It was too sunny out.

The light that snuck into my bedroom beneath thick purple curtains was nothing short of annoying, and only served as a reminder of the fact that Opie would never feel the sun on his skin again. Instead of getting out of bed like I should have, instead of pulling the covers off of my body and finding my phone to call Gemma and tell her I'd be back to work today, I pulled the covers over my head.

I nestled deeper into Opie's side of the bed and tucked his pillow into my arms.

If he was here he'd wrestle it out of my tight grip and press his mouth to mine. He'd smile against my mouth and slide his hand into my panties hoping he'd get lucky.

Today there was no one but me in our king size bed and the loneliness was crippling.

Instead of me calling Gemma, it would seem that she was calling me, because my phone began to ring loudly on the nightstand behind me.

I put it to my ear and said hello.

"Lola?"

I groaned.

"I'm getting dressed."

Gemm snorted in my ear.

"I know this ain't the best time baby, but I need a favor."

I knew that she wasn't kidding.

"What's wrong Gem? Is it Jax?," I asked, jumping out of bed.

"No, I need ya to post my bail. I fucked up and I didn't have anyone else to call," She said softly.

She sounded tired, and I didn't hesitate.

"Don't worry about the money, Gem. I'll be there in a jiffy."

I climbed into the shower, turning the water on to near scalding, and sighed.

I wanted to get out of the house, but everywhere I looked something reminded me of the fact that Opie wasn't here.

Every day Jax would call me, but it was very rarely that I would actually let him in. It was very rarely that I would open the door, and even though he had a key, for the most part he appreciated my boundaries.

I'm terrible.

Terrible, awful.

Except for two nights ago when I'd awoken to him climbing into bed with me.

It was dark out.

I jerked awake, suddenly aware of another presence in the room. The telltale rustle of leather on denim told me it was Jax, and the scent that usually emanated from his pores washed over me. Nicotine, motor oil, whiskey, and the subtle scent of whatever cologne he favored.

I sat up in bed, dropping the covers from my body as I turned to my side so I could watch him. Even in the darkness I could see the grief marring his face. His face was drawn down into a frown that rivaled mine, and it wasn't until he made it down to his boxers and socks that he said something.

"I can't sleep. I didn't want to be alone."

I knew what he meant, what that translated into: I miss Opie so much that I can't stand to close my eyes.

Instead of answering him, I tugged the blankets off of me and made room for him.

He glanced at me thankfully and climbed in beside me, wrapping one strong arm around my waist.

"You're losing too much weight," He's whispered into my ear.

I knew that he was right, but I didn't care.

"I'm fine."

"About as fine as me, maybe. Close your eyes, Lola. Get some sleep. I'll be here in the morning."

I'd done as he said, closed my eyes and fallen asleep. And when I'd awoken, he was there, shirtless and wearing nothing but a pair of threadbare sweatpants. With one hand held out, he'd offered me a fresh cup of coffee.

I'd taken it.

No words were spoken as we'd readied for the day, and apart from a kiss to my forehead, we had no further connection.

As I slid into a pair of leggings and a fresh SAMCRO tank top, I slid into my biker boots and brushed my hair out. Falling just past my shoulders, it was a riot of black curls that bothered the hell out of me. Today was the first day I'd brushed it in a while, and it felt so good to be clean.

As I slid my purse strap over my shoulder, I pocketed my phone and made my way out the door, pausing at the sight of our old rusty pick up truck. After climbing inside I turned on the radio and lit a cigarette hoping that would clear my head. It didn't, instead it only served as yet another reminder of the fact that I was lost.

Lost, lost, lost.

Pulling into the jail parking lot, I kept an eye out for Gemma. When I watched her strut her stuff as she exited the building, she paused mid-step and cast me one of her signature smirks.

As she opened the truck door, she just sighed and hopped in.

"You look like hell, baby."

I laughed, reaching over to kiss her cheek.

"Says the woman who spent the night in jail. What'd you do this time?," I asked as I pulled out onto the street. She hung her head in shame and shrugged.

"I fucked it all up, Lo. With Nero."

I winced, taking her hand into mine.

"It'll all work out, Gem," I assured her.

Her somber eyes told me she didn't believe me but that didn't matter. What mattered was that she'd just given me the motivation I needed to move forward. To escape my head, to escape that bed of mine at home. To open my eyes everyday with the intention of living my life.

Ope would want that.

He'd want me to live.

Gemma tightened her hold on my hand as we pulled onto the lot, and I kissed the back of her hand.

"Why don't you handle your business and let me handle the lot today? Head on home, clean yourself up," I suggested. Her gaze was intense as she looked at me.

"Damn I missed you, baby. Thank you. Are you sure you're up for it?," She asked gently.

I patted her hand and nodded.

"Gotta get back in the game. Opie would want that."

She didn't say another word as she climbed out of the truck. I myself hopped out soon after, tucking my phone into my back pocket. I was tying my long hair into a knot on the top of my head when I heard a familiar cat call come from the garage.

"Well, if it ain't the most beautiful woman in all of Charming," Tig called as he wiped his hands on a red bandana. I snorted.

"More like Cali, ya old fart."

He laughed, wiggled his eyebrows, and motioned for me to move in for a hug.

He wrapped his strong arms around me, whispering how much he'd missed me in my ear. I felt at ease as he released me, I felt better.

"I missed you too," I said as I patted his cheek.

He dropped a kiss to my temple as he motioned towards the office.

"Chucky is havin' a hell of a time tryin' to keep this place afloat. He'll be excited to see ya, sweetheart."

I smiled at that, because Chucky was the sweetest man.

"I'm excited to see him," I admitted. Tig watched me silently for a moment, an unreadable expression on his face, before he waved and turned towards the clubhouse.

As I made my way into the office, I saw the man of the minute and smiled wide,

"Who is that handsome man?," I called, reveling in the shy smile Chucky gave to me. He waved at me and I kissed his cheek.

"Why don't you head inside and make me a cup of Irish coffee, heavy on the whiskey. I'll get this place up and runnin'," I said with a wink.

His smile of relief was all I needed to see as he nodded.

"I accept that," He murmured as he headed towards the newly renovated clubhouse.

I glanced behind me, to see a familiar line of bikes parked off to the side of the lot.

Opie's was still parked right where'd I'd left it, glinting in the sunlight.

I was in the middle of remembering of when he'd taken me for my first ride on the back of that bike when I felt a hand land on my shoulder.

I jumped, catching a grin from Chibs.

"How ya doin', lass?," He asked as he wrapped me up in his arms.

I lied.

"I'm okay," I said softly.

He scoffed and tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear.

"I know that's a load of shite."

I shrugged, tried to smile it away, but his chocolate gaze told me he knew better.

"We're havin' a party tonight, sweetheart. Why don't you come? Relax? I know Jackie boy misses ya," He offered. I nodded.

"Sure, I'll stay. I could use a good night of debauchery and drunken-ness."

Chucky cleared his throat and held out a steaming mug to me.

"You're the best, Chucky. Thank you," I said sincerely. He nodded.

"You're welcome, Lola."

Looking around the lot, it was amazing how everything and nothing seemed to change at the same time.

"Chibs, can I ask ya something?"

He nodded and tucked a smoke between his lips.

"Do you think I was a good old lady?," I wondered.

He frowned.

"What the hell do ye mean, was? Lass, you're still old lady status to us," He said with a shake of his head.

"I guess sometimes I just wonder why Opie chose the club over me. I knew what I was gettin' into when we got married, but as a woman I guess I still wonder."

Chibs wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

"Listen to me, sweetheart. What Opie did ain't got nothin' to do with how much he loved ye, ya hear? He loved ya, Lo. He did. Don't ever question that."

I nodded my head, but he kissed my cheek anyways, gesturing towards the garage.

"Got a lot of work to do, but I'll check in later."

I watched him leave, resenting that reaper on his back more than ever.

As I walked into the office I closed the door behind me and let the tears finally fall from my eyes. Leaning with my hand plastered against the door, I cried out Opie's name as I realized he would never walk through the very door I was holding on to again.

He wouldn't ever sneak a kiss during his shift.

He wouldn't ever leave me a love note on the desk.

Moving on is awful.

Squaring my shoulders I reopened the door, welcomed the fresh breeze, and sat down behind the computer as I sorted through fresh pink slips and files.

Time slipped away from me as I turned on the radio and began listening to music. In between reorganizing the disaster that had grown in my absence, answering the phone, and greeting customers the day went by faster than anticipated.

It wasn't until a solid knock on the door caught my attention that I realized it was getting dark out.

Looking up, I saw the worried expression on Jax's face.

"What's wrong, baby?"

He didn't answer my question, instead he turned and closed the door behind him and sat down on the couch across from me.

I set down the stack of papers I was holding, ready for tomorrow's long day, and turned to face him.

I scooted my chair closer to him and laid a hand on his thigh. He placed a calloused palm over my hand and looked up at me.

"I missed ya, Lo."

I hung my head, ashamed at the fact that I'd left him high and dry in his own grief.

"I'm sorry I haven't been around, Jax. I didn't mean to leave you all alone," I whispered.

He shook his head and leaned forward. I could see all the lines around his eyes as he looked up at me again.

"I got a lot of shit goin' wrong right now, Lo. It's good to see you. Actually, it's the only good thing that's happened all week," He said with a small chuckle.

I smiled at him, a warm feeling spreading through my belly at the idea of being needed, even in a small way.

"I missed you," I admitted. He touched his forehead to mine and closed his eyes.

"Thanks for the other night," He said.

I shrugged.

"Helped both of us. It was the last night I got any sleep," I said truthfully.

He chucked me gently under the chin.

"Same. Maybe I'll stay at your place tonight? I don't have to be here early tomorrow and I could use the sleep," Jax said with a smile.

"Mmm, I promised I'd stay for the party tonight. But if you're up for taking care of a drunk Lola, then that plan works for me."

His smile came to life then, that real grin that showed me all of his straight teeth.

He cupped my cheeks in his hands and kissed my forehead.

"My sweet Lola, I hope you get so drunk that all your bad memories disappear."

That's a guarantee.