Hold me tight, I love you
Author's note: All the characters belong to their respective owners.
Chapter 01: A letter from the past
She took a look at the page. She turned it and took a look at the next one. She sighed. Reading all these papers it was tiring her and it was still midday. She had to go through all them though cause she had promised to Miyuki.
Why did I have to give my promise?, she thought desperate.
She sighed again. She raised her left hand and took a look at her watch. It said 12.15.
I should take a break. Reading all these papers is a real pain, she thought.
She lied back on her black leather chair and closed her eyes. Her mind started to wonder back to what happen a year ago.
*Flashback*
She had just come from work exhausted. On one hand she was holding her bag and on the other hand she was holding a bouquet of red roses. Today was her five years' anniversary with her girlfriend. It felt like yesterday when they decided to share their lives together and bought the apartment.
I wouldn't trade it for anything, she thought smiling.
She opened the door and got into the apartment closing the door behind her. She let her bag on a chair and walked to the kitchen.
I wonder if Nagisa is already home. Today is our five year's anniversary. I promised her I will leave work early so we could spend the night together, she thought.
She walked in the kitchen but Nagisa was nowhere to be found.
She's not here, she thought quite surprised.
She looked around in the kitchen. Nagisa was supposed to cook for the two of them but there was no food on the table. The table wasn't prepared for a romantic dinner for two either.
I guess she didn't have have time to cook after she returned from the university. It's ok though. I will order us something after a take a bath, she thought smiling.
She let the bouquet on the table and walked to the bedroom. She opened the door and walked inside closing the door behind her. She took a look around. Nagisa wasn't in the room.
I guess she's taking a bath, she thought.
She walked to the bathroom. She opened the door and walked inside. She looked around. Nagisa wasn't there either. She raised an eyebrow.
That's strange. Nagisa told me she would come straight home after her lessons finished. Did something come up?, she thought.
She walked out of the bathroom and walked to the bed. She sat on it and picked up the phone which was lying next to her on a small wooden brown table. She dialed up Nagisa's number. She waited for a bit. There was no answer. She raised her free hand and looked at her watch.
The lessons should be finished by now. I wonder if something happened?, she thought quite worried.
She ended the phone call and dialed up Nagisa's number once again. Once more there was no answer. The call went into Nagisa's voicemail.
"Nagisa honey, I just came home. You said you would be home when your lessons will be finished but you have yet to come. Did something happen? Please call me when you get this message. I love you" she said.
She ended the phone call and placed the phone to its previous place. She let a sigh escape from her mouth.
"I should probably take a bath till Nagisa returns home. I hope nothing bad happened. She has been waiting for this day for months" she said.
She sighed again. She stood up and slowly started to get undressed.
"I can't wait for Nagisa to return home. We are gonna have so much fun tonight" she said grinning.
Wait for her to see me in the new dress I bought just for this case. It will totally surprise her, she thought.
She walked to the wardrobe at the far end of the room. She opened it and took out a clean towel. She started to walk towards the bathroom once again.
Nagisa. I missed her so much. I always count the hours till I come home to see her. I know it sounds crazy but I can't help it. I love her, she thought.
She turned a bit red.
I'm hopeless, aren't I?, she thought.
She shook her head smiling and went inside the bathroom.
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A couple of minutes later she came out of the bathroom only in a towel and drying her long silver hair. She walked to the wardrobe. She took out a long black dress and a pair of clean underwear. She walked to the bed. She placed both the dress and the underwear on it and started to get changed. Then, she walked to the mirror. She picked up her comb which was placed on a small table at the front of the said mirror. She combed her hair in the usual style and place the comb back to its previous place. She took a look at herself in the mirror.
"Perfect" she said smiling.
She took a look at the clock which was standing on the small table. It said 5.55.
"Nagisa still hasn't come. I wonder if she left me any message while I was in the shower" she said.
She walked to the bedroom door. She opened it and walked out closing the door behind her. She walked to the living room. She picked up her bag and opened it. She took out her cell phone and pressed a few buttons. There was no message from her redhead lover.
Hhmm. That's strange. Still no sign of Nagisa. She could have at least try and call me. I wonder if something bad happened" she said worried.
She sighed.
I shouldn't think negative. Maybe something came up with her lessons and it will take longer for her to get home, she thought.
She sighed again.
"Well, since our dear cutie isn't planning to get any time home, I should better prepare the place for a nice dinner for two" she said.
She placed her cell phone back to its previous place. She started to walk towards the kitchen all the while thinking what she would do to impress the young woman when she would get home.
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7.30.
The older woman scanned the place once more. She had placed two plates opposite each other and a pair of cutlery at the side. Two glasses were standing at the frond of the plates while a pair of candles were standing at the center of the table. The silver hair woman had lighten them five minutes ago as to have not to bother about them the last moment. The food was standing on the kitchen stove waiting to be served. She had let the wine in the fridge so it wouldn't get warm when Nagisa would arrive. She had lowered the lights as to give a more romantic atmosphere for the event that would take place at any moment. Now, the only thing that was missing was her dear girlfriend.
I hope Nagisa will get home soon. It would be a shame for the food to get cold. And it's her favorite one. Hamburger with fries. I was planning to get something more appealing but she's not fond of stuff like that. My father still bothers me about the last time we decided to eat the three of us together at that restaurant. Nagisa got surprised with the strange dishes my father ordered while he was expecting her to behave like a proper lady. The dinner was kinda a disaster but at least he seemed finally to be accepting her, she thought.
She sighed.
I wonder what's taking her so long, she thought tiredly.
She scanned the place for the last time and then she walked to the living room. She picked up her bag and took out her cell phone. She pressed the buttons and checked her phone in case Nagisa finally decided to communicate with her.
No messages huh? Oh well, she thought.
She took a deep breath and walked to the couch. She sat on it and placed the phone on the coffee table in front of her. She lied back on the couch and waited till Nagisa come home.
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10.20
Shizuma checked her phone for the nth time. Still there was no call or a message from Nagisa. She had started to become extremely worried. Did something happen to her love, that's why she couldn't reach her?
But, if something happened wouldn't one of her classmates or friends give me a call? Everyone knows we are dating, she thought.
She was slowly starting to get panicked. Here she was sitting waiting for her girlfriend to come home but her girlfriend had yet to appear. And she had no way to find out if something indeed happened to her. She dialed up Nagisa's number. There was no answer from the other side.
"Geez Nagisa! For the love of God where are you?" she said irritated.
She was slowly losing patience. She had been expecting the redhead to be here hours ago but Nagisa didn't show up. She didn't even bother to call her or leave her a message.
"This is not the Nagisa I know. She usually warns me before leaving for the university or sends a message at least in case she might be late. Something is not right" she said in suspicion.
She started to think if by any chance she might did something bad to the young girl that would excuse Nagisa's weird behavior.
It mustn't be something I did right? I mean what would I have done that Nagisa wouldn't talk to me anymore? Was it about work? We already talked about it and came in an agreement. Was it about her assignments? I told her I would give her a hand whenever she needed some help. Was it about that essay she consigned late the last time? She got upset with me for not giving her time to finish and wouldn't talk to me for a whole day but could this be the reason? It was a month ago. Could she still be upset cause of this? I don't flirt with anyone at work nor in her university. Some girls tried to ask me out but I kindly refused. I don't date guys anyway. And I never gave her a reason to get jealous though I could sense some jealous vibes coming from her whenever one of her female teachers greeted me. If none of these could be used as a logical reason then what?, she thought.
"Uhhhhh, I don't get it" she said desperate.
She sighed.
I shouldn't feel this way. Maybe something came up with her lessons or her friends asked her to go out for a drink the last moment. And she can hardly said no. I better no make any conclusions and wait till Nagisa comes home. Then, we will have a serious talk about it, she thought.
She slowly rose up and walked to the bedroom. Worrying about her girlfriend's absence and the fact that she had to work like crazy that day, so she could spend some time with her girlfriend since it was their five year anniversary, it tired her. She decided to take a small nap till her lover came home and celebrate together this special day. She opened the door and walked inside closing the door behind her. She walked to the bed and lied down on it.
God, I feel so tired. Miyuki surely knows how to exhaust people with the huge amount of paperwork she makes them to sign, she thought tiredly.
She slowly closed her eyes. She was about to land in the land of dreams when she felt something almost soft laying next to her. She opened her eyes and turned to see what was it. She saw a small white envelope being placed by someone next to her. She raised an eyebrow and picked it up. She saw her name written on it at the front.
That's strange. It's a letter with my name on it. Who could have leave it here?, she thought questioningly.
She looked at it once again. The style of the writing felt familiar to her.
It's Nagisa's writing! Why did she write me a letter? Is it a part of a possible surprise for tonight?, she thought surprised.
She let a smile appear on her lips. The idea of a secret preparation for a possible surprise night from her girlfriend didn't sound bad to her although it was a bit strange since Nagisa wasn't the type to make surprises to others. Excited as she was for what was about to happen that night she opened the envelope and took out the letter. She unfolded it and started reading it aloud.
/Dear Shizuma,
I'm pretty sure right now you must be at home preparing yourself for our five years' anniversary. Also, I'm positive that you must have thought that while you were at work I was supposed to prepare something for this night. But, as you have seen I have prepared nothing. Also, I was supposed to have earlier than usual at home and get myself ready for our night. Sitting there and waiting for you to come while I was dressed in my new red dress I bought just for this special day and holding a red rose which I would offer to you as to make things more inviting between us. But...you didn't have find me there either. And that's cause I had packed my stuff this morning and left. While you are reading this letter I will be miles away.
We have been through a lot of stuff together, both good and bad. You taught me how to live, how to love and how to fight for the people I care. You showed me a way towards happiness. You were there for me when my father wanted to throw me out of his life because I fell in love with another woman. You supported me when your father tried to put me in a disadvantage cause I wasn't a rich woman or couldn't act like the women of your class. I'm very thankful for everything you have done for me.
But, all the good moments one day come to an end. Even though I had spent wonderful moments by your side, there were times I felt that something was missing. You made me complete but still it wasn't enough. I caught myself having such thoughts many times. At first I felt stupid for seeing things like that since we were slowly building such a great life together but the more these thoughts bothered my mind the lesser I felt comfortable with this dreamy future. So, I had to make my own decisions. Either stay by your side and be the reason for our relationship to come to an end or try to find the courage and go away as fast as I could before the storm started. I may sound harsh and selfish but it was a one way road. I couldn't do otherwise.
I apologize for the damage I'm causing you Shizuma but I have to find my own way. I need to search what would make the whole picture in my life. Only then I will be really happy. I didn't mean to bring old feelings back, feelings you tried to leave behind when you finally had the strength to move on from Kaori-san. That wasn't my intention. But, I had to leave for the sake of both of us.
I'm glad for getting to know someone like you Shizuma and I hope one day you will be able to be with someone that completes the picture of your life.
Sincerely,
Nagisa./
If someone could see how the silver hair woman was that moment it would remind him of a frozen statue. Indeed that was what she was. A frozen statue. She couldn't move a muscle and her eyes had widen. She was really shocked. She couldn't believe what was happening. She felt as if someone was making fun of her. As if it was a part of a joke. And a really sick one. She started reading it again. And again. And again. She tried to find something, anything through her girlfriend's words that would work as an evidence that the redhead wasn't practically leaving her but actually she had decided to play a prank on her to spice up things. No matter how hard she was trying to convince herself otherwise, the prove was there. Nagisa left her and she had left her for good. She wouldn't be coming back. Not now, not ever.
This is can't be happening. No, this is can't be. Nagisa must have played a prank on me. Yes. That must be it. She couldn't have left me. She could't have broken up with me. No. Not again. No!, she thought desperate.
She sat on the bed and looked down on the floor. She tried to gather her thoughts. It was too sudden for her. Then, her eyes fell on the wardrobe. The only place she hadn't searched through. She stood up and walked to it. She opened the wardrobe and searched through it. She had to take most of her things out to make her research easier. She searched every corner of the wardrobe but she couldn't find anything that belonged to Nagisa. As if the young woman was never part of the place.
"Damm it. Her belongings aren't here" she said furious.
Was the letter saying the truth then? Did Nagisa left for good?, she thought.
Suddenly, an idea popped in her mind. She ran to the bathroom.
I hope it's still there. I don't know what I'm going to do if it's not there, she thought anxiously.
She opened the bathroom's door and walked inside. She walked to the bathroom's mirror. At the front of the mirror the two women usually would place their toothbrushes inside a plastic cup so they could brush their teeth whenever they could and a soap to wash their hands every time. However, only Shizuma's toothbrush was standing inside the cup. Shizuma seeing that her lover's toothbrush wasn't here felt her heart breaking in small pieces. She started to realize that whatever the letter was saying it was true. Nagisa had left her. The redhead wasn't making fun of her. She was gone for good. Slowly tears started to form in her eyes.
So, everything the letter said it was true. Nagisa left me. She wasn't just trying to take a laugh at me. She left me. After everything we went through all these years she...she decided to leave me, she thought sad.
She turned around and slowly walked out of the bathroom. She continued walking all the while thinking about her break up with the young woman. Her steps brought her to the living room. She walked to the couch. She sat on it and lowered her head.
After all we went through...I had to take all the strength that was left after Kaori's death and move on from her, I had to put my pride aside and win Nagisa's heart, I had to hear the endless scolding from Sister Hamazaka about ruining the Etoile election, I had to face Nagisa's father about our relationship, I had to face my own father about loving a middle class girl and the worst of all? I had to be by Nagisa's side in our new life together since she had to live by herself and attending the university in a far away town. I did all these for her. To show her how much I loved her, that she meant the world to me, she thought deeply sad.
"I just wanted her to be happy. I just wanted her...to be happy" she said in a tremble voice.
Tears started to fall from the corner of her eyes. She cupped her face with both hands and started crying. The love of her life took everything, including Shizuma's heart, and went far away from her. It was hard, it was unfair but it was true. As much as she wanted to deny it, the prove was there. Nagisa was out of the picture. The silver hair woman once again would have to mend the pieces of her broken heart and move on. But, she doubt if she would ever, how or when that would happen. Cause it hurt. It really hurt. And Shizuma was too weak to take the next step for the second time.
*End of flashback*