a/n: I really hope I did well with this chapter. I feel like I didn't.

If you have any questions, then hopefully the next chapter will answer them!

Anyway, I hope you all like it.

P.S. I didn't write Sollux's sentence with a lisp (as in "go thcrew yourthelf") because I find things like that harder to read than if I just typed it normally.

The man woke up in a cold sweat, heart pounding against his ribcage. He felt as though someone had ripped the air from his lungs as a harsh, uncontrollable shaking overtook his entire body. Gamzee could still feel that terror, white and hot and debilitating, flow through his veins. This was only one of his many recurring nightmares, but it still haunted him just as much as the rest. He wasn't sure why they kept reappearing, but something deep inside him told him they were all involved with his actions in another life, an alternate universe perhaps. Ah, who was he kidding, that was a stupid idea.

Once Gamzee could bring his trembling under control, he climbed out of bed and flipped open his mobile phone. Two missed calls from Equius, one from Eridan. Something must have happened at the bar, he figured; the latter of the two men only called when there was a problem in his life, and the former would force himself to talk to Gamzee every so often, usually once every two weeks. It hadn't been two weeks since Equius last called. Both of them calling in the same day would never happen, unless something had happened to the establishment.

The phone vibrated. That was Equius. Gamzee answered with a cheerful: "Hey, motherfucker!"

A pause; Equius was likely scowling on the other end. "I really wish you would stop using such lewd language, at least when talking to me."

Gamzee laughed, running a hand through the back of his hair. "Right, sorry."

"Don't tell me you've already started wasting away your entire day smoking."

"Haha, nah, bro. You caught me before I could do anything; I just woke up."

"Ugh. Why must you poison your mind with that trash? Disgusting."

Gamzee shrugged, even though he knew Equius could not see it. "It helps with the terrors, man."

Another pause, and a soft sigh followed by a voice weighed down with guilt. "I thought you would have grown out of them by now."

The clown smiled. Equius was a bit rough around the edges, but every once in a while he'd show his soft side. At least when it came to his younger sibling he would. "Same here, brother."

"… Right. Well. I must be going soon, forgive me."

" 'Kay. What'd you all up and call me for, bro? Y'know, besides wanting to hear your favorite younger brother's voice."

"You're my only younger brother."

Apparently, Equius did not understand flippant comments. Or he chose not to play games. Either way, it was entertaining. When it became obvious that the other wouldn't respond, Equius cleared his throat, uncomfortable. "Ah, I almost forgot. We need help setting up the lights for the entertainment tonight. Eridan refuses to touch them, afraid he'll get electrocuted like when he was thirteen. And, well, I can't afford to break any more stage lights; it gets expensive."

"Say no more, motherfucker, I'm on my way."

Equius breathed out a heavy sigh before a beep and dial tone notified Gamzee that he had hung up. He never could stand to talk to the clown any more than he felt he needed to. The thought bothered Gamzee a bit, but he let it go. He couldn't be making everybody happy all the time. That's just crazy.

Gamzee stepped into the building to be greeted with a wail of mixed emotions and two arms wrapping tightly around his waist. That was Eridan. "Oh, Gam, it's terrible! The lights need to be fixed and Eq has been tryin' a make me do it—" a quick harsh glance over to Equius—"because that brute is too much of a beefcake to go an' do it himself."

Gamzee smiled and gently pried Eridan's arms off of him. "Yeah one second, just let me say hi to my fucking best friend first."

The clown walked to the other side of the room where the band was setting up and testing their equipment. He stopped in front of Karkat, who was too busy fiddling with his bass to notice him straightaway.

"Hey hey, my brother." The elder grinned, waving a bit. The shorter of the two cursed as his finger slipped and struck a note on the instrument.

"What, are you high or something?" Karkat growled in annoyance.

Gamzee raised an eyebrow, still grinning.

"Oh right. You always are."

Gamzee laughed and clapped the younger man on the back. "Well, I've got to help Equius and Eridan before they start killing each other."

Karkat still hadn't lifted his dark eyes from the bass guitar. His expression changed from irritated to downright frustrated. "How can you deal with those buttmunchers? God, Equius is a bigger douche than I am, and that's saying something. God damn it!" He had broken a string in his frantic attempt to… well, Gamzee wasn't quite sure what Karkat was trying to do. Tune it maybe? Although if you break a string when tuning your instrument, you're doing it a bit too roughly. You needed to have patience to get it right. And Karkat wasn't exactly the patient type.

He was entertaining to watch, if nothing else. On the outside, he was tough, but deep down he was surprisingly sweet. Kind of sappy, but that's cool too. But Karkat would only let his inner self show when watching his romcoms. Gamzee guessed that it was because they allowed him an escape, which he desperately needed. But the kid would never admit anything like that to his best friend unless emotionally vulnerable. The man with the painted face smiled and shook his head. His angry friend was one unorthodox dude. He liked that about him.

"Karkles!" came a voice that was approaching rapidly. A girl with short, shaggy hair threw her arms around Karkat's neck. She had a troublesome smirk and red-tinted sunglasses on her face. A frustrated grunt escaped Karkat's lips. "What do you want this time, Terezi?" Gamzee smiled as he observed a soft pink blush appear on the boy's cheeks.

"Geez, Karkat, do you always have to be so grumpy?"

"Yes," he growled back.

When she let go of him, a boy with red and blue lenses went to lean on Karkat's shoulder. He was taller than the other two but his slouching made it appear as though he were shorter. "KK, you should calm down. Then maybe you wouldn't be breaking all your strings." He had a serious lisp.

"Go screw yourself, Captor."

"Love to. But we got a show to do."

"God, you're gross. You two, just stay away from me. At least until we finish the damn gig."

"Nah, I think I like torturing you too much. Maybe TZ will go away, though, if you ask her nicely. TZ?"

Terezi grinned and poked Karkat's cheek. "Nope."

"Fuck off, you douchemuffins."

"We love you too, KK."

Gamzee was tempted to join in on the teasing, but he was sure if he did, his best friend would blow a gasket. Fortunately, the last member of the band approached to intervene. "Guys, oh my cod. This is not cool."

The guy named Captor snorted. "Did you just say 'cod'?"

Karkat seemed to be relieved that someone was trying to lighten his emotional burden. "Urgh. Thanks, Feferi."

The clown realized he had been too mesmerized by the conversation to help either his best friend or his older brothers. He just found other people's personalities so interesting.

"Oh hey, best friend, you need me to all up and get you anything?"

Karkat stepped forward, apparently shocked Gamzee hadn't said anything sooner. "You're asking now? Gah, you know what, forget it. There's a spare string in my apartment."

"Ah, I'll go up and get it, bro. No worries. I just gotta go tell Equius that I'll be back in a sec."

"Don't get fucking lost this time, dipshit."

Gamzee lifted a dismissive hand and turned on his heel to walk away. "Haha, I won't.

Gamzee had driven to Karkat's apartment, unlocked the door with his pare key – Karkat had given him a spare since he visited so many times for movie nights and such— taken the string from the shelf (Karkat had probably left it there and forgotten it in his excitement), drove back to the bar, set up the stage lights with as much care as he could muster with Equius rushing him, calmed both Eridan's and Karkat's nerves, and found himself a nice seat to watch the band's performance. Gamzee noticed that his best friend had insane amounts of stagefright— so much it was bananas— but once he was on stage, he was perfectly fine. Comfortable, in fact. It was miraculous to watch.

Terezi was sticking out her tongue while she focused on pounding on the drums (Eridan had once said there was nothing hotter than a girl who could wail on an instrument like she did). Sollux was nodding his head in time with the rhythm, obviously loving his spot as lead guitarist. Karkat seemed to have lost himself, his attention only on his instrument and the sound it produced— his eyes lit up and for once his face looked peaceful, it was truly magical the way all of his usual troubles seemed to melt away while he was on stage. Feferi was singing about heartbreak, her expression and voice matching the lyrics in perfect harmony. The sound was magical too. Gamzee closed his eyes to immerse himself in the music. He allowed the pulsating beat flow from the speakers directly into his veins to synch up with his heartbeat. The music aided Feferi's vocals in painting an image in Gamzee's head: one with vivid colors, telling of heartache, longing, and new love. The clown could have stayed in that position all night, unwittingly tapping his finger on his knee, completely engrossed in the music. However, something else happened.

Tavros entered the bar, a bit nervous if he was being completely honest with himself. Then again, he was always a bit nervous around his lifelong friend Vriska, although he would do his best not to show it. The girl with raven hair was angry with him, spouting about how they were late because he had too much trouble with stairs and how much of an idiot did he have to be to not be able to walk up stairs easily, see it's like this, and so on and so forth. The music was already playing loudly and the room was littered with people Tavros didn't know very well at all. That was fine, though. He liked to meet new people. Vriska wandered off somewhere and Tavros took the chance to take a seat. His prosthetic legs were beginning to bother him a bit.

The young man slowed his pace when seeing a painted face. It looked somehow vaguely familiar, although he couldn't put his finger on it. It would be bothering him all night if he couldn't figure out who it was. These thoughts were quickly discarded as Tavros realized how attractive that man was. His feet froze and he tried to come up with a usable excuse for sitting next to him. There were plenty of empty tables, so he would look suspicious if he just sat down and said there weren't any available seats. Could he use his disability as an excuse? No, that was too much. Tavros jumped when he felt someone smack him on the back of the head.

"Uh, Vriska, that was kind of uncalled for," he said as he turned to face her.

"Uncalled for, are you kidding? You keep staring at that hunk in the purple over there! Go on, be brave. Like Peter Pan or something, I don't know."

"Peter Pan has a lot more self-confidence than I do, plus, he can fly—"

"Then go! Pretend you can fly with pixie dust or something! Just don't stand here like an idiot gawking at him. Fly, Peter, fly!"

Someone then fell into the clown's lap, breaking his dreamlike trance.

"Oh." Gamzee grinned, amused. "Hey, motherfucker."

Big brown eyes stared back at him, startled. "Uh. S-sorry. I'm still getting used to my prosthetic legs."

"Prosthetic legs, huh?"

"Well, uh. It's more because my friend pushed me than anything."

Gamzee chuckled softly. "I like your mohawk. It's cute."

The boy must have realized he was still sitting in the man's lap because he immediately scrambled to stand to his feet with a light pink tinting his skin. He was adorable.

"Thanks." He stuck out his hand for the other to shake. "I'm Tavros Nitram."

The dark-haired man shook his hand. "Gamzee motherfuckin' Makara."

The clown smiled at Tavros. "You know, you can still sit here if you want," he teased.

Tavros ignored his comment but pointed to the empty seat next to him. "Is anyone sitting there?" When the other shook his head and motioned for him to take it, the brunette sat. He and Gamzee chatted for a while, having to raise their voices over the music and repeat themselves multiple times. They talked about hobbies, prices of certain things, such as rent and incense, humorous anecdotes involving hot-tempered friends and innocent bystanders. If the music hadn't been loud enough to partially drown out the sound of their laughter, they would have attracted attention from even the farthest corners of the room. When Gamzee felt adventurous enough, he grinned and winked at Tavros, who looked away. The brunette wasn't quite sure how to feel about that. He pretended he didn't see it.

"Ooh, Tavros, he is cute."

The man turned his head to see a raven-haired girl approach the table. He looked questioningly at the brunette.

"Oh, uh. Gamzee, this is Vriska. Vriska, Gamzee."

The dark-haired man stood. "Nice to all up and meet you," he greeted warmly. Vriska pulled up a chair from a different table and sat next to Tavros. For a split second, Gamzee thought he felt his heart stop. "So, how do you motherfuckers know each other?"

He directed the question at the brunette, but apparently his answer didn't come fast enough.

"That's easy. We're best friends," Vriska beamed, in a tone that Gamzee wasn't sure was serious or not.

Tavros tentatively added, "Uh, Vriska's sister plays the drums, so we wanted to come. Well, she did and she dragged me along, but I don't mind."

Gamzee smirked. "That's pretty chill, bro. My best friend is all up and playin' the bass. Look at him up there, all rockin' the stage and shit."

Tavros and Gamzee proceeded to talk until everyone but Equius left (the man would always stay as late as his customers wanted, to make sure he would keep them all happy; he never liked throwing people out much anymore, as a few instances in the past led to somebody getting hurt). When a lull in their conversation finally appeared, Tavros looked around. "Oh, uh. I guess Vriska just… uh. Left without me."

The clown winked at him again, but he wasn't sure the brunette saw it. "Need me to give you a ride home, bro?"

The entire time in the car, Tavros was quiet. He was staring out the window, unseeing, letting a certain memory play in his mind. This was one particular memory he thoroughly enjoyed, and he never forgot it.

He and another boy, whom Tavros had never seen after that day, decided this would be the day they made the most of the world. They were both young, too young to know what they were doing, but it still felt like more than a friendship.

The two of them would go into the woods and explore, like young children do, pick flowers for one another, and at one moment, the other boy planted a peck on Tavros' sun-kissed cheek.

Tavros had always vaguely remembered that day; the sun, only just beginning to set, had cast a golden-orange glow over the trees that seemed to stretch on for miles. The boy felt like anything and everything that day was his; all of the things that were just so right seemed to be reserved for him, and for the one that he was so close to.

The backyard that their parents allowed them to lose themselves in appeared to reach right into the horizon, like a vast ocean which consisted mainly of foliage and rocks. Both boys held onto each other's hand as though they were afraid if one of them was crazy enough to loosen their grip even slightly, the other might slip through their fingers and the beautiful fantasy would be lost forever. Tavros was sure that most of the buttercups his love had placed ever so gently in his hair and shirt pockets had fallen out while they were running, but he didn't care. He allowed laughter to bubble up from deep within and escape his lips until he and the other boy stopped running, collapsed into the tall grass, and took in the sweet scent of summer. A light breeze flowed across the landscape and the leaves on the trees rustled as they brushed against each other. The boy reveled for a moment in the way the soft grass brushed against his limbs.

Upon realizing he was no longer being held onto, Tavros frantically searched the tall grass for that soft, warm hand.

"Tavros?"

The brunette settled, now relaxing into the indentation he had left in the grass. "Yeah?"

"You're like my little brother," the other replied dreamily. "Only better, kind of. A more special bro. Y'know?"

Tavros smiled as his heart soared. He understood exactly what the other boy meant. Staring up into the beautiful sky, he truly felt like the world was his. "I feel that way too."

The two grabbed each other's hand once more and lay in silence for a long time, not needing words to fill the void. It was comfortable. It was magical. It was a once-in-a-lifetime moment that lasted the entire day. And it was theirs.

The sky seemed to spell out exactly how amazing that day was, how beautifully pure and simple, every wonderful moment a different color. Tavros believed that the different colors were reserved for different people that were having similar once-in-a-lifetime experiences. He imagined his color was the orange and the other boy's was the blue-ish purple near the end of the spectrum that spanned across the sky.

Eventually they stood to their feet, and the other inched closer shyly. He said, "My older brother said he tried to kiss a girl one time but she didn't let him."

"Kiss?"

"But you'll let me kiss you, right?"

Tavros had no idea what a kiss even was, let alone whether he wanted one or not. But when he looked into those intense violet eyes, he knew deep down that he would be fine with whatever the other wanted to do.

"Okay. Go ahead."

At Tavros' words, the boy smiled from ear to ear, licked his lips sloppily like he had seen his eldest brother do multiple times, and touched his lips softly to Tavros' cheek. The brunette felt his heart flutter in his chest and his stomach felt strange, but he was sure that as long as they were together, they would be all right.

Gamzee slowed to a stop outside of Tavros' apartment. "Hey, man, you okay? You were all up and motherfucking quiet the entire drive."

That appeared to snap the boy out of his daydream. "Uh, yeah. Thanks for the ride."

Before he could get out of the car, the clown decided to take a chance and wrote his number down on a small slip of paper. As Tavros began to slip out of the vehicle, Gamzee asked him to wait and leaned over, holding the paper out for him to take. "It's my number, bro," he explained. To his delight, the brunette took the piece of paper and stuttered out a "Thank you." Which wasn't necessary, of course, but it was really cute.

That night, Gamzee dreamed a nice dream. It was a rather lovely one, in fact. It told a story of the man's long-lost (although never forgotten) childhood friend. No, friend wasn't exactly the right word. In any case, he was a sweetheart with big brown eyes and a smile that could make you go weak at the knees. Most of the memory was a blur but he could remember very clearly the parts he had loved the most. One such part was when the boy let Gamzee kiss him on the cheek.