Title: Hello, Apathy.
Rating: T, but there is one swear word in here. :/
Disclaimer: I do not own!
Summary: After three years, Ziva know's there is no way to forgive Tony for what he did. And for his sake, she hopes Gibbs never finds him.
A/N: Let me clear a few things up: One, the beginning part of the first chapter WAS a dream. Slightly a nightmare. That kind of nightmare that you wish was real, but isn't. Nightmare. I don't know what else to clear up.... so I shouldn't talk too much. :D THANKS to everyone who reviewed the first part, and I hope you keep reviewing. I got many, lovely alerts and reviews. I woke up and looked, and was very happy.
WARNING: I would like to let you know, towards the middle of this chapter, I was actually in tears. I'd like to just put it out there: Panic Attacks/Nervous Breakdowns ARE very, very scary. Scary to watch, and scary to have. I've had a panic attack myself, and it's not fun. Just, warning you. I guess.....
On with the chapter!
Noah woke up at 8, pretty sure that his mother was supposed to be up by then. He made his way out of bed in a hurry, nearly running to her room. He didn't see her in her bed, so he walked around to the opposite side of the bed. There, he found her curled up in a ball and shaking. He grabbed a blanket quickly and pulled it over her, sitting next to her head. She looked as if she had ran her fingers down her face, and pulled on her own hair. Noah sniffed, knowing that it wasn't his place to cry. He got up, grabbing the phone and dialing one of three numbers he knew.
"Gibbs." The voice answered, and Noah sighed relief.
"Gibbs, I need your help." Noah said, looking at his mother. She was still shaking.
"Noah? What's wrong?" Gibbs said, and Noah could hear him getting ready to come help him.
"Mommy, she had another dream. She started screaming and now she's curled up on the floor and she is shaking. I'm scared." Noah said, and he heard Gibbs talking.
"I'll be there in a minute Noah. Sit next to her and make sure she doesn't leave." Noah nodded, hanging up. He moved over to his mother, putting his small hand on her forehead. She was freezing, and Noah was worried she would turn to stone. He grabbed another blanket from her closet, one that was clean, and tucked it around her. Then, he gently put a pillow next to and under her head. He curled up there, keeping his hands on her head. He was scared.
His mother had many bad nights. He would wake up some mornings to the apartment completely clean and the furniture moved. He tried asking her, but she got angry and stayed silent all day. When he asked Aunt Abby, she told him not to worry about it and that it wasn't something he worried himself with. But, Noah knew. He knew it was because of his father. He had heard Uncle Tim and Abby talking about it one day, upon accident, and he knew it was because of his father. He was sure.
Why wouldn't it be?
Noah knew that his father had left his mother when she was five months pregnant. Noah didn't know why, and he didn't understand. From what he knew, most people were happy to find out they were having a baby.
Why wouldn't his father be?
Noah pushed those thoughts to the back of his head as his mother started to whimper and shake more violently. Noah sat up, backing away from her as she started to twitch and twist on the floor. Her whimpers became half screams, and Noah felt tears on his face. He wasn't sure what to do.
He was surprised when Gibbs ran in, grabbing Ziva and shaking her. He shook her roughly, and she awoke from her trance with a start. She screamed, trying to break away from him. Noah pushed himself into a corner, holding his knees to his chest. He tried to keep his cries quiet as his mother started to cry herself, falling into Gibbs' arms. He held her close, whispering words to her that Noah couldn't hear. He still felt unsafe as Ziva gritted her teeth together to keep from screaming.
"Shh, it's okay." Gibbs said loudly, and Noah knew it was for him. He hid his face, shaking slightly. He jumped when hands picked him up, and he was suddenly surrounded by Uncle McGee. He didn't look up as he was carried out of his mothers room, and he didn't look up when he was sure McGee had sat down in the kitchen.
"Noah, I need you to look at me." McGee said, and Noah swallowed. He pulled his head from McGee's shoulder, sniffing. He was handed a tissue, and Noah used it gratefully. He let it fall on the floor though, and he kept his eyes on his own hands.
"It's okay buddy. No one will get mad at you for being scared." McGee said, and Noah took a deep breath. He didn't speak, and McGee didn't push him. Instead, he wrapped his arms around the three year old and covered his ear as Ziva screamed again. Noah started to shake again, and he couldn't stop himself as he started to cry.
He hated it when his mother was in so much pain.
Moreover, about something he didn't understand.
"It's okay now." McGee whispered, and Noah shook his head. He didn't let go of McGee's neck as he got up and walked back into Ziva's room. Now, Gibbs was sitting on the end of the bed and Ziva was lying in the middle, asleep looking. She wasn't shivering, she wasn't screaming, and she wasn't sweating. Noah looked at her, and pushed his way out of McGee's arms. Gibbs and McGee watched as he crawled up to his mother's chest, pulling back the covers and nestling into her. Gibbs couldn't help but smile at Noah's obvious love for his mother. He could almost feel tears in his eyes as Ziva wrapped her arms around her son, tears in her own eyes.
"I am sorry honey." She whispered to him, and Noah sniffed.
"It's okay mommy." He whispered before they both fell totally asleep. Gibbs looked at McGee, motioning that they should shut the lights off and leave. Gibbs knew the drill. He and McGee were equipped enough to finish cases on their own, as they had for over two months after Tony's leave and Ziva's maternity leave. When they got a new agent, Charles Upham, things only got easier. Some days, Gibbs would call for Ziva to simply stay home.
"Gibbs, are you sure-"
"They are fine McGee. We aren't leaving. There is no case, and Vance can just call us if there is." Gibbs said, sitting at the table in the kitchen. McGee followed suit, picking up the tissue Noah had used and throwing it away.
"Boss, I have a question."
Gibbs raised an eyebrow, sipping some coffee. McGee had no clue where it came from.
"What… what do you know about Tony's leaving?"
Gibbs put down his cup, taking a deep breath. He knew lots about Tony abandoning Ziva. He had been one of the first to be notified by a very emotional Ziva, and after that he had heard ever detail that Ziva could recall from her pregnant brain. Although, Gibbs was certain something had bigger had happened, he never pushed it.
"A lot." Gibbs said, and McGee nodded. He understood this wasn't his place, and he shifted.
"Do you think these… episodes will stop?" McGee asked, and Gibbs shrugged.
"Closure McGee. Nothing will end until there is closure."
McGee nodded, taking a deep breath and praying for closure.
Reviews would be appreciated. :) And a great confidence booster. Writers are insecure, in a way.
I'll shut up now.