2 - Enter the Multiverse!
The video game multiverse was a very bizarre and interesting place where almost anything could happen. All kinds of video game characters from far and wide walked the streets of its metropolitan New Zork City, the sky there was hot pink, all of the fish in the lakes and rivers and oceans had Phil Fish's face on them, and in many cases, real-life logic did not apply. Apart from that, however, this alternate dimension was pretty much more or less the exact same as regular Earth, only with more superheroes.
However, for every superhero, there is also a supervillain, and never has that law rang more true than it does invideo games. Still, while mainstream video game characters have always generally been known for being...well, mainstream, indie game characters usually prefer to just do their own thing, reflecting the typical style of indie games themselves.
And that's exactly what the characters of this story, especially the villains, will most definitely be doing...which is why we will now immediately cut straight to the main villains' point of view. After taking over Microsoft's corporate HQ (Microsoft Tower), which was an enormous floating skyscraper castle situated directly above the dead center of New Zork City in this dimension, the three of them were having a very important meeting in the manager's office up on the top floor.
From Cave Story, we have the Doctor (a white-lab-coated, bespectacled, blue-jeaned man who wears a stupid-looking blue cube hat with a bleeding red eyeball on the front of it), who was currently self-employed as the head manager and was sitting in his cushy throne at the front desk. From Super Meat Boy, we have Dr. Fetus (an evil fetus in a tuxedo-wearing jar), who was sitting in one of the side chairs, twiddling his thumbs angrily. Last but not least, from Shovel Knight, we have Black Knight (a dark clone of Shovel Knight), who was standing in the middle of the room and meeting the Doctor's gaze with a devious smirk.
"Greetings, my dear acquaintances." the Doctor greeted his accomplices, crossing his legs atop the table andinterlocking his hands together smugly as lightning cracked the sky loudly in the ginormous window right behind him. "Real nice weather we're having this morning, eh?"
"Man, F*** YOU!" Dr. Fetus yelled, flipping him off angrily.
"I can certainly see why no one likes Dr. Fetus." Black Knight snickered, folding his arms together and shooting Dr. Fetus a death glare.
"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Dr. Fetus yelled at him. "YOU KNOW I HAVE TOURETTE'S SYNDROME, YOU F***ING DUMBASS!"
"You wanna fight me, asshole?!" Black Knight growled back at him, raising his Dark Shovel Blade furiously.
"YOU DO KNOW THAT IF YOU SWING THAT F***ING THING AT ME ONE MORE GODDAMNED TIME THEN I AM GOING TO F***ING NUKE YOUR S***-SUCKING BALLS OFF AND BLOW YOU INTO MOTHERF***ING OBLIVION, RIGHT?!" Dr. Fetus raged back at him, pulling a remote control out of his pocket and threatening to press the nuke button on it.
"GUYS!" the Doctor yelled at them. "You should know by now that violence is NEVER the answer!"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T AGREE WITH ME?! DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU'RE F***ING DEALING WITH?!" Dr. Fetus screamed at him, slamming his fist onto the nuke button.
"Congratulations, you just exploded Phil Fish's house. Here is your cab fare." the remote control informed him, dispensing $4.20 into his hand. "Oh, and if you seriously need instructions on how to f*** yourself, then just go and f*** yourself."
"STUPID LOUSY PIECE OF S***!" Dr. Fetus yelled, throwing the device onto the ground. "I'M F***ING SICK AND TIRED OF ALL THIS IDIOTIC BULLS***! FIRST, MY ARCHNEMESIS MEAT BOY, A BLOODY F***ING CUBE OF SLIPPERY RED MEAT WITH LIMBS, SOMEHOW MANAGES TO ACHIEVE 106% COMPLETION ON MY BRILLIANTLY DESIGNED GAME THAT I MORE OR LESS OFFICIALLY DEEMED IMPOSSIBLE TO EVEN GET 100% ON, THEN I ACCIDENTALLY NUKE THE WRONG F***ING BUILDING?! GOD, I HATE MY F***ING LIFE..." Dr. Fetus sobbed.
"Normally, I would surmise that your pathetically miserable life is of little or no concern to us; however, you are a very important part of our team now. Get your goddamned act together and WORK with us!" the Doctor warned him. " Now, look, everyone, here's our plan." he began.
"You know how our archnemeses are currently planning to bake a world-changing cake for Cave Story's 11th anniversary, correct?" the Doctor asked. "Well, we also have basically the exact same plan. However, the difference is that they plan to use said cake's power to change the video game industry for good. And after seeing what passes for GOOD in video games nowadays, I'm pretty sure we have all more or less officially settled on the general conclusion that we won't STAND for that lame and prissy hogwash anymore, correct?"
"YOU CAN BET YOUR CHOCOLATE-COVERED ASS ON IT!" Dr. Fetus agreed.
"Count me in with extreme prejudice, my lord!" Black Knight also agreed.
"Don't you see what these so-called protagonists are DOING to us?" the Doctor explained. "Largely thanks to the efforts of these goody-goody two-shoes mongrels, us villains and heroes alike are all stuck in this miserable corporate life cycle where we all have to blindly hope that our games become popular enough to earn enough money and fan support for us to survive!"
"No wonder Cave Story is so goddamned overrated..." Black Knight muttered under his breath.
"Ha! Undertale? More like S***ty UnderWEAR!" Dr. Fetus snickered.
"What was that?" the Doctor glared at them.
"Oh, uh, NOTHING! Heh!" Black Knight and Dr. Fetus stammered.
"Anyway," the Doctor continued, "there just might be a way for us to fix this problem once and for all, my friends."
"AND EXACTLY HOW IN THE F*** ARE WE GONNA DO THAT?!" Dr. Fetus asked politely.
"Simple." the Doctor cackled. "Perhaps even elementary, I dare say. WE KILL THE HEROES."
"And then we steal their oh-so precious belongings, right?" Black Knight asked, putting his hands together in prayer. "Oh, Lord Satan, PLEASE tell me we get to steal their riches and sell their clothes on Ebay..."
"THOSE DAMNED HYPOCRITES ARE GOING TO GET WHAT'S COMING TO 'EM! JUST YOU WAIT!" Dr. Fetus laughed.
"Precisely, my clinically insane colleague." the Doctor chortled. "Before those pathetic, ignorant neanderthals even realize what hit them, they will all be dead, and we villains shall be free, free from the conflict, free from the restrictions of human industry, free to ROAM! We shall be FREE! FREE! FREEEEEEEEEE!" the Doctor laughed hysterically.
"We shall take this world by STORM!" Black Knight cheered as lightning raged in the sky.
"AND WE AREN'T BRINGING ANY F***ING UMBRELLAS, BITCHES!" Dr. Fetus laughed.
"YOUR JOKE ISN'T THAT FUNNY, TRY HARDER!" Black Knight laughed even harder.
"COUGH! WHEEZE!" the Doctor choked on saliva and mucus from how hard he was laughing. "Yes...we...shall be freer...THAN CAVE STORY'S ORIGINAL RELEASE!"
"Yes, the original release. Good times." Black Knight remembered.
"YEAH, BEFORE THEY CHARGED FOURTY F***ING DOLLARS FOR THE 3D VERSION!" Dr. Fetus pointed out.
"Indeed, that was a travesty..." the Doctor groaned, facepalming. "Well, regardless, LET'S GET ROLLING!"
"With my ambition..." the Doctor began.
"And my brainpower..." Dr. Fetus continued.
"And my BLADE..." Black Knight cackled.
"WE SHALL BE VICTORIOUS TO THE ELEVENTH POWER!" the three of them yelled in unison.
Meanwhile, the four main heroes were having their own discussion in a public high school auditorium. From Cave Story, we have Quote, a robotic, very short, blue-eyed man with a black tank top, red jeans, a red hat with a metal plate on the forehead, green antennae headphones for ears, and a green scarf...as well as Jack, a random Mimiga (lop-eared, white-furred, ridiculously cute anthropomorphic bunny rabbit) NPC with a brown Russian cube hat, big green nerd glasses, a green hoodless sleeveless jacket, and a belt with several suspicious-looking pouches on it.
From Shovel Knight, we have Shovel Knight (a blue-armored knight who wields a shovel sword as his main weapon of choice) and Meat Boy (who is just as Dr. Fetus said, a cube of bloody raw meat with limbs).
"..." Quote greeted the audience.
"Come on, asshole, SAY something!" Jack whispered in his ear. "What are you, Gordon Freeman?"
"Ahem..pardon my shyness." Quote addressed the audience.
"Oh my god, he finally SPOKE! EVERYONE, EVACUATE THE BUILDING! THE ENTIRE FREAKING WORLD IS COMING TO AN END!" Gordon Freeman yelled in the audience.
"Geez, YOU sure are one to talk!" Master Chief, who was sitting right next to him, snickered at him, causing the entire audience to gasp loudly with shock.
"JESUS CHRIST, ENOUGH ALREADY!" Jack yelled at the audience, silencing them. "Now please LISTEN to what we have to SAY, you fricking fricks!"
"Oh, don't even REMIND me of that fricking kid..." Sonic groaned in the audience.
"Anyway, greetings, audience. I would like to HUMBLY inform you that-"
"Hey, WAIT a minute!" Jack interrupted Quote's speech mid-sentence. "Why is it that YOU got your own damned STATUE in Central Park and none of US did? Like ME, for example? Or Shovel Knight?" he asked, pointing to Shovel Knight, who was standing right behind him. "You egotistical douche!"
"Indeed, my fabulous gallantry must not go hereby unnoticed!" Shovel Knight laughed, chugging down half a keg of beer and burping loudly in front of the audience, causing Jack to vomit from the sheer stench of Shovel Knight'sbreath.
"And now that my formerly aching stomach's finally been relieved of that damned burrito I ate at Taco Bell a few hours ago...hell...why not even Meat Boy?" Jack asked, wiping his mouth off with his hand and then wiping it on his clothes.
"Meat Boy is second best platformer character ever! Meat Boy want hugs!" Meat Boy agreed, hugging Jack and getting blood all over the poor boy's clothes as a result of doing so.
"You know, I'll admit, this fashion suits me rather well indeed. There's totally nothing wrong with unintentionally looking like a damned hobo in public. My goodness, what a truly fabulous look for a total gaywad like myself!" Jack cringed, his voice dripping with even more sarcasm than Meat Boy's body was dripping blood.
"Oh, come on, don't salt wound!" Meat Boy encouraged him.
"GUYS!" Quote yelled at them. "Do you have any idea, ANY IDEA, who you're talking to?"
"No." Shovel Knight said flatly, hanging his head in shame.
"BASICALLY, I'm KIND OF a big deal!" Quote reminded everyone.
"Oh, for f***'s sake, here he goes again..." Jack sighed.
"Alright, you listening?" Quote asked the audience. "Link grows, fairies fly, Master Sword shines, and brother...I'mthe indie equivalent of the freaking Hero of Time!"
"HA! Fat chance!" Link laughed in the audience.
"He's more like me anyway." Samus whispered in his ear.
"I'm an ocarina of TIME!" Quote boasted, pulling out his ocarina and playing the Song Of Storms for at least thetwentieth time that day before throwing it at Jack and knocking him out.
"HEAD SHOT!" Duke Nukem snickered in the audience.
"If you were from where I was from, you'd be f***ing DEAD!" Quote explained, pulling out his handgun and pointingit at the audience. "GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY! Nah, just kidding. Man, what a bunch of JOKERS you guys are!"
"You can say that again!" the Joker laughed in the audience before being punched in the face by Batman. "It was worth it!"
"I gotta say, I'm really digging this show so far!" Shovel Knight laughed as Jack regained consciousness and got back up onto his plushy three-toed feet. "Beer and jolly banter, what more could you ask for?"
"We make a PERFECT team!" Quote explained, briefly removing his hat and causing several fangirls in the audience to literally cream their pants in the process. Shovel Knight also did the same with his helmet, sadlygenerating a much lesser response.
"Bloody brilliant!" Meat Boy cheered as Shovel Knight squeezed Jack half to death, causing the audience to go "Aww!"
"Oh, wow, you took your freaking HATS off! Oh, look, I can do it TOO, you know!" Jack groaned as he took his own hat off, revealing his hair that looked like it had combed with a rake and run over by a truck and being pelted with tomatoes by the audience as a result.
"Uh, what exactly was the POINT of this assembly again?" Jack asked, wiping the tomato juice and seeds off of his face angrily. "The only BENEFIT it's had for ME is being PHYSICALLY HUMILIATED in PUBLIC!"
"We discuss brilliant plan to beat up bad guys and put together ingredients for cake!" Meat Boy explained.
"And it shall be GLORIOUSLY FASCINATING!" Shovel Knight gloated.
"With my ambition..." Quote began.
"And my persistence..." Meat Boy continued.
"And my...f***ing HAT..." Jack sighed.
"And my BLADE..." Shovel Knight continued.
"WE SHALL BE VICTORIOUS TO THE ELEVENTH POWER! AND BEYOND!" the four of them yelled in unison. "Um, hello? Anyone? Where did everyone go?"
Alas, everyone in the audience now wanted their money back.