A/N-Hey guys! Thanks to those who reviewed, cause' without them chapter 2 wouldn't exist! So, enjoy the story and PLEASE REMEMBER TO REVIEW! 3 P.s. The first part is between ep. 1 and ep. 2. After that it's episode 2, and whatever I made up that happens between scenes. Just in case you were wondering haha(:
Chapter Two
"Quinn?" I heard my mom say my name hesitantly, like she didn't want to come in my room. My mom was better than my dad, though. He found out about me, and he refused to speak to me. Even after kicking me out of his house when he found out about my pregnancy. My mom at least tried. It wasn't her fault that I always ignored her. I just looked up from the wall when I heard her open my door.
"Do you want some dinner? I made pasta." She said, trying to get me to at least eat. I just shook my head. Why was she being so nice to me? I didn't deserve it! I went back to staring intently at my wall, lost in my own world. It seemed like this depression thing was getting worse and worse. Wasn't it supposed to get better? I'm not stupid, as much as it may seem. And I'm not totally crazy either. The difference between me and the rest of The Skanks is that I knew everything I was doing was wrong. Which didn't help my guilt much. It just made it harder and harder each day to wake up. It didn't give anything to look forward too...and at this point, I was kind of seeing life more as a burden than a blessing. The guilt was eating me alive. I knew drugs weren't the answer to anything, I knew I should stick to dating guys around my age, I knew that throwing away my life wasn't the best thing to do. But I convinced everyone so thoroughly that that's what I wanted in life, I almost had myself believing it too. Almost. But when I'm all alone, nothing stops the aching in my brain and the pounding in my heart, or the misery that engulfs my thoughts. I know something is wrong with me. You don't have to tell me. Like I said, I'm not stupid. I knew that everything I was doing was wrong in every possible way, but that didn't make me want to stop. At least the drugs helped with the pain from Beth a little bit more. I don't blame her, I don't think everything that happened with Beth is what did this to me. I think things started going wrong before that, I remember feeling happy and whole, and then slowly things started getting worse, so slowly I could barely notice. Just little by little, losing one puzzle peice at a time, so scarcely that no one even noticed how detached I became. Things went wrong before that phone call from Shelby, that's just what sent me over the edge. That's what caused me to ginally break. And even though I'm not crazy, I know that something is psychologically wrong with me. Otherwise, I'd be able to deal with this...whatever this is. So I don't need people telling me that I'm overreacting. I've heard it all. Everything from C'mon Quinn...That was almost 2 years ago! She's better off with Shelby anyways... to You held her one time! Its not like you can actually miss her. What's your problem? And just about everything you can think of in between. But they also don't know what it feels like. It wasn't just Beth. And that's what they don't get. It was the series of things leading up to her, the little things that added up to that phone call, everything that happened from the time I had her to the day Shelby called me...That phone call wasn't was broke me, it was just the snapping point.
"Quinn." That was a voice I hadn't heard in a long time. I looked up at my door. Why can't they just let me stay in here alone?
The door opened and I saw my dad standing there. For some reason, seeing him sent a wave of fury threw me.
"What? Did you come in here to try and bring back your little girl too? You are so stupid dad! This is me! Did you think the little girl you thought I always was would get pregnant in the first place! I finally found myself, and there's no way your taking that away form me! Did you ever think that any of this is your fault? Your the one that kicked me out in the first place. Maybe if you let me live with you, things would've been different! But you walked out of my life the day I walked out of that house and no one gave you any right to come back in here like your still the boss of me and try and take over my world again! Why do you decide now to come back in my life? After 2 years, you never even talked to me! And now you try and act like you still know me? Just get out of my fucking room!" I screamed at him, blinded by how angry I was at him, not even sure why I was so mad. When he didn't leave, I grabbed a chair and threw it at the door, not really aiming at him, but making it seem like I was.
"Get out!" After that, he did leave. And I burried myself under my sheets, crying until my eyes wouldn't produce anymore tears. But I sobbed myself to sleep even after the tears stopped coming. This pain was getting too hard to handle, and the drugs were making everyting worse. Some people say they're not addicted to drugs. They say they can stop whenever. They're in denial with the fact that they aren't in control anymore. That isn't me. I know I'm hooked on drugs, I know I can't go a couple hours without popping a pill or smoking, I know I'm addicted, and that they're making things worse than they are. But it doesn't matter whether the drugs help or if they don't, 'cause I just can't stop. Anyone who quits using has a reason to clean up their life. But if I can't even figure out what there is to live for, then I can't quit the drugs for something when nothing out there is for me.
"Out of all the kids in this school, I think you are the biggest unicorn." I heard Brittany say to Kurt as I walked down the hallway. What is she talking about? Apparently Kurt was thinking the same thing when he said,
"I'm Sorry?"
"Well, when a pony does a good deed, he gets a horn, and he, he becomes a unicorn. Then he poops out cotton candy until he forgets he's magical, and then his horn falls off. And black unicorns, they become zebras." The look on Kurts face the whole time she was talking was priceless.
"Well, thats, that's a terrifying story..." He tried. Obviously that wasn't what Britt was looking for.
"No it's not. No, okay, no. The point is, is that a unicorn is..is somebody who knows they're magical and isn't afraid to show it."
Kurt still didn't look like he understood. I followed them carefully, just curious to see where Brittany was going with this.
"You went through hell last year," she continued, "and you never forgot how special you were. And I've slept with alot of people and I'm really popular so I think that I could get you mega votes." She finished. That was actually a pretty motivational story, if you really think about it. The thing with Brittany is that she's really smart, she just doesn't know it. And if you don't look hard enough, everything she says just seems to make no sense. But if you look close, she really teaches you important stuff. Not like I cared.
"Why don't you just run then?" Kurt asked her. It was a reasonable question.
"I'm not smart enough." She shrugged, proving my point that she doesn't know that she's not as dumb as people think. I remembered hearing from Santana that in class she thought the capital of Ohio was O and that the president was Will.. Which is an easy mistake...
"Well, Britt I have to say that I'm flattered. And really excited." Kurt laughed.
"Cool," She smiled at him, "kay I'll come over after school and we'll work on your campaign posters. I got alot of great ideas." She looked really excited.
"I'll see you then!" Kurt finished.
As they went there seperate ways, I ditched them and went to find my Skanks. They were under the bleachers, like usual.
I sat down near them, but off to the side a little because I couldn't stand the smell of Ronnie. She smelled worse today that she usually does.
"Hey Quinn." Sheila called to me.
"Yeah?" I looked at her.
"Did you hear about the gleeks club booty camp?"
"Booty camp...?" I looked at her confused.
"Yeah, he finally realized his kids couldn't dance and put a few of them in booty camp." The rest of them laughed.
"Which ones?" I didn't really care, I was just curious. Or, that's what I keep telling myself.
"Um, that one football player..the one that knocked you up..and Finn i think his name is. And the gay kid, whatever his name is, and then that black girl that's like the only one in the group that can sing. Then the other gay kid wants to go and practice...why?"
"Just wanted to know which ones dance the worst.." I continued smoking until I felt like my lungs were going to fall off.
"Hey, Quinn, let's go do something fun." 'The Mack' whined. I shrugged.
"Fine. Let's go find a freshmen. We scoped the hallways till we found a little brunette girl. I'd never seen her before in my life, but we followed her into the bathroom. She looked scared when she us, but that was nothing compared to the look she gave up when Sheila and Ronnie pushed her into the stall. 'The Mack' slammed her head in the toilet, laughing as the little girl gasped for breath. When she finally let her up, the little girl rubbed her eyes, and coughed so much I thought we might have killed her.
"Give us your lunch money." I started.
"We're hungry we need something to barf back up." Ronnie finished.
She backed away from us, looking terrified.
"Don't test me." Sheila told the little girl. "I was a foster kid. Which means I'm used to stabbin' people." Sheila pulled out a spoon and pointed it at the little girl, who was now crying silently. She reached out her hand towards me, like she was afraid I'd bite her or something.
"You're so mean." She squeaked through tears.
"That's right!" The Mack said in her face. "It's what passes for love in my house."
Sheila chased her out the bathroom door with the spoon. I felt like punching someone when Sue walked in after her.
"Skanks," she started, sounding very dissapointed. "I need to talk to that lady alone." She pointed at me. They all walked out as I started to light another cigarette.
"First of all," She took the cigarette away from me, "smoking kills. Second, it really does make you look cooler, doesn't it?" She smirked.
"Sorry Coach, but you have no power over me anymore, cause I've got nothin' left to lose." That was almost the only truthful thing I'd said all day.
"Oh, Q..." She said sadly, "I look at you and I'm stunned. You've neve looked worse. I mean, you lost your child, your boyfriend, your rep, and worst, your high pony. You know who I blame? The Glee Club."
I looked at her through the mirror. Maybe she has a point...
"You know, when you were in my grasp, you were at the top of the pyramid. But then you joined the glee club and became lost. Forced to swaay in the background. Will Schuester never did appreciate the gentle tremble of your thin, forgetable alto."
"Thanks." I nodded my head, without looking at her.
"What if I were to offer you a chance to get revenge on the glee club, and become a star? My congressional campaign is producing a video, a day in the life of a girl from whom the arts stole everything...and I think I found my girl."
I turned to face her,
"First, a few demands. I need thrift store couches under the bleachers. I've realized that after smoking all day it hurts to stand."
"Fair enough. Quinn Fabray, you have a deal." She smiled at me. I rolled my eyes as she reached behind me and took my money. Well, at least I'll get to take my anger out on someone...I thought as she slammed the bathroom door. I kicked the wall as I walked out of the bathroom, heading to the bleachers to catch up with the rest of the Skanks.
"What'd she want?" Sheila asked as I met them under the bleachers.
"Needs help messing with the glee club.." I muttered. They shrugged. I pulled out a bottle from my purse and swallowed three of the orange pills. Everything that happened the next couple hours were not registered in my memory. I just know I ended up at home in bed, not sure how I got there. I looked at my phone, with message from Santana.
Watch where you leave yourself lying around unconcious..not everyone will drop you off back at your house. At least wait till you get home. Your welcome.
I rolled my eyes. So Santana took my knocked out body home, big deal, it doesn't mean that we're friends all the sudden. I still hate her, and everyone else in this god damn planet.
"There's leftovers in the fridge!" My mom yelled to me around dinner time, in case I decided to eat sometime. After I could tell my mom went to bed, I crept downstairs, shoveling pasta in my mouth. I hadn't eaten in days, and I couldnt feel the effects kicking in when it hurt my stomach just to breath.
Beeeep beeeep beeeeep, my alarm screeched in my ear. It tooke everything in my power just to get out of bed and drag myself to school.
I pulled into the parking lot and Puck ran up to me.
"What do you want?" I practically spit at him.
"I need you." I just stared at him.
"Come on!" He grabbed my hand, but I pulled away and followed him into the school.
"I don't have time for this." I sighed, not even sure where we were headed. "I gotta meet the Skanks on the roof. Were gonna throw ketchup covered tampons on marching band." He led me into the choir room. And there she was, staring at me like she didn't ruin my entire life. I glared at Puck for bringing me here. He looked satisfied. Shelby stood up and walked towards me, smiling at me like nothing was wrong. I walked towards her, just wanting to know what she had to say to me.
"Your back." I stated.
"Yeah, I went to New York. Thought I'd do it all, the whole working mother thing. But when I was in rehearsal, even performing I couldn't stop thinking about Beth. How I could miss her milestones, you know? Her first steps, her first words, her first-" I cut her off.
"I get it." I said it with anger I didn't know was building up inside me. First the phone call, and then she moves here and just ruins me more in person? Why was she torturing me like this?
"So, when I got this job offer, I couldn't refuse. I've missed so many firsts in Rachels life, I'm not about to do that with Beth."
"Great story. But I'm late for a meeting on the roof. I felt like I had to get out of there before I broke down.
"Quinn just listen to her." Puck told me, grabbing my arms so I wouldn't leave.
"Hey, look." Shelby said, "since the day that I gave Rachel up for adoption I have been walking through life, searching for her face everywhere I go. Imagining what she's doing, what she may be like. I don't want you to go through what I went through. Part of me is back here because I want you to get to kow Beth, I want you to be a part of her life."
"When do I get to see her?" I said it like I still didn't care, even though I wanted more than anything to hold her.
"Are you okay? What's going on with you? Are you even in Glee anymore?" Was she just now noticing that I didn't look like my normal self?
"Did you come here just to torment me with the idea of seeing my child?"
"Look, I want you to be a part of Beth's life. But not like this. If you're really serious about Beth, clean up your act."
"You think you can tell me what to do? Just 'cause you signed a couple of papers? Your not her mom, I'm her mom!"
"Quinn," Puck joined in, but I ignored him.
"Me! So, you can pretend all you want, but that is something you are never going to be." Is stared her in the eyes, and then ran out of the room, already feeling the tears coming. I cried all the way down the stairs, all the way up the janitors stairs to the roof of the school. I bit back the tears as they tossed the ketchup covered tampons down at the marching band. I tried so hard not to break down in front of the Skanks. I just stared at the concete below us. I couldn't bring myself to do anything but just stare at the ground. It'd be so easy. Just lean over to far, fall, it'd look like an accident, or like one of the Skanks pushed me. I could make it all go away.
"Quinn? You coming?" Ronnie called as they walked away. I took one last longing look at the concrete slab below us and drew my eyes away, following them. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I noticed that my days were having less and less events as I sat under the bleachers for almost 3 hours doing nothing. I decided to go see Shelby, to get a few things straight with her. Walking down the hall, I heard,
"I am a shining star. I am a shining star. I am a shining star!" Coming from the worst voice I'd ever heard. That could only be one person. I passed Sugar Motta as I walked into Shelby's choir room. Sugar looked way more excited than a person should be...especially a person that sings that badly. Shelby didn't look the slightest bit happy to see me.
"She's hopeless, you know." I said, talking about Sugar.
"Nobody's hopeless..." Shelby reasoned with me. "What happened to you Quinn? Sorry, I know what happened to you. The same thing happened to me, when I gave up Rachel. I went with the Regis Philbin tattoo and the Shane O'Conner haircut." She smiled at me, and I almost smiled back.
"Must've looked like crap." I smiled.
"It was a disaster."
We both laughed a little. Though I didn't understand why anyone would be upset about losing Berry...
"But eventually, I realized that, no matter how much it hurt me, I did right by my daughter." Everything she said was really getting to me.
"That's the real measure of motherhood. How much of yourself would you give up for them. King solomon and all that.
"Yeah, well I'm not going back to being that girl! Little miss blonde perfect." I started getting angry.
"Quinn, were you ever really that girl? I mean, would that kind of girl even get pregnant in the first place? Do you seriously expect anybody to think that this is the real you?"
"Yeah, yeah sure. Something like this."
"Your eighteen! Your graduating high school. This is the time when you should find yourself! First step to becoming an adult, stop punishing yourself for things you did when you were a child." She walked away, leaving me standing there with alot to think about.
I turned towards Shelby, not wanting to ask but I thought I couldn't handle not doing it it.
"Can I see her? I know Puck got to..."
"Not yet." She shook her head.
"How bout a photo? ...please?" I practically begged her. Shelby grabbed her phone and pulled up a picture of my daughter. It was a picture of Puck holding the most beautiful little blonde baby girl I'd ever seen. I couldn't push back the tears.
"You wanna know who you really are, look at that sweet, special little face. She looks just like you." I couldn't keep from crying. Just looking at Beth, she was so perfect.
"You can be a part of this family too Quinn, I really want you to be. It's all up to you." I just couldn't seem to stop the tears. As soon as Shelby walked away, I started crying. I just stood there sobbing, wanting my child more than anything else in the world. And I would do just about anything to get to see her precioius little face in person, to get to hold her in my arms and be able to say that she's mine. I wanted Beth back, and there was nothing that would stop me from getting her. I left school right then, it's not like I actually showed up for my classes anyways. I bought hair dye, new clothes, and drove home, going fast enough over the speed limit to get me a ticket I didn't have the money to pay off. I made it back to the school in the middle of booty camp, walking in, shocking everyone in the Glee Booty Camp that saw me standing there, just as Finn finished a dance without almost killing someone. They all just stared.
"Can I help you Quinn?" Mr. Schue said.
"I heard this was for people who needed a little help with there dance moves, and wanna win nationals..."
"That's right..."
"I'm a little rusty...and uh, would it be cool if I joined in?"
"Absolutely." Mr. Schue smiled at me. "Welcome back."
"Get in here girl!" Mercedes called. "You been missed." She gave me a hug, smiling at me. They all came over giving me a hug and welcoming me back. It felt nice to be with people who cared about me, but I still felt detached.
"Get in lines, booty camp here we go! Line it up!" Mr. Schue said to us all. "Oh, Kurt, uh.." He walked over to Kurt. Puck turned to me, grinning that cheesy smile.
"I'm proud of you." He said it completely serious. I dropped my smile.
"I have to get her back. If that takes dying my hair blonde and pretending that I think I'm special, that's something I'm willing to do. We're gonna get full custody." He looked shocked, and dissapointed, ashamed. But I needed to get my daughter back.
A/N-iight thanks for reading! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW ! pleaase! Thanks so much to you all, let me know what you think(: