Disclaimers: JKR still owns it all. I write AU/OOC...if you want canon you picked the wrong story.

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to DISAPPOINTED. Sorry you aren't enjoying the story, lovey, but I plan to post another five chapters.

WHEN LUCY MET HARRY: CH. 2

Dudley made sure Draco was tucked up safely with Harry before he went to his own bedroom to lie down. (What is the mentality of a gay male entrusting his gay partner into the care of another gay male? Is there an unwritten law somewhere that says if you put two bitches together it is fine?) He could not believe that the sweet little blond really seemed to like him. He made a mental note to ask Harry all about DRACO tomorrow after his father had come to retrieve him from the Dursley house.

Harry and Draco, teeth brushed and makeup scrubbed off, were lying propped up against the pillows giggling together about guys. "What do you see in Dudley, Draco?" Harry was asking in a curious non-critical kind of voice. (Ever since he was allowed to do magic and actually had enough time to talk to Dudley he had become fascinated with his family. They, in turn, would now sit with him for hours, watching, observing, and oftentimes talking to him about being a wizard.)

Draco's silver-blue eyes glowed with happiness. "It is just the most incredible thing, Harry. You know how I have spent most of my life being surrounded by wizards who are just incredibly vile and only suck up to me because I'm the Malfoy Heir."

Harry nodded. "Yeah! I know what it feels like. Most people do not see me, they see my scar. I don't know whom to trust because I feel like everyone just wants my popularity. They could not care less about me as a person with feelings, needs, wants and desires." He huffed slightly and shifted his spiky fringe slightly. "I hope that Lucius is different!"

"Hey! Daddy killed the Dark Lord so that he would not hurt you. And, he respects you enough not to demand sex before you even have a relationship started. Of course, if he plans to marry you, he won't risk having sex with you at all until he takes you back to Malfoy Manor with him."

Draco's face flushed slightly before going on a bit more breathlessly, "Just wait until he carries you across the threshold and up the stairs to the master suite! He has told me a hundred times that if a Malfoy ever marries a virgin and takes them for the first time in the Malfoy chambers, the curse of only producing one Malfoy heir will be broken!"

Harry whimpered with excitement. "Hush Draco! I just met him and now I'm all excited about all the possibilities!" He squirmed around and then snuggled down further into his pillows. "Thanks for telling me that, Draco. I promise that if we do decide to get together that I won't abuse your trust in me."

Draco sighed, and then whispered, "Tell me about Dudley!"

Harry coughed slightly. "I have seen a different side of my cousin this summer, Draco. But, I can tell you now that he can be really mean at times. He made my life a living hell when we were little. He still likes to get really rough. He is only nice to me sometimes because he is afraid I will hex him seven sides of Sunday."

Draco laughed. "Who do you think the original mean bastard is, Harry? I just can't get past the fact that he does not know me, my family, or any of the Malfoy baggage and he really seems to like me for myself!"

The two of them lay there giggling for a few minutes until Petunia opened the door and walked over to the bed.

Harry patted the bed and she sat down. "You two really do need to go to sleep! It is almost three o'clock in the morning and you have to be up at 8 a.m. if we are to go into London to the shops."

"We are just so excited, Aunt Petunia!" Harry grinned at her.

"I can imagine!" Then looking at the lumps on his chest that were covered up by the soft flannel pajama top she asked curiously, "Why did you want breasts, Harry? How long will they last? Maybe I should ask you to cast that spell on me." She rambled on as Harry and Draco kept track of the questions.

Harry grinned. "Since I am really a guy the spell will wear off in about a week. However, I have been thinking about brewing a potion to change myself into a girl." He wrinkled his cute little nose then added, "The potion should be good for about a month. Of course there are a few potions that are permanent but I do kind of like having my bits so I probably won't do that."

Draco nodded his head. "Yeah, it is a tough decision. Daddy is probably going to want me to wait until he marries again and breaks the curse on the Malfoy family before he allows me to do any potions or such." He fussed lightly as he glanced enviously at Harry's cleavage. "I know he won't even let me transfigure breasts. And I should so like to have some just like yours."

Petunia smiled at him. "Well, I do hope everything works out well for your family. I really have enjoyed meeting you. I think you are the first boy Dudley has ever been enamored with." She gave a sigh and tugged at the cap that held her curlers in place. "I suppose I should really go back to bed."

Harry and Draco exchanged nods. As Petunia started to walk out the door she noticed that her nightie was tight enough in the chest to be almost uncomfortable. She looked down and gasped in pleased surprise. Squealing delightedly she turned and went back to the boys. She gave each one of them a quick hug and a peck on the cheek before darting out of the room calling excitedly for Vernon to wake up.

Draco and Harry grinned at each other. "Reckon we had better cast a silencing charm on their room?"

Draco smirked. "Nah! Let's go wake Duds up. Maybe we can learn something." Harry was not to sure about it but nodded an ok.

Draco squeaked excitedly then made a mad dash out of the room and across the hall. He was back with a fully alert Dudley Dursley in less than a minute. Dudley beamed at them before whispering, "I am so glad you two are normal teenage guys sometimes."

Harry ducked his head, a slight blush pinkening his cheeks. "Maybe we should cast the charm." He said in a low voice.

Draco and Dudley both hissed for him to be quiet as the unmistakable sounds of a bed squeaking became audible. Dudley finally reached over and slung an arm around Harry. "It's ok, Harry. It is just that this is the first time those two have ever made out with us in the house and if we can figure out what it is that Dad does wrong maybe we explain it to him. Just imagine- a happy father." He cocked his head slightly to better catch the noise. Giving Draco a confused look he mumbled, "Now that was really peculiar!"

Vernon was sitting at the kitchen table, red-faced, when the boys came down stairs at 8:00 am. Dudley sat down beside his dad and gave him an affectionate hug, then whispered, "It's alright, Dad. You are not the first guy to break the bed!"

Draco drifted over to the table from the refrigerator where he had been searching for yogurt and orange juice. "Mr. Dursley, you did not do a half bad job of it. No harm done really. Besides, Aunt Petunia thinks that waterbed that Harry and I transfigured it into is awesome. She is not going to complain."

Vernon was still embarrassed.

Harry came down stairs wearing a black lycra halter top with spaghetti straps and beads around the hem, a blue denim mini shirt and a pair of chunky tennis shoes. He grinned at the boy and then looked over at Uncle Vernon. After observing him for a few seconds he said, "Uncle Vernon?"

The older man looked up at his strange nephew. "Yes, Harry?" His voice was actually calm.

"Aunt Petunia is happier this morning than she has been for years. Don't ruin it for her." He then pointed his wand at Vernon's newspaper and muttered something to the effect of Inscriptus Fragratorius. The spell literally changed the newspaper into a huge bouquet of wildflowers. "Now take those upstairs to her and tell her that I am making her favorite breakfast and she needs to come down soon." He went about making breakfast.

Dudley looked at Harry rather funny. "What is mummy's favorite breakfast?"

Harry giggled. "Her favorite breakfast is lightly buttered toast with sliced fresh red tomatoes, evenly seasoned with salt and pepper. You did not actually think she ate much of that fried stuff she feeds you and Uncle Vernon did you?"

Dudley pouted. "You had better show me how to do some of the cooking. Maybe if I get to play with food more I won't want to eat so much all the time." Then he smiled at Draco and added sweetly, "Besides, I need to lose weight so that I keep up with you all."

Draco nodded happily and went back to eating his yogurt.

Harry looked up from pulling a carton of eggs out of the fridge. "Are you sure Duds? I'd love to help you get your weight under control. Maybe Uncle Vernon could be persuaded to lose some weight too. Only thing is I will not use magic to help. It will be all your' doing if you are serious."

Petunia came bouncing into the kitchen just as the boys were finishing up. "Now, boys, we need to talk about what happened last night before we go into London today."

Draco tuned huge innocent blue-gray eyes to her. "That's right Aunt Petunia. You all need to tell Harry what happened last night after he went out dancing with the guys."

Petunia started snickering at the memory. "Well." She took a few gasping breaths. "It really was quite something."

Draco rolled his eyes. Dudley could not hold his laughter in either. Harry just looked at the three of them, one eyebrow raised in a Snapesque fashion.

Finally, Petunia spoke. "Vernon had forgotten Mrs. Figgs name and called her the Frog Lady. So when I rang round to her place I asked to speak to the Frog Lady. She screamed at me for about five minutes before I could get another word in edgewise. Eventually Vernon took the phone away from me because I was laughing so hard that he thought she had made me cry. In the middle of him screaming at her to shut up and listen he noticed that Draco was here."

Dudley beamed happily as Draco ducked his head to hide the blush invading his cheeks. Dudley announced, "Dad screamed at me to get the little slut out of his house before he threw her out. He went totally ballistic when he found out that 'she' was actually a 'he'."

Vernon came back into the kitchen to see what was happening. He kept hearing laughter and wanted to be a part of it. "Dudders!" He grinned at his son as he shook his head. From there he looked at Draco sitting close to his son, next to Harry who was perched on the kitchen counter swinging his left leg back and forth like a clock pendulum, settling at last on Petunia.

He picked up the thread of the conversation. "That was totally strange last night when that really old guy named Bumbledork showed up with that bunch of artists." He shook his head at them. "That old guy should be locked up somewhere. As for those guys passing themselves off as artists- well, they were an odd bunch even by artsy standards."

He scratched his jaw where he had forgotten to shave a spot of hair as he considered his next words. "They honestly reminded me of that modern dance company that we went to see a few months ago. You remember them don't you, Pet? You know who I mean. That one guy with the glass eye, the wooden leg, and the holes in his nose reminded me of that girl- she was dressed like a scarecrow and acted like she was sticking paper clips in the electrical outlets when no one was looking."

Petunia nodded, after all these years of being married to him she understood perfectly; maybe too perfectly at times. At any rate, she was feeling benevolent so she was going to be agreeable. That did not preclude her ducking and running when it became necessary. Knowing that one of his lectures was coming on she jumped up from her chair pretending to be shocked and shrieked, "OH! Look boys! We really do need to go now."

Harry grinned, "Coming with, Duds?"

Dudley looked tempted but after looking down at his bulk then at the other three he started to shake his head no. Draco saw his look and understood what he was thinking- it hurt his feelings that Dudley was starting to be sensitive all of a sudden. He was about to get into a discussion with him about appearances only being part of the package when there was a knock on the door.

Vernon got up and went to let the new guests in. Lucius Malfoy, Severus Snape, and Blaise Zabini were standing there dressed in SWAT team uniforms (American riot control group).

Lucius grabbed Vernon and shook his hand. "It is a damn fine day to meet you, Vernon. When we are finished getting things straight at the ministry I will expect you and the family to come over to Malfoy Manor to visit for a few days." Then looking around and seeing Harry and Petunia both showing some leg he grinned, "Not today girls!" He zapped them both changing their clothes to match everyone else. Then as they were all looking at each other wondering WTF? He began bellowing, "Come on! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!" (Anyone have visions just then of a King Prawn?)

Dudley found himself wearing a SWAT team suit and running out the door with everyone else. He was about to protest having to go into London dressed like that when he heard Snape tell Petunia that she could drive the bus if she wanted to. Pet went into raptures as she promptly sat down in her seat, fastened her belt and peeled the hell out of the parking space.

"Tell me one more time what it is that we are doing?" Draco whispered to Blaise as Harry scooted as close to them as he could.

"We need to storm a warehouse down by the docks. Tonks picked up some information yesterday that led Shackelbolt to conclude that Charley Weasley might be being held captive there. You do know that Charley has been missing since about the same time that Narcissa left Malfoy Manor."

Draco sighed. "Poor mummy. I do hope that we can find her and get her some help before she does something stupid."

Lucius overheard this remark. "I should think that she has already done something stupid. My guess is she captured Weasley because he is good breeding stock, he's a pure blood, and he is unattached. Severus told us this morning that there was a break-in at his lab a week or so ago and several fertility potions were stolen."

Snape actually giggled as he said, "Obviously Narcissa did not get out much. Otherwise she would have known that any Weasley that has undergone puberty wouldn't need to be kidnapped or have a fertility potion forced down them."

All three boys snorted as they had various flashbacks of the Weasley brood 'in the mood'. It was common knowledge that when Fred and George left in their 7th year, both Katie and Angelina were preggers. Hermione, smart as a witch comes, had also forgotten to cast anti-stork charms. Arthur had given up on hoping he would have at least one child without an over-active sex drive- Ginny Wesley had been fitted with an enchanted chastity belt which was guaranteed not to come off until she either finished her training as a Healer or was married.

Harry huffed at his fringe as it slid down in front of his eyes. "So, she wants more babies, right?" He looked up at Lucius. "She left you because of the curse." It was a statement not a question and Lucius nodded the affirmative.

Before they could say anything else Petunia's voice came over the intercom. "We are currently about five minutes out from our destination. I am going to pull over up here and let Mr. Shackelbolt brief us on the mission.

AN: Who'd 'ave thought that Pet would make such a good bus driver? Or, a SWAT team member? What the hell, let's send her name in and see if she gets picked to be a Bond Girl! He just isn't allowed to kiss her- we want our Pet alive and well and kicking ass!