2. Distracted

Alex woke up with a weight on her stomach. She rubbed her eyes and felt around. Why was she on the floor? She felt hair and realized it was a person on her: Mitchie. She laughed, but immediately covered her mouth.

She shifted and Alex stroked her hair, trying not to disturb her more. She saw the DVD's title scene looping through its animated menu. She looked around for a remote, and then her phone. She realized she didn't have her phone, so she reached for Mitchie's. It was six in the morning; she glanced at the girl sleeping on her. She could still leave without Mitchie knowing she stayed at all.

Mitchie had six new messages from 'Do Not Answer,' who Alex had assumed was Shanelle after Mitchie showed her the missed call page last night. She frowned, she was so curious what Shanelle was saying to her. She opened their conversation and read through the new messages. Mitchie hadn't messaged her once since breaking up with her; Alex was impressed.

Mitchie, why aren't you answering?; Babe, I miss you; baby please, don't do this…; I love you, baby, I was going to tell you next time we had a romantic dinner…; are you with her right now?; MICHELLE! I swear, if you are with her, we are so over for good; babe, answer me, give me a second chance, baby, please…; fine you know, you're right, I'm sorry, you can be friends with her.

The string of messages made Alex shake her head. Each one was so ridiculous. She was tempted to delete them, but thought better of it. She exhaled deeply, setting the phone down where she'd grabbed it from on the floor, and ran her fingers through Mitchie's hair; it was as silky and smooth as it looked. Alex swallowed, and stared at the TV, studying it. It had controls on the front of it, and the DVD player was integrated into the bottom of the TV. She thought about getting up and turning it off, but realized she didn't want to move Mitchie.

Realizing she needed to use the bathroom, she resigned herself to scooting out from under Mitchie. As she walked down the hall, she glanced into the living room space and saw a few photos on the end table next to the couch. After using the bathroom, she stopped to look at them. They were of Shanelle and Mitchie; she set the last of the three frames back down and froze. There weren't any pictures of her family. She frowned, but decided not to snoop. She walked back into Mitchie's room; she was exactly where Alex had left her.

Alex turned off the television and Mitchie opened an eye. "You can turn on a different one. If you don't like this one."

She laughed and lay next to her. "It's okay."

Mitchie made a noise, but her eye drooped shut. She slung her arm over Alex's waist, patting it, as she turned her face away.

Alex stayed on her back, tracing imagined paths on her ceiling. She wondered if staying was a good idea, if it would give the wrong impression. Her eyes stopped. What was the wrong impression? That she wanted to stay? Wasn't coming over at all the wrong impression? She pushed air threw her nose as her shoulders dropped. Did she like Mitchie? Did she want to date her? She closed her eyes. Did it matter? School was still her main priority. They were both on their last year. She knew it would be better to just stay focused and to ignore these feelings until then. She opened her eyes. Feelings. She hadn't had feelings for someone in a long time, but then again, she'd stopped dating, stopped allowing for anything beyond physical attraction long ago.

Mitchie's arm retracted and Alex looked over to see the other girl sitting up. She smiled while Mitchie blinked into consciousness. "Hey, Alex. What are you doing here?"

She shrugged. "I guess we fell asleep."

"Oh." Mitchie tried not to be too excited; even though she was thrilled Alex had stayed.

Alex stood and stretched. "I guess I should go home and get ready for school."

After Mitchie walked her to the door, Alex turned to go, but stopped and turned around again. "Oh, you had new messages from Shanelle. I was only half awake, so I didn't realize it was your phone until I clicked on the conversation. Sorry."

Mitchie laughed. "It's fine. I'm just going to delete them anyway. Thanks for the heads up."

Alex shrugged and stepped off the porch, feeling the tiniest bit of guilt for lying about why she was looking at the messages, but it wasn't enough to make her confess to pure curiosity. "See you in a little bit."

Mitchie nodded and closed the front door. While she washed her hair, she imagined it was Alex massaging her scalp instead. She'd been half asleep after Alex laughed, but she wasn't ready to interact or be awake just yet, so she drifted in between consciousness and sleep, but she'd felt her nails trailing through her hair.

She wondered why Alex hadn't dated in so long. Was something wrong with her or was she truly just that focused on her education? Alex didn't talk a lot, well, not about herself anyway. They'd had plenty of conversations about television shows, music, and movies. Mitchie tried to think of other topics they both talked about a lot, and she concluded they mainly talked about pop culture and class, and work.

As Alex drove, she was acutely aware of Mitchie fidgeting in her peripheral vision. "You got something on your mind?"

Mitchie coughed and looked out the window. "Yeah, kinda."

"What's up?"

She watched Alex steering the car, her basketball shorts were riding up her thigh. She blinked and brought her eyes back up. "Will you help me avoid Shanelle?"

Alex tried not to be annoyed. "What do you mean?"

Mitchie crossed and uncrossed her ankles and Alex lightly pressed on the brake as they came to a red light. "Can we just hang out more?"

Laughing, Alex stared at her. "Yeah?" She eyed Mitchie, and wondered why she was so nervous. The light turned green and she faced forward again. "Why are you so anxious?"

Mitchie closed her eyes and Alex listened to her breathing. "I'm not. I'm just…I haven't talked to anyone else in a while and I feel like a jerk if I just show up out of the blue, since I don't feel like I've talked to anyone since Shanelle and I started dating. I don't know. I was thinking about it in the shower and I just…I had this friend, Kara, and she and I hung out a lot and then I don't remember when that stopped, but I found the last time we called each other…it was months ago, like near the beginning of summer, so it's just been a long time."

This time, the annoyance won out over understanding or curiosity. Alex slow the car and pulled over, coming to a stop, as a siren wailed. "So you're just basically using me."

"No, that's not what I'm saying. I—" Mitchie stared out the front of the car, watching the funeral procession driving past them. "I want to get to know you better."

"Then don't make excuses like that…if you want to hang out, just say you want to hang out. If you don't want to be alone, just tell me."

Mitchie stared at her for a second and then the police motorcycle at the end of the procession drove by. "Okay. You don't have to be a jerk about it." She folded her arms over her chest.

Alex let out a strange noise of disbelief, almost a bark. "I'm not trying to be a jerk. I just don't think you need excuses to see someone you want to see. If you want to see me, just say so. I don't like playing games."

Mitchie's lips turned into a small 'o' shape and she just stared straight ahead.

They drove in silence for a while; the radio DJs filled the air between them. Finally, Alex decided to speak. "Hey, Mitch?"

She looked from the window to the driver. "Yeah?"

"Do you like this song?"

Mitchie listened to the radio for a minute. "I've never heard it. What is it?"

She turned it up and mumbled the words under her breath. "It's called "Closer" by Tegan and Sara. It's new."

Mitchie listened; the beat seeped into her veins. Her head bobbed, and she glanced at Alex. "Cool."

#

Alex saw the chalkboard and her professor walking back and forth, talking, but her head was swimming in Mitchie. She felt that silky hair threaded through her fingers, the warmth from her head lingered on her stomach. Waking up with Mitchie was definitely a lot less lonely than waking up alone at her own place.

She tried to remind herself that dating wasn't an option. Mitchie would just be a distraction. She almost laughed out loud, but instead she set her pencil down on her empty notebook page. They weren't even dating, and here she was, completely distracted. She closed her eyes, counted to ten, forcing herself to focus on the lesson as she opened her eyes again.

After class, she met Mitchie at the library, but Mitchie looked different as she approached. Alex felt a strange tug in her stomach and looked down, watching her shoes and examining her pencil's worn down eraser.

"Hey, Alex," Mitchie said as they walked into the library together. "Want to check for a study room?"

Alex led the way to the elevators, yawning. "Let's start on the fourth floor. It's quietest."

"Okay, cool." Mitchie pressed the up button on the elevator.

"Hey, Mitch." Alex's hand twisted around her bag's strap. She followed Mitchie into the elevator, and was relieved they were alone. "Can I, um, I have something I think we need to talk about." The elevator doors shut.

Mitchie turned to face her. "What's up?"

Alex took a deep breath, unsure of why she'd even started talking at all. "It's nothing bad." She wasn't sure which of them she was saying that for. "I just…I need to focus on school."

Mitchie blinked, unsure of what Alex meant. "Uh, what?"

"You, uh, I…we can't…I—" Alex hung her head and pinched the bridge of her nose. "I'm sorry."

Mitchie blinked, glancing at the elevator's buttons, one more floor. Her heart was loud in her ears, but she tried not to assume anything. She had a feeling she understood what Alex was trying to say, and instead of feeling disappointment, she was excited that Alex was thinking about them like that at all.

"What I mean is that I really need to study." Alex's eyelids suddenly felt heavy. She had no idea why she was saying anything.

The doors dinged, signaling they were on the fourth floor. Mitchie refrained from sighing. They stepped out and headed toward the back wall where the study rooms were located. "Are you trying to say that we can't date? I feel like you're getting at that. And I just want to say, if that's what you are trying to say, then that's okay, because I don't want to date you, either. I'm stealing your celibacy idea. It's why I broke up with Shanelle. I want to focus on school, too. I want to stay single with you until we graduate in the spring."

Alex's forehead scrunched up. She glanced into the glass fronts of all the study rooms they passed; all of them were occupied. She thought about Mitchie's question the night before she ended it with the other girl, about being alone together. Pointing to a small table in the corner, Alex said, "Do you want to just sit there?"

Mitchie shrugged, walked over and set her bag down on the table. She assumed they were done talking about that. Pulling out her homework, she debated whether it counted as a second failed attempt at explaining her 'Alone Together' plan. She decided it could count, but it could also not count.

"So," Alex said, tapping her pencil on the tabletop. "Is that, like, your question from the other night? About being alone, together?" Alex's fingers tripped over the zipper of her bag as she waited for Mitchie to speak.

Mitchie watched her, a small smile sneaking onto her face. "Yeah, I guess so." She tried not to get her hopes up, but she had to try. "Would you want to do that?"

Alex stared into her eyes. "I can't go out on Friday nights…or like, go to parties. I can't…um, I can't do a lot of things a lot of the time." She resisted smacking herself in the head. "Not that I wouldn't like to, but um, what I mean is that school really does keep me busy. Most of the time."

Mitchie nodded. "That's okay. That's the point. I figure we could both use company every now and then."

Alex smiled, wondering if Mitchie ever thought about getting a cat or dog just so that something else lived there, too. She tried not to laugh as she again felt like Mitchie was just asking to be in an exclusive friendship. She rested her head on top of her notebook and squinted up at Mitchie. How could she ask without sounding like a complete jerk? She sighed, realizing she couldn't. "So, we're just friends…but we promise not to be friends with anyone else?"

Mitchie smacked her arm. "Alex. You make it sound ridiculous."

"But that is what you mean, right? Like, an exclusive friendship?" Alex raised an eyebrow.

Mitchie bit her lip. Was that what she meant? She wasn't sure. "Shut up. I don't know. Can we not make this into a big deal?" She felt herself getting hot. She looked down. "I've got school work."

Alex lifted her head, laughing. She opened her textbook and flipped to the page her assignment was on and started reading the questions, desperately trying not to focus on the girl sitting across from her.

Mitchie lifted her head and stared at Alex until she looked up. "I hate parties."

Alex felt a rush in her midsection and a smile broke out on her face. "Me, too."

#

Mitchie sat in her room, listening to the world outside. She'd finished her schoolwork for Thursday at the campus library with Alex, and Alex had everything ready for Friday. It was killing her to know Alex was in the house next to hers, probably not doing anything pressing. She wondered if it would be weird to invite her over again.

She scanned her movie collection and didn't see anything she wanted to watch, so she decided to go to the video store.

She pulled into the parking lot and as she shut her car door, her phone buzzed. She glanced at it and saw Alex's name, accompanied with a text. Where'd you go? :(

Mitchie smirked. Why did Alex know she'd gone anywhere? She walked along the aisles of movies, quickly typing a reply. Are you keeping tabs on me now?

She looked at the movie titles, nothing sounded good. Finally, she found one that caught her eye. She picked up the box and read the back. She puffed her lips and moved them from side to side. It didn't sound nearly as interesting as it could have been.

Alex's reply finally arrived and she set the box down to read the message. No. I just happened to see you driving away as I opened my front door to come surprise you.

Mitchie re-read the text several times before even being able to consider a response. Grinning, she settled on the movie she'd been about to disregard. After paying for the rental, she drove back to her house, still unsure of what she wanted to say back to Alex.

She sat in her driveway, tapping her foot against the break. Finally, Mitchie typed something. I'm home.

Mitchie went inside and stuck the DVD into the small TV in her room. Her doorbell rang and she nearly sprinted to answer it.

Alex held up a box set of "Friends." She swallowed the last of the saliva in her mouth and spoke. "I thought we could watch these together. They're funny and I've watched them a million times alone, but it's kinda sad to just keep laughing at the same jokes alone all the time."

Mitchie stepped aside and let her in. "Sweet. I love that show!" She only loved it because Alex had ten seasons of it, which meant days and days of hanging out with her, just watching all of those episodes.

Alex was more than relieved that she was excited about this suggestion. "Awesome."

Mitchie walked into her room and leaned against the bed. "I just rented this, would you want to watch this tonight and we can start 'Friends' tomorrow. Or the next day we decide to watch TV together?"

Nodding, Alex sank to the ground. "Yeah, that sounds good to me."

Mitchie hit play on the TV's front.

"Hey, do you have a remote to that?"

Mitchie sat Indian-style next to Alex, shaking her head as an embarrassed look crept across her features. "No. I lost it somewhere a long time ago."

"Oh, well, we—I…" Alex's breath caught and she couldn't speak. The question burned in her brain: 'We' – what was she thinking? "You could get a new remote for that…like one of those universal ones."

Mitchie fought a smile, choosing to only nod. Her phone vibrated and she picked it up. Do Not Answer: Baby, please. I'm sorry. Can we just start over? She frowned and set the phone down.

Alex's eyes flitted between Mitchie's face and her phone. She frowned and said, "Hey, can I see your phone for a minute?"

Mitchie placed her hand on top of the electronic device. "Why?"

Alex reached for it, her fingers brushing against the other girl's. "Please? Trust me? You'll like this. I hope, anyway."

Mitchie locked eyes with her for a moment, their hands touching on the phone. "Okay. Don't say anything mean, though. I haven't been saying anything."

Alex turned on the camera and said, "Okay. Come here." She balanced the phone on her knee and leaned toward Mitchie. "Keep your head like this, right here." She tilted Mitchie's head to the side. "Now, seriously. Don't move until I tell you it's okay."

Mitchie rolled her eyes. "Fine."

Alex leaned her head to the other side, right in front of Mitchie's face. Mitchie could feel her breath against her lips when she spoke again. "Now, stay still."

Mitchie tried to keep her eyes focused on Alex's, but she could see Alex reaching for the phone. "Are you going to make it look like we're making out?"

Alex's eyes fell to the other girl's lips, but quickly jumped back to her eyes. "Yes. Got a problem with it?"

Keeping her eyes focused on Alex's face, Mitchie resisted shaking her head. "I don't know."

Alex moved her head away to examine the picture she'd just taken. She held it up for Mitchie to inspect. "How does it look?"

Mitchie sat up and took the phone. "Honestly? Stiff."

Alex sighed. "Yeah. I thought so." Her eyes ran down to Mitchie's arms and then settled on her collarbone. "Come here." She draped her arm around Mitchie's shoulders. "Tilt your head like I had it a second ago."

Mitchie complied, hoping Alex couldn't hear the racket her heart was making. She hadn't felt half of this for Shanelle, but she wondered if she only wanted her so badly, because she knew she couldn't have her at all. She held still, forcing herself to stare at Alex's eyes.

Alex placed her lips inches from hers, and Mitchie wanted so badly to close the gap. Her head was swimming, and she couldn't stop herself. She leaned in just slightly and their lips brushed against each other.

Alex's eyes widened and suddenly, Mitchie knew why people didn't kiss with eyes open. Alex sat back and stared at her. "Mitch. I just…we just talked about this."

Mitchie covered her mouth, and spoken through her fingers. "I know. I'm sorry. I just…I'm not used to not kissing someone when they're that close to me."

Alex blinked, but still looked startled. "I, uh…please don't do it again, okay?"

Mitchie nodded, her fingers still pressed to her lips. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I get it." Alex licked her lips and looked to see how the photo had turned out. She wasn't sure if she'd jerked back and ruined the picture or not. Well, she'd moved the camera in the process, but the picture had come out better than expected. It was of Mitchie leaning in. "Well, the photo turned out okay." She dropped her arm from Mitchie's shoulder.

Mitchie leaned back, putting more distance between their lips. "Let me see." She held her hand out for the phone, and Alex handed it over. Her lips twitched as she realized it really was a good picture. "Well. That's a different angle than the first one. I think it looks way less… stiff."

Alex nodded. "Yeah." She took the phone from her again. "I'm sending this to Shanelle." She pressed send before Mitchie could stop her.

"Alex!" Mitchie grabbed for the phone, but Alex moved it away from her.

She held her hand up, laughing. "Wait, it gets better." She went back to the camera and then she smiled while flipping off the camera. "Now, I'm sending this one to her."

"Alex!" Mitchie was laughing, while putting up a weak fight. "Oh my god. Don't."

She shook her head. "Can't undo it now." She hit send and handed the phone back to Mitchie. "Now hopefully she'll lay off."

Mitchie read the message Alex had sent with the second photo. This is my new number, so lose it. Bye. Mitchie looked up and shook her head. "You. Alex…god."

Alex flipped her hair. "I know, I know. I am a god. Thank you for admitting it."

She smacked Alex's arm, laughing again. "No. That's not what I meant."

Alex winked and shrugged. "I'm going to pretend it's what you meant anyway." She pointed to the TV. "Now, I'm going to watch this movie that my friend invited me to watch. You can watch it with me, if you want."

Mitchie fought a smile. "You're insane."

She held her finger to her lips and kept her eyes steady on the television. "Sh. This is a good scene."

Mitchie watched her for a minute, then shook her head and settled down next to her. Alex watched this happen from her peripheral vision as she contemplated the residual tingle from Mitchie's lips. Her breath almost caught in her chest. She took a deep breath, and glanced at Mitchie. "Did you like it?"

Mitchie's hand went to her mouth. "I—sorry, again."

"The photo…I'd said I thought you would like what I was doing." Alex gave half a smile and turned to face the screen.

Mitchie nodded. "Yeah. Um, I don't know. Thanks, I think."

Alex cleared her throat and watched the actors. "No problem." She stayed quiet for a moment and then added, "And, Mitch, it's really okay."

#

Alex knew where she was before she opened her eyes. She stretched, squeezing her eyes together harder. Yawning, she felt around the floor of Mitchie's bedroom for her phone.

Sitting up, she opened her eyes to find Mitchie sprawled out in front of the dresser. Her shoulders dropped, a frown appearing on her face. Her fingers ran over her lips, and she shook her head. It was probably for the best that she hadn't found Mitchie's head on her stomach this time. She exhaled quietly, and reached for her phone. It was already eight.

Alex crawled over and leaned against the dresser. She bent her knees and sat above Mitchie's head. She massaged Mitchie's scalp. "Hey, Mitch. It's eight. I should go get ready for work, but I wanted to say, thanks for having me, and I'm sorry I can't seem to stay awake when we watch movies."

Mitchie's hand flopped around, looking for Alex's mouth. "Stop. It's too early."

Alex laughed, and removing her hand from Mitchie's hair, grabbed her hand. "No. You have to go to school anyway. So, come on, just get up."

Mitchie whined, but lifted her head. "Do you have to work today? Can't we just skip life and go do something?"

Shrugging, Alex dropped her eyes. "Sorry. I've gotta pay bills and for school and stuff."

Mitchie sat up, her legs tucked under herself. She didn't say anything to that, but instead stood and held her hand out for Alex.

Once Alex was standing, Mitchie tried to let go, but Alex held on. Mitchie paused and looked at her. "Whatcha doin'?"

Alex laughed. "Holding your hand."

Mitchie raised an eyebrow. "Why would you want to do that?"

Alex shrugged as they walked towards the front door. "I don't know. Holding hands can be nice sometimes."

Alex didn't have a real answer as to why she wanted to hold Mitchie's hand. Maybe it was because Mitchie had been so embarrassed last night after that kiss, or maybe it was because of how cute Alex thought Mitchie was when she was embarrassed or because she'd reacted so awkwardly to Mitchie's kiss. Maybe she just wanted to hold her hand; she didn't know.

Mitchie didn't question it, but didn't try to lace their fingers together since Alex had cupped them. She tightened her grip and Alex squeezed her hand. A big smile broke out on her face and Alex laughed.

"Shut up." Mitchie smacked her before she opened the front door.

Alex winked. "I'll see you—"

"Oh, wait, do you want your DVDs back?"

She shook her head. "Nah, I'll see you again."

"Did you want to come over tonight?" Mitchie tried not to look too eager.

Alex's smile fell. "I've gotta work at both jobs today." She paused, conflicted. She realized she really wanted to see Mitchie. "But if you want to go on a late night run…"

Mitchie fought a grin. "Okay. Just, um, call or come over, when you want to do that."

Stepping outside, Alex waved. "I will. Have fun with class."

Alex heard the door shut behind her. She touched her lips again. A small part of her regretted not kissing back last night, but a bigger part of her was nervous about all of it. She didn't like how she felt so attached to Mitchie. She'd just agreed to go on a late night run after working a double, and it wasn't because she loved running that much. She only ran once a week, maybe once a month. She'd only started, because of Mitchie. At first, it was because seeing Mitchie running made her feel out of shape, but then it was because she genuinely liked Mitchie's company.

She changed shirts and grabbed her keys. What was she doing? She sighed. She thought about their conversation from the night before. An exclusive friendship. What did that even mean? Alex pulled her black dress pants up and zipped them. Did it take the pressure off? They weren't dating each other, but they weren't dating other people. It felt like there wasn't a pressure, but what if Alex met someone and wanted to date her? She shook her head, mumbling to herself. "Nope. That wouldn't happen, because you don't date people."

She shoved her keys into her pocket and slung her backpack over her shoulder. Once she was driving, she let her mind wander to Mitchie again. She really liked holding her hand, but she still wasn't sure why she'd done it, especially after requesting Mitchie refrain from kissing her anymore.

She bit her lip. Maybe she did it, because of that. Maybe she wanted to give her something. She let out the breath she'd been holding as the green light changed to yellow, then red. She tapped the steering wheel and watched the cars passing through the intersection. Maybe hand-holding was her middle ground. She closed her eyes and thought about that picture Mitchie's accidentally caused. She wanted to see that picture again. She wondered if she could send it to herself later, without Mitchie noticing.

She shook her head and blinked. What was she doing? She turned her car off in the parking lot and gathered her things, trying to focus on the homework she needed to finish while she was at her office job.

After she got to a stopping point with her work, she pulled out her textbook and started trying to focus on the reading material while there was a lull in her workload. Suddenly, she snapped her head up and stared out the window as a weird feeling settled over her. She felt hair between her fingers, soft, warm; her fingers twitched as she felt a palm against hers. She looked at her hand holding the textbook. She laughed; she missed Mitchie.

She fished her phone out of her bag and stared at Mitchie's conversation thread for a long time. Finally, she clicked on it.

Hey, do you want to do a quick dinner between my shifts? I'm done here at four and then I work at the restaurant tonight at 6.

Mitchie: Hey! Sure. Just tell me when and where. :)

Alex smiled and tapped the edge of the phone. You pick, and I'll meet you there at 4:15.

Mitchie: Okay. How about Angelo's?

Alex frowned at how much that sounded like a date. Angelo's was a very date-like spot, but it was close to both of her jobs. She groaned; she wanted to stop overthinking this so much. Okay, that sounds good! See you then.