Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from TVD, they belong to L.J. Smith. I am simply borrowing them for my entertainment and the entertainment of my readers.
A/N: I'm not really good with writing Vamp stories, so this is ALL human. Thank you again to the one's who reviewed!
(And the million dollar question is…Why?)
"He started texting me around lunchtime with these off the wall things." Damon looks me in the eyes when he talks. This is somewhat uncomfortable at times because his gaze is so intense. He uses his hands a lot when he talks too.
"What did the texts say? You know, to make you feel something was off?" I ask, trying to make this easy, well as easy as it can be. I've never known anyone whom committed suicide before, so I'm really not sure how to ask questions without sounding like a reporter.
"Well, he was saying things like 'I can't do this anymore', or 'It's time for me to move on', then he began telling me how he loved me. And that I was the best friend he's ever had in his entire life." Damon explained, distraught rang in his voice. He was holding up a lot better than I thought he would. Of course, he'd cried a few times already. Though that wasn't odd, the fact that I hadn't cried yet was still bothering me. Even now, as I was listening to how upset Damon was over losing his brother.
"Had he been depressed recently? I mean, I'm no expert, but they say people show signs leading to this. Um…" Damon cuts me off, I guess I failed in trying to sound knowledgeable.
"It's all right, Bonnie. I don't expect you to know what I'm going through. I appreciate your trying to understand, though. It's just that…" He trails off, gathering his thoughts.
"You're the only one who really knew how close my brother and I were."
I get a little misty-eyed at that. He's so sweet and I feel so bad that I can't offer him more comfort. I simply nod, then take his can out of his hand, place it on the floor, and pull him to my chest in a hug. I place small kisses atop his dark hair, at this he tightens his grip around my waist. We hold each other for a few minutes. Sometimes the best comfort you can give a person is silence.
He sits up, wiping tears from his eyes, "I tried to get to him. After about the third or fourth text, I was out the door, getting in my truck. Suicide crossed my mind, but I thought my brother was too strong to harm himself. He'd been telling me he hadn't been feeling all that stable in his life. He'd turned to drinking, and popping anti-depressants; along with a few other types of prescriptions. His neighbor is a nurse, so I suppose that's how he got his 'fix'." Damon's story surprises me. I had no idea that Stefan had gotten so far gone. I mean, how do you get that lonely? To where you basically waste away your life. I don't say any of this, however, because I know that would piss Damon off. I don't want him mad on top of all the other emotions he's dealing with.
"Damon, I'm so sorry. I-I had no idea." I say, while standing and placing my right hand on his left shoulder. He gently shrugs it off. Well, then.
"Bonnie, the only one who's sorry here is me. I'm sorry I couldn't get to him in time. I tried, I really tried!" Okay, so much for anger not being mixed in with those other emotions.
"Calm, down. Please? Explain to me what you mean. After you got in your truck, what happened next?" I know I'm treading on thin ice, but I have to get him to focus.
He sighs loudly, his chest rises. Stop, Bonnie! Focus yourself!
"After I got in the truck, I headed to his house, it's not far from here. Maybe ten minutes away. When I pulled up, there were police officers and an ambulance already there. The nurse later told me she had heard a gunshot and immediately called 9-1-1." Damon pauses here, picks up his beer can again and brings it to his lips. He chugs instead of sips this time.
"I tried to get to him…" I could see it all clearly in my mind, though I'd never seen Stefan's house before; as Damon continued.
Flashback (Damon's POV)
When I got to Stefan's house, there were two squad cars parked in his driveway, behind an ambulance. I parked the truck on the side of the road. As I got out, one of the officers spoke to me,
"Sir, can I help you? This is a crime scene. No one allowed." The officer, I read his name tag, Freeman put his arms up in front of me. As if that would stop me from getting to my brother.
"This is my brother's house. Let me through!" I practically growled at him. The second officer came to the edge of the yard too. Then they both tried to restrain me as I walked further into the front yard.
"I'm sorry sir, even if it is your brother, this is still a crime scene." Officer Segrest addressed me.
I tried to force my way through, I began pushing as hard as I could. But the both of them had such a strong grip on my arms. I lost it then, I just started screaming my brother's name.
"Stefan! Stefan!" Then I collapsed on the ground, sobbing.
He must have done it in the garage, because that's where the yellow crime scene tape was mainly tacked up. I got up from the ground and started for my truck. Those officers were clearly not going to let me any nearer to Stefan's house. That's when she passed by, Caroline. She saw me getting into my truck, stopped and asked me what was going on. It hadn't fully registered in my mind that it was her. I mean, I hadn't talked to Caroline in years. She looked horrified, I ignored it. 'Who gives a damn about what Caroline Forbes thinks of me or my brother?' I asked myself. I had no idea that she would spread the news like wild fire all over the internet!
End flashback
My tears began falling so quickly, I almost didn't notice. Damon's story had broken my heart.
"Aw, Bonnie." his voice quivered, then we embraced again. This time he sat down and pulled me into his lap. This wasn't supposed to happen! I was supposed to be comforting him! And Caroline doing what she did? That pissed me off, but I wasn't ready to deal with anger just yet.
"When's the funeral?" I whispered in his ear, my head resting on his right shoulder. I pushed up from my spot to look him in his dark eyes.
He pushed a curl behind my ear, then sat me down on the couch beside him.
"Day after tomorrow. Can I ask you something?" He gave me one of his most intense looks.
"Anything." I whispered.
"Can you sit up front, with me, at the service? I'm a pall bearer, but I'd really like it if you could sit with me." He lowered his head as he asked this, looking at our now joined hands.
"You know I will, Damon. I was going to offer to, even if you hadn't asked." I said. He smiled a small smile before thanking me.
I stood up, giving him a hug. He squeezed me tightly for a moment, then released me. I knew I needed to be going. Besides, I still had to deal with Elena.
"Damon, is it…um is it okay if I-I tell Elena what happened? Meredith called her earlier and told her about Stefan. But she doesn't know the, the whole story." I wasn't sure if my request would weigh in on the bad, as Caroline's had.
"Sure. That's one less person who'll be asking me, that's why I'm not going to be on facebook tonight. I don't want everyone asking me about Stefan. Especially those whom haven't even been around my brother in the last few years, you know?" He explains, so I nod my response. I understand completely. That's how I felt when Matt had called me and asked. I didn't know what to tell him or even how to begin. Now I had the information, but I wasn't sure I wanted to be ambassador to the masses about Stefan's death either.
"Okay, well I'll call you tomorrow, or you can call me. Whichever, it doesn't matter. If you need anything, let me know." I told Damon as I walked out the door. He nodded whispering 'thanks' and hugged me one last time before I walked to my car.
Now the task of Elena hung before me. Will I be any good at explaining this to her? I mean, she was so in love with Stefan for so long. Be strong, Bonnie McCollough.
I kept chanting this mantra over and over to myself.
Elena Gilbert lived on the other side of town, close to me. At least I wasn't going to be far from home. I took a deep breath as I got closer to her apartment complex. This was not going to be an easy task. Any less easier than speaking to Damon had been? I ask myself.
Okay, here goes. She lives up on the third floor, so I ascend the stairs. This will prolong my confrontation with Elena. I'll take it!
Once I reached the last flight, her apartment is right there. I knocked on the door. She answers immediately because she's been waiting on me, I'm sure.
"Bonnie! Please come in and tell me what happened. I still can't believe it!" Her beautiful face seems distorted. She's been crying since Meredith called her a few hours ago. I sympathize with her. How would I be feeling right now if it were Damon, instead of Stefan?
"You might want to sit, Elena. It's somewhat a long story, and I'm sure it's going to be very hard to accept." I hope my voice doesn't betray me, so far it's holding its strength.
"Okay. Tell me." Elena is still crying, but she's quiet. I start telling her about how he did it, why, and that it had been a little after lunch today. She started snubbing.
"Elena, are you going to be okay?" I ask, not sure of what emotions might explode from her.
"Oh, Bonnie. Why didn't he talk to someone? I mean, that was way too much on his shoulders and Damon's shoulders. I wish…he'd called me, you, Mere…anyone. How's Damon holding up?" This is where my strength leaves my voice and I'm going to pieces now, tears are falling down my cheeks as well.
"Surprisingly, pretty well. He said the funeral is the day after tomorrow. You can ride with me, if you want to." I speak through my tears, she nods an agreement.
"Yeah, just…let me know when you'll be here. I think I need to take a nap. I love you, Bonnie. Thank you so much for telling me the whole truth." Elena is hugging me as I hug back.
I get back to my apartment in just a few short minutes. I'm exhausted, emotionally exhausted. Matt! I forgot all about him. I guess I should call him. I won't tell him the details, because I didn't get Damon's permission for telling anyone other than Elena. I did confirm Stefan's death and the funeral date for him, though.
"Damn, that just doesn't sound right. You know? Stefan was so cool, who would've ever thought?" Matt is stunned, but he says he'll see me in a few days.
I'm not feeling very hungry right now, so I guess I'll just go to bed. I wonder what Damon's doing right now. Get a grip, Bonnie! Just relax and go to sleep.
A/n: So that's it for this chapter! Hope you guys understand a little better why Stefan did it.