(Fade to black)
(Cue Ben Affleck)

"By night I protect the fair city of gofham. From its... Penguins.. and Jokers... and..." Ben Affleck faded onto the screen. "I want to line the pieces up."

"That weird dream again!" Ben Affleck (now blonde) woke up in his bed to the sound of mortar shells raining down in the background. "Him again."

Throwing on his army helmet but neglecting to use the straps like a good little rebel, he grabbed his M1 Garand rifle and kicked open the door of his little one room house and began firing at the enemy: Olette, Pence and Hayner, played by the cast of iCarly.

They went down without much of a fight.

Then he froze.

Standing behind him, in a white jumpsuit was Nobody Goofy. Who shot laser beams from his eyes.

As Ben Aflac ran and dove for safety, Nobody Goofy was smashed in the face with an orange frisbee.

It was Carrot Top!

"Name A-X-I-S. Got it written down or something?"

The laugh track laughed.

"I don't know you..." Ben said, picking up a stick. In a flash of top of the line 1960's special effects it suddenly had construction paper glued to the end of it making it appear like a key.

"I hate you soooo much!" Ben Affect slashed down the horrible comedian where he stood. He lit on fire and melted.

"Carly!" Ben ran over to his friend. M.C. Hammer wearing a white dress and a blond wig. "Wait, you're not Carrie!"

"No, rocktrack. You and I are special people. Not nobodies, because we have homes and chill. We chill wit our families. And with friends. And with friends that could be family if they only stopped picking their noses in public. Ya feel me? Naw, I ain't no Kairi, bro. I Kairi's ghost. Nimanim. Word."

"No?" Ben raised his eyebrow.

"Sora! Wake up! Wake up Sora! You're not Racksis! You're not!"

"Who's there?" MC Hammer started to dance as he looked around.

"Me." Nick Cage flashed his flashlight at MC Hammer.

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo o oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooo! The weakness of every ghost! An artifical source of liiiiiiiight..."

MC Hammer faded away.

"Ricky! You just killed Kaiwee!"

"I'm not Ricky..." Nick Cage said. "I'm Dark Ricky!"

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo o oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooo!"

Ben Affleck woke up in a space pod from the Men in Black movie.. you know.. the weird seats from when Agent Jay had to write the test?

His hair was back to normal.

"Yay!" He danced with the weird guy wearing the Goofy Suit and the little live goose wearing the tiny sailor outfit that had replaced Donald Duck.

More 1960's special effects and suddenly he was wearing clothes that fit.

"Thank you magic flying hobbit that replaced the three fairies because the three good fairies are meany poopiepants that tease and harass short people!"

Ben took it all in. It had been a year since the last movie in in-movie time, but had really been five years since the original movie came out.

"Oh no! Kary! And Ricky! My island!... my friends..."

"We're your friends now, Sopa." Goofy said.

The goose waddled away off screen and attacked a cameraman.

Goofy began tickling Ben, but because Ansem the Brave had final editing rights he quickly cut that scene to the END of the film accidently... since he was... you know, too short to properly see the screen.

"Don't you remember what that's like? Emotions?" Ben accused the generic bad guy. "Zimmess!"

"Unfortunately..." Zimmess, played by the wicked shakespearean actor Sean Bean said, "I don't."

And then Ricky pulled off his old man disguise and beamed him with his flashlight (powered by duracell batteries.)

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo o oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooo!" Zimmess died.

"I wasn't really Dark Rickoo! I was just pretending to infiltrate your Organization One."

"Ricky!" Ben hugged him. "I missed you so much."

Their awkward love scene was cut out.. again by Ansem the Brave.

M.C. Hammer, now wearing a pink outfit with a red wig went "Mmhmm." and nodded.

They all stood on the top of the clock tower in Twilight Town as a pigeon flew by overhead with Nick Cage's face.

The ending theme to the Star Wars movies started playing.

The End.

Note: Geez, we're sorry guys. That whole Ben Affleck contract and all. We gotta get our quota and at this point it's way easier to just make shit films than to actually TRY and entertain you guys. Hopefully we'll have a better script and will be kicked before the next installment comes out. Or maybe the studio will lose the rights. Here's hoping! :)