I wake up in a hospital, a fucking hospital. This is, by no means, what I intended to happen. I look to my right and see an empty armchair. I look down to my arm and see that it's been properly bandaged up. I sit up and look around, I'm on a ward, there's a bed next to me, and two on the other side of the room. There're other kids my age around in the beds, they're all with who seems to be they're parents. I start to panic slightly, I spot a nurse in the corner flicking through a file. She looks up and notice's I'm awake, she immediately comes over to me.
"Hello sweetie, how are you feeling?" She whispers because it's already dark out, she sits on the edge of my bed and brushes the hair out of my face.
"I'm okay, I swear I wasn't trying to do it, I thought I had stopped the bleeding," I say, my voice sounds like I'm on the verge of tears, and I am.
"Okay honey, stay calm. I think it's best if you just get some rest and we will figure out what's going to happen in the morning when you wake up."
"What do you mean?" I remembered the three strikes. She's going to send me to the home. "I can't go to the home, they can't make me please stop them." I'm crying my eyes out now. She starts stroking my head.
"Shh, it's okay, there's no need to worry about anything tonight, don't stress yourself out." I begin hyperventilating. She tries to calm me down. I try to get out of the bed, but she holds me back, I fight back. I start screaming for her to let me go, the kids around me all turn to look at me. The nurse reaches into her pocket and pulls out something with a button on it, she pushes it. I continue trying to break free of her hold, but she pins me downs with my arms above my head, I kick my legs around and keep screaming.
Suddenly two men in white jumpsuits come in, followed by another nurse, one of the men holds down my legs, the other holds my arms and the nurse holds down my shoulders, the other nurse comes over to my arm and jabs a needle into it. I continue to struggle but body begins to go limp, I feel the tears run down my face as my head flops back onto my pillow. I expected to pass out, but I lay here motionless, physically incapable of moving. After a few hours of absolute nothingness, I fall asleep.
I wake up the next morning, knowing I can't act like that again. The same nurse from last night comes to my bedside.
"I'm sorry about last night, I was terrified about what was going to happen to me." I sit up in my bed, feeling blessed that I can move again.
"It's okay, I understand. So, you're going to be assessed by a doctor and that will basically determine whether or not you're fit to leave today."
"And if I am?"
"Then you will be escorted by your social worker, Anita to Montgomery house, I'm sorry sweetie." I start to cry silently. She strokes my head again. "I'll go and get you some breakfast." She leaves the room. I look to my left to see the girl in the bed next to me looking at me. She doesn't stop when she sees me staring back.
"Hi. I'm Carrie." She says and smiles. As rude as it sounds, I'm not interested in making friends here, I don't want to make myself comfortable, so I return a simple smile and look down at my hands. My nurse brings me a bowl of cereal and a glass of orange juice after I eat, I sit around for an hour until the nurse comes back with a doctor. He sits in the armchair. He introduces himself as Doctor Jameson and asks me a bunch of questions about cutting myself and suicidal thoughts and all that depressing stuff. He ends up saying he wants me to take this pill for my depression but it's really expensive, I don't think anyone explained my situation to him. I tell him that I won't be able to afford it. He simply apologises and says that he hopes I find a forever family. I'm thinking the same thing too buddy. When he leaves my social worker arrives only 10 minutes later, she's got my suitcase with all my stuff in it.
"Hi Gracie, I'm sorry love it's time to go." I take a deep breath and nod. After I change into some normal clothes, I thank my nurse and head to Montgomery house. The car ride isn't very long, or maybe it just feels that way. When we arrive, I find it difficult to get out of the car. "Come on Gracie don't make this difficult for yourself." I decide to grin and bear it. I'll stay out of everyone's way, I can handle this, it's just until I'm old enough to get my own place. I'll be okay.
We walk to the front door and I can hear someone screaming inside. I take a step back. I'm petrified. Anita pulls me forward and knocks. After a few seconds a woman comes to the door, she's out of breath.
"Ah, you must be Gracie, welcome!" She opens the door and I take a step inside.
"I'll check in on you tomorrow," Anita says, she walks away, and the woman closes the door behind me. A girl runs past me screaming her head off, she's completely naked. I'm panic-stricken. "Oh, don't mind Jessica, she'll calm down soon. Anyway, I'm Nancy, she shakes my hand. Another girl runs past, fully clothed, thankfully, she's mumbling something to herself. "I'll show you your room, we've put with Cara, she's very friendly, quite quiet, you'll be okay here." We start to walk upstairs when there's a loud thud followed by a lot of shouting. Nancy rolls her eyes. "Wait here." She leaves me standing in the middle of the staircase. Two more girls run past me shouting at each other about someone stealing something. I thought my old home was bad. Another woman chases after them, she stops when she sees me.
"You must be Gracie, where's Nancy gone?" She looks around. "Never mind, come with me." She leads me upstairs. "This is your room." She opens the door to reveal a simple room with only two beds and two dressers, nothing on the walls, only a dull cream coloured paint. There's another thud from downstairs. "I'm sorry, I've got to go, unpack your things. She closes the door and locks it, leaving me to panic even more. I lay down on one of the beds, it has no sheets on it, so I assume it's mine. I breathe through my anxiety. I've put myself in the worse situation imaginable, what if someone doesn't like me, everyone here is crazy, someone might actually hurt me. I hear a knock on the window behind my bed, I jump and turn around to see Callie and Sophia, they've climbed up on the roof of the garage. That's when I notice the window is barred, but still openable. I slide it up.
"What are you doing here?" I say to them. I reach out to hold Sophia's hand. I start crying.
"We tried to come to the hospital, why did you do that G?" Sophia asks.
"I wasn't trying to do that, I swear, it just went wrong." She starts crying too.
"Listen we can't stay long, we just wanted to give you this." Callie hands me an old cell phone through the bars. "Keep it hidden, if they find out you have it, you'll be even worse off than you are now."
"Thank you." I shove it into my boot. "I don't know what to do, the girls here are crazy, I'm terrified."
"You'll be okay, I promise. You'll see Callie tomorrow at school, my dad spoke to your social worker, you're being transferred to Anchor Beach." Sophia says.
"Gracie?" I hear Nancy yell.
"Go, she's coming." I slide the window shut and sit down on my bed as they scramble down off the roof. Nancy unlocks the door.
"Sorry about that," she comes to sit next to me, "Some of the girls here are very difficult."
"It's okay," I say under my breath.
"Listen, I know it's scary, but you'll be okay, you just have to keep your head down and do your chores, and you'll be going back to school tomorrow. Your doctor thinks it will be best for you to get stuck in, but don't worry you're not going to the same school as the other girls, they couldn't make a place for you, but I made some calls and got you into Anchor Beach, it was all because of your good grades, so make sure you keep those up. I'll be driving you in the bus with the other girls, just sit near the front okay? You'll be eating in the blue kitchen today, then once you're more settled in, you'll be in the brown kitchen with the calmer girls."
"Why do I have to go in the blue one to begin with?"
"It's more monitored, we have to make sure you don't try anything, in the brown kitchen you have a lot more freedom." I nod. "You'll be okay, and I'm sorry about the whole door locking thing, but you have your own bathroom, so that's something. Feel free to sit up here for a while, I'll come and get you at dinner time, then after dinner you have to help clean up and then we have group where you'll meet your roommate and then you have to go to your room and lights out at 9." She sees the expression on my face. "You'll get through it, now, try and get some rest." She leaves and locks me in. I look over to the dresser, on top there is a folded stack of bedding. I make my bed and get in. The sheets feel rough and cold, completely unwelcoming. But she's right, I can get through this. I'm strong. And at least I can go to school with Callie, she's two grades above me but I can see her at lunch. I fall asleep in the lumpy bed.