CHAPTER 2.
Emma yawned, spinning a pencil on her desk over and over as her English teacher, Miss Blanchard droned on about some other Shakespeare play. It wasn't that Emma didn't enjoy the stories, but the format and the old English drove her crazy and Miss Blanchard was always so chirpy.
"Am I boring you, Miss Swan?"
That last yawn must have been louder than she thought and she should have apologised but she thought hey, honesty was the best policy right? "Well, now that you mention it…" she shrugged.
Miss Blanchard shook her head, "Have you read the play? Do you know everything I have to say?"
Emma knew she should have stopped, she was only going to get herself into more trouble but sometimes she couldn't help being a smart ass, "Basically. I mean, it's Shakespeare, right? So there's some love story, some conflict, probably some dude dressing as a chick for some reason or another and someone will die and it'll all end in tears," she shrugged, stifling another yawn, "But you'll think it's super romantic and wonderfully written, and oh yeah, Shakespeare's plays were meant to be seen but not read but the school's so fucking cheap they won't let us see a production."
The English teacher's eyes glowered, "Get out, Miss Swan and come back at the end of class."
Emma merely grinned and saluted as she picked up her books and left the classroom.
Belle was sitting in the library reading a book intently when Emma fell into the chair opposite her.
"Hey, don't you have English?" she asked, frowning.
Emma shrugged, her lips upturning sheepishly, "I got kicked out."
Belle sighed and rolled her eyes, "What now?" she asked.
Belle loved her friend to death, she was family, but Emma was trouble. Belle's parents had never liked her, it probably didn't help that the first time they met her she had been smoking in their backyard. From then on, it only got worse; Belle had missed a few classes trying to help Emma out of her moods, or convincing her to go to class or the counsellor. When they had study dates, Emma would either horse around or end up frustrated and yelling at Belle.
Belle could see past all that though; Emma had a heart of gold, really, she just didn't have faith that she could do anything with it. That was Belle's theory anyway. She saw a different Emma than everyone else, she saw the blonde make the daggiest jokes, go lovesick over attractive woman and she was the most loyal person Belle knew.
"Told Miss Blanchard Shakespeare was all the same," she shrugged, "Hey, you've said it too, Belle," she added.
"Not to a teacher though, Em," Belle pointed out.
Emma chewed her lip, "She's so annoying. Anyway, I think I might drop out," she replied nonchalantly.
Belle felt her body stiffen, "And do what, Em?"
"I don't know," Emma admitted, "I just hate this place," her voice rose slightly until Belle's hand touched her own, "I'm not good at school like you. I'm not like, academic."
Belle shook her head, "That's bullshit and you know it. You're one of the smartest people I know, you could pass any class if you just – "
"If I just what?" Emma snapped, "If I could stay awake? If I could concentrate? If I could be someone completely different?"
The brunette forced herself not to snap right back, "You've given up," she said softly, "You're not trying anymore, that's why you can't pass. I know it's harder for you, but you used to manage okay but this year? You don't believe you can do it."
As the bell rung, Emma stood up, swinging a bag over her shoulder and met Belle's eyes with her own, "I'm doomed, Belle," she said evenly, almost sternly, "Everyone else has known it for years. You're the one who doesn't believe," and with that, she turned and walked out.
Emma passed the last of the students leaving the English classroom and approached her teacher, who sighed on her approach.
"You know why I asked you back, don't you?" she asked you.
"I don't read minds," Emma knew she was baiting the teacher, she just didn't care.
Miss Blanchard shook her head, "You're failing my class, Miss Swan. You haven't handed in any assignments, you talk back in class, you're never on time. I don't know why you're still here."
Emma shrugged, "Well, I won't trouble you any longer, I'm going to drop out," she informed the teacher, planning on visiting the office for the appropriate forms after this pleasant conversation.
"Well, Emma, I really don't think you're going to get very far in the real world with this attitude," Miss Blanchard was in full lecture mode, "You may think you are the most hard done by person in the world, but there are people who would kill to be in the position you are. I don't think you have any idea how lucky you really are."
Emma could feel the anger course throughout every limb and ground her teeth, trying to clear her head of the impulsive words she wanted to spit, picking instead, "You don't know anything about me," delivered through clenched teeth.
"Perhaps," Miss Blanchard nodded in agreement, "It's just a pity to see young people waste their potential because they think they know everything."
"What's a pity, Miss Blanchard, is ignorant adult's thinking they know anything about what another person is feeling or going through."
"I don't care what the email says, Emma, everybody goes through rough patches. You are not special," the teacher knew as soon as the words were out of her mouth she'd made a mistake. This was the complete opposite of what she usually told her students, of course they were all special in their own way, but Emma had some kind of entitlement complex and it frustrated her. She shouldn't have to treat one student any different to another.
"Well, thanks for the inspiring chat, teach, but I've gotta get busy wasting my potential," Emma retorted coldly before slamming the classroom door.
Ruby pulled her lips from her girlfriend's neck, sighing and looking at the distracted girl beneath her.
"What's going on in that head of yours?" she whispered, leaning on her side and absently trailing her fingers over Belle's waist.
"Nothing," Belle muttered, "Just you know, stuff."
Ruby raised an eyebrow, "Well, that's the most incoherent sentence I've ever heard you deliver. You're a bad liar too," she smiled, her eyes trying to bore into Belle's mind.
Belle shrugged, turning into Ruby's chest and breathing a heavy sigh.
Ruby sighed too, "Are you worried about Emma?" she guessed, and felt Belle's body stiffen against her. Pulling back, she put a hand under Belle's chin, "Hey, it's okay if you are. I know I was an idiot the other day, but I won't be jealous. She's your friend, she's our friend and to be honest, I'm worried too. She's not herself lately."
"You should tell her that, you know," Belle said.
Ruby shrugged, "She doesn't listen to me, Belle. She only talks about that stuff with you. I love her and everything but," she shrugged again, "she just doesn't confide in me."
Belle frowned for a moment, "I know, but…sometimes I think she's probably sick of people pretending her illness doesn't exist. Maybe she needs more people to acknowledge it. I don't know, I'm no expert."
Ruby thought for a minute, "Okay," she nodded, "I'll try talk to her at school tomorrow."
Belle closed her eyes, "I don't think she'll come. She says she's dropping out."
"She said that last year too, remember?" Ruby looked concerned too though.
"I think she was serious this time, Rubes. It will be the worst thing for her, the last thing she needs is to spend all her time alone in that apartment," Belle's worry misted her eyes over, "I wish there was more I could do for her," she added quietly.
Ruby put her arms around Belle and pulled her closely into her body, kissing the top of her head, "You do everything you can for her, babe. She couldn't ask for a better friend than you."
Regina closed the door to her classroom as the bell rung, looking once again around the room at her students. Emma hadn't been here all week, and today was the test they had studied for the week before. She knew how important this test was. The Spanish teacher handed out the tests and sat at her desk; she should be marking work, but she couldn't help having a bad feeling about Emma Swan.
As soon as the bell rang and all the tests were collected, Regina headed to the coordinator's office.
"Hey, I'm just wondering if there's a contact number for Emma Swan? We had a test today and she's been absent all week," she said professionally whilst trying to hide her internal anxieties.
"Emma Swan?" the coordinator Mr Gold asked, "Well, I don't know if she'll be back, Regina. She had an argument with another staff member on Monday and mentioned she was dropping out. She hasn't shown up since."
Regina's heart beat quickened, "Has anybody tried to contact her?"
"I don't believe so. She is free to drop out if she wishes."
The brunette rolled her eyes, "Right, of course but she only has one year to go, surely we should encourage her to finish her schooling?"
The coordinator sighed, clearly annoyed by the amount of interest the brunette had in this student, "Quite frankly, with a few less Emma Swan's this school would run a little more smoothly."
Regina's jaw could have hit the ground but she kept her cool, kind of, "I believe that is called discrimination."
Mr Gold rolled his eyes this time, "Look, if you want to talk her into coming back, be my guest, but I can guess that the other teachers won't thank you for it. Miss Blanchard seems to be getting the brunt of it, so I'm sure you'll have her to deal with."
"We don't become teachers to have an easy job, Mr Gold," Regina said coldly, before turning on her heel and walking out.
There was a knock at the door; Emma frowned, she wasn't expecting anyone tonight. She was meant to catch up with Ruby and Belle tomorrow. She hauled herself off the couch and made her way to the door.
"Oh, Ruby, hey," Emma was surprised to see her friend alone at the door, "What's up?"
Ruby shrugged, letting herself in, "Missed you at school, didn't I?" she raised an eyebrow, letting Emma know that she knew.
"Spose so," Emma simply agreed, "Is everything okay? Is Belle – "
Ruby waved a dismissive hand, "I'm fine, Belle's fine," she smiled, but Emma noticed her shifting from foot to foot; it was rare to see her confident friend so awkward.
"Good," Emma said, still confused, "You wanna coke or something?"
"Coke's good," Ruby nodded as friend buried her head in the fridge, "Keeping the place clean, I see," she said sarcastically, looking around at the mess her friend was living in.
Emma handed Ruby her drink and opened her own, sitting back on the couch and clearing a space for her friend, "Yeah, well…," she shrugged, trailing off, "How are you and Belle anyway?"
Ruby internally rolled her eyes; master of deflection – Emma Swan, "Really good. She's pretty much perfect," she couldn't help the grin that broke over her face, "I really, really like her," she hesitated, "but…"
Emma's tilted her head, "But what?"
"I don't wanna talk about Belle and I," Ruby admitted.
"Oh," Emma nodded, "I know. Last time…I ended up…punching you. I'm sorry Rubes – "
Ruby shook her head, "No, it's not that, Em. We talked about that, we're good," she paused, "It's just…this whole dropping out thing, are you really sure that's what's best for you?"
The blonde was taken aback; Ruby and her usually just talked girls, and gossip and stupid stuff, "Are you here to lecture me?" she guessed, scowling.
Ruby sighed, "I don't want to lecture you, man. I just reckon you should think about it a bit more. I mean, if you're not at school what are you going to do?"
"Rejoice," Emma joked but sighed at the stern look on her friends face, "I don't know," she admitted, "I just can't be in that place. It's hard. I don't think you guys know how hard… " she trailed off.
"We try, Em," Ruby replied earnestly.
Emma nodded, "I know you do," and she did, "I feel so…below par. It drives me crazy, I can't keep up. You know, Belle and I used to read together when we were kids."
Ruby smiled, "Really? I didn't know that."
"Yeah, we had this tree house out in the forest and we'd swap books and read for hours," Emma reminisced, "Then I started these stupid meds," her face was etched with frustration, "and I'd try to read but I couldn't. I used to sit there and watch Belle read. One day, she realised I wasn't reading and she asked why. When I told her, she gave me a hug and she told me not to worry, if I couldn't concentrate enough to read, she'd read to me," she smiled again, "Then we started high school…and I guess I went off the rails. She's amazing in everything she does, she still reads like crazy and I'm just…stuck."
Ruby had to smile at the image of her girlfriend reading to Emma; it sounded just like something Belle would do, but her face fell as Emma had continued, "You're not stuck, Em. I know you think you're on your own on this, but you're not. I know we can't necessarily understand what you feel, but you know we'd do anything for you, right?"
Emma dropped her eyes and nodded, "I know," she simply said.
"You'll still do it one day, you know," Ruby continued.
"What?" Emma questioned.
"Write a book," Ruby responded, "I know your head is full of so much creativity. You'll get your head sorted, they'll find the right mix. But, finish school. It's so important. Remember what you said to Belle and I when they first put you on meds?"
Emma frowned and shook her head, "Nope."
"You said you were going to get better, you were going to do everything you dreamed and live a normal life like everyone else. You were so determined," Ruby pressed, "Where's that Emma gone?"
"That Emma was naïve, Rubes," the blonde teenager stared ahead blankly.
Ruby's phone rang and she pulled it out of her pocket, "Hello?...Yeah, soon…I said soon. Mhm, bye," she hung up, "Sorry. Granny needs me a shift later. Why don't you come with me and I'll shout you dinner?"
"It's cool, you go. I'm just gonna hang out here. We're doing dinner tomorrow anyway, yeah?" Emma ran a hand through her hair; really, she just wanted to be alone.
Ruby nodded as she stood up, "Yeah, we'll be at Granny's at 5. Please, think about coming back to school, Em. You know me and Belle will help you any way we can."
Emma nodded unsurely, "I know. Have a good shift, I'll see you tomorrow," she hugged her friend and closed the door after her with a guilty sigh of relief.
It was only an hour later that another knock came on the door. Emma rubbed her eyes, slowly waking from a light sleep and trudged back towards the door grumpily. It must be Belle, seriously, were they tag teaming her or what? Surely they could just gang up on her tomorrow at dinner?
"Belle, seriously, Ruby has already been here, I don't need any more lectures from – " she swung the door open and stopped in surprise, "Oh. Um. Miss Mills?"
"Well, apparently you needn't call me that anymore, I hear you're dropping out," she put a hand up to silence Emma's protest, "And so, dear, I think a lecture is exactly what you need. Are you going to invite me in?"
Emma blushed. Her house was a pigsty, she hadn't done the dishes in days, there were clothes everywhere and even books splattered on the floor after she had tried and failed to read more than a couple of pages. And her teacher was at her door. Not just any teacher, her very attractive Spanish teacher who she may have imagined once or twice swooping in to save her from her shitty life.
"Um, sorry about the mess," Emma muttered embarrassed as she stepped aside, allowing Regina to pass into the apartment.
Regina looked around and sighed, "You can't live like this, Emma. It's not healthy."
Emma shrugged, "I'm not a clean freak, so what?"
"It's hardly about being a clean freak, dear, though a little organisation wouldn't go astray. Now, let's sit down and have a chat."
Emma sighed and threw some clothes from the couch onto the floor, almost blushing again as Regina pursed her lips but remained quiet.
"You want a drink or something?" Emma cursed herself for nearly forgetting her manners.
"A black tea would be fantastic, thank you," Regina stood up and followed Emma into the kitchen but Emma stopped her, "Surely, this cannot be messier than the rest of the house?" she quirked an eyebrow.
Emma shrugged, "No, it's just I smashed a glass the other night, I don't want you to step on it or anything."
"The other night?" Regina repeated as a question before sighing, "Do you have a dust pan somewhere?"
Emma frowned as Regina began opening cupboards, "Hey, you don't have to – "
"Aha," Regina exclaimed as she pulled one out of the cupboard and went into the kitchen to see glass strewn all over the kitchen floor, "Hm, this is not just one glass, is it? What happened, Emma?"
The blonde teenager fidgeted as she put the kettle on and waited for it to boil, "I got mad," she simply replied, honestly.
"Have you seen your doctor lately?" Regina asked as she swept up the glass into the pan, stopping suddenly as something caught her eye. A large shard of glass, she picked it up as Emma turned away from her to make the tea. Blood. A lot of blood. She swallowed hard, looking at the teenagers back; she was wearing long sleeves, it was not hot out, but it was certainly not cool either.
"No, I keep meaning to make an appointment but I forget," Emma answered, oblivious to her teacher's finding.
"Emma," Regina said so quietly the teenager was forced to turn around to find the woman right behind her with a hand on her arm, which Emma instinctively pulled away.
"What?" she said, a defensive edge to her voice but the look in her teachers eye told her she knew something and when she looked down, she saw the shard of glass in her teachers other hand before she put it on the bench next to them and reached for the blonde's arm again.
"Show me," Regina whispered, her eyes fixed on Emma's lowered face.
"It's fine," Emma mumbled, trying to pull away from the older woman but she had a tighter grip this time.
"Please, dear, let me help," there was the slightest evidence of a crack in Regina's voice.
That crack made Emma look up and make eye contact with the other woman again and after a moment, she relaxed her arm and merely nodded. Regina rolled up her sleeve gently, careful not to react when she saw the scars over the teenagers arms.
"Oh, honey," Regina suddenly pulled the younger girl into a tight embrace, causing Emma to immediately burst into tears against her teachers shoulder, "Shh, it's okay," she whispered, running a hand over her back comfortingly, "Let it all out."
Eventually, Emma pulled herself out of her teachers arms, wiping her eyes angrily.
"I'm sorry," she mumbled, angry at herself for breaking down in front of someone; she usually preferred this as a solo activity.
"Do not apologise," her teacher replied, "for being human."
Emma sniffed, staring at the ground, "I can't go back to school," she said quietly.
Regina didn't take her eyes off the younger woman, "I know you don't want to be there – "
Emma growled frustrated, "It's not… I don't want to be anywhere, okay? It just hurts. Every night, I go to sleep and I think the pain will stop but it never does. I just wake up and go through it all again until it builds so high that…," she gestured to her arm, "and then it bubbles down a while but it always, always builds back up. My good days are still so far below anyone else's normal bad day's and…" she realised how much she was talking, how much she was giving away and went silent.
Regina pulled her student over to the couch and sat her down, holding one of her hands in her own, "I'm not going to pretend I understand, Emma," she started, "But if you…," she took a deep breath, "If you really did end it, you would never know if you could beat it. You would never know if you could chase your dreams. You need to give yourself a chance to do these things, I know you don't want to hear it, but you're so young. I don't even want to mention all the people who would be heartbroken if you left them – "
Emma snorted, "Don't you know? Ruby and Belle are my only friends. They'd be fine," she muttered, knowing it wasn't true.
Regina rose an eyebrow, "You know that's bullshit, from what I see and hear they adore you. Losing someone you love, especially through suicide, is something you never get over."
Emma sighed, "Everybody forgets eventually."
Regina shook her head, "No, dear that's not true," she hesitated before continuing, "When I was only a little older than you…my best friend committed suicide – "
Emma's eyes widened, "Oh god, I'm sorry. I'm such an idiot, I'm sorry, I – "
Regina squeezed her hands, "Sh, it's okay, really. But I still think about her all the time, I tried to help her, like your friends try to help you, but she was just so cut off… she wouldn't let anyone in and she didn't believe she was worthy to live," she swallowed hard, trying to keep her composure, "I never, ever forgot her. Neither did any of her friends, or her family. One day, she was there and the next…"
This time it was Emma who embraced the other woman, "I'm sorry," she didn't know what else to say, "You must hate me," she whispered, pulling away.
Regina closed her eyes, shaking her head, "No, dear, I don't hate you at all. I worry about you. A lot. You remind me of her, you were both fighters but this illness…it's underestimated, I don't think people realise that it takes as many lives as physical illnesses do. But I've seen you on good days and you have fire and light in your eyes, you laugh, you're witty. You have a spirit about you, Emma, that touches anybody who's life you touch," she paused, saddened because she could see the girl in front of her was fighting to believe what Regina was saying, "I want to help you with more than just Spanish."
Emma had lowered her eyes; she didn't like making new friends, it felt like a waste of time, but she felt very close to her teacher at this point and swallowed the lump in her throat, "I just don't know what you can do to help," she said quietly, "Belle asks me all the time what she can do to help me, but I really don't know."
Regina looked around the apartment, lost in deep thought when she noticed the blonde staring up at her with some a flicker of hope in her eyes. She smiled at her student, "I think you should come and stay with me," she said confidently.
Emma was shocked and frowned, "With you? But you're my teacher."
Regina's lips upturned, "Does that mean you're staying at school?"
Emma shrugged, "I don't know."
"Either way, I think you should come and stay with me," the Spanish teacher repeated and continued when Emma just frowned, "Honey, this place is a mess. You're just a child, you can't do this on your own. You have no adult influence in your life. I can help you, if you let me."
Emma bit on her bottom lip; she knew it was true, she'd missed having someone older to talk to the way she could talk to her teacher, but all her foster parents had been horrible or misguided people. They hadn't understood, they hadn't wanted to understand but here was Miss Mills, who did want to understand, who wanted to take care of her…
"I'll just disappoint you," she said quietly.
Regina sighed, "Emma, please. Truth be told, I get lonely living by myself too," she shrugged, trying a different tact, seeing the battle occurring etched in the features of the young woman's face, "It would be nice to have someone around."
Emma's eyes connected with the brunette's and she hesitated before nodding, "Okay," she whispered and crawled into her teacher's open arms, feeling the tears pricking her eyes.