Chapter 2

The Brother

"What you are saying, Major, is that you had no idea of his plans?"

"Yes, Sir." He was sweating and the Generals sitting at the table across from him could undoubtedly see the beads of sweat sticking to his forehead. "I did not." It wasn't entirely true and lying to his superiors had never been easy for him. He was thirsty. As thirsty as he had never been in his entire life as the Generals eyed him with the same superiority in their eyes as they had, when he had entered the small conference room for this confidential meeting.

Armitage Hux, a man his own age, who had just been appointed General and had arrived on the Starburst early for a meeting of High Command, leaned forward his index finger pressed against the table top as if trying to prove a point. His blue green eyes met Poe's and for the fraction of a second Poe felt like they were back at the Academy. Sitting in the same classroom, studying. Back to the moment when Hux didn't know the answer to a teacher's question concerning the weaknesses displayed by Darth Vader's ship the Executor during the battle of Endor. Poe had whispered the answer to Hux as quietly as possible, but Poe would never forget the disdainful look on Hux' face after he had blurted out the correct answer. The cold eyes narrowed and the lips curled in a disgusted sneer were just the same now, only that this time this face in front of him might make the difference between life and death for him.

"You claim to have had no knowledge of Lieutenant Bendar's plans to desert the First Order?"

Poe did not take his eyes off Hux for even a single moment, though he saw Kafr shift uncomfortably in his seat. Biting back a remark on how often he was supposed to answer this question until they believed him, Poe took a deep, calming breath. "I didn't know," he repeated. "I know that he wasn't happy with his life here, that is all." That of course was a vast understatement, but Poe had been wrecking his brains about what he'd be able to tell his superiors in the interrogation he was bound to be forced to undergo. Morap's relationship to him hadn't been secret and the fact that Poe might have to face the consequences of Morap's treachery should have been apparent to Morap. But of course Morap hadn't cared about that. Morap had only been interested in himself. It was still hard to even think that way, but for Poe it was the only way of thinking of Morap at all without being reduced to a sobbing mess. Anger was keeping him standing right now. Nothing else.

"Happiness isn't supposed to be the main goal of a First Order officer, Dameron!" Hux balled his hand into a fist and Poe bit back a retort he might regret later. No, personal happiness wasn't supposed to be his or Morap's first objective. But it had been in a way and just thinking that Morap preferred being out there without him than here with him proved to Poe that Morap's priorities had been very different from his own.

He fought to keep his face as impassive as possible, as he returned Hux' stare. "I am still here, General, aren't I?"

"Yes, but why?"

"Sir!" Poe narrowed his eyes, unable to say anything else to shut Hux up. It didn't work. Of course it didn't.

"What, Dameron?" Hux got to his feet and immediately Poe saw Kafr look up at him, his eyebrows raised. "Do you mean to tell me that after ten years of spending almost every minute of recreational time with this man, you just decided to let him leave? Just like that? Let him join the Rebels and you'd stay behind without a word against-"

"General Hux-" Kafr interrupted him, holding up a hand.

Poe wiped his hands on his trouser legs as inconspicuously as possible. He was doing his best to return Hux' stare by now, while his heart was racing suffocatingly fast in his chest.

Kafr shook his head dismissively. "We do not know what passed between Major Dameron and Lieutenant Bendar or that Lieutenant Bendar actually joined the New Republic. We have no proof, though it seems very likely of course. We are here to discern what happened as calmly and as orderly as possible. But may I add that I told Major Dameron about him possibly ruining his prospects in the Order if he continued his relationship with Bendar."

Hux held Poe's gaze for a moment longer and then, with an almost silent snort, sat back down again. Kafr's words did nothing to comfort Poe. Just imagining the Generals thinking that he let Morap go just so he could advance in the Order was like a punch to the gut. He felt his heart rate slow down considerably though. Maybe this was all for the best. Maybe Morap leaving was better for him. For the Order in general… Maybe… But still Poe felt more betrayed on his own account than anything else. With time that might pass, he told himself. If only he had a minute to think…

"You took part in several undercover missions after graduating the Academy, did you not? Along with Lieutenant Bendar?" Kafr had taken up the thread of questioning now and Poe was grateful for it. Grateful that he didn't have to keep looking at Hux. Kafr had been the one to take him to the orphanage after his mother had been taken and it had also been Kafr who had overseen his progress from afar. Somehow this man sitting in front of him with his greying handle bar moustache was closer to a father to Poe than anyone could be. Their relationship was strictly reserved to First Order business of course, but still Poe felt more comfortable around this man who had kept a close eye on him for most of his life. But where Kafr was heading with this line of questioning was a mystery to Poe.

"Yes, Sir," Poe answered, his voice now firmer than it had been the last time he had spoken up.

"And during those missions you as well as Bendar have encountered informants of the New Republic, is that correct?"

Hux snorted again, this time more audibly. "I'm sure that's where Bendar first got into contact with the Rebels."

Kafr shot him a look. "Maybe. But for now we are here to discuss Dameron's involvement in this." With raised eyebrows Kafr turned to look at him. "Your missions, Major. I believe I asked you to tell us about those. You went with Bendar most of the time?"

Poe nodded slightly, his palms growing wet again as he looked Kafr in the eye. "Occasionally. I went alone on undercover missions, two or three of them with Lieutenant Bendar. It's all in the reports."

With a slight smile, Kafr looked up something on the data pad lying in front of him. "Very detailed reports they are. Yours anyway. I couldn't say so for Bendar's."

Swallowing hard, Poe wished for something to drink. Where was this heading? He threw a quick glance over at Hux, who was sitting there, still eying Poe suspiciously. Morap had never been good at writing lengthy reports. Poe had never read anything Morap had written about their missions, as all reports were classified, but that didn't mean that he hadn't noticed that Morap almost always handed his reports in only shortly before the deadline and always wrote them an hour before handing them in.

"He tended to describe you in flying colours, did you know that? Your leadership skills, your negotiating techniques… the mission itself was almost never as important to him as his evaluation of you."

Poe felt his ears grow hot. He shook his head. "I didn't know that, Sir." He felt something rise up in him. Something so different from the anger boiling inside of him and before he knew it there was a stinging burning sensation in his nose.

Kafr nodded slightly. "You have always shown the highest sense of devotion for the Order, Dameron. It shows not only in your performance, but also in the way others mention you in their reports." He smiled again. "Personally I believe that you have never wavered in your determination to serve the First Order, but what of Bendar? I am fully aware that this is very personal, but we need to know. Did you notice him being particularly friendly with anyone while you were on your missions?"

Poe's insides clenched painfully, as he took a deep breath. This was something he could deal with. "No, Sir," he said. "But to be fair I haven't been on a mission in quite a while. These last seven years Lieutenant Bendar and I have only ever been on leave together once. To his brother's wedding last year. Apart from that we haven't been assigned missions together. I was more involved with tactical evaluations of the New Republic's military performance than anything else and Lieutenant Bendar has been commanding his own deployment of Special Forces in training." None of this was news to the Generals sitting across from him, but Poe still felt like he should recount these events. "We have been close through all those years, yes, but…" he trailed off, unable to say anything else about his relationship to Morap. Saying those things aloud made Morap's absence even harder to bear.

There was silence. A silence stretched out into what felt like minutes and Poe was no longer able to look either General in the eye. Morap had left him willingly. Knowing that Poe would be in trouble if he did. Of course Morap had asked him to come along, but that option had seemed impossible to Poe at the time. Even now he couldn't imagine being anywhere else than with the First Order. It was all he had known and he was sure to be lost without it. No. He couldn't have left. But why had Morap felt like he needed to go? Like he could just leave Poe behind?

Kafr took a deep breath. "Major, are you aware that Lieutenant Bendar's father was accused of treason nineteen years ago?"

Poe nodded silently, feeling a twinge of panic twisting his guts. "Yes, Sir. I was in Assembly the day Chancellor Hux announced it to the Academy." His eyes met General Hux' involuntarily. He had been there as well. Everybody knew who Morap Bendar's father had been and Hux' father had made sure of that. Poe had watched Morap suffer in silence for a while and then, all of a sudden, Morap had picked himself up again and for a couple of years Poe had lost sight of the boy who had been branded by Chancellor Hux' words about his father's betrayal in front of the entire school.

The Chancellor's son raised his eyebrows slightly, apparently willing to take the cue from Kafr. "And he never mentioned his father to you? A connection to his father's friends within the Rebellion?"

Poe took another deep breath. Yes. Morap had talked about his father. In his sleep. Unconsciously. Talk about family had never been an issue between them. The only things Poe knew about his own parents told him that they would have been his enemies today and Morap's father himself had been a traitor. There had been nothing to discuss on this matter. They'd had each other and that had been enough. At least for a while. "No, Sir. We never discussed family, contacts to the Republic or anything of the sort. He…" He cut himself off and turned to look at Kafr, whose grey eyes almost seemed kind in a way Poe hadn't expected. Encouraging even. "Sir, he asked me to go with him, but I didn't know what he meant." Telling this to Kafr was easier. Easier than saying anything to Hux who sat up straighter in his chair, attentive and intrigued by what Poe was saying. "I thought he wanted to leave military service, become a civilian. I told him no and that was that. I had no idea he'd steal a shuttle or that he had already assembled a couple of other people to go with him." That was perhaps the thing that hurt most of all. The other officers and soldiers Morap had taken along. He had given up on Poe the moment Poe had said no.

Another snort from Hux told him that he didn't believe him, or at least didn't want to do so. Poe's eyes flickered back to Kafr who nodded silently.

"Like I said, personally I believe you, but you see of course that we can't take your word for granted."

Poe nodded, his hand shaking slightly. "Yes, General."

"You are on probation for the foreseeable future and will be closely monitored."

Hux threw a look at Kafr, telling Poe that he hadn't expected the other to say this out loud. Poe understood. The very fact that he had been told about this monitoring was a personal favour Kafr was granting him, one which Poe probably didn't even deserve. He knew that he should have made Kafr aware of Morap's plans. Leaving military service was out of the question for anyone not wounded beyond recovery in battle.

"Yes, General," Poe repeated once more, grateful to be let off this easily. Had it been up to Hux alone he would surely have had to face more severe repercussions for being involved with a traitor.

Traitor. The word still echoed in his head whenever he thought of it and the concept of the man who had woken up next to him almost every morning for the last ten years had betrayed not only the Order but him. Had left him alone, not giving a damn what the consequences for Poe might be. Morap was a traitor... the man he loved had left him in this terrible mess…

"You're dismissed, Major. You may go back to your duties."

Poe nodded again and then came to his feet, his knees weak from the tension that had kept him on edge the entire day. He saluted to the Generals, not quite meeting Hux' eye and then turned on his heels to walk out the door, trying to not look like a man on the run.

Automatically his legs had carried him to the room where he usually worked with his team. He didn't stop, didn't pause to give himself even one moment to think before typing his access code into the panel next to the door, which slid open easily, revealing five people standing around the console in the middle of the room, the hologram of a TIE fighter revolving slowly around itself projected in the centre of the room.

As Poe entered the room everyone turned to stare at him as one and just as quickly turned their attention back to whatever they had been doing in his absence. All of a sudden no one was willing to meet his eye.

Jaw clenched and hands clasped firmly behind his back, Poe made his way over to the men and women desperately trying to avoid eye contact with him. They knew of course. Everyone knew and suddenly, as he realized what this would mean for the remainder of his career, possibly his life, what being marked as the traitor's lover would mean, breathing was harder than ever before.

"Greggaleon!" Poe snapped, staring at the holo of the TIE, his insides burning. The slender woman flinched and took a step towards him. Before she could speak up however, Poe had started talking again. Fast, precise and his accent as sharp and pointed as it hadn't been since his days at the Academy. "What have you discussed so far? Have the engineers responded to the modifications we suggested?"

Greggaleon's eyes were wide, as she shook her head, a brown strand of hair making its way out of the severe bun at the base of her neck. "Not yet, Sir," she answered, her voice quiet and still not meeting his gaze.

"Get on it now!" His voice was loud. Probably too loud, but there wasn't much he could do to keep it down to a normal level. His heart was racing and he knew that every step he took from now on would be observed even more closely.

Greggaleon nodded briefly and turned away from him, heading over to a console near the viewscreen. In sending her away he had neglected to make sure she filled him in on what their progress had been. His eyes scanned the charts on another console to his left, displaying the formations the B-Wings had taken when attacking the TIEs.

Back to work, Poe thought. That was all. He needed to get back to work and do his best. It was not only the single thing that would keep his mind occupied, but also the very thing that would get him out of this mess. He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, before turning back to his team. Still none of them was looking at him. He needed them as much as he needed his own wits about him and snapping at them constantly wouldn't get the work done any faster.

"May I have your attention please?" His voice was calmer now, though inside he was still torn between wanting to go to his quarters, lock himself in there and forget these last few days ever happened, and diving into work.

Slowly everyone looked up. Three men and four women, none of them new to the team, all of them familiar with their work here and also with him. Delaugh was the last of them to look up. The datapad in his hand, he returned Poe's gaze as if he'd prefer going back to work instead of listening to a speech he had no interest in.

"I have just returned from a meeting with Generals Kafr and Hux." This was being recorded. He knew it. It had to be. Hadn't they said that he'd be closely monitored from now on? He took another breath. "I haven't been relieved of my command, as you may have guessed by me walking in here again and if you have anything to say to me about this matter, do so now or keep your silence! I do not want to hear anything more of this!" He wanted to say more. So much more. But he simply couldn't bring himself to do it. Staring everyone in the eye directly, and not a single person turned their head to look away. No one spoke up.

Poe waited another moment, before nodding silently and giving them all ten more seconds to speak up. "Fine," Poe said, waving Delaugh over. His detached attitude was probably the only one he could bear at the moment. "Delaugh, fill me in. Everyone else, get on with whatever you were doing."

He felt his shoulders relax, as the tension seemed to drain out of the room at least to some respect and when Delaugh approached him, he was still determined to let none of the others see how much all of this was actually getting to him by acting as thought nothing had happened whatsoever. At least no one was pointedly avoiding eye contact anymore. That was something. As he listened to Delaugh explain the new flight manoeuvre they had been working on, Poe reached for his own datapad, taking occasional notes. "Fine," he said, after Delaugh had finished talking. "Run a couple of simulations with what we have so far." Delaugh nodded, then turned away and Poe returned to his work station, inconspicuously wiping his brow as he sat down at the narrow desk, data pad in hand. The list of things to do hadn't shortened, but he was sure to get his team working on a couple of extra things before the end of this shift.

The TIEs schematics in front of him hadn't been altered, but a couple of comments suggested adjustments on the shield generator to protect the hyper drive from being blown to bits by short circuit after a minor hit. Delaugh had done a good job, Poe realised not for the first time. The man knew what he was doing and if he seemed a little detached from everything else that seemed to give his ability, to dive into his work like no one else, a special boost. Poe looked up from his workstation, looking at his team talking amongst themselves and working as efficiently as ever. A familiar sight, yet Poe felt like he had never been as far away from them as never before. For a moment he wished for Delaugh's ability to vanish within himself. Not to be bothered by being apart from everyone else. Not to be hurting like this…

Shaking his head, Poe looked back down at his datapad and connected it to the work station in front of him to review the training session of the day before. He didn't want to, but he knew that he needed to keep going if he wanted to survive this. He had to get this final evaluation and improvement over with as soon as possible so he could move on. He knew that he should be working on something else. On the evaluations of the escape, but he couldn't. Not right now.

His eyes were burning again, but he refused to let anyone see his distress. Keeping his eyes fixed on the screen, Poe opened the file displaying the manoeuvres the TIEs had flown the day before and their effectiveness against the B-Wings. But there it was again, in the timeline showing what had gone wrong, there was the moment in which the TIE in which Morap and his co-pilot had been had been grazed by enemy fire and had veered off course for a moment and Poe felt his throat tighten just looking at it. He quickly scrolled past it, but he was too petrified to do anything else. He remembered exactly how it had felt to see his partner being hit. To feel the twinge of panic of losing him. Of never seeing him again. There had been no place for that emotion up on the command deck, but still it had been there. Only when Morap had regained the control over his TIE, had he been able to function properly again. He had been worried sick, worried that all they had together would be gone… but then again it had already been lost…

Forcing himself to breathe steadily, he moved the screen of his workstation so that none of his team could see him and he took a deep breath, trying to calm himself, to slow his rapid heartbeat as images of the morning flashed before his eyes. His bed empty. Morap gone, when Morap never got up before he really had to. The weird feeling that something was terribly wrong, his head aching from whatever drug Morap must have used to keep him sleeping through his departure. The sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, the rising panic telling him that his life was about to change drastically.

Then the alarms had sounded and he could hear the Starburst around him ready itself for battle. Within seconds he had been up and dressed. His comm sounded, telling him to be on the command bridge as soon as possible and he had hastened there, hurried to get to where he was needed and wondering where Morap was, though feeling deep within him that Morap wasn't there anymore.

When he had reached the command bridge, the shuttle with at least five people on board had already taken off and was doing its best to outrun the Starburst's canon fire. Just by looking at the screens displaying the course the shuttle had taken thus far, Poe had known that Morap was flying it. He had watched him fly so often, had even accompanied him on those few occasions when they had been on a mission together that Poe knew his style by heart and from one moment to the next he knew that he had to tell Kafr. Had to tell him what to do to destroy the shuttle firing at the Starbursts's turbo laser battery. For a heartbeat he had just remained standing there, staring at the screen in disbelief as Kafr stormed towards his work station, pulling him out of his stupor. Poe had murmured something, told Kafr quickly what he needed to know, but it hadn't been quickly enough. The shuttle had escaped and Poe had to admit that he was relieved. This way he didn't have to see Morap tortured and executed. This way he didn't have to face Morap again. Only his memory… maybe that was something he could deal with…

Poe closed his eyes for a moment, ordering himself to get a grip on himself and not waste any more energy thinking about Morap and his own suffering. When he opened his eyes again a small icon announced an incoming message. Frowning, wondering whether Kafr and Hux might not be done with him after all, he opened the message and his heart contracted in a painful squeeze. Of course he should have expected this. He should have known that Morap's brother would contact him. He must have gone through a similar interview himself, but still… Seeing Morap's last name displayed in front of him right now came as a shock.

Meelan Bendar and his brother Morap had been as close as two brothers this different could be. Meelan fit in perfectly with the Order. He upheld the Order's values, dressed appropriately and as far as Poe could tell, had never done anything to invoke a superior's disapproval. Poe had only met him this one time. The only reason they had been allowed to even go to Meelan's wedding had been because Meelan had married General Kafr's daughter. How he, a mere Captain of no significant background, had been able to get a General's daughter agree to marry him, was still a mystery to Poe, but of course that didn't matter now.

Swallowing hard, trying to get rid of the lump in his throat, Poe read the short message Meelan had sent him.

We need to talk.

Cryptic, but undoubtedly true. Poe pressed his lips together. Yes, they needed to talk, but Meelan too was probably being watched. They needed to be careful. This type of messaging would only encourage even more questions. But of course ignoring this message wouldn't look too well either. They'd have to use the comm channel and for that Poe needed special permission from his superior, since Meelan was stationed on the Finalizer. Requesting permission to answer this one message took him ten whole minutes and the granting of a special comm session after his shift had ended would take even longer. All of this would go through a filtering system until it reached his superior, who would then either grant his request or deny it. Poe was surprised to see that only seconds after permission to answer had gone through, General Kafr himself had approved the private comm session. This was highly unusual, but of course Poe knew what this meant. Their conversation would be watched and of course everything they said would be reported directly to Kafr. Another warning and a favour at the same time.

We do, Poe wrote back, already feeling invisible eyes fixed on him with glaring eyes. I'm going to contact you in four standard hours.