This is just a continuation of the last chapter, the next one should start to get things moving.

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Letting go like a levee breaks
Walk away as if I don't care

.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" Michelle handed Carla a mug of tea she had just made.

Carla accepted the mug and watched the steam flow from the boiling liquid. She sat on the floor with her back against the cool leather of the couch, her legs stretched out under the coffee table. "I'm not sure about anything any more, Chelle"

Michelle sat on the couch, one hand holding her own cup the other gently brushing her friends dark hair back over her shoulder. "How far along are you?"

"I have no idea" Carla sighed "I've been feeling odd for a few weeks but I thought it was just the wedding you know? I never thought I'd be pregnant, not again"

The concern and fear slowly dimmed from their earlier conversations, both women felt emotionally drained after practically screaming at each other for almost an hour. Michelle felt nothing but love for her best friend who was more like a sister than a friend. She had watched the woman go through hell and back multiple times from such a young age, dealing with a drunken mother and stepfather, awkward school days and trying to figure out marriage and money problems when Carla married her older brother Paul, then came Tony who almost killed her and Hayley, Frank who did the unspeakable and no matter how many times Carla said she was 'over it', Michelle knew the events of that night and the months following still haunted her best friend.

Despite the fact that she was once married to her older brother, Michelle knew that Nick was the best thing to ever happen to Carla. He built her up and evened her out, he could handle the bad days, he could handle the days that went so far beyond bad there was no longer words to describe it. He had a way of making Carla smile like she never had before, for the first time since Michelle had known her, Carla looked genuinely and positively happy. Of course there had been times with Paul, with Peter where she had been happy but it never lasted for long.

"I miss him, Chelle" Carla's voice was so soft she almost sounded like that scared kid Michelle used to know. "I just really miss him" Michelle moved herself to sit on the floor and wrapped her free arm around her friends shoulder as she watched her face crumble.

Carla brought her free hand to cover her mouth, trying to not let herself break again like she had done too many times in the last few days. Her eyes caught the glimmer of the rock on her left hand that sat just above the plain silver band that symbolised the marriage of her and Nick.

She dumped her cup on the table and played with the two rings on her finger, faint images flashed in her brain of the wedding that took place just three days ago, the first time she saw Nick standing at the end of the makeshift aisle in the bistro, her heart had leapt into her throat with joy at the giant grin that had burst across his face when their eyes met for the first time.

"I do think you need to talk to him, just for your own piece of mind, love" Michelle again gently pushed strands of Carla's dark hair back from her face. "Look at what happened with the Robert thing…"

The look of rage in Carla's eye caused Michelle to lean back somewhat and raise her hands slightly in surrender "I know, I know, don't talk about it" She said in just.

"But look, that happened at new year and you never told Nick, you let that eat away at you for months, to the point where you almost called off the wedding and then everything with Tracy…babe, by the time the wedding came you were like a bomb waiting to go off"

"I can't hurt him again, Chelle"

"I know" Michelle wrapped her arm around Carla's shoulders again "But what happens if he finds out?"

"He'll never know. My appointment's tomorrow, I'm leaving here, doing…that and never coming back" Her voice quietened at the end of the sentence.

"Carla…"

"Chelle, we've been through this" Carla sighed and brushed her hands over her face and through her hair "I just…I can't do it on my own. I want him to be a dad, I really do" She smiled with tears in her eyes "He'd be the best dad. He's so great with Max and Lily. Hell he's even great with Bethany and she's in those mad teenage years" She let out a small chuckle as Chelle nodded in agreement about the beautiful yet extremely loud, opinionated blonde that she had grown close to over the time she and Nick had been together.

"He'd be an amazing dad, our kid would want for nothing with him, maybe for a better mum than me but still…" She scoffed lightly, pulling at the sleeves of her black cotton sweater. "I can't stay around here and watch him move on with someone else, Chelle, I think it would kill me"

"What if he didn't move on? What if you both actually made it work?"

Carla jeered at her best friend "You and I both know the chances of that happening are slim to none. I don't want him to be with me because of the baby, I hate the thought of 'staying together for the kid'. I want him to be happy and if that's without me then fine, I just can't be around to watch him do it. My heart can't take it"

"I do think this is just you thinking the worst. I think if you both sit down and have a normal conversation, let him get mad, you explain what went on, just both of you hash it out and see what happens. You can't just leave and never speak to him again…"

"Chelle, this isn't just about that…I mean yeah, if the Robert thing hadn't happened and we were still in this situation then yeah, we would've had this baby and been a proper little family but I don't even…"

Michelle turned a little to face the stressed brunette beside her who had just halted the conversation mid-sentence.

"Don't even what?"

"I don't even think I want a baby"

"You said that last time," Michelle said quietly, knowing that bringing up her previous pregnancy was a touchy issue.

"Last time was different" Carla spat back, desperate to not drag up the past.

"How was it different? Is it because it was Peter? Let me tell you Carla, compared to last time, even with everything that's happening right now, you're in a much better situation than last time"

"God Michelle, don't do this" Carla clambered up from the floor and slowly paced towards the kitchen.

"No, listen to me. Peter put you through hell too many times than I care to remember, there's no way Nick would be like that."

"I know that! I know he'd be amazing, I've told you I know that but it's not about him, it's me. Me, Michelle, I don't want a baby. I don't want to be pregnant again, I don't want to get attached to this little thing that's inside of me, I don't want to see it at the scan, I don't want to feel it moving and kicking…I wanted that last time, I wanted that baby. I wanted her" Carla gripped the edge of the counter and fought for breath and the tears fell hard and fast. "I wanted her so much but she didn't want me"

"Car…" Michelle fought back her own tears as she watched her best friend struggling.

"I couldn't handle it if this one didn't want me either"

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Lyrics: Better as a Memory - Kenny Chesney

Twitter: ahoycinderella