A/N: Chapter two is here! I struggled a bit with this one, partly because I lost my ability to write after completing a massive personal writing project in the month following my last exam, and partly because I haven't watched any episodes of Polar Bear's Café in a while (a result of picking up several awesome spring/summer anime series and spending too much time watching them). But here it is, undoubtedly the strangest thing I've ever written!
The title comes from the Avantasia song "Invoke the Machine". It has absolutely no relevance or anything; I just really like the song!
This chapter is pretty standard, but Chapter Three will introduce two more Polar Bear's Café characters (no prizes for guessing which ones) and an extra samurai. Anyway, as Sasako says, enjoy! ~CS
Mahalo!
by CrimsonStarbird
Chapter Two – In the Night, the Dead of Night
As the ancient grandfather clock in the hall chimed midnight, a happy and grumpy Panda dragged his pillow along the ground, towards the entrance of his house. He was happy because the Yama Arashi concert on television which his mother had insisted on watching at maximum volume had finally finished, and it was now quiet enough inside his house to be able to sleep indoors. He was grumpy because of the simple fact that he had had to leave in order to get some rest in the first place. Although the others at the café often marvelled at his ability to sleep anywhere at any time, it was the indignity of not even being left to sleep in peace in his own house that bothered him - as if it wasn't bad enough that his mother disturbed all his perfectly-justified naps during the day with her constant vacuuming!
Panda trudged sullenly amongst the flowerbeds, wondering if anyone else in the town was forced to be awake at this time. But the town was silent, and aside from the soft flickering streetlamps, he couldn't see a single light on in any of the black windows.
Then, as he watched, one of the dark squares on the distant walls turned to yellow. Squinting, Panda could just about see a shadowy figure moving around inside. Who on earth would be up at this time? A frown crossed his face as he realized that he knew what that building was. But that just raised more questions: who was in Polar Bear's Café at that time of night?
Panda shrugged. Perhaps Shirokuma's mother was also a Yama Arashi fan, and he had gone to sleep in the café in order to get some peace and quiet. Ah well. He could ask Shirokuma tomorrow, and see if he could join him there next time that accursed idol group were on television. Thinking no more of it, Panda wandered inside his house and promptly fell asleep in the hallway, not even making it to his bedroom.
Noon, and the glorious midday sun shone down upon Date Masamune, legendary One-Eyed Dragon, fearsome Lord of Ōshū, soon-to-be ruler of the whole of Japan, as he kicked open the door of Polar Bear's Café and strode inside with all the confidence of a conqueror.
He didn't get far.
Barely had he taken two steps inside the front door before he found his way blocked by a folded parasol held out horizontally, smacking into his stomach with surprising force. His warrior instincts drowned by bemusement, Masamune's eyes trailed slowly along the parasol to the waitress who was holding it out to stop his progress. Okuni wasn't even looking at him, blocking his path ever so casually while continuing to pour tea for an elderly couple with her free hand. He folded his arms as she bowed to the customers, balanced the empty teapot and tray on her free arm with expert skill, and turned to the samurai, her face all innocent smiles.
Masamune narrowed his eyes at her. "I'm no expert, but I'm not so sure that assaulting your customers as they come through the door is a great way to encourage business."
Okuni beamed at him. "Didn't you see the sign?" she enquired sweetly.
"What sign?"
"The sign on the door informing all costumers that weapons are forbidden on these premises."
"Oh, that sign. Yes, I saw it."
"And?"
"It was stupid, so I ignored it."
The fiery waitress gave him another dazzling smile. "That stupid rule is the foundation upon which Polar Bear's Café is built. If you wish to enter, you must leave your swords and guns and any other armaments you're currently carrying in the box."
Masamune followed her gaze to an empty open-topped cylinder next to the entrance that looked as if it was meant to hold wet umbrellas. He blinked at it a few times before turning back to Okuni, even more bemused. "This is some kind of a joke, isn't it?"
"Nope," she grinned back.
"No one had a problem with me carrying my sword last time," he tried.
As coolly as ever, Okuni countered, "The café wasn't open last time. Now it is, and you're unnerving our customers."
Annoyed, Masamune glanced around. People were staring at the two of them, although they seemed more curious than worried. He could have sworn that one or two of them were laughing at him. "Well, now you're starting to get on my nerves," he growled, and got another fearless smile for his trouble. Okuni remained stubbornly in his way. Controlling his temper with an effort, he added, "It's an insult to our honour to demand that a samurai disarms."
"So it's your honour I'm questioning, is it?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Oh, nothing. Since it can't possibly be the case that such a brave and mighty warrior as you would be scared to go anywhere without his weapons, can it?"
"Of course not!" Masamune yelled.
"Are you sure? Because if I didn't know you were so fearless a samurai, I'd have said that it looked like you were afraid to-"
"I'm not afraid!" he snapped. "I'm not scared of anything, least of all you and your stupid rules!" He glowered at her with enough barely-suppressed fury to make a hardened warrior quail, but Okuni merely raised her eyebrows at him. "Fine!" he scowled, turning and dropping his swords and guns into the cylinder. "Happy now?"
Okuni couldn't fight back a wide grin as she ruffled his deep brown hair affectionately. "Good boy."
Perhaps it was a good idea that he had deposited his weapons - he had forgotten just how infuriating the beautiful temptress-turned-waitress could be. With a gentle, chiming laugh she spun out of his reach. Masamune glanced around the café until customers stopped staring, cowed by the force of his gaze.
Across the room, his eyes fell on the slim, pretty figure of the café's other waitress, Sasako, and a bad day was suddenly greatly improved. Seeing him watching, she gave him a small wave, and was about to come over to greet him when a patron called out for her attention. She turned to get on with her job with a shrug, so Masamune headed instead for the counter where Penguin and Panda sat as usual, having an intense conversation about something.
Panda turned to him as he approached. "Ooh, maybe Masamune-kun can help clear this up!"
"There's nothing to clear up," Penguin muttered.
The warrior glanced between the two of them with a frown. "What's going on?"
"We were talking about what we're afraid of-" Penguin began, before Panda interrupted him cheerily.
"Masamune-kun," he sang, "Don't you think that Penguin-san's voice is terrifying?"
Masamune gave a shrug, adapting to the odd topic change with surprising comfort. "He's not really terrifying, just dull."
"But boredom can be terrifying, and it's easy to be bored when listening to Penguin-san-"
"I am right here, you know," Penguin cut in icily.
"Oh, so you are," Panda remarked, with his typical genuine innocence. "You're very forgettable. Maybe it's because you're dull."
"I don't even know why I bother..." Penguin sighed. Turning to Masamune instead, he inquired dryly, "So, not counting myself, what are you most afraid of, Masamune?"
"Me? I'm not afraid of anything!"
There came a snort from behind him. He wheeled around to see Okuni passing by with a tray of cakes in her hand, struggling to suppress a grin. "Did you say something?" Masamune challenged.
"Who, me? Of course not!" she lightly retorted, ignoring the warrior's glare as she carried on to serve another table.
Giving up, he sat down on the stool next to Penguin. "I've fought whole armies and won," he muttered to no one in particular. "I don't care what she says."
As Penguin and Panda resumed their conversation, Masamune leaned back against the counter and surveyed the interior of the café. Almost every table was occupied, and the warm spring sunlight streaming in through the multitude of windows, as well as the lively chatter of the patrons, had transformed the calm and empty café he had awoken in on his first visit into a bustling place of business and relaxation. The atmosphere was innocent and friendly enough for him to feel at ease even without the familiar weight of his sword at his hip. It was such a wonderful contrast to his hectic life back home, where everyone seemed constantly on edge waiting for the inevitable invasion or planning and training for their own conquest. The life of war was one that he had chosen and one that he wouldn't give up for anything, but he still felt that he had made a good decision in returning to the café. Here, he could forget all the stresses of running a province at war just for a little while, and not have to keep watching his back for assassins.
Glancing round the room, his gaze lingered for a little too long on the slim figure of the café's new waitress, Sasako. She had started on the same day that she had probably saved his life after he was ambushed in the woods - although he would never admit his debt to her out loud. Compared to Okuni, her inexperience as a waitress was obvious, but the homely and welcoming manner that she extended to everyone had already endeared her to many of the patrons. He thought he could sense the rivalry between the two young women every time they passed each other, but the café was so busy that they didn't get the chance to say a word to each other as they dashed about taking orders.
Sasako turned suddenly and caught him watching her. She gave him a smile that was friendly where Okuni's was dangerous. More embarrassed than he should have been, he turned his back to the room and addressed the great polar bear, owner of the café, instead. "Morning, Shirokuma."
"Welcome back, Masamune," the polar bear greeted. "What can I get for you?"
"A café mocha would be fine." Nodding, Shirokuma began to rummage behind the counter.
A new voice caught his attention. "Masamune-san! Good morning!"
"Hello, Sasako," the samurai responded, turning his head to see the young waitress approach.
"It's so good to see you here! How are you feeling?"
She was referring to the wound he had taken in the forest, the first time they met. He hadn't told anyone exactly what had happened on that day, and she was too polite to pry, but her concern was touching. "I'm much better, thanks," he offered.
Sasako closed her eyes and smiled. "I'm glad. Sorry I've only just come over - it's just so busy today!"
"Is it always like this?"
A frown creased her face. "No, it's been fine over the past couple of days. Shirokuma-san said it's because of the artistic baking competition this weekend."
"Artistic baking competition?" Masamune repeated, half curious and half exasperated.
"The café holds it at this time every year." Penguin joined in the conversation. "People come in order to try out the new styles of cakes that they experiment with here. However..."
"However?" Masamune prompted.
They were both interrupted by Shirokuma, who placed a dish on the counter in front of Masamune and cried "Ta-da!" with just a little too much enthusiasm. All three of them leaned in to get a closer look.
Masamune blinked down at the plate. "I know I'm new here," he began, baffled, "But I'm pretty sure this isn't what I ordered."
On the plate, looking up at them with eerily-lifelike jelly eyes, was a large crab made entirely of choux pastry. Whipped cream leaked out of one of its legs as it stood on a sandy bed of scattered golden sugar and the chocolate sauce shadows of waves. Above, Shirokuma looked down at them all with innocent 'who, me?' eyes.
"However, this," Penguin finished.
From behind them came an exasperated sigh. "Oh please, not this again." Okuni strolled into view, hands on hips. "You know, I really thought you were going to take the competition seriously this year."
"What on earth is going on? Why is Shirokuma making sea creatures out of pastry?" Masamune demanded. Just a few days ago, he had thought that nothing in this strange café would be able to surprise him again, and now he was more convinced than ever that he would never understand this crazy place.
"He does this every year for the stupid competition," Okuni declared crossly, ignoring the bear's mock hurt expression. "I have to judge it, and every time I pray for some normal entries, but Shirokuma always does this and everyone copies him. I have to pick the least-weird pastry construction out of all manner of creepy realistic animals."
"This is for a baking competition?" Masamune asked, eyeing the pastry crab as if it might come to life at any moment.
"The rules are pretty broad - any sweet dish can be entered, really. It's probably my fault for not changing them," Okuni suggested.
Sticking up for Shirokuma, Sasako butted in, "I think it looks really tasty."
"Perhaps, but it also looks creepy," Penguin commented. "Would you really want to eat that, Sasako-san?"
As Sasako shied away, Masamune said, almost to himself, "A baking competition? I'd better not tell Kojuurou about this, or he'll get completely the wrong idea."
"Who's Kojuurou?" Sasako inquired, thankful for the change of subject.
"My second-in command. Although, you'd be forgiven for thinking he's my mother, the way he sometimes acts. Speaking of which, I'd better go before he starts wondering where I am." He stretched leisurely, and the others backed away so that he could stand. "Good luck with the pastry seafood range, Shirokuma," he offered, not quite over his bemusement.
"Don't forget your weapons on the way out!" Okuni grinned.
Masamune paused only to throw a parting glare at Okuni before leaving the café and its weirdness behind for another day.
It was raining by the time Masamune reached his home in Ōshū. He had pulled the hood of his nondescript travelling cloak over his head, thankful not for the first time that he had chosen to leave his legendary horned helmet behind. Not only did it make using the hood much easier, but it also made him much less likely to be recognized while travelling through a village inhabited by his most loyal vassals. He had left his elaborate green and gold cloak bearing his ferocious emblem, the roaring dragon, behind too, for the sake of inconspicuousness. Of course, there was no concealing the tell-tale eyepatch covering his right eye, and he refused to go anywhere without his distinctive armour, sword, and guns, but between his dull travelling cloak and the newly-overcast sky, he felt that he was doing a pretty good job of not being spotted.
However, there was one person that wouldn't have been fooled even if he had arrived back at base in a full clown costume, face paint and all, and it was this person who called out from behind him with a voice that was more familiar to Masamune than his own.
"Where the hell have you been?"
Masamune stopped in his tracks, spinning round as suddenly as if he had been challenged to single combat. He pushed his hood back with a flick that only he could make seem arrogant, and folded his arms. The amused, fiery grin on his face would have rivalled Okuni's. "Shouldn't that be, 'where the hell have you been, my lord'?"
Kojuurou was also the only person on the planet - maybe excluding that devil of a waitress - who was neither intimidated nor impressed by Masamune, and he did not flinch before his lord's mocking glare. "This is hardly a time for games, my lord," he retorted, with enough icy sarcasm in those last two words to cause Masamune's eyes to narrow with a flash of real anger. "You can't keep disappearing off like this without telling anyone where you're going!"
"It's no business of yours where I go or what I do," the young lord snapped back.
"Of course it is! It's the business of everyone here!" Kojuurou swept an arm around to indicate the street they were stood in, which had emptied at the first sign of confrontation between the two. "The people need to know that their lord is ready to defend them at any moment and has their best interests at heart!" As Masamune turned his head with a snort, the loyal strategist shook his head. "Couldn't you at least have told someone where you were? There's been chaos here this morning; I've had patrols all over Ōshū looking for you!"
"Kojuurou!" Masamune barked, furious. "Do you dare to suggest that I can't look after myself?"
"Well, my lord, with the Demon King himself on the rampage, and that lawless ninja master Fūma Kotarō causing chaos, and especially given what happened to you in the woods the last time you thought you would go and face your enemies alone - yes, I think that's exactly what I'm suggesting!"
Masamune hissed, "You forget your place, Kojuurou." And with that, he turned and began to stride off towards his palace through the grey drizzle of rain. He called back, voice deadly, "It is no business of yours where I go. It's not as if we're in the middle of a war effort. You need to stop acting like my mother before-"
Kojuurou's gloved hand clapped down on his shoulder, and the young lord forced his right hand away from his sword with a visible effort. Before he could shout his outrage, Kojuurou's voice was a low whisper in his ear, quiet enough so that any curious onlookers wouldn't overhear. "Not two hours ago, Oda Nobunaga led his army into Lord Uesugi Kenshin's territory."
"You're not serious?" Masamune demanded.
The older man fixed him with a sharp glare. "Think of me what you will, my lord, but never question my loyalty."
No - Masamune believed his most trusted subordinate; had known he was right all along. Taking a deep, calming breath, he began to walk, and the other fell into step beside him. "What's the situation?"
"This is the catalyst - the spark the whole country has been waiting for. This is the start of all-out war."
"I'm not so sure," the young lord frowned, his dark eyes roving over the grey horizon.
"Regardless, the others are choosing their sides, and we need to do so as well. Hell, we needed to do so two hours ago. Lords Takeda and Tokugawa have already moved in Lord Uesugi's defence. Do you understand why I needed you here, my lord?" Kojuurou added dryly. A growl was all he got in response, and he knew that his lord agreed. "Can you promise me that you won't disappear over the next couple of days, until we know what's going on?"
Masamune scowled, but at heart he was and would always be a warlord first. "Fine. Until this has blown over. But Kojuurou - stop doing this. Stop acting like you think you're my mother. I can take care of myself."
"I know, my lord," he quietly acceded. "But sometimes it's difficult, when you act like this. I'm supposed to protect you, and you don't make it easy."
"Conquering the world was never going to be easy," Masamune told him with a rueful grin, and Kojuurou snorted. Neither of them said anything more as they strode towards the young lord's palace, their companionship restored.
It wasn't the end of the world not to visit the curious café for a day or two. After all, Masamune was a warrior, and as much as he might have enjoyed dabbling in that confusing life, the war was calling him home.
"Aww, Masamune-kun didn't show up today," Panda moaned.
"He probably has better things to do than listen to you," Penguin commented sagely.
"Does that mean that you don't have better things to do?"
"That's not what I said!" Diplomatically changing the subject, Penguin added, "Sasako's not here either today."
Shirokuma explained, "It's her day off. Although he couldn't possibly have known that, unless…" A spark of delight entered his black eyes, as always when he told one of his far-fetched stories. "Once there lived a beautiful princess that all the brave men in the land wished to marry. But her father the Emperor wouldn't let her leave the palace, for fear that one of them might steal her away from him. One day, the princess ran away from the palace and took on the persona of an ordinary girl from the village, and lived in secret on her own. Then, as she was walking to the best café in all of Japan, she encountered an unconscious young samurai in the woods-"
"Just let me stop you there," Penguin interrupted dryly. "There'll be a perfectly good explanation for this that doesn't involve one of your ridiculous stories." The polar bear pulled a sad face as he went back to fulfilling his customer's orders, prompting an exasperated sigh from Penguin, who turned back to Panda. "So what is it you wanted to ask Masamune?"
"Huh?" Panda looked up from his large plate of bamboo, his short attention span having got the better of him. Then he blinked, and his eyes lit up. "Ooh, I wanted him to do something for me!"
"Of course," muttered Penguin. He knew he probably shouldn't get involved, but he couldn't help asking, "What is it that he can do that I can't?"
"Ah, Penguin-san, you're scared of a lot of things-"
"No I'm not! Where did you get that from?"
Panda thought for a moment, and pushed on anyway. "For the past couple of nights there's been a light on in Polar Bear's Café, even though it's the middle of the night. I'm going to go and investigate!"
Unimpressed, Penguin remarked, "Are you sure you weren't dreaming?"
"Of course not! Why would you say that?"
"I just find it hard to believe that you weren't asleep at midnight, given how sleeping is the only thing you're good at."
"Penguin-san, you're mean! I'm good at plenty of things, like being cute-"
"Shirokuma, have you been in the café at night?" Penguin called out to interrupt Panda. The polar bear blinked innocently and shook his head. "See-"
"I'm going to investigate! Since Masamune isn't here, you'll have to come with me, Penguin-san!"
"Wait, how did I get dragged into this?"
"So we'll meet outside the café at midnight!"
And before Penguin could protest, the discussion was over. With a sigh, he turned his attention back to the china cup in front of him, staring at what remained of the chocolaty froth. Knowing Panda, he had probably imagined the whole thing. Still, if something strange was going on in the café at night that Shirokuma didn't know about, it might be worth investigating - and somehow Panda always dragged him into things like this. He wasn't even sure how he managed it.
"Another café mocha please, Shirokuma-kun," he mused, and then he caught himself just in time. "And it'd better be a coffee this time, not more pastry seafood."
As a general rule, Masamune disliked ninjas. Although he was definitely not above using slightly-underhanded tactics on the battlefield - he was the ruler of a small province, after all, and though he knew he was more than a match for the other feudal lords in strategy and ambition, he had to work hard to keep his own army from being crushed by the enemy's overwhelming numbers - but he drew the line at ninjas, especially ninja assassins. Masamune was the kind of man who liked to fight his enemies face-to-face, and led every military force out of his lands in person. Stealth and espionage were dishonourable, and besides, he had more than enough faith in his own ability to lead men and win victory in battle.
Of course, the downside of this was that the warrior Masamune had no experience whatsoever in being stealthy, and that made sneaking out on Kojuurou's watch a rather difficult task.
With his most trusted advisors, Masamune had spent the best part of two days deciding on their response to Oda Nobunaga's act of war. He had good instincts for this kind of thing - the reason why the One-Eyed Dragon was a formidable force in this chaotic land - but the others had taken some convincing that it would all come to nothing, especially Kojuurou. All-out war had been brewing for several years, and it was all too easy to jump at the slightest provocation. His instincts told him that Nobunaga wasn't ready to launch his takeover bid yet, and was merely testing the waters, although there was something to be said for erring on the side of caution. Thus the debates continued, endlessly progressing in a circle while they awaited news from Echigo.
True to his word, Masamune hadn't attempted to go to the café the day after Kojuurou had been angry with him. However, he was a man of action, and so much sitting around and talking without getting anywhere was getting on his nerves. Not that much more than that ever happened at the café, but at least he got to drink surprisingly-tasty coffee - and, of course, Sasako was there. So, the following day, while the others were occupied making logistical preparations for his army to march, he had made the decision to pay the café a quick visit and be back before Kojuurou even noticed he was gone.
And that was why he was creeping along the path with his hood drawn up to cover his face, despite the warm spring sunshine, constantly checking over his shoulder to make sure that no one was following him.
And that was why, when a curious voice called out, "What on earth are you doing?", he jumped a mile and had his sword in his hand before he could even recognize the speaker.
A hand, slim and feminine and definitely not belonging to Kojuurou, pushed the magnificent blade aside without fear. "A bit on edge today, are we?" Okuni asked, her voice as light and charming as ever.
Masamune scowled at her. She was wearing a bright pink and orange dress that was slightly too revealing for any decent woman to wear to work, along with heels that made her almost as tall as him, with her trusty parasol swinging by her side. This whole ensemble demanded only one question - how on earth hadn't he seen her coming? "What the hell are you? Some kind of ninja demon?" he demanded.
She grinned at him as he re-sheathed his sword. "I think the real question here is why the proud and noble warlord of Ōshū is wandering round the streets in disguise in this time of crisis, don't you?"
With a sigh, Masamune inquired, "How did you know it was me?"
"You have a rather distinctive face, not to mention your weaponry, One-Eyed Dragon. Now answer my question."
"It's a long story," he tried.
"I have time. You're going to Polar Bear's Café, right? So am I, so we'll walk there together."
"I thought you weren't working today?"
"It's supposed to be one of my days off, but Sasako called in this morning at the last minute, requesting a day of leave. The café's so busy with the artistic baking competition tomorrow that Shirokuma can't do without both of us, so he called me in."
"Oh," Masamune said bleakly.
Okuni raised one perfectly-trimmed eyebrow at him. "You know, most men would give anything for the chance to escort me to the café."
"Only because they haven't met you," he growled in response.
She gave a laugh that sounded surprisingly genuine. "Of course. Now, are you coming or not, oh brave warrior?"
It was either accompany her to the café, or go home - admitting defeat to both her and Kojuurou. So he walked with her, and found that she had been right - men he passed looked enviously at him for being with Okuni. It was a new experience for him, having people jealous of him and not because of his reputation as a warrior and a conquering hero, but Okuni was used to this and she took in it her stride. On another day it might have annoyed him, but with any luck, people would be too distracted by Okuni's looks to recognize him, and Kojuurou wouldn't hear about it. And even though he vowed to get rid of her as soon as possible, he found that she could be useful as well as mocking, especially when she led him straight past the queue stretching out the door of the café and round the back to the staff entrance.
The café was indeed busy, but it somehow retained its homely feeling. Okuni disappeared into the back to get changed for work - which generally involved re-applying her makeup, since she complained that the boring black and white waitress uniform that Sasako wore to work ruined her image - and Masamune found his way to the counter where the regulars always sat.
"Good morning, Masamune-kun," Shirokuma greeted. "What can I get you?"
"Morning. I'll have iced tea today."
Shirokuma turned away, but not quickly enough to be able to pretend that he missed Masamune's glare as he reached for the whipped cream. With a depressed sigh, he abandoned trying to give the warrior another experimental dessert and made the drink instead.
A groan from beside him caught Masamune's attention. Panda had his head on the table, staring straight at his bowl of bamboo shoots as if he wasn't even seeing it. For Panda not to be eating when he had bamboo in front of him was unusual enough, let alone when he wasn't even asleep.
Frowning, Masamune wondered aloud, "What's wrong with Panda?"
"I have to work tomorrow," Panda moaned.
There was silence. Masamune blinked. He had automatically been expecting Penguin's scathing reply about Panda's laziness, and the silence was alarming. He opened his mouth and closed it again, instead looking around for Penguin. Sure enough, he wasn't there. "Penguin-san's not here?" he asked, and when no one contradicted him, his frown deepened. "Anyone know where he is? No? Hmm… so Penguin disappears on the same day that Sasako-san doesn't turn up for work? Intriguing."
Shirokuma returned with Masamune's iced tea and joined in the conversation. "Say, Panda-kun, didn't you meet up with him last night?"
"Uhh…" The warrior and the polar bear both stared at Panda. He raised his head and blinked at both of them adorably. "Umm…"
"Let me guess," Shirokuma sighed, putting one great white paw to his head. "You fell asleep and forget to go."
"Uh," Panda mumbled, putting on his cutest, most innocent face.
"What's all this about?" Masamune demanded. However, at that moment Shirokuma was called away by a customer, and he was forced despite his great reluctance to turn to the panda for his answers.
"So for the past couple of nights there's been a light on in this café in the dead of night," Panda explained hurriedly, cowed into seriousness by the force of the warrior's glare. "Shirokuma-kun doesn't know anything about it so Penguin-san and I were supposed to go and investigate but-"
Impatience got the better of him. "But you didn't show up and now he's disappeared?"
Panda gave an emphatic nod. "So you'll come with me to the café tonight to try and find out what happened to him!" It wasn't a question.
"What?" Masamune demanded, caught off-guard.
"Great! So it's settled."
"Hang on-" the warrior tried, but Panda was oblivious to all of it. So instead, he asked of the ice cubes floating around in his tea, "How do I keep getting dragged into things like this?"
In the night, the dead of night, while the town lay asleep, Masamune sat outside with his back to the wall of his house, gazing up at the stars that were gazing down at him. A soft wind blew through his hair, mimicking his sigh. It was late enough for everyone around to be asleep, with the exception of his sentries. There were twice as many as usual due to the turmoil in Echigo, but Masamune took a keen interest in their schedule and organization - seemingly random, their lord alone could predict the patterns of their movements.
Reluctantly, he pushed himself to his feet and stretched. He pulled his sword from where it had been stood, tip buried in the dirt, and looked out across his land, a dark silhouette surveying the small kingdom under his protection. A wry smile crossed his face. They wouldn't miss him, just for one night. Besides, there was a chance that there was something dark and mysterious going on at Polar Bear's Café, that Penguin had fallen victim too. If that was the case, then regardless of whether or not the café was in his domain, it was his duty as a warrior to see to it that the danger be averted. He almost hoped there would be someone to fight. Bandits or thieves were no match for him.
Masamune stepped out into the night and began to make his way down towards the café. He almost made it.
But the gods of stealth weren't smiling on him - were they ever? - and he wasn't quite beyond the border when a voice called out, "Sneaking out again, are we?"
Who else? It seemed that Kojuurou kept a closer watch on him in the early hours of the morning than he did in the middle of the day. Masamune sighed, fingers brushing the hilt of the sword at his side. "Shouldn't you be asleep?"
Kojuurou scowled, not missing the irony of his lord's light statement. "How can you keep doing this? Especially after I told you that you can't keep disappearing-"
"Oh, so you're giving the orders now, are you?"
"Can you not see the foolishness-?"
"Yeah, but the thing is, I made a promise - well, I never really agreed in the first place - well, I sort of got roped into this against my will - but all that is irrelevant! I don't go back on my word. I'm expected to be there tonight, and so I will be."
"You're expected to be here."
"It's not really the same."
Kojuurou's shadowy form moved in between his lord and the path ahead. In response, Masamune shook his hair back with a sigh and rested his hand openly on his sword. Still, Kojuurou's next words caught him by surprise. "Is it a young woman you're meeting?"
A sudden image of Panda asleep with his face in a bowl of bamboo popped into Masamune's head and he couldn't help laughing. "Oh, I wish!" he snorted, unable to contain his laughter.
Kojuurou didn't know what to make of this. "…Because if it is," he tried uncertainly, "There's no need to keep it a secret - no, you can't keep it a secret-"
"Oh, Kojuurou," Masamune interrupted, dangerous mirth lighting up his eye. "You know that when I take a bride, it will be for the good of Ōshū - you've made sure of it!" But now the conversation had become more serious, and his expression darkened. "And what did I tell you about trying to order me around-?"
"I can't let you keep doing this, Masamune-sama," Kojuurou growled. "I am loyal to this land even if you are not, and I will make sure Ōshū gets its leader back!"
Although his voice was light, the sword was in Masamune's hand now. "Are you going to challenge me for leadership, Kojuurou?"
"Of course not!" Kojuurou growled, but his fingers twitched on the hilt of his sword. "But I will make you see your duty to this land, as your responsibility as the leader of Ōshū."
But despite his threat, he did not draw his sword. Masamune smiled. "Go on. Do it," he goaded. To draw against one's master was a crime punishable by death, and both of them knew it.
"Don't think that I won't!" Kojuurou threatened. "You're being an irresponsible leader, and so it's my duty to-"
At that, Masamune made his move. Without warning he flew at Kojuurou, lightning-fast, and the samurai was so taken aback to see his lord charging at him that all his instincts deserted him. In an instant Masamune was at his side, smashing the hilt of his sword into the side of his head. Kojuurou fell without a sound.
Letting out the breath he had been holding, Masamune returned his sword to its sheath. "I'm sorry, Kojuurou," he murmured. "But did you really think I was going to let you do that?"
With that, Masamune resumed his journey down to the café. He would pay for that little encounter in the morning, he was sure, but he had an appointment to make. "After all this, I am going to kill that panda if he doesn't turn up."
To his - or maybe to Panda's - good fortune, the adorable bear was already there when he arrived. Shadows clung to everything, giving day-to-day noises eerie undertones and the creatures of the night fangs of darkness. If the moon watched over them it gave no sign, a dark orb refusing to cast any illumination into the night. Panda was hovering just outside the feeble circle of golden light thrown down by the streetlight, and with the shadows all around, even his dark, round form could appear terrifying.
Masamune hurried over. Even with his trusty sword at his side, he didn't want to be out here alone for much longer than he had to be. "What are we doing here?" he hissed, by way of greeting.
Gesturing for him to follow, Panda backed away, following the wall round to the back of café. It was brighter here than it had been round at the front, and it took him a while to figure out why. There was a light on in one of the café's windows. Masamune frowned as he tried to work out which room that was, though he wasn't familiar enough with the building. It wasn't the main dining area though, or the store room he had been in, so could it be - the kitchen?
"Come on, come on!"
Startled, Masamune glanced around to see Panda wriggling through an open window. There came a growing feeling of dread - this was not the kind of job he was good at. Give him an enemy general on the battlefield any day. Preferably in bright sunlight. Stifling a groan, he clambered up after Panda. Fortunately, it wasn't difficult to climb through the window - although, if Panda could do it, surely anyone could.
The unlikely team found themselves in the café's main seating area. The chairs and tables were laid out exactly as Okuni had left them, waiting for the morning's diners - or perhaps a midnight party of spectres. Without customers chatting, Panda complaining, Shirokuma operating the coffee machines, and the girls racing around with their usual enthusiasm to do a job which would have kept four waitresses on their feet, the silvery-grey scene spread before them was gloomy and cheerless. For reasons he couldn't quite put his finger on, Masamune gripped the hilt of his sword tighter, giving the box where he had to place his weapons a spiteful glare.
There was a quiet click, ringing out like the clashing of a bell in the silence. Both of them tensed, waiting for the inevitable, but nothing changed. No secret traps were triggered; no intruder-revealing lights flared to life. In fact, glancing over his shoulder, the warrior noticed that the glow on the ground from the lit window had disappeared. So someone else was here. What were they up to? Was it Shirokuma playing games? Although he wouldn't have put it past the polar bear, kidnapping Penguin was a different matter entirely. It was most likely an intruder.
As he was about to indicate to Panda to be careful, the bear, fearless in his naivety, called Masamune over from the other side of the room. In the stillness, he might as well have yelled. Angrily gesturing for him to be quiet, the warrior ran over as quietly as he could, glad he had left his armour and guns behind. "Quiet! There's someone else here!" he informed Panda, in as loud as whisper as he dared.
Panda nodded with wide eyes. "I heard something coming from the kitchen."
They stopped outside the double swinging doors that led to the kitchen. "I'll go first," the warrior said. He only wished he could be as fearless as he sounded.
For a moment they stood there, the warlord and the panda bear on opposite sides of the double doors in the darkness of the room, and Polar Bear's Café outdid itself once more in its apparent mission to make Masamune's life as bizarre as possible. Then he kicked open the door and the two of them burst into the kitchens.
The light was off, the room was dark, but the metal appliances gave the whole area an unearthly silver glow. At first glance, the room was empty. Masamune stepped forward cautiously, certain that there had to be someone there.
A pressure on his arm made him jump. Angrily he wheeled around, ready to shout at Panda for startling him, but the look on his companion's face gave him pause. Panda was staring into a shadow-shrouded corner, horror in his eyes. It took a lot to render Panda speechless. Masamune followed his gaze, struggling to pick out a shape in the darkness, and then before his eyes the shadow seemed to solidify into… into something…
Something with bony arms ending in claws as long as knives.
Something as tall as a man with pointed fangs at just the right height to crunch around a soft neck.
Something that had eyes which glinted blood-red in the night.
Something which was definitely not Shirokuma or Penguin or Sasako, but could feasibly have eaten any of them.
And it was a good job that Okuni wasn't watching, because not being able to live this moment down was the least of their concerns as Masamune and Panda screamed, turned, and ran for the doors.
And before they even reached them, Panda tripped on a stray wire and tumbled into Masamune, and they both fell against the doors - which, like in all bad horror movies, refused to open.
And then they were fighting against each other and their shared fear, scrabbling to get to their feet and find some sort of a weapon before razor-sharp black death sank its fangs or claws or spines or whatever other life-ending things such a monster possessed into them-
And neither of them were expecting the gunshot.
The sound was so sudden that time seemed to stop. When enough stunned moments had sidled by for Masamune to be certain he wasn't dying, he dragged himself to his feet, trying to make some sense of the whirling shadows that refused to take on any recognizable shape.
There was another gunshot, and another. Each one caused an explosion of black dust from the shadowy monster's side until it fell, breaking apart into pieces on the ground.
"…What?" Masamune breathed.
"Masamune-sama!"
Well, that was the last voice he had expected to hear. "Kojuurou?" Masamune demanded, glancing around. As his eyes adjusted to the faint starlight once more, he saw a figure standing by one of the other entrances to the kitchen. The shadow of a man had one arm outstretched, holding in his hand one smoldering pistol - one of Masamune's own, he noticed with detached interest.
"Are you alright, my lord?" Kojuurou returned.
"What are you doing here?"
"I followed you."
"Clearly I didn't hit you hard enough."
Kojuurou tactfully ignored this. "I thought you were in danger, and it turns out I was right. What is this place, and what on earth was that thing?"
"This is a café," Masamune told him airily, gesturing round at the kitchen. "And I have no idea what that was."
With the pistol held out in front of him, Kojuurou advanced on the darkness in the corner. "Stay back, my lord. I've got this one." Cautious, Masamune did so - but the same could not be said for Panda. Fear apparently forgotten, he bounded past the two men. When nothing jumped up at him, the other two edged forwards.
Masamune felt a growing dread as he regarded the dark mess on the floor. Could it be…? "Oh no…"
The bafflement replacing the caution in Kojuurou's voice was almost comical. "What on earth is that?"
It was Panda who answered. "It's cake," he stated matter-of-factly, sniffing a fallen chunk experimentally.
"W-w-what?"
"It's Shirokuma's cake," Masamune explained tiredly to Kojuurou. "He must have been coming here at night to work on a secret entry for the stupid baking competition."
"…You mean-?"
"That you just rushed here to save me from a demon-shaped cake? Yeah, sounds about right."
"Umm…"
"So we've solved the mystery!" Panda cheered.
The two warriors and the panda stared down at the sorry remnants of what had once been a scarily-realistic cake. "Oops…" murmured Kojuurou.
And then, just to make things worse, the sound of a light switch being flipped on in the adjacent room snapped through the darkness. Through the porthole in the door they saw a silhouette slowly getting closer. Then the fear began to return.
"Panda-kun, I think we need to leave…" Masamune murmured.
Panda nodded emphatically.
Kojuurou tried, "But Masamune-sama-"
"You've got this one, right, Kojuurou?" Masamune asked, the beginnings of a grin appearing on his face.
The samurai's eyes widened. "Masamune-sama-!"
"Come on, Panda!" he yelled, and the two of them ran for it.
They tore down the dark streets, laughing from the bizarreness of the whole situation and their lucky escape, as poor Kojuurou, fingers locked round the incriminating pistol, looked up at the great and angry bear coming through the doors and swallowed.
For Masamune, that should have been the end of it.
Yet somehow, as the morning sun drove him from his bed, there were two things that continued to bug him. The first was that Kojuurou never returned that night, and no one had heard from him. For all he was certain that Shirokuma was far too nice to do anything to seriously punish Kojuurou, there was always that slight bit of doubt. Some part of him began to understand why his second-in-command got so worried when he went down to the café without warning.
The second was that he actually felt guilty about destroying Shirokuma's demon-cake. Sure, he wasn't the one who had actually damaged it, but if he hadn't been there then Kojuurou wouldn't have been either, and he was only trying to protect his lord, after all. It was so unusual for the conquering warlord to feel guilty about anything, especially something so small, that for a while he told himself that he shouldn't back to that strange café because he was messing with his head.
Still, it wasn't long before his conscience got the better of him, and thus Masamune found himself once more outside Polar Bear's Café.
He was outside and not inside the café because of the long queue of animals and humans alike that stretched out of the doors, underneath the banner proudly declaring "Artistic Baking Competition Today!". He was rapping his fingers against the hilt of his sword when a hand wrapped around his arm and pulled him out of the queue.
"The mighty warlord, standing in line with the rest of the common folk?" its owner teased, but there was a friendly light in her eyes.
"Morning, Okuni. Are you here to judge the baking competition?"
"Yeah, and to wait on tables again, since no one's heard from Sasako yet." She scowled. "Well, it'll be fun to see what creepily-realistic animal Shirokuma has re-created in pastry this year…" she added, without much enthusiasm.
"About that…" Masamune started to reply, before suddenly realizing that this woman was the last person he wanted to know what happened last night.
"What?" She gave him a curious look, but he just shook his head. Shrugging, she pulled him in the direction of the staff entrance.
Inside, the café was just as busy as the queue implied. People were craning for a look at the counter where the regulars normally sat, which had been taken over by cakes of all shapes and sizes. Well, Masamune assumed they were cakes of some sort - from here, they just looked like a bunch of badly-formed animals. Okuni sighed. "Here we go again."
Crowds parted to make way for her, and he hung back with Panda as she moved between the host of pastry crustaceans. None of the others were anywhere to be seen, not even Shirokuma. All of a sudden a cheer arose from the crowd as the great white polar bear emerged from the door to the kitchens. With so many people gathered round it was difficult to see what was going on, but he appeared to be carrying a large platter in both paws. After a glance at his competition, Shirokuma roared triumphantly and raised the plate up for all to see.
"No way!" Panda exclaimed.
For once, Masamune found himself in agreement with the panda. Upon the plate stood what appeared to be some sort of velociraptor made entirely of cake. Intricate lines of icing marked out the links between its scales; two whole cherries shone red as its eyes. It would have been so easy, in the dead of night, to think that those twisting sugar drops set into its mouth were teeth, or that those raisin-studded claws, given far greater depth by clinging shadows, were capable of tearing a man to pieces. The warlord and the panda stared in disbelief at the cake creature that had haunted them last night, somehow reborn from the scattered crumbs they had left it in.
"Impossible!" Masamune agreed. "Unless…"
His narrowed eyes roamed the café, seeking the thing that was out of place. A man standing near the back of the room caught his attention. He was wearing a plain apron over his ordinary brown clothes; above the familiar scar on his face, his chocolate-coloured hair sported a light dusting of flour. His hands were on his hips, his sleeves rolled up to the elbow as he watched the people clamoring for a glance of the velociraptor-shaped creation with pride. Then he caught Masamune watching him and his face turned scarlet as he took as sudden interest in the potted plant on the other side of the room. Masamune turned back to Shirokuma, snorting softly.
"Every year!" Okuni moaned, having appeared at Masamune's shoulder again. "It's horrible, isn't it?"
"You wouldn't want to meet that in a dark alley in the dead of night," Masamune casually remarked. Okuni gave him a strange look, but missed the irony.
"I guess I have no choice. It is by far the most… realistic-looking dinosaur cake I have ever seen." She raised her voice for the crowd. "And so, for his meticulous attention to detail and unparalleled craftsmanship in the art of sculpture-baking, the prize for this year's Polar Bear's Café's artistic baking competition goes to-"
And then the door slammed open and a chill breeze blasted into the café, carrying the shouted command, "Stop!"
As one, every single person in the café turned to look at the newcomer – and then, as one, glanced down as their line of sight passed over his head. Standing in the doorway, with his flippers raised to halt the proceedings, was Penguin.
"I am proud to present a last-minute entry to the artistic baking competition!" Penguin announced grandly. An excited murmur ran through the crowd, along with some muttered protests from the other competitors; Penguin ignored them all. "On behalf of myself and Sasako-san, may I present to you the quadruple-tiered iced strawberry cake!"
For a moment, nothing happened. Then Sasako appeared behind Penguin, dressed in her waitress's uniform, looking exhausted but outshining the spring sun with her beaming smile. Then into view came the reason for her exhaustion: a small cart that she was pulling along by virtue of a rope over her shoulder. And then, as the crowd watched with baited breath, the cake on the cart came into view. It was indeed a masterpiece: four layers of sponge embraced by white icing, smothered with strawberries and fancy iced decorations in scarlet, purple and orange; the kind of enormous cake that required an industrial oven and a lot of patience to make, and its own set of wheels for transportation. On its own it looked impressive; compared to the creepy velociraptor cake it was competing against, it was a divine gift from heaven, extravagant in application and yet wonderfully homely and simple.
Penguin began to explain. "Here we have four layers of vanilla cream sponge with homemade strawberry jam and-"
He was cut off abruptly as Okuni stuck a rosette to his face. "You win!" she announced gleefully.
"I- what?"
"Your cake wins the competition! First prize!"
"But I haven't finished explaining-"
"It doesn't matter! You win anyway!"
Penguin's protests were cut off as the crowd began to cheer. He blushed, and Sasako jumped in the air with joy. Masamune smiled to himself, pleased by Sasako's victory even as he wondered if Okuni would have given first prize to them for their normal-looking cake even if it had been just a badly-make sponge. A dejected Shirokuma couldn't pretend to be upset for long, and was soon distributing slices of the winning cake – and various limbs from the other entries – to the eager customers with his usual jovial attitude.
Masamune sidled over to Sasako. "So, this is what you've been doing for the past few days."
"Yes!" she exclaimed. "Penguin was investigating the strange light on in the café at night and he discovered what Shirokuma was planning for his secret entry to the artistic baking competition. He told me, and we decided to team up to win this year! That's why we haven't been here – we were baking this enormous cake at my house!"
"I see." He had already fathomed as much. "Couldn't you have told someone what was going on, though? When you just don't turn up for work without any explanation…" He tailed off, aware of how hypocritical he was sounding.
Sasako asked anxiously, "Oh Masamune, you weren't worried, were you?"
"Of course not!" he snapped, looking away. "Okuni was moody because she had to cover your shifts, and you know what she can be like…"
Sasako pulled a face. "I'd better go and apologize to her, then." She disappeared into the crowd, leaving Masamune to reflect on the apology that he himself had to make.
When he couldn't put it off any more, he went to find Shirokuma. The polar bear had returned to his usual spot behind the counter, giving out slices of raptor-cake along with every coffee he made. It would be a long time before anyone would be able to safely order a drink in Polar Bear's Café.
"Shirokuma-kun," he began cautiously.
"I've got a café latte on the go if you want one," was Shirokuma's cheerful reply.
"No, that's okay," Masamune said awkwardly. This was not the kind of thing he was good at. "I just wanted to apologize for what happened to your cake – the first one, that is. Although it is a shame that your second didn't win."
"Don't worry about it. We were able to fix it in time, after all!"
"Yes. How did you even manage to do that in time?"
"Turns out that friend of yours knows a thing or two about baking. I couldn't possibly have recreated it in this time without him."
"Kojuurou! I knew it." Masamune struggled to suppress a smile.
"Your friend has a talent," Shirokuma added innocently.
"Indeed." Masamune scanned the crowd of diners for his loyal samurai, but couldn't see him anywhere. "Where is he now?"
"Oh, he left when Penguin-san and Sasako-san were declared the winners."
The warrior stood up suddenly. "I've got to go." Ignoring the knowing look the polar bear shot him, he ran out of the café.
Now that all the prizes had been awarded, people were beginning to file out of the café, allowing it to return to its standard level of occupancy. As a result, the street outside was full of people chatting and comparing amateur dessert creatures. Masamune pushed through them, chasing the figure in brown round a corner. When they were away from the crowd, he called out, "Kojuurou, stop!"
Although it had been more desperate than commanding, the sound of his lord's voice caused Kojuurou to freeze mid-step, as if his muscles had suddenly lost the ability to move. "Masamune-sama…" Then he turned and threw himself on the ground at his lord's feet. "My lord, I have failed you!"
Masamune blinked. "What?"
"I am a failure of a samurai. I act as if I know better than you how to run this campaign, even though you are my lord, and there is no one else who can rule this country! I am supposed to protect you, and protect this land, but all I can do is make things worse. And even as a baker, I cannot even win a simple baking competition! Whatever I try, I can do nothing but dishonour your name."
"Kojuurou, I think you're overreacting a little…"
"I am no longer fit to serve you, my lord!"Kojuurou's emphatic response was muffled by the fact that his face was pressed to the pavement. "I cannot continue to stand at the side of the One-Eyed Dragon. You need a better warrior than I."
A deadly silence fell. The pause in the conversation grew so long that Kojuurou almost raised his head to check if his lord was still there. When Masamune eventually spoke, his voice carried the dark, unspoken threat that would have befitted the conquering commander on the battlefield. The intensity of it sent shivers down Kojuurou's spine. It reminded him of the power he felt when he first encountered the young Masamune – the power to make a vain ambition of conquering the country into stark reality.
"Katakura Kojuurou, stand up."
"My lord-?"
"You're a fool to think that I can do better without you. I need you by my side, Kojuurou. I always have, and I always will."
"But Masamune-sama, I have failed you-"
"No. I need you to question me, the way you always have. I need you to challenge my decisions, so that I can best act responsibly for my people. I need you to be the voice of reason, to make up for my occasional lack of common sense."
Kojuurou choked back a laugh. He dared to look up, and found a rarely-seen fondness in Masamune's eye. The young warlord sighed. "I need my right eye, Kojuurou. If you think I'm just going to let you leave – well, it won't be while I still live, you got that?"
He crouched down next to his vassal's prostrate form. "Oh, I know what you want. Fine. Stick with me, and I'll let you have some free time occasionally to spend baking in the palace kitchens. Okay?"
"But, my lord," Kojuurou protested, his voice a mere whisper. "When I first came to serve you, you said I couldn't practice the art of cake-baking because it was not the action of a warrior-"
"Well, neither is hanging around a café run by a polar bear," Masamune responded bluntly. "But I'm not going to stop, and neither should you. Perhaps I was wrong. You outdid yourself today, with that cake."
"But I didn't win, my lord!"
"You were never going to compete with Okuni's bias," he commented. Standing up, he grabbed Kojuurou's wrist and pulled the older man up with him. "Don't let it get you down. It's disturbing to see you so put out. You should be criticizing me for something." Kojuurou couldn't help laughing at that. "So what do you say? Are you going to stop beating yourself up over this and come back with me?"
A wry smile crossed the warrior's face. "As long as you let someone know where you're going before disappearing off to the café, or elsewhere."
"Done. Oh, and I want my pistols back." Kojuurou nodded, relieved that his lord wasn't going to punish him further for that. "Then let's go back to Ōshū."
The domestic sounds of the café faded into the background as the lord and his most trusted retainer headed back to their home. Now, it was time to be a leader. There would be plenty of chances to visit the strange café again when the immediate conflict was over.
As if he had read his lord's mind, Kojuurou informed him, "You were right about the conflict, my lord. It was a false alarm. Oda Nobunaga's men retreated without a fight in the face of united opposition."
"Of course I was right. I'm always right." He caught Kojuurou's disapproving look and amended, "I'm always right – about these things."
"If you say so, my lord."
"But it might not be a false alarm, next time. And there's only so much time we can spend waiting for other lords to wear each other down by fighting amongst themselves before we have to start making our own moves. So, don't worry, Kojuurou. I won't stop going to the café, but I won't forget who I am either, or what I am going to achieve."
Kojuurou smiled at the seriousness that had returned with determination to his lord's voice. "No, my lord. I'm not worrying."
Panda: Penguin-san! Penguin-san!
Penguin: What is it, Panda-kun?
Panda: Give me a thousand tips on dating in the next thirty seconds!
Penguin: …I don't think that would be physically possible even if I did want to.
Panda: It's no surprise you're single, Penguin-san.
Penguin: What does that have to do with anything?
Panda: I think you're going to grow old alone-
Penguin: Let's end this, Shirokuma-kun!
Shirokuma: Next time, Polar Bear's Café will be brought to you in Swedish!
Penguin: No, it'll be English!
Sasako: Enjoy!