The next day came and went; they were quiet with each other. It was as if Ann was embarrassed that she had let Bobby see such a weak side of her. He wanted to say something. He couldn't find the right words. He loved her, God, he loved her. How could he make her see that, see that it was okay to make herself vulnerable?
That night, they were getting ready for bed and Ann was about to turn the bedside light off when Bobby stopped her. He took her hand in his and looked deep into her eyes.
"I want you to tell me, Annie. Tell me how it started."
The color flooded away from her face as she sunk backwards against the headboard of their bed. She curled her legs up under her and let out a deep sigh.
"I haven't thought about that part of my life in a long time" she admitted to him, "I've blocked it out for so long, Bobby"
He moved closer to her, grasping her other hand tightly.
"This won't make me think any less of you, it will only make me understand you more" he explained softly.
"That's not what I'm worried about" she told him. "I'm not worried you'll think less of me, I'm worried you won't think the same of me. I don't want this to ruin who we are"
A solitary tear fell and started to roll down her cheek. Bobby was quick to wipe it away with his thumb before planting a soft kiss on her cheek.
"Whatever happens, I'm here for you. You'll just have to take my word on that" he responded. Ann curled up tighter and repositioned herself so that she was facing him.
"Okay, I'll tell you" she finally said, "But you have to promise not to be upset I didn't tell you earlier"
"Done" he replied, before she had even finished talking.
Ann let out a deep sigh before continuing.
"When I first met and married Harris, everything was wonderful, just like a good relationship should be. We were in the honeymoon phase, and I was so happy. Then, about five months into the marriage, it changed" she paused before continuing, taking a deep breath to steady herself.
"One day, I was late gettin' home for work, so everything I had planned to do that afternoon was pushed back. We always had dinner right when Harris came home" she explained.
Bobby was struggling to understand where this was going, but he kept his eyes focused on Ann and let her continue.
"That night, he came home, and I had just started dinner. It was chicken, I think. He had never cooked himself a meal in his damn life, but he knew an unfinished one when he saw it" she said, and her eyes started to gloss over as she went back in time 22 years.
"Somethin' had gotten him upset at work, and it came home with him. It was like a switch flipped in him. He - he charged into the kitchen and took the pan off the stove. There was, I'm not sure, some sort of broth in the pan with the chicken, and he -" she struggled to finish, "-threw it at me".
You lazy bitch. You know, I don't ask much of you Ann. All I want is to come home and find a nice dinner on the table. But you can't even do that. You're a failure Ann, a god damned failure.
The memories of her own cries of pain echoed in her mind.
Bobby's eyes grew wide and his heart filled with a mixture of sorrow and pure rage that someone would ever do something like than to a woman as wonderful as Ann.
"Oh God, Ann" he whispered softly, bringing his hands up to rub her arms. "The burns on your stomach?" he asked.
She nodded her head slowly.
Bobby had noticed them soon after their courtship began. They were small, light-colored scars; about a dozen of them, varying in shape and size, created a disordered pattern across her midriff. She had told him it was an farriering accident.
"It could have been much worse. As soon as he did it, I drenched myself in water. I think it stopped it from burnin' so badly" she explained.
"After that night, the rest followed. He started to say I didn't look good enough for him; he made me wear certain things. Then when I fell into a depression over how he was treatin' me, he made me take medication. He would threaten me if I didn't take it. He -" she paused for a minute, contemplating how to phrase her next statement.
"Please, Annie", Bobby asked. "I'm listening".
"The night that Emma was conceived" she began, "I didn't want it to happen"
"You didn't want it to happen?" Bobby asked, "You weren't planning on having kids?"
"Well, no, I wasn't" she told him. "I had made up my mind in the months leading up that we weren't goin' to have children. I couldn't let an innocent child be brought up in such a toxic environment. But, that's not what I meant Bobby" she tried to explain.
She wanted to come right out and say it, but the words refused to fall from her lips. She exhaled deeply and rubbed her temples.
"What are you trying to say Ann?" Bobby questioned.
"He forced me that night" she admitted.
All those years of secrecy, gone. She lifted her glance and made eye contact with Bobby.
"Oh, no, Annie" he whispered, touching her arm gently.
Ann just pressed her forehead into her bent knees and closed her eyes. He wanted to let her stay silent, but he had to know something.
"Was that the only time?" he asked softly.
"No" she whispered in reply.