Bernie emptied his insides into the toilet. This is ridiculous, what did I eat that gave me food poisoning? And why isn't this out of my system yet? And why do I all of a sudden want hamburgers?
"Bernie? Bernie, are you okay?" his father asked softly, opening the door.
"How am I supposed to know?" Bernie groaned, feeling his insides heave again. "I only sit here in the bathroom and puke all day."
Gonzo leaned against the wall slightly. His wings fluttered furiously. "This is more then food poisoning, kid. Something's goin' on. Is there something you're not telling me?"
Bernie's thoughts flashed to the morning he'd got up naked with Eliza. But she wasn't stupid. She'd used protection, right? Right? Right.
"Dad, can you buy me some hamburgers? Well , never mind, I'll get 'em myself," Bernie said, getting up and washing his mouth out.
"Ham-" began his father.
"I said I'll get 'em," Bernie said.
Gonzo moved out of the door's path and let his son exit.
Rose watched Bernie leave quickly, flushed red.
"Are you okay, sweetie?" she asked, floating over to him.
"Yep. Fine. A-okay. Wonderful. Anything else, Mom?" Bernie asked.
"What stole your wand today?" Rose asked sarcastically.
"Nothing. Just can I go?" Bernie asked, poofing away.
Five minutes later he reappeared with a huge bag of takeout. Bernie sat down at the table, spilled out the hamburgers, dumped peanut butter on them and began eating.
"Hamburgers? But you're vegetarian!" Rose protested.
"I really don't care any more. I love this stuff," Bernie said, his mouth full.
Rose raised an eyebrow. "Are you pregnant?" she asked.
Bernie spit out the now- chewed-up hamburger. "Am I- " he began, but he was promptly choking on his food.
Rose stared at him, deep in thought. "Yes, now come to think of it, this all seems to be fitting in with that night you didn't come home.. Your symptoms fit the famous Cosma pregnancy to a T, sweetie."
"And how would you know? You're a girl," Bernie said simply.
"And you think I haven't dealt with the aftermath of your father's, shall we say, 'issues'? Trust me, kid. I've been barfed on, sent to the store in the middle of the night to get something random, screamed at, cried on, and sat on."
"Sat on?" Bernie asked.
"Yes, well, when he was pregnant with your sister, he kind of fell on me from her weight..."
"I don't even know why I'm talking and listening to you about this. She used protect- I mean I can't be having a baby."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Back up. Say again?"
"I said I can't be-" Bernie said, realizing he's made a mistake.
"The thing you stopped yourself from saying," Rose said.
"I said she used protection."
"I knew it! I knew it by that look! Now who was it?"
"Classified, Mom."
"Fine. Finish your food. I'll find out some other way."
Bernie thought about the protection thing. Did she really, or am I gonna be.. God, he didn't even want to think about it.
However, he had the right to know. He could just get a you-know-what, or he could wait and see...
Let's just find out the quick way. Store or hospital? Hospital? Public. Store then house? Not public. Gaaah, which one? Store. Fine.
"Dad? I'm going to the store to buy.. uh.. cereal.." Bernie called.
"Alright!" came the call of his father, who was obviously not interested.
Bernie poofed to the store. Being he was younger then a normal male customer buying a you-know-what, he went through the self-checkout, and bought some cereal to make sure his parents wouldn't be suspicious.
When he got home, he simply mumbled, "Got the cereal, dad." and went upstairs.
Okay, let's see now..
Pink is positive, blue is negative, wow... This is easy..
Bernie took the test and waited for the results. And when it comes back negative, I'll laugh in her face.
Then he heard it. Distant, but surely his mother calling, "BERNIE! Bernie! Where'd you go?"
He had to hide it, so he shoved it in the cabinet. He poofed out quickly, making sure he was in his room.
"Bernie where.. Oh, there you are.. Some girl named Eliza called."
"Uh.. I don't know a Eliza.." Bernie said, looking at a magazine casually.
"Alright, must've been a wrong number," Rose said, turning and leaving.
He went back to the bathroom and pulled out the you-know-what. It was..
Pink.
No.
No.
No.
He paled and in his shock dropped it. Eliza!