A/N: Yay! Chapter 2! These are going to be pretty bloody long chapters, but that's the way the story works best, I suppose :) Oh, and for the record, this story is going to span an esssssstimated six days, each day will be a chapter, beginning with what Remus dreamed the night before.
Ohh, and this? This is I think my favourite chapter so far :D (So far as in out of what I have written in total, not out of what I've posted.) The mental picture of Remus's freak out, and James feeding him? Too amazing!
Warning: Slash, swearing, sexual references, ect.
Disclaimer: I do not own them :O JK Rowling does.
Dedication: Melita, my tea zombie cupcake flatmate-to-be. Atria, my RP sister. Matthew, my husband times three. Andrea, my movie-with-maker, and kidnapper of me. Hannah, who I love. A lot. Thank you all :)
Brotherhood
"Well. This is odd." Remus said, and his voice echoed off the walls of his pudding prison. "Very odd indeed. I don't think I like it."
"Why ever not?" Sirius asked, stepping through one of the walls and making the whole room wobble dangerously. "I suppose it could be because we've both been wobbled by one of those dastardly puddings in the middle east. We're trapped inside a massive cube of pudding for all eternity."
"Oh god. Let me out!" Remus shrieked.
"Nonsense!" Sirius grinned. "Now we have all the time in the world to make our sweet gooey love!" He swept his admiral's hat dashingly off his head and bowed formally.
"I... what?" Remus blinked, then looked down to find himself in a rather old fashioned dress. "Oh bollocks."
"Indeed, my love." Sirius smiled, straightening up, now in full admiral wear. "We must make use of them at once."
"Wha? Oh. Oh. Sirius, no. I don't fancy losing my virginity to you, especially not while trapped in a giant cube of pudding, wearing a dress. No offence mate, I just don't feel that way about you."
"Oh. I see." Sirius pouted, then he grinned. "Playing hard to get, are we?" He tackled Remus, and they hit the floor and bounced wildly.
"Sirius, get the hell off me!" Remus shoved at him. "This isn't funny anymore Sirius, fuck off!"
"That's what I'm... gneh... trying to do!" Sirius grunted, fumbling with Remus' skirt.
"No Sirius, stop it!" Remus shoved at him, and Sirius crawled back up to lie right over Remus. Remus blushed. He did look very handsome like that, all flushed and panting and aroused, eyes sparkling with lust, hair surrounding his face, lips looking so... what? Remus stopped himself. What the hell was he thinking? He opened his mouth to say "Fuck off Sirius, this isn't funny anymore. Let's just try to find a way out and never speak of this again," but what came out was...
"Kiss me."
And Sirius did, gently, romantically, and Remus found himself kissing back, sliding his hands up Sirius' muscular arms and along his side to his back, pulling him closer. What came next all blurred into itself, and Remus couldn't quite tell what was happening, but oh god, it felt so good. So very, very...
000
"MOONY!" Sirius yelled right in his face, and Remus awoke to the sight of Sirius' face right in his, arms on either side of his head, legs straddling his stomach.
"ARGH!" Remus yelled, flailing wildly and throwing Sirius off.
"Jeeze Moony, I was just waking you up. Were you having a bad dreamy weamy?" Sirius made a baby face.
"Fuck you." Remus panted, and Sirius looked shocked. "Yes. Dream. Very bad. Excuse me." He got up and headed for the bathroom, locking the door behind him.
"It's perfectly normal, it's perfectly normal. It's just because we're a group of very close friends, very close male friends, ha ha ha, and we live in close quarters, it's perfectly natural and normal and I have nothing to worry about because even if I was dreaming about it it doesn't mean that I want to do it... ha ha ha do it oh god I am going insane right now and why did I ask Sirius to kiss me? Oh god I am insane. But no it is perfectly perfectly normal and there is nothing strange about this at all and Sirius has probably had dreams about me oh GOD what if Sirius has had dreams about me? Does that mean that he wants to... no, no, because I had a dream about him and I don't want to... do I? No no no no no I do not because I like girls and not Sirius and this is all so very wrong oh god oh god." Remus paced the bathroom nervously, wringing his hands and absolutely, absolutely refusing to glance downwards, already knowing what he would see there, but not wanting to face it yet. "I think I am going to have a shower, yes, ha ha ha, very very cold shower, and forget that this ever happened and then everything will all be alright again and Sirius will never ever know I had a dream about him and I will never ever know if he had a dream about me because I do not want to know and I will not ask because that would be disgusting and wrong, yes, yes, oh so very, very very very wrong and oh my god I have gone mad and I am going to get into the shower and stop talking and think about Herbology." Remus removed his shirt as he spoke, then risked glancing downwards and wished he hadn't.
"Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear oh dear oh dear. This is so very very very very wrong indeed oh Merlin." Scrunching his eyes, up, Remus very carefully removed his pyjama bottoms, then turned on the shower as cold as it would go and stepped inside.
"Aaah! Aaah! Oh god that's cold. Okay. Herbology. Professor Sprout. Professor Sprout naked. Naked and rubbing herself with mud. Naked and rubbing Professor McGonagall with mud. Oh fuck. Professor Dumbledore naked and rubbing Professor McGonagall with mud? Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck." He hit his head against the wall. Unbidden, an image of Sirius the way he had looked straddling Remus in his dream meandered back into his head, and Remus gasped, then groaned. "Fuck off fuck off fuck off. Go away. I don't want you there. Fuck, he's gor... NO! McGonagall doing Dumbledore up the arse with a strap on? Oh god. Ohhh god."
Not wanting to think about what he was doing, even less why he was doing it, Remus slowly reached downwards, eyes scrunched closed.
000
"Finally Moony, bloody hell!" Sirius grinned, when Remus emerged in a towel, having forgotten to bring clothes in his haste. "I was beginning to worry that a shower monster had eaten you! The view is certainly worth the wait though." Sirius smirked, lounging on his bed looking oh god so handsome but NO mustn't think these thoughts. Remus squatted down to grab his clothes, then went and got changed behind his bed.
"What's the matter, Moony? Are you okay?" Sirius asked concernedly, sitting up.
"Nothing! I'm fine, fine, finey fine, fine and dandy. Why wouldn't I be?" Remus laughed, tripping over his trousers and cursing.
"You're kinda flighty... Sure everything's okay?"
"As okay as a pudding cube! Oh god oh god I did not say or think that shut up please Remus."
"Ummmm..." Sirius blinked. "I get the feeling I'm missing something here. What's going on?"
"Nothing at all and especially nothing involving you and nothing involving me say what do you think's for breakfast?"
Sirius got up and walked over to Remus, who shrieked slightly. "Remus. Something is wrong. Please tell me, I'm worried."
"Ahh... umm... No, it's nothing. Nothing at all in any way. I'm just full of energy."
"And that in itself is strange. Remus, I'm not leaving until you talk to me." Sirius sat down on Remus' bed and folded his arms, staring up at his friend.
"Oh balls." Remus sighed. "I mean not balls please do...." He sighed again and flopped down next to Sirius, feeling distinctly shirtless. "I had... fuck. I can't believe I'm saying this. I had a... a dream. And there was me and..."
"OH!" Sirius grinned. "That's adorable! Your first wet dream! Don't worry Moony, everyone has them. Just whack one off before breakfast, and it's a jolly good time had by all."
"NO! No, that's not what worried me, Sirius. God you're an idiot. I'm seventeen, I've had wet dreams before. No I mean, it was... it was the person. And.... okay, you can't tell anyone this, not even James or Peter and maybe I shouldn't tell you because I am insane and this is so wrong oh god."
"Was it McGonagall? Don't worry mate, we've all been there, just sit back and enjoy. She's a right fox, isn't she?"
"No, no, it was a friend of mine, but this friend is beyond off limits, and I don't even think I like h... them that way, but it felt really good, like, REALLY good, and I am insane."
"Was it Lily?" Sirius asked, and Remus blinked.
"What? No, no, no. Much more off limits than Lily. So very very wrong oh god."
"Bloody hell, no one's more off limits than Lily! You're mental!"
"Oh no, there are people more off limits. So much more off limits. I should definitely not be having this conversation with you. Oh dear."
"Moony, it's fine. You can tell me anything, you know. Even if your secret love muffin is Dumbledore or something." He paused. "It's not Dumbledore, is it?"
"What? No, don't be gross. It... oh balls, I can't tell you. I know I can tell you anything Sirius, but not this."
"Okay Moony, I guess I'll start with the basics... were they our age, or older, or younger?"
"Our age. I'm not doing this."
"You bloody well are. Close friend or acquaintance."
"Close friend."
"Male or female?"
"..." Remus sighed, putting his head in his hands and doubling over.
"Ahhh. Here we are." Sirius nodded. "It was a guy, wasn't it?"
"Yeah." Remus sighed.
"One of us?"
"Yeah. I'm not telling you who though."
"Fair enough." Sirius nodded. "It's normal. I think we've all had the dreams. Do... do you actually have feelings for whoever it was?"
"No! I mean... I don't... no. No that's wrong. Look Sirius, this is probably nothing, I don't need any big psychoanalysis thing, it was just a dream, something normal, like you said. I wonder what's for breakfast." Remus jumped up and headed for his trunk, rummaging for a shirt.
"Do you love him?" Sirius asked quietly.
Remus stopped dead mid-rummage. "I.... I love all of you. You know that. You're my family."
"You know what I mean." There was something dark about the way he said it, and Sirius wasn't looking at Remus.
"I... No. No. That's - that's gross and wrong and I'm not a poofter!"
"Remus!"
"Look, I just. I can't have this conversation. It's just... it's too much, okay? I have to go have breakfast. So do you. And you can joke with James about being marmalade admirals or something and everything will be normal and this never happened, okay?" Remus didn't wait for an answer, just turned tail and fled, clean shirt and tie in his hands.
000
"What's wrong, Moony? James asked as Remus sat down next to him. "Where's Sirius?"
"I don't know. Why would I know? I'm not his wife. I mean his mother. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?" Remus sighed, and whacked his face dully on his thankfully empty plate.
"Ohhhhhhkay. Do you want to talk about it?" James asked calmly, buttering toast for Remus.
"No. Because you'll behave just the same way Sirius did and oh gods I bet he was disgusted by me and he never wants to see me again and I hate my life."
"I.... think I may have missed something here." James blinked. "Care to share?"
"Well I told Sirius something and it's something kind of strange that I'm freaking out about and then he started freaking out and now Sirius hates me." Remus told his plate.
"Sirius could never hate you. He adores you. He's probably just doing some complicated Sirius thing, and he's going to snap out of it any moment and start shoving marmalade down your trousers."
"That would be the problem." Remus sighed. "Oh fuck it. James, I can tell you anything, right?"
"I will not judge, and will take the information to my grave." He nodded.
"Well. I had. I cannot believe I am doing this again.... I had a wet dream last night. About... about Sirius."
James blinked, twitching slightly. "And you told him that?"
"No! I didn't want to tell him anything but he kept asking me questions, and eventually I told him it was one of us and I didn't want to talk about it, and he got all weird and started asking if I was in love with him. I mean, the guy I had a dream about. Which was Sirius, but Sirius doesn't know it was Sirius. And I ran away and now I'm here."
"I see." James said slowly. "Sirius seemed weird?"
"Really weird. He was all quiet and mysteriousish and I think I grossed him out."
"And are you?"
"Am I what?"
"In love. With him."
"OH! No. No. I don't think so. No. That's... that's wrong."
"Most people would say the same about your furry little problem." James raised an eyebrow.
"Bu-" Remus stopped. "Okay. But... No. I don't think. I. No! I don't fancy Sirius! You're being ridiculous, James!"
"Okay, I was just asking. Here. Get your head off the table, and have some toast."
"Does it have marmalade?"
"Of course." James smiled. Remus groaned, and thumped his head on his plate again.
"What's wrong? You like marma-ohhhh. There was marmalade involved last night, wasn't there?"
Remus hit his head on the plate. "I would explain, but Sirius' mind is too twisted."
"Fair enough." He slid the toast onto his own plate, buttered a fresh slice, and stuck it in Remus' mouth. "Now chew. I won't have your stomach growling all through our morning classes."
Remus chewed obediently, then swallowed. "Thanks James."
"No problem." He smiled. "You realise though, that when Lily inevitably breaks up with me because I'm such an idiot, this means you have to be the one to comfort me."
"Dammit." Remus smiled. "There's always a catch."
"Never expect anything for free." James nodded. "Unless you're getting it from Narcissa." He added. Remus laughed.
"Morning guys." Peter smiled, sitting down opposite them. "Where's Sirius?"
Remus groaned and hit his head on his plate again. "Don't mention him. Just pleeeease don't. Uggggghhhhhhh."
"Argument?" Peter asked, heaping scrambled eggs onto his plate.
"Of a sort." James shrugged, buttering Remus another piece of toast. "Did you see Lily when you were coming down, Pete?"
"Nope. She's always late down though. Doing makeup and girl things." Peter shoved his fork into the mass of scrambled eggs and put it in his mouth.
"Fair enough." James sighed. "I wish girl things were quicker."
"If girl things were quicker, I wouldn't look half as nice." Lily smiled, sitting down next to James. "Where's-"
"Firstly, don't mention him, or Remus might melt through the table." James said calmly, sticking a piece of toast into Remus' mouth. "And secondly, you will always look exactly as lovely as you do right now."
"Mmm." Lily smiled, kissing him. "You've never seen me first thing in the morning. And what's with Remus and... you know?"
"Guy stuff." James shrugged. "Can't really explain. No need to worry."
"Looks pretty worrying." Lily arched an eyebrow, watching Remus chew, face still on his plate. He swallowed, and spoke with a sigh.
"I'll be fine, Lily. I just... Ugh. Sirius didn't even fucking do anything. I mean... obviously he did, but... ah fuck it."
"Sure?" She eyed him.
"It's fine." He nodded, scraping the plate against the table. "More toast, James?"
James obliged without a word, putting the toast gently into his friend's mouth.
000
Sirius didn't show up until halfway through Charms, their second class of the day. When Professor Flitwick asked where he had been he merely said "Slept in," before sitting down next to James and staring blankly through most of the lesson. After class, James dragged him out of the room straight away, Remus watching them go confusedly. He went to breakfast with Peter, and waited for James to come tell him what happened. He was surprised when, halfway through lunch, Sirius came in and sat next to him.
"I have been a twat. I have been a whole BARREL of twats."
"Sirius..."
"No, I have been more than a barrel of twats. I have been a whole armada of twats, sailing out from the port of arseholery and out into the seas of being-a-complete-berk."
"Sirius..."
"'But no!' I cried. 'We must not be a git to Moony! Moony is our English Librarian Bird, and we must treasure him, for who else will make sweet gooey love with me all night in my twat armada?' but the twats said 'screw you, titface.' and fired their dickhead torpedoes and total cock harpoons at you."
Remus was unable to hold back his laughter. "Sirius..."
"So am I forgiven?"
"Of course you are." Remus beamed. Sirius grinned, and bear-hugged Remus, almost lifting him off his seat.
"Moooony!"
"Ack! I need to breathe, Sirius!" Remus choked.
"Fair enough." Sirius smirked. "I need to eat. I skipped breakfast because of you, you know. Bloody famished." He said lightly, shovelling food onto his plate.
"Well that was a bloody stupid thing to do. Why not just go down to the kitchens?" Remus asked, helping himself to some buttered scones.
"House elves get annoyed if you come down at mealtime. I've tried it before, they just snap at me to get up to the great hall and shove me out. Their hands are really at an unfortunate height, you know."
"No I didn't. Nor did I want to." Remus glared at him.
"Well, now you do, and there's nothing I can do about it."
"You could obliviate me?"
"No can do I'm afraid, my lad. Eating." And to demonstrate, he shoved an entire sausage in his mouth at once.
"Ew." Remus scrunched his face up. "Never ever do that again."
"Haggwah." Sirius said with supreme effort.
"Poignant." Remus nodded, taking a bite of scone himself. "Blargh."
"Gwuffyhungweh?"
"Hulglah."
"Nice to see there's intelligent discussion going on here." Lily smiled, sitting down opposite them, with James. "That's really rather disgusting."
"Bwagweeah!" Sirius said gleefully, and she pointed her wand at him.
"Watch it, or I'll hex that food to stay there forever."
Remus swallowed massively. "But then you'd have to look at it every time you talked to him."
"I wouldn't mind a Sirius free life." She shrugged. "It'd make things a lot less gross."
"And a lot more boring, my pet." James reminded her, touching her shoulder lightly.
"I can live with it. And please don't ever call me your pet again."
"Fair enough, pumpkin."
Lily shuddered lightly, and turned to Remus. "So you guys made up? What was all this over, anyway? I don't think I've ever even seen you say bad things about each other before."
"Oh... it was just a thing. And there was that time we weren't speaking in sixth year... That was over something way more serious though."
Sirius nodded. "I did some stuff I shouldn't have. I still think you should have hanged me off the Whomping Willow, Moony."
"And I told you it'd be too hard to get close enough. I'm still trying to come up with a punishment horrific enough."
"You could grate me with an electrocuted cheese grater and then eat me on toast?"
"Where am I going to get an electrocuted cheese grater?"
"Just ask Filch! Tell him you're using it on me, and he'll be happy to help!"
"... Tempting. Possibly. Got anything better?"
"Ummmm... transfigure me into a Scouser?"
"Oh come on Sirius, you know you can come up with something more interesting than that. Try again."
"Uhhhh use my balls in one of your famed exploding potions?"
"Sirius, you're not even trying anymore. All the spark's gone out of our relationship. I'm sorry, but I think we should start threatening other people."
"But... but... I thought you loved me!"
"I did, but lately you don't seem to care at all when we banter! It's all become too routine for you, hasn't it?"
"That's only because you refused to use those toys I bought!"
"Those things looked like they were gonna kill me! Of course I wasn't gonna use them!"
"You were supposed to use them on me, you twat! You never beat the crap out of me anymore. Not the way you used to..."
"I just don't have the energy for it, you're not making any effort to make me want to anymore!"
"Remember that one time... with the cucumber..."
"Oh yeah." Remus smiled reminiscently. "You screamed like a little girl."
"It was magical."
"I'm sorry for what I said my love. Care to reenact it?"
"I thought you would never ask." Sirius beamed, and Remus took up a cucumber and started belting him across the head with it. Sirius laughed wildly, getting up and running between the tables for the door, Remus racing after him and whacking him whenever he got close enough. Eventually Remus managed to tackle Sirius and pin him, beating him with the cucumber while he laughed hysterically. They stopped when the cucumber snapped in two and hit the face of Professor McGonagall, who was glaring at the two of them.
"My love!" Sirius cried, wiggling out from under Remus.
"And what exactly are you two doing?"
"Reliving fond memories." Sirius smiled, and she raised an eyebrow, somehow managing to look stern and irritated even with bits of mangled cucumber dripping down her face.
"Twenty points from Gryffindor. Each! As seventh years, I expect the two of you to know better and not disturb lunch! Especially you, Mr. Lupin, a prefect!"
"I'm sorry, Professor." Remus said, getting to his feet and helping Sirius up. "It was just kind of... a thing."
"Well I expect you to ensure this 'thing' never happens again." She snapped, and returned to the head table, conjuring a napkin which she used to clean her face. Sirius and Remus returned to their table, both laughing.
"What was that all about? I think I missed about eight tenths of that conversation." Lily said as they sat down.
"You must have missed the great cucumber duel of '76." Sirius said solemnly. "It was a monumentous occasion in which Remus and I duelled in the Great Hall with cucumbers, and when he knocked my weapon out of my hand, he proceeded to beat me senseless. Remus actually managed to send me to hospital wing using only a cucumber."
"It was the crowning achievement of my school career to date." Remus nodded. "What a glorious day that was."
"Pomfrey almost died laughing when I told her what happened." Sirius agreed. "It was amazing."
"The look on her face." James agreed, grinning. "Remus just about broke Sirius' nose. It was probably the best day of her career."
"Just about? He did break my nose, you twonk! It was gushing blood and all bent at a funny angle and everything. It was brilliant."
"I am a fruit ninja." Remus said, squinting his eyes dangerously.
"Cucumber's not a fruit, you prat, it's a vegetable!" James said.
"It's a fruit. It has seeds." Remus said. "Besides, you were in hospital the day of the almighty Duel Of The Grapefruits."
"That was a fun one." Sirius grinned. "Those things are hard when they hit you in the head though."
"I know, you were unconscious for about five minutes afterwards. I almost took you to hospital, but then you woke up and slapped me with a banana."
"If you've ever wondered where I get my brain damage..." Sirius smirked, and pointed to Remus.
"He deserved it." Remus shrugged. "How was I supposed to know I'd create a monster?"
"You all secretly love me. Some less secretly than others." Sirius winked at James.
"Buggar off. I've got a bird now, I don't need you anymore. Go make violent cucumbery love with your English Librarian Bird."
"Maybe I will." Sirius smiled. "How about it, pet?"
"Go eat a cock."
"That was the general idea." Sirius smirked, waggling his eyebrows.
"Nevertheless, the answer is still no."
"Bugger."
"Not that either."
"Please?"
"No."
"Pretty please?"
"No."
"Pretty please with fresh killed pudding on top?"
"No no no no."
"Pretty please with fresh killed pudding, and a twat armada led by a glorious marmalade admiral on top?"
"No no no no no no no."
"Pre-"
"No."
"Bu-"
"No."
"Remusisawesome."
"Yes."
"Dammit!"
"Mwahahahahaha."
"You're too quick for me."
"Which is another reason to say no. You can never keep up."
"Hey!"
"Or keep it up..."
"OUCH!"
"Imagine how I feel."
"You're a filthy liar."
"And you're a shitty lover. I don't think I want to be your English Librarian Bird anymore."
Sirius gasped. "Moony! You can't say that! What about everything we had?"
"I'm just not feeling it anymore, tiger. Our marriage is practically a sham already, I can't keep doing this."
"But what about the cucumber fight we just had! Didn't that mean anything to you?"
"It was just one last go before I left, I'm afraid."
"Don't go, Moony! I can try harder! I can be better! I'll do anything, please stay!"
"Hmm. Jump up and down."
Sirius obliged.
"Do a twirl."
And again...
"Pretend you're a bunny."
Sirius snuffled and stuck out his teeth and flapped his hands on top of his head.
"Sleep on my feet tonight to keep them warm."
"I do that anyway!"
"He does." James confided in Lily.
"Alright, you can stay." Remus sighed, as though making some great sacrifice. "I've kind of gotten used to having you around anyway."
"Yessss! I can stayyyy!" Sirius jumped up and down gleefully, and hugged Remus. "Oh Moony, you've made me the happiest androgyne in the world!" He kissed Remus on the cheek.
"Gross, Sirius." Remus wiped his cheek. "Is androgyne even a word?"
"I have no idea." Sirius shrugged. "But it is now!"
"Fair enough." Remus said. "Now sit down, bitch!"
"As you command!" Sirius grinned. "We should buy me a collar!"
"Maybe. We'll see." Remus smiled.
000
"Rawr." Sirius smiled, sitting on Remus' feet as he got into bed. "Your fuzzy hot water bottle awaits."
"Did James mean that, about you doing this every night?" Remus asked, closing the curtains around his bed.
"Only some nights." Sirius confessed. "Remember when we were younger, and I used to crawl into your bed when I got scared? I never really stopped doing that... I just sleep on your feet as a dog now instead of next to you. I'm up before you so you never notice, and it helps me sleep. I don't like sleeping alone."
"I wish you'd told me, but that's fair enough." Remus smiled, snuggling down. "Now hurry up, my feet are cold!"
"As you wish." Sirius smiled, and Remus felt his form shift on his feet, then the skittering of claws along his side, and a warm, rough tongue on his cheek.
"Goodnight to you too, Padfoot." He smiled, falling asleep.
A/N: Woot! And now review responses!
The Girl Of Many Fandoms: XD thank you! Your review seriously made my entire week XD
HinataHguya-NarutoLover: There isn't gonna be a sequel I think, because I still have to think of an ending for this one XD Here's the next chapter though :)
HMxEB4ever: lol it just seems like the sort of completely random thing the Marauders would do to me XD
bloodydarkwolf: Hahaha your review had me giggling all day. I did so enjoy that bow, although the sweet, marmaladey love would be awesome too :) I suppose I'll have to find someone else to make sweet, sticky, marmaladey love to... -sigh-