Ch. 2

Steph languidly stretched her limbs, slowly coming awake from her nap. These daily naps were heavenly. Steph never imagined she could feel so tired, but then, her pregnancy was bringing out a lot of feelings she had never imagined. It seems her pregnancy had made her damn introspective, and wasn't that a kick in the teeth after prescribing to the denial method of dealing with her feelings for so long. A weird side effect of the pregnancy she was sure only affected her. Maybe most other women had their lives together already by the time they took this step, but Steph felt like she was just getting hers on track when she found out she was pregnant. She was one of those late bloomers, she guessed. She thought about how long it had taken her simply to admit to Joe she loved him. She had lost her aversion to telling Joe she loved him quite some time ago, but there were some days when Steph still felt herself playing things close to the vest, worrying that everything could be taken away from her any minute. Not by Joe. She absolutely trusted him. But life had a way of kicking you in the ass, and Steph still worried sometimes that her happiness wouldn't last.

In the last couple weeks, two more cops had been killed on duty. There had been a couple deaths a few weeks before that, but then nothing. The police still weren't sure if there was a connection or not, but Joe had been pulling extra hours trying to figure it out. Joe was a good cop, but it was always a worry that he would be the one not making it home at the end of the day. Steph knew it was part of the package of being married to a cop. It never went away, but on good days it was manageable. Steph had an advantage with Joe being a homicide detective, since he wasn't out on the streets every day. But the fact remained, even by merely sticking your nose into getting the answers about someone's untimely and violent death, you were putting yourself at risk. One thing was certain, Steph had certainly gained a new appreciation for Joe's worry for her when she'd been bounty hunting.

The sound of the front door brought a sense of relief Steph didn't want to examine too closely. In truth, it was something she didn't want Joe to see. Her worry for him had grown considerably since her pregnancy, because Steph knew she needed Joe by her side through this experience, and the recent killings frayed her already considerably frayed nerves. But it wasn't something she wanted to burden him with right now. Not now, when he'd been working so hard, and was so worried himself about solving the case. She certainly wasn't going to add to his burden. As she sat there in bed, fighting to control her thoughts and emotions, Joe finally made his way upstairs. The look on his face, weary, devastated, said it all.

"Another one? Steph asked gently.

Joe ran his hand through his too long hair, then scrubbed his hands over his face in a violent show of frustration. "He had a son and a baby on the way." Joe's devastated eyes shot a look at Steph's stomach, before rising to her face. Steph felt Joe's pain and frustration clear to her gut. "That's five in the last month, Steph. We're positive now that some animals are systematically targeting us. These deaths aren't natural on-the-job occurrences. The reason that makes the most sense is that the way is being cleared for a new faction to bring in their illegal activities, guns or drugs always the most likely candidate. They show off their muscle to the other criminal groups and the cops, and figure they'll get left alone. Of course, the possibility exists that this is all just random and being done for fun and sport.

Joe drew in a long breath, as his muscles bunched and his fists clenched. Steph deduced from his actions that that idea upset him the most. Murder was heinous enough, but the police could cope easier if there at least seemed to be a reason, however nefarious it was.

"They have to be stopped, Steph," Joe continued.

"Of course they do, Joe," Steph said in a soothing tone. "And I know you'll explore any leads and come up with something to follow. You're a great detective."

"I'm a good detective now, but I used to be vice."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Steph asked, wariness in her tone as she watched Joe carefully. The earlier tension was still there in his stance, his muscles still bunched tightly. But now he was also fidgeting. Transferring his weight from foot to foot restlessly. He had something he was going to tell her and Steph knew she wasn't going to like it.

"Did you have a good nap today, sweetheart? Are you feeling OK? I'm sorry I forgot to ask when I first came in."

"Don't be sorry Joe. I really didn't give you much of an opportunity and it's hardly important right now anyway."

"Don't say that," Joe said with an unintended harshness. He swiftly moved to the bed and sat next to Steph. Taking her face in his hands he stared keenly into her eyes, still slightly slumberous from her nap, but filled with trepidation as well. And concern. He could feel the strength of her concern for him. He felt the same for her and their child. "You and the baby mean everything to me. You are the most important things in my life. Now, tell me, are you OK?"

Steph reached up and stroked Joe's cheek. "We're doing really good today. I did a little cleaning in the spare room…" Joe started to protest and Steph cut him off "…and when I got tired I laid down. I'm anxious to start getting things prepared in there for the baby, but I didn't overdo. And now that you know what I did with my day, I'd like to know whatever it is that's got you all tied in knots that you're trying to avoid telling me.

Joe dropped his hands from Steph's face, and intertwined his hands with hers. "I've been asked to work top level on this case. Obviously, in the beginning that's going to mean figuring out exactly who we're dealing with and how to stop them. I don't plan on having that take too long. I want these bastards and I want them now. I have a couple ideas that I'll be pursuing aggressively. But once I have the who, the brass has asked that, if necessary, I act as bait to bring them out into the open."

Steph's eyes widened in shock. "I can't believe they would ask you to do that!"

"I said I'd do it," Joe said, and Steph could hear the steely determination that brooked no argument. Steph ignored it and argued anyway.

"What?! You can't do that! You have a baby on the way too, remember? I don't want you winding up like the others." Steph pulled her hands from the warmth of Joe's grip and placed them on her stomach. "I can't do this by myself. Who knows what I'd do to this kid. Joe, I need you." Steph's shrill voice punctured the air. Joe watched her carefully, saw the hysteria brought on by her fear. He didn't want to do this to her. He'd wanted nothing more than to protect her and coddle her all the way through her pregnancy. But this was something he couldn't walk away from, and his only option was to reassure Steph and make her understand that.

"I'm sorry Steph, but there's no way I can turn my back on this. You have to know that. We take care of our own and no animal is going to take one of us down without answering for it. And I'm going to see to it that they do. I wouldn't tolerate anything less from myself." Joe paused. Allowed his words to sink in, for the shock to fade, before he delivered the next blow. "Steph, I can't say nothing will happen to me. But I can tell you that I won't do anything I don't feel is absolutely necessary, take any unnecessary risks. You and the baby mean everything to me. You know I want to be there to watch this baby grow up, and to make more of them with you. But I also want you to know that I think you're going to be great with our baby, no matter what. Do you think when it came to picking the mother of my children I would have chosen poorly?" He smiled at her, the one that made Steph's heart hurt. "No more worrying about being a good mother. I want you to feel as good about being a mother to this baby as I do. And to please understand why I'm doing this."

"I don't understand. I don't understand at all." Tears starting running down Steph's cheeks. She was angry and embarassed and she couldn't meet Joe's imploring, loving…and regretful gaze anymore. She had disappointed him, she could see it in his eyes, and she couldn't take it. Because deep down, she still didn't understand Joe's decision and didn't think she ever could. Unable to handle the swirl of emotions, Steph vaulted from the bed and ran downstairs, slamming the bedroom door on the way out. Joe lay back on the bed and blew out a huge breath. He regretted hurting Steph, but he had hoped she'd understand his decision better. It seemed so cut and dry to him. He wasn't going to change his mind, but he wasn't going to add to Steph's stress tonight either. She was pregnant, and Joe would see to it that she took care of herself. He got up from the bed and went downstairs to arrange for some dinner.

Dinner was a tense affair. Joe called out for a Pino's delivery, and when the food arrived Joe and Steph sat in front of the TV and ate. Steph sat on the couch, Joe the chair, and not a word was spoken to each other. After dinner, each retreated to their own corner of the house. At bedtime, Joe finally sought Steph out. Coming up behind her as she sat on the chair in the living room reading, Joe pulled Steph back against him and placed his chin on the top of her head.

"Steph, please. I can't deal with this tonight. We're not going to be able to resolve this tonight, but I need you. I just need to hold you. Please come to bed with me and I promise that we'll work on this some more tomorrow."

Steph put down her magazine and stared straight ahead. She struggled to keep her voice controlled, even. "Is there a chance you're going to change your mind about the assignment?"

Joe moved his head back and forth against Steph's, half rubbing her, half confirming his denial. "I can't Steph. I'm sorry."

Steph sat perfectly still, taking deep measured breaths. She would not get hysterical again. She may not be able to get herself to see Joe's point of view, but she knew he was hurting and he was asking for her help. She couldn't say no to him. She couldn't stop herself from helping him, and she couldn't cause him more hurt right now. He had been there for her countless times, and she would be there for him. They'd have tonight, and tomorrow she'd find some way to bring him around to her way of thinking.

She nodded her head as best she could, trapped as it was beneath Joe's strong jaw. Joe eased back a bit, and Steph stood up from the chair. Moving to him, she swiftly took Joe into her arms. Joe exhaled a long breath, and as they stood there Steph felt his tension ease somewhat. Joe finally broke the embrace, taking Steph by the hand and leading her up the stairs. When they had both finished their nightly routines, they climbed into bed, where Joe cradled Steph's body next to his and wrapped his hands around her stomach.

The next morning, Joe was already gone when Stephanie woke up. Steph knew he would be. He was working ridiculously long hours on this case, and let's face it, it's not like she was an early riser anyway. She was still on her leave of absence from RangeMan and enjoying the small perks that came with it, like sleeping in. But Steph wasn't about to stay in bed all day. She had to do something constructive to keep herself from thinking about the inevitable confrontation she was going to have with Joe when he did get home. She resolved to stay calmer this time than the last time, but she was still determined to talk some sense into Joe about putting himself out on the streets to bait whoever was running around killing cops. After a long hot shower, Steph went downstairs to the kitchen. Eating was so much more pleasant now that she wasn't throwing it back up again within minutes of ingesting it. Steph smiled a tiny smile when she reached the kitchen. As always, there was a pot of decaf waiting for her. It had been hard to give up her caffeine when she got pregnant, but she still liked the ritual of her morning cup of coffee so she switched to decaf. Joe never failed to make her her own separate pot of coffee when he got up first. Just one of those little things that made her fall in love with him each day. There was a note from Joe, also standard operating procedure for him. It was short and sweet today. He loved her, he'd miss her, and he'd try to be back for dinner so they could talk. "Great," Steph mumbled to herself. Now all she had to do was figure out what she was going to say to Joe. Steph sighed, carried her coffee over to the kitchen table, and sat down to drink and think. She hadn't gotten very far into that when there was a knock at the door. She opened the front door and was surprised to see Eddie standing on the other side; but he had donuts, so she wasn't about to turn him away either.

"Hey Eddie, come on in." Steph's eyes darted down to the bakery bag. "Am I assuming correctly those are donuts?"

"You are indeed, and lucky for you, I'm sharing," Eddie said with a half smile that made Steph's instincts prickle. Eddie was known for his perpetual good humor, so the unenthusiastic smile didn't bode well.

"Hmmm…the last time I remember you bringing me donuts, you brought bad news with them. Is history repeating itself by any chance?"

Eddie's gaze turned downward for a moment, before he brought his eyes back to look at Steph. Eddie had a cop face too, and he'd just made his look like pure innocence, but Steph wasn't buying it. "I just broke out of the station for a few. I wanted to see you. Chat."

Steph gave a mental shrug. She figured Eddie would get to the real reason for his visit soon enough. For the moment, she wanted to gain some insight into Joe's mood, without revealing anything to Eddie of the trouble they'd had. "Did you see Joe this morning?" Steph asked with an innocuous air.

"Yeah, I did. Briefly. Decided to keep my distance, though, since he's acting even more like a caged bear this morning than he has been lately." Eddie studied Steph intensely, effectively turning the tables on her "innocent" inquisition. He'd known better. "Want to tell me about it?"

"Not really," Steph said guiltily, replaying her and Joe's argument last night and knowing Joe's mood was most likely attributed to it.

"Come on Steph. It's me. You know I won't judge you as harshly as other people would."

Steph forced out a humorless laugh, but couldn't force the smile. "Thanks a lot Eddie. Way to kick a girl when she's down."

"Sorry, Steph. Tell me how you're feeling. How are things going with the pregnancy?"

"Better. The vomiting has stopped and the nausea has nearly gone away, thank goodness. I'm still tired a lot, but with a nap every day I can combat that easily enough." Steph squared her shoulders. "Worrying about my husband, though, that's a whole other story."

Eddie noted Steph's defensive stance and took her hand in a placating gesture. "Steph, tell me what happened yesterday. I can tell by looking at both you and Joe that it wasn't good."

Steph exhaled sharply. This was her friend, and she needed some support right now. "Why don't we go sit down and enjoy these donuts. I even think there's some regular coffee left over. We can chat while we eat."

"Sounds good," said Eddie as he followed Steph to the kitchen.

Steph pulled some plates from the cupboard while Eddie scrounged up a mug and poured himself a cup of coffee. Then both he and Steph went to sit at the small table that occupied the kitchen.

Steph took a fortifying bite of donut, washed it down with her now chilled coffee, and jumped right in. The faster she got Eddie's backing of her position, the calmer she'd start to feel. Eddie wouldn't be here if he wasn't worried about Joe, but Steph was sure he'd see her side of things. "I'm sure you know Joe's been asked to work the lead on the cop killings, right?" Eddie nodded silently and waited for Steph to continue. "Well, when Joe told me about it yesterday, I told him I couldn't believe he would even consider doing what the boys at the top asked and that I was totally against it. I told him I couldn't support him."

"Aw, Steph. Tell me you didn't."

Steph flinched a little at the censure in Eddie's frown, then quickly shored up her defenses. She didn't have to take that from him. She needed his support, dammit!

"What? Just what exactly do you mean, Eddie? Do you want me to sit here and tell you that it's OK with me that Joe puts himself in the line of fire, baiting these criminals to come after him next? I'm sorry," Steph shouted. "I can't do that. Last time gangs were targeting cops, Joe got shot? Remember that? I can't go through that again. I can't. And now with the baby. It's too much, Eddie." Steph's outburst lost steam and she slumped back against her chair, desperately taking another chunk out of her donut for strength.

Eddie's voice wafted over to her, low and soothing. "I remember Steph. Joe remembers, too, for that matter."

Tears filled Steph's eyes, her anger depleted, pacified by Eddie's calm demeanor. She looked at Eddie now and just needed to understand. "Then why did he agree to do this assignment?" Steph asked on a whisper.

"Because he's one of the best. Because we need him. He worked Vice. He has the skills. He also has contacts on the street that are too afraid of him not to give him whatever tidbits of information there are to be had. Joe can be a tough SOB when he needs to be," Eddie said, shaking his head. "Sometimes one small piece of information is enough to bust an investigation wide open. Most importantly, Steph, because Joe is more honorable than most men I know and wouldn't allow himself to turn the job down if he knows he can make a difference."

Steph shook her head, still needing to deny the truth that was so evident in Eddie's words. She couldn't face that truth because of what it meant for her. Possibly losing Joe. "Maybe if it was just me, Eddie, I could deal with it better. But the baby changes everything. I need Joe. I need a guarantee that he's going to be there with me to help me raise it right. We're a team. I just don't know if I can do it on my own." Lowering her eyes, needing some semblance of privacy when she admitted this, Steph added, "Truth be told, I doubt that I can, no matter what Joe says." Steph had her hands in her lap, wringing them together, holding tightly to the conviction that she was right. She was.

Eddie pulled Steph's hands apart and held one in his own, gently patting it with his other hand. "There aren't any guarantees in anything Steph. But someone's out there killing cops, and they had wives and kids who wanted them to come home too. Joe can't allow himself to walk away from this. If he did, he wouldn't be the man you came to love and marry."

There was desolation and guilt shining in Steph's unshed tears. She absolutely would not cry. Eddie had humbled her with his words and she felt shamed to her very core. Her strongly held belief that she was right shattered like a glass that had been dropped from on high. She could finally see her way to understanding Joe. "You're absolutely right, Eddie. I don't know how I can be so selfish."

Eddie smiled at her, as relief shone from his eyes. "You're not selfish, Steph. It's understandable that you're worried about Joe. Noone's about to hold that against you."

"Joe," Steph groaned. "I completely screwed this one up with him. He deserves so much better from me."

"He understands, Steph. He loves you. But right now, more than anything, he needs to be able to focus on this case. Just let him know now that you're alright with everything. He needs that to put his head right."

"I hear ya, Eddie. And of course I'll do that. Joe is expecting to come home tonight and talk about this some more. I'll be quick to reassure him that I'm behind him on this one hundred percent."

"That's great, Steph."

"Look, thanks for stopping by and talking some sense into me. I appreciate it. Both Joe and I are lucky to have you in our lives."

"Maybe you can return the favor by telling your cousin that."

Steph smiled for the first time since Eddie showed up. "I can't make any guarantees, but I'll give it my best shot. She should know how lucky she is. Now, come here and give me a hug." Eddie wrapped his arms tightly around Steph and held her a couple moments, reassuring her as best he could. Not another word was spoken before he left to return to the station.