In which boss monsters are discussed and The Semi Great Papyrus loves his job.

So Dr. Gaster was a boss monster.

Sans knew that there were only three left in the Underground. The humans had gone after them first, and the war had burned through them like dry leaves in a bonfire. One had collapsed into dust upon exiting the barrier. Another had survived longer before going insane and attacking the King and Queen, the other two boss monsters—at the time, only refugees like everyone else. That one naturally didn't last long. But there was a third still alive, and it must be Dr. Gaster, which surprised Sans. At least that would explain his height. Boss monsters tended to be larger than normal ones of their kind, and Gaster fulfilled that requirement as far as height went. Being a skeleton, he was thin, unlike Asgore, who might as well be a walking fur sofa. Apart from that, there was his magic. Sans had never felt anything that powerful, and he'd expended it casually, as if it came from an inexhaustible store. Gaster's skull had been hacked open in two places, one crack gaping from his left eyesocket to his jaw and another, much worse, opening the top of his skull down to his right eyesocket, where his eyelid remained half-closed. (Skeletons did have eyelids. It probably had something to do with magic. Nobody was quite sure.) The palms of his hands were broken, warped frames of shattered bone partially fused at the knuckles around an empty center. Sans couldn't imagine how they could have healed like that, or how they were still usable. The skull injuries alone should have killed any ordinary skeleton. He'd taken it all, stabilized, and kept going. He had to be a boss monster.
Heh. It was interesting, but now that he thought about it, it wasn't likely to help Gaster get funding from Asgore, was it? Unless they were friends, which was possible, considering that he and the King were members, perhaps the sole members, of a nearly extinct species. But the CORE project didn't seem to be getting much attention. Sure, it wasn't as flashy as some, but if they were going to keep up the DT experiments and try to get reliable electricity to the rest of the Underground too, they needed a better generator… Sans sighed. He was obsessed with science, had even scraped up enough time and money to take a few courses at the university and had a proficiency for it that might have gotten a decent job for someone with better luck. Not that the sentry job wasn't pretty sweet, compared to others he'd worked in the past, and it meant more time with Papyrus. He just wasn't a big fan of hanging out in the woods doing nothing. No, actually, he was, but preferably on his free time. It was alright for something to do, but not as a job, not when he had so many ideas that interested him more. And he didn't have Papyrus' frenetic optimism that a human would fall down and be caught by them and gloriously escorted to the capitol with a fanfare of trumpets in praise of its capturer and confetti raining from the skies. At the moment he didn't have much optimism at all. He huddled deeper into his jacket. Moist air drifted across his skull. From the ferry, he could see the dim constellation of Snowdin's lights coming closer. Home, and light, and monsters to whom he would need to explain how the interview had gone. Joy.

Alphys wouldn't let Gaster leave, or consent to leave herself, until they had straightened up the mess of his office. When it was again respectable, Gaster had to make her stop organizing. She straightened reluctantly and glared at the papers he'd stacked in an unsorted pile behind his desk.
"Alphys."
"Yes, Dr. Gaster?"
"On a scale of 'that's weird even for you' to 'please don't do this,' how crazy of an idea is it to hire someone who started a fight in your office?"
"Uh, asking your lowly lab assistant for advice on who to hire would be a 'please don't,' and hiring Sans would be a 'sweet Lord please kill me now.'"
"Ah."
"So you're really considering this?"
"He has aptitude. And nerve."
"There's a difference between nerve and psychopathy."
"Yes. And there's another difference between psychopathy and desperation."
"Ugh. Look, you've told me that you're not psychic, so I wish you'd stop pretending to be when it's convenient for you."
Gaster chuckled. "Such a flow of opinions from the lowly lab assistant. I should invite madmonsters into my office more often if it gets such refreshing vivacity from you. Not that I believe Sans was actually mad."
He could be wrong, but he thought he was pretty good at gauging emotions. Sans had seemed stressed and angry and desperately tired, but not really aggressive towards him, he thought. Perhaps just the world in general. He was interesting, and worrying, and Gaster wanted to see more of him.
"Oh. God. You're actually doing this."
"Maybe, if he'll consent to wearing something other than athletic shorts. Hate those things."
"He attacked you in your office and you're concerned about what he was wearing?! N-not that that wasn't horrible too. He looked really gross."
"Really, Alphys. You're in fine form today."
"He scared me! You both scared me! And don't pretend he didn't start the fight, I saw you blatantly covering for him out of your stupendously oversized sense of compassion."
"Can compassion be oversized?"
"Yes!"
"Alphys, you ought to be the Royal Scientist. You'll be murdering people before you know it."
"Oh, shut up." The Royal Scientist was not particularly liked by either of them, although Gaster was usually less vocal about his dislike.
"There's a pragmatic justification for hiring him, too. We're on a tight budget, and he's cheap." Alphys made a disgusted noise. "Come on, don't pretend that that doesn't make you respect my decision a bit more."
"Only by a tiny small fraction of tininess, but yes."
"That's my girl."
"Ugh. I can't believe you."
"Yes you can."

Sans slammed the door. "Papyrus, I'm home." He waited for an answering shout but got none. Well, that was odd. He went into the kitchen and found an all-caps note scribbled in crayon, to the effect that PAPYRUS WAS OFF DOING SENTRY DUTY with someone who something and something and WANTED COMPANY and EXTRA SHIFT something something BEAUTIFUL NIGHT FOR THE GREAT PAPYRUS TO KEEP VIGIL IN PROTECTING MONSTERKIND. Which meant Sans was alone. He went back into the living room and threw himself down on the couch.
Well, now he had some time to think about what to tell Papyrus. He wasn't looking forward to that, and really, he couldn't find any way to make it sound better. After lying on his ribs for a while he realized that he was hungry. Normally he would go to Grillby's, but for once it didn't appeal to him. The place was too warm and busy. Usually he found it reassuring, but he didn't want even that at the moment. He didn't want to look at anyone. He didn't want to bother getting up and finding himself food in the kitchen either. So, he drifted into his default state in such situations: sleep, a deep, warm cavern below caverns where nothing could touch him.

Gaster knew it had been a long day when he slammed his skull into the lintel of his front door trying to walk inside. That only happened when he was especially out of it. Which, frankly, wasn't as rare an occurrence as he would like. But still.
He ducked into the hallway and shut the door gently behind him, then, after resting in the darkness for a moment, lit the crystals in the hallway and adjoining rooms with a flare of his magic. He set a fire spell to heat some water for tea, picked up one of his cats which was wandering around, walked into the living room and threw himself down across the couch. He took up the entire length of it and his legs dangled off the end. He stroked the cat, which settled into a fold of his cloak—more comfortable than resting on his chest, where only a shirt covered the hard bones—and purred softly. There were very few ordinary animals in the Underground. But the humans had turned against cats at around the same time that they had turned against monsters, and Gaster was sympathetic. He'd carried several with him into the Underground and they had reproduced. They didn't seem to be thriving in the cavernous environment, but there were a few still wandering around, leading to the curious circumstance of a cat-monster known to Gaster caring for several non-monster cats of the quadrupedal variety.

The cat fell into a doze and Gaster reached down into his bag, where he'd let it drop by the side of the couch. Notes. No. Recipes for homemade soup. No. More notes; science notes plus a note to remind himself not to forget something which he'd forgotten. He crumpled it up. No. No. Where—? Was there a portal to the void in the bottom of his bag? Ah. Clipboard. Applications. Here we go. He worked the clipboard out of the bag without either dropping any papers or waking the cat, which he considered a success. He flipped through the applications. So many. So many monsters reduced to an inevitably gross-looking mug shot and a blurb about their capabilities.

There actually weren't very many at all. He just felt overwhelmed by the responsibility of choosing. It's not a big deal, Asgore had said. You'll do just fine, Asgore had said. It'll be a small, handpicked team, surely you'll all get along just fine, no need to worry about your managerial incapacity, Asgore had said. Ha. Haha.

Ah, there it was. He pulled out the young skeleton's sheet, which he'd collected from the floor before leaving his office, and looked at it again. Never before had he seen a skeleton who, despite having no tissues at all, managed to look chubby. It was just the way his skull was shaped. His eyeglowing was uneven, a good sign of a skeleton in low condition. He'd listed one family member, a brother in Snowdin. The one he'd mentioned training with? There weren't many skeletons left, and the Underground was full of dangers. It wouldn't be surprising if that was all the family he had. Now that he thought about it, maybe part of the reason for the single HP was rough usage, though it had to have been extremely low to start with. At first glance Sans looked younger than he was, but after looking closer, his voice and haggard appearance made him seem even older. Perhaps his childhood had been taken up in caring for his brother. It would make sense. Gaster wondered what the brother was like.

"SANS! HOW DID THE INTERVIEW GO?"
Sans flinched and shoved his face deeper into the couch cushions. "Hey bro."
"SANS? IT'S NOT TIME TO SLEEP YET! IF YOU REALLY MUST SLEEP, DO IT AT NIGHT!..." Papyrus came into the room and looked at the sad lump on the couch. "THE GREAT PAPYRUS'S BROTHERLY INTUITION TELLS HIM YOU ARE NOT PARTICULARLY HAPPY. DID IT GO BADLY?"
"Nah. Nope. Not at all."
"OH! DID IT GO WELL?"
"Heh."
"HEH?"
"Heh."
"BROTHER, I DON'T SPEAK 'HEH'! TELL ME IN PLAIN WORDS!" Sans hesitated, and Papyrus quickly elucidated, "AND NOT IN PUNS, EITHER!" Usually this was a cue for Sans to make up as many terrible puns as monsterly possible, but he didn't feel like it.
"…I didn't get arrested."
"WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU HAVE BEEN ARRESTED, BROTHER?"
"Because I kind of lost my temper and fought him in his office."
"YOU WHAT."
"Attacked Dr. Gaster in his office. Wrecked the place. So you could say my chances are dead, but then, I'm a skeleton, so—"
"SANS WHAT?! YOU NEVER LOSE YOUR TEMPER!"
"I think I've just proved that I do, and at very stupid times."
"BUT WHY? SANS, THIS RIDICULOUS ACTION IS UNWORTHY OF YOU."
"I lost my temper. You know how many times I've tried this. Nobody wants to hire me, now that the king's passed that law about HP checks in 'dangerous' jobs, which apparently is anything science-related or fun."
"EVERYTHING YOU'RE APPLYING FOR IS LESS DANGEROUS THAN THE SENTRY JOB YOU ALREADY HAVE!"
"I know. So, I wasn't in the best mood to start with. And then he commented on my height." Papyrus gasped and covered the lower half of his face with gauntleted hands.
"HE DIDN'T!"
Sans shrugged. "It's a valid point. It was more the way he did it. He seemed distracted when I walked in and didn't notice me. Then he kept looking right over my head, and I had to yell at him to get his attention. You'd think I was only two inches high."
"UGH!"
"Yeah, it was pretty annoying. He wasn't doing it on purpose, though."
"STILL! THAT'S JUST NOT NICE." Sans snickered fondly at his brother.
"If everyone was as considerate as The Great Papyrus, nobody would have to worry about lost tempers and none of this could have happened."
"WHAT DID HAPPEN, EXACTLY?"
"Heh. He let me spar with him, calmed me down, told me he didn't doubt my combat abilities, and then took me and some other person out for lunch… Ugh. He's not the kind of guy I'd pick a fight with, really."
"HE SOUNDS LIKE THE KING!"
"Yeah, kinda. They're both boss monsters. Maybe there is something to that theory that boss monsters have to have more Hope, Love and Compassion. It is something to do with their Souls—"
"WAIT! I THOUGHT THE KING WAS THE ONLY ONE LEFT? I MEAN, BESIDES THE QUEEN, BUT SHE'S.. NOT REALLY AROUND?"
"Nah, there were three boss monsters left, remember? You know this stuff. Dr. Gaster must have been the third. I didn't realize that."
"NEITHER DID I! HOW EXCITING! BUT WHY HAVEN'T WE HEARD ABOUT HIM? AND WHY DOES HE HIDE AWAY IN SOME DINGY LAB WHEN HE COULD BE IN THE ROYAL GUARD?"
"I dunno. He seemed shy. Oh, man, I wish I hadn't fought him."
"A BOSS MONSTER COULD EASILY BE IN THE ROYAL GUARD!"
"What is it with you and the Royal Guard?"
"OH, NOTHING. IT'S JUST THAT THEY'RE SO COOL!"
"Yeah, well, it's basically a glorified sentry job. I bet you could be in the Royal Guard if you wanted."
"YOU THINK? WOWIE, THAT'S A THOUGHT. BUT IT'S SO FUN BEING A SENTRY!"
"Glad you're enjoying yourself. Anyway, being a boss monster doesn't necessarily mean you're good at fighting. Maybe he's like Asgore, and prefers to use his magic for growing flowers. Or for fueling science experiments, I dunno, that seems more like him."
"WELL I CERTAINLY HOPE WE CAN MEET HIM AGAIN! HE SOUNDS INTERESTING!"
Sans made an unhappy sound. "I don't."
"DON'T YOU LIKE HIM?"
"Yes, Papyrus, I do like him. I very much like the shy, entirely too gracious and forgiving man whose office I wrecked and whom I may have emotionally traumatized because he didn't humor my ridiculous size."
"OH, BROTHER, DON'T BE UPSET. I'M SURE HE FORGIVES YOU."
"Agh, that almost makes it worse!"

A/N: I decided to update the first two chapters together, because I feel like the first chapter's just "EXPLOSIONS!" and the second chapter is just "Wait no please don't leave we can justify those explosions I swear" and so they belong together. Neither of them makes a heck of a lot of sense alone.