The fluorescent lights of the mental ward flickered gently as I walked down the hall. The floor was cold against my bare feet and my robe provided little warmth against the soft chill from the open window at the end of the hallway. I had been in the adolescent section of the mental hospital for about...half a year maybe? It could have been two years for all I knew. When I had first been admitted the nurses had been helping me keep track of the days, which had helped, "Hello Mikan today is November 8th, your fourth day in." But now that I was an extreme psychopath they didn't do that anymore. In fact I only saw the nurses when they brought me my food and I when I woke up to them removing my restraints. And during those two times they saw me they weren't supposed to tell me the day, the month, the year, anything. When I had been admitted the head of the facility had convinced my mother and grandfather that by my sixth month I would be able to speak again and be able to tell my hallucinations from real life. I couldn't, i couldn't even look at an apple and an orange without thinking that they weren't real. Which is why I was walking in a daze around the mental hospital, seeing nothing but seeing everything.
I saw the nurse outside my window when she snuck into the back garden of a quick drag, i saw the other crazies going on walks and therapy sessions outside while a few other handful of crazies and myself stared out the window in awe. I saw the big black iron gates that kept all of us in here. I saw visitors coming and going and sometimes I would see my school. I would be at the window of my room in the hospital then I would blink my eyes and be back in Narumi's class, seated next to him.
"Gosh Polka" he whispered to me. He was leaned in so close that i could feel his breath on my ear. I held back a shudder and tried to ignore him as the teacher went on excitedly about our essays that we're due next week. "I can't believe your hair scrunchies match you underwear pattern." I held my breath and began to turn red from the anger that was building up inside of me. He was so annoying always looking at my underwear and-
Once I reached the window at the end of the hallway I poked my head out of the open window and looked down. There was a small ledge, about a foot wide and a foot long. The adolescent ward was on the third floor, but I had been moved to the crazy of the crazies, where they stop caring about you and leave you up here to roam around until the asylum makes room. The fourth floor. I carefully climbed onto the ledge and stood there. The sun was bright and I stared into the bright blue sky. It was a beautiful day with a gentle breeze and a certain warmth that makes everything better. I saw a bunch of other patients walking around with nurses and I knew, no matter what they did, no matter what meds the other patients took they would all eventually end up where I was. On the ledge of the only openable window on the fourth floor.
I looked down and for a minute I stopped, it was a long way to the pavement And for a second I saw him, standing there looking up at me. I shook my head and looked back down, he was gone. I let out a strangled cry and tore at my hair. Why was I hesitating? He wasn't here, he had never been here. But a small part of my soul told me he had, he had always been here. If I jumped I would never see him in real life. I would never really see those red eyes, or that black hair. But I had, I had. I had seen him I had se- no...no I hadn't. He had never been real. I released my head, put one foot over the ledge and waited, waited for a sign to see if he would come, come and save me. He said he would. He promised. But he wouldn't. Because he wasn't real, all the truths he had told me had been lies. He had been a lie. My love...my life. One huge lie. I let out a cry of pain and jumped...
"MIKAN! NO!"