Author Note: Hello again, our lovely readers! CrazyAce'n'PokerFace are proud to present Chapter 2 of Toushirou of Oz. Though it may seem like ages since we've updated, this is actually up a lot sooner than we thought it would be. Anyway, thank you for deciding to read this!
Oh, and this chapter is specially dedicated to MeteorLeopard, because we think they're awesome because they're just like us (two people w/one fanfic account! Woot! Woot!), and because they wrote an amazingly long review which made our hearts flutter. Well, it made my heart flutter, and I'm sure PokerFace just doesn't want to admit it. Anyway, a big thanks to them, and to SebonzaMitsuki27 WHO ACTUALLY REVIEWED ONE OF OUR STORIES! OMG, I never actually thought she'd do it (because, seriously, comparing her stories and ours is like comparing the sun to a dim light bulb), but she did, so YAAAAY! It's like getting an autograph from J.K. Rowling. For everyone else who reviewed, alerted, or added this story to their favorites, more thank you's are located at the bottom. :D
Normal = prose, italics = thoughts, inner conversations, or Toto/Hyourinmaru talking.
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of its characters. They belong solely to Tite Kubo. However, if there was an alternate universe where I do own Bleach, I will promptly give my left arm to switch with my other self. (P.S. We don't own The Wizard of Oz, either.) :)
Chapter Two: Toushirou in Drag
"What the HELL?" Toushirou yelled. Kansas? What the hell was he doing in Kansas? That was in America, wasn't it? Weren't fantasy games supposed to be set in non-existent places? That's why they were called fantasy games! He was supposed to be some sort of hero in Oz, Kami-sama take it!
"Oi, voice, what's going on?" Toushirou demanded. "What am I doing here?"
"You are an eleven-year-old girl named Dorothy Gale. You live on a farm in Kansas with your beloved Aunt Em and Uncle Henry," the mechanical voice replied. It definitely sounded amused now. "Currently, you and your dog Toto are returning home from elementary school."
"Why the hell is the game called Journey to Oz if I live in Kansas? And why—wait, I'm an eleven-year-old girl?" Toushirou cried out. He didn't know which was worse, the fact that he was apparently a pre-pubescent, elementary school student (Karin would die of laughter) or the fact that he was supposedly female (Karin would die of laughter, get to Soul Society, and die laughing again). "Look, I'm obviously a guy! A teenage guy! And my name is not Dorothy!"
"Whatever you say, Dorothy," the voice said. "The fact remains that you and your dog, Toto—"
"His name is Hyourinmaru! And despite being chibi-fied, he's obviously still a dragon!" Toushirou interrupted.
"—you and your dog, Toto," the voice continued, ignoring him completely, "are approximately five minutes from being swept away by an oncoming tornado."
Tornado? Well, that sounded more exciting than wheat fields, at least. Karin would probably like riding out a tornado. Actually, where was Karin? He was just about to ask the voice where she was when it began speaking again.
"Make that two minutes," it said in bored tone. "Please make your way over to the house on your left to avoid the tornado's approach from the right."
"Huh?" Toushirou asked. Looking to his left, he did in fact see a cozy little farmhouse that hadn't been there five seconds ago. Shrugging a little, he turned to his right and did a double take. Coming his way was a huge, black tornado that definitely hadn't been there five seconds ago!
As he gaped in shock at the sight, Hyourinmaru started barking madly and suddenly jumped out of his arms, heading straight for the farmhouse before turning back and stopping. He cocked his head in a manner that definitely inquired, Well, aren't you going to follow me, master? There's a tornado coming, you know, and while I am your faithful and loyal dog, I really would prefer not to die by your side right this minute.
Wait a minute, Toushirou thought. I could have sworn I heard him say that out loud...
Of course you can hear me, Hyourinmaru replied. Though not exactly "out loud;" it's more "in thought." Dogs can communicate wordlessly with their masters, yes? Now, let's get a move-on, master! Tail wagging and wings flapping, Hyourinmaru made his way over to the house with Toushirou following quickly. After all, it wasn't that odd that Hyourinmaru was talking to him in his head; he did it all the time in the real world. This Hyourinmaru had the same alternately bossy yet oddly devoted tone the real zanpakutou spirit did, too, even if he was a bit more talkative.
Oi! Honorable yet stupid master! Get your butt moving! Tornado at twelve o'clock and closing fast! I'm this close to ditching you and saving my own hide! Get in the cottage so we can avoid the whole 'me licking your cold, dead face while lamenting scene' and get straight into the action and screaming!
Scratch that, this thing wasn't like Hyourinmaru at all. Apparently this version was also more likely to insult Toushirou. At least the other Hyourinmaru had kept the insults to just "boy," or "midget" if he was particularly annoyed. Though he had to admit this Hyourinmaru's advice was sound.
Toushirou opened the door and rushed inside. Just as he and Hyourinmaru slammed the door shut, the tornado hit the house. Suddenly there was a huge jolt and an earsplitting smash.
"Holy shiitake mushrooms! What was that?" Toushirou asked Hyourinmaru, who had taken refuge under a layer of sofa cushions and tea cozies.
Master, not to state the obvious, but that was the tornado, said Hyourinmaru, peeking out from his swathe of fabrics.
"I know that! But what is with the ripping sounds and the sudden feeling of weightlessness and the spinning?" screamed Toushirou. All of a sudden, as if the room had developed a mind of its own, the furniture started flying around and the whole world began spinning crazily.
An extraordinary amount of hard objects flew at Toushirou. He was able to dodge the majority of them, but he took a large metal teapot to the head. He then learned that bludgeoning teapots went under the "minor scrapes and bruises" category and therefore felt shockingly realistic.
Well, I'm not certain, but I'm pretty sure that was the house being ripped from its foundations and flying up into the air. Now, if you don't mind, I'll return to whimpering like the scared little dog I am.
"Wait one second! I do mind!What the hell do you mean that the house is flying?" Toushirou yelled.
The only reaction Toushirou got was violent shivering and more moaning and sobbing from the little bundle of fabric.
"Oi! Explain what the heck is going on!"
"Ahem, if you wish for an explanation I'll be more than happy to oblige."
Oh great, the voice was back. And was it just him or did it sound awfully familiar?
"The unexpected airborne quality of your humble home is a preplanned event designed for the sole purpose of starting your Journey to Oz, Dorothy,"
"My name is not—oh, whatever! Does this mean I'll finally get to see some of that blood and violence I was promised?"
"Yes, you'll soon see plenty of blood during your adventures in Oz. And may I mention that I am very happy to see you finally accepting your feminine side, Dorothy-chan? Denial of your true self is very unhealthy for you psychologically," the voice said slyly.
The voicedefinitely reminded Toushirou of someone.
"Enough with the Dorothy nonsense already and get me to Oz!"
"Your request will be granted momentarily, as soon as your character settings are chosen and your mission has been specified."
"Character settings?" Toushirou asked. This sounded promising. Karin had told him that you could choose what you looked like and what special abilities you had in most games…maybe he could change the whole "Dorothy" thing now…
"Yes. Would like me to inform you of your designated settings as Dorothy?"
Wait—did the voice just say designated settings? Designated settings? Did that mean what he thought it meant?
"Hey! What do you mean 'designated'? Are you saying I'm stuck as a girl for the whole game?" he yelled. "No way! I refuse! Cancel the damn Goody-Two-Shoes mode!"
"Request denied. To cancel a preset character mode, one must quit the game and start over from the beginning."
"Then do that!" Toushirou exclaimed, while still trying to retain his balance and dodge that stupid teapot.
"Warning: to restart the game, one must then choose single-player mode, as all multi-player connections one currently possesses will be lost. Would you like to continue with the restart?"
"No!" Karin would probably kill him—or worse, be disappointed with him.
"Then would you like to hear the designated character settings as Dorothy?"
"Fine, damn it! But can't I change anything?" Toushirou asked, desperate.
"Some aspects of your character can be changed, such as age, gender, and appearance, but your race, occupation, and statistics/skills are permanent qualities of the character 'Dorothy.'"
"So I can be a guy?" Toushirou inquired hopefully.
"Yes. Would you like to change your gender to male?"
"YES!"
"Request granted. To see what your character now looks like, please grab the flying teapot and take the lid off in order to access the viewing screen."
A brief struggle ensued as Toushirou tried to get a hold of the teapot without being knocked unconscious. Eventually, he was able to take the lid off, causing a screen to appear in front of him. It showed a large-eyed, innocent-looking version of his eleven-year-old self—wearing pigtails and a blue-and-white-checkered dress.
"What the—? I'm still a girl! Change my gender! And my hair! And get me out of that stupid dress!"
"Request number one has already been granted. Request numbers two and three are also possible. What would you like to change?"
"You mean I'm already a guy…? But then why do I still look like that?"
"Inherent facial features are unchangeable. It is not the program's fault that you are what is commonly referred to as a 'pretty boy.' Now, how would you like to change your appearance?"
Toushirou scowled at the pretty boy remark, but seriously considered the question. "Just give me the hairstyle I have right now. And you said I could change my age, right? So make me fifteen in human years, same as Karin." Toushirou nodded as the character onscreen changed with his requests, and frowned thoughtfully as he considered what else he would want to do, then straightened as an idea occurred to him. "Hey, can you make me taller, too? Like, 6'3" or something?" he asked eagerly.
"Request invalid. Height of an in-game human character cannot exceed that of their physical self. Character height can change only if one is a villain, specifically an ogre, a giant, or a witch. The last race can magically change height at will, while the former races all have a minimum in-game height of ten feet. No hero race's average height exceeds that of seven feet."
Well, that pretty much sucked. Being a hero and a Goody-Two-Shoes looked less appealing with every passing second. Karin definitely had the jump on him, character-wise. In the meantime, he definitely had to do something about that dress.
"Hey, can you get me out of that dress now?" he asked.
"Of course. The secondary option is the tutu mini-skirt dress in Sunset Red." The image on the screen suddenly changed—and how Toushirou wished it hadn't. He didn't think anything would look worse than the blue dress, but he was hideously wrong.
"Gah! My eyes! Change it back, change it back!" Toushirou screamed. He could hear Hyourinmaru snickering in the background.
Aw, it didn't look that bad, master. It really showed off your legs, Hyourinmaru said snidely.
"Shut up! Ugh," Toushirou groaned in frustration. "Look, do you have anything…robe-like?" he asked, thinking of his familiar shihakusho and haori.
"An additional option, limited only to the Goody-Two-Shoes character mode, would be the Aunty Em Bath Robe in Delicate Pink. Please note the fine embroidery along the hem, the softness of the chenille fabric, the—"
"The fact that no teenage boy would want to wear it?" Toushirou said dryly. The way the voice said that sentence reminded him of somebody. Serious consideration of that would have to wait later, preferably when he back on solid ground and no longer in danger of losing his kidneys to a moving sofa…"Look, can't I wear anything else?"
"You may buy outfits later on in the game, after you have acquired the requisite amount of gold coins, which is Oz's currency. For now, however, these are your only options."
"Fine," Toushirou muttered reluctantly. "Then I'll…I'll…I'll take the blue dress."
"Excellent choice! You have now acquired The Blue-and-White-Checkered Dress, which allows for great mobility while also being of a modest and proper length for a young girl in the 1920's. Also included is the hand-woven picnic basket which doubles as a carrier for Toto. In addition, the length lets you conceal several hidden weapons."
"Hidden weapons?" That sounded promising.
"Yes. Your designated occupation allows you to possess several."
Oh, yeah. "What is my occupation anyway?"
"As Dorothy, your designated race is 'Human' and your occupation is 'Thief,' with a sub-occupation of 'Damsel in Distress.' Your statistics correspond with your occupation, and include high levels of speed, minimal levels of strength, average intelligence, a significant amount of luck, and a 100-point bonus of Health, acquired from your background living on a farm. Skills include the unique ability to steal all the possessions of those you defeat, in addition to the usual gain of more experience and health points. The Damsel in Distress occupation also lets you cry out for help and compel all of your allies within a specific radius to immediately come running to aid you."
"I'm a thief? What happened to the whole 'Dorothy is a modest and innocent young lady' spiel? And what is with that last power? Since when is screaming for help considered an ability?" Kami-sama help him, Karin was going to have a field day with his character; he'd never live this down.
The voice continued on as if it hadn't heard him. "A special feature of the Goody-Two-Shoes mode includes the free pet Toto, who possesses unique abilities and will act as your guide."
"Special abilities? Like what?" Toushirou looked doubtfully at the shaking pile of cloths that was moving back and forth across the rocking floor.
"Request for information denied. You may discover the bonus abilities during the course of the game. Character settings are now 98% complete. Do you have any additional questions or requests concerning this topic?"
"No, I don't think so. Wait! What other races are available for heroes?"
"Request to change race is invalid due to preset character settings."
"I know already! Would you stop saying that? I just want to know what kind of people are on my side!" Toushirou said, exasperated.
"Very well. Your allies include all Humans, Wizards, Elves, Beasts, and Munchkins. Occupations you would get along with are 'Tinmen,' 'Scarecrows,' 'Guardians,' and 'Healers.' Avoid 'Witches' and 'Flying Monkeys.'"
"There are Flying Monkeys? I was hoping for more dragons and demons, those kinds of monsters."
Oh, trust me, master, those Flying Monkeys are plenty monster-like, Toto—Hyourinmaru—said. Especially the one with freaky orange hair.
"Orange hair?"
"Ahem," said the voice, sounding annoyed. "Additional game information is currently forbidden." Its tone implied that those who continued to blab anyway were in danger of getting muzzled. "Now, back to the point. Character settings are 99.9% complete. Are you content with your character settings?"
"No," Toushirou replied. His character's name was Dorothy, for Kami-sama's sake.
"Invalid answer. Are you content with your character settings?"
"Yes," he ground out through his teeth. Maybe this game would finally get a move on, and the house would stop spinning. He was starting to get a headache.
"Answer accepted," the voice said gleefully. "Your mission will now be revealed: Return to Kansas."
"WHAT? What kind of lame mission is that? I just left there! Where's the killing and the violence and the blood I was promised? I demand a refund!" Toushirou yelled.
"Refunds are unavailable if you examine the small print," the voice said.
"The small print? Urahara!" Toushirou yelled. "Is that you? That's your voice, isn't it? Damn it, you better not be recording all this!"
The voice replied, "While my voice is based on the genius inventor Urahara Kisuke's, I am not responsible for any of his antics and am unaware if this session is being recorded for research purposes, though the possibility is quite likely."
"No way! I told Karin this was a bad idea!" Toushirou yelled.
"Warning: character settings and mission goals are now complete. Immersion in Oz will occur in thirty seconds…"
"Hey, we stopped moving," Toushirou observed. Indeed, the room seemed eerily suspended and no longer spun madly.
Oh, no, Hyourinmaru whimpered. We're in the eye of the tornado. Here it comes.
"Here what comes?" Toushirou asked.
We're entering Oz…
"That sounds good," Toushirou replied.
…through a swirling black vortex.
"WHAT?" Toushirou ran to the window and looked out. "I don't see any black holes; it's all just cows, chickens, pitchforks, a tractor, and…is that another house? Hey, is Karin in that one?"
Master, I suggest you look above us and start worrying about yourself instead of your girlfriend.
"She's not my girlfr—what the HELL IS THAT?" Toushirou replied.
It's the black hole. Grab the sofa, master, Hyourinmaru suggested, finally leaving his corner and jumping into Toushirou's arms, whereupon he promptly bit the collar of his shirt in an effort to retain a good grip.
Toushirou followed his advice, a sinking feeling in his stomach as the voice started to count down:
"Arrival commences in ten…nine…eight…"
Toushirou squeezed his eyes shut as Hyourinmaru whimpered and the house started shaking.
"…seven…six…five…"
Oh, why did he ever listen to Karin? He knew he should've tossed the helmet out the window, her challenging grin be damned!
"…four…three…two…"
It was his own damn fault he was so competitive. Now he was stuck as a Damsel in Distress named Dorothy!
"…one…"
Oh, great, here's where we get all pixel-ly, Hyourinmaru grumbled.
"…zero."
And for the second time in fifteen minutes, Toushirou's world went black.
…
…
…
There was a soft thud as the house landed.
Toushirou tentatively opened his eyes and then frowned.
What was with the color? It was like being in color pages except … constantly.
Then Toushirou remembered something even more important. He looked down and groaned. His usual black shirt and jeans had dissolved into that…that monstrosity of a dress.
Hyourinmaru had recovered from being ripped apart by the black hole and the truly unique feeling of being put back together and was laughing his butt off on the floor, rolling around in the throes of his giggles.
M-master y-y-you look absolutely stunning! Hahahahaha! No, please, I can't take anymore. It's too much…oh, I'm going to die. My ribs hurt…
"Shut up! You know I didn't choose to wear this. Now where are we and where is the closest place I can buy clothes?" Toushirou snarled
We're in Oz, Master.
"Yeah, I know, but where exactly in Oz are we?"
Hmm…from the look of things, I think we're in—wait, what was that sound?
"What sound?" Toushirou asked, frowning.
As he listened carefully, he could hear some odd muffled sounds from outside the house. Like … high pitched screaming, and was that off-key singing?
"Meep-meep meep meep-meep-meep MEEP!
Meep meep meep meep meep!
Meep meep meep meep!
Meep meep ma-meep!
Meep meep meep meep
Meep meep meep meep meep
Meep meep ma-mee-meep ma-mee-meep meep-meeps!
Meep meep ma-mee-meep meep meep meep meep!
Meep meep ma-mee-meep meep meep meep meep!
Meep meep ma-mee-meep meep meep meep meep!
Ma-meep meep meep ma-meep meep ma-meep!"
"What the heck are they saying? It sounds as if they're repeating the same word over and over again."
It's called Meep, master, the language of the Munchkins.
"Munchkins, huh?" From the sound of their name, he assumed they were cannibals. After all, munch (to chew) + kin (family or kind) = people who chew their own kind. What kind of savages were they? And he wished they would stop that screeching and singing. Their vocal range was amazing if they could reach notes that high.
"What are they saying?" he inquired.
Hyourinmaru cocked his head to the side. Hmm. Give me a bit. They're saying something about…a dead witch. Apparently, she's been oppressing and torturing them with something called a…Chappy?
"Chappy? Don't tell me…"
Ah! And they're saying their oppression has ended because a huge, ginormous, extremely gargantuan house landed on her! Master, I think they're talking about us! We're being hailed as heroes! Well, technically, the house is being hailed as a hero, but we own the house, so that doesn't matter.
This was just great. If his suspicions were correct, he'd just killed somebody who sounded an awful lot like Rukia…and what was that about a gigantic house? Wasn't it more like a small cottage? After all, it only had one room. How big were these Munchkins anyway?
Ah, it's so good to be in Munchkinland. I'll finally have people I can see eye to eye with, Hyourinmaru said.
"What? Eye to eye…? Well, whatever. We're going outside now and seeing the damage."
Of course, master. Following you faithfully now, Hyourinmaru said as Toushirou walked over to the front door and threw it open.
Attracting the gazes of several small dwarf-like creatures singing outside.
Wait… these things were Munchkins? They didn't look like cannibals at all. In fact, they looked like chibi versions of shinigami that Toushirou knew. Over there was one that looked like Madarame, and next to him was one that looked like Ayesegawa…oh, and look, right there in front of them, waving her arms conducting the whole thing was a really miniature Yachiru.
The 11th Division were Munchkins?
"Hyourinmaru, I thought Munchkins were primitive warriors with odd teeth and a tendency to eat their own kind," said Toushirou hesitantly.
Where did you get that idea? Munchkins are the smallest of the humanoid races with overly large heads, huge eyes, and small, strong bodies. The thirteen Munchkin villages, known as divisions, are ruled by the Witch of the East. Though in the case of these particular Munchkins, you got the primitive warrior bit correct.
"Meep meep meep! Meep meep meep meep ma-meep!" They all screamed as they fell into a dogeza position.
"Hyourinmaru, translate that last bit," said Toushirou.
Um, they said their new mistress has arrived with the red boots that are proof of her legitimate succession.
"How did you get all that out of a few meeps? And who is this 'mistress' they're talking about?" Toushirou asked.
Meep is a very complicated language. And, well… they seem to think that you are their new mistress.
Hitsugaya blinked and then lifted the hem of his dress to look at his feet. A horrified expression came over his face as he realized that he was wearing red, sparkly, leather boots with high heels!
Toushirou was now officially dressed in drag.
Endnote: And that's chapter two! We hope you enjoyed it, as we had a ton of fun writing it! You can thank PokerFace for writing a good fourth of it and pestering me to actually work on it. If he hadn't, you probably wouldn't have seen this until March at the earliest. But now that my minion is effectively begging me and bugging me to write, the next chapter should come out faster! (Just saying should, because will never seems to work…not because I don't love writing, but just because life gets in the way, much like how elephants get in the way of zebras at watering holes.)
Anyway, we'd like to thank the following people for alerting/reviewing/adding-this-story-to-their-favorites: VanDerAa, AVAgrl, Ziya Hitsugaya, Kiwi-kiwi-kii, Rose Zaki, Yaoi and Darkchocolat, zZemoKITTYzZ, Thunder Claw03, meggie-moo s, Sayo-chan64, SaintFirestar666, SilverDragonEyeCardSpiritWolf, Moon of Jupiter, Kanarekana, starySan, HitsuKarin-sama, bleedingxinxspace, Vampqueen27, HitsuKarin Lurver, hearing-v0ices, Ethereal Crow, MeteorLeopard, saras6, Leif the Lucky, JustaDreamerinaFairyTail, Nyxtolouloudo, and SebonzaMitsuki27.
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