Eeek! Sorry for the delay. Real life got the best of me, but I will try to stay on top of this story.
The characters going to become more and more OOC as the story moves along and some elements of the history may be slightly altered, so I just wanted to put that out there and I hope it doesn't ruin the experience for anyone. Also there's some lemon in here so I just wanted to include that warning. Thanks for reading. Any comments are greatly appreciated.
Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Knight or anything associated with it, although I do enjoy the wonderful story!
Kaname closed the door and leaned against it, his pride hurt and his emotions in turmoil. How had he let things get so out of control? He'd spent all these years being so careful about the way he acted around her, carving a very careful image. All it took was one night for him to destroy it all.
His thoughts were interrupted by a noise on the other side of the door. He pressed his ear to the door and listened intently.
It was breathing, Yuuki's breathing. It was shallow and quick, like she was going to start crying and he ached to go back into the room and take her into his arms. But he knew he couldn't. Zero was right- all he had done was upset her further.
He began walking back to the Night Class dorms. There was no way he could go to class in the state he was in- in the state he had put himself in. It wasn't like he'd be asked to explain his absence anyway.
"I don't like the look on your face," a deep voice broke into the silence. Kaname had half expected Akatsuki to show up, so he wasn't surprised by the sound of his voice.
"I don't like having to make this face," he responded sourly.
"Are you still going to pursue this?" Akatsuki moved closer as he and Kaname continued walking through the darkness.
Kaname sighed. "I have to."
"Why?"
"Because… I love her. I love her and I want to be with her." Kaname was surprised by how easily those words came from his mouth. Not because he didn't already know it was true, but because it was the first time he said it to anyone but himself.
"Again, I have to ask why." Akatsuki stiffened, not sure what Kaname's reaction would be.
A chuckle escaped from Kaname's lips. "You think she isn't worthy of being loved?"
"Well of course I don't think that. It's just that…so much has to be put on the line for the two of you to be together. I'm just wondering why she's worth the possible consequences."
Kaname didn't answer right away. He thought about it for the duration of the walk until they reached the dorm. Akatsuki didn't press him for an answer either, he just waited patiently. Kaname was sure that if he never responded, the discussion would have ended right there.
"She made me…normal," was the answer that finally came. The two sat down on the steps outside of the dorm and Kaname continued in hushed words.
"She was so terrified when I found her. She was cold, scared, moments away from being destroyed. And even though I am what he was, she didn't see me and him as the same person. She could look at us, see the glaring similarity, and still know that we were not the same. I can't remember another human being able to make that distinction."
"You love her because she made you feel human?"
"Something like that. It sounds weird, I know, but I guess that is the easiest way to explain it. She accepted me, as is, and still does to this day. Well, at least until the other night." Kaname groaned as the past few moments clouded over his sweet memory of their early time together.
"Just be careful. A lot is on the line with this relationship. It doesn't just affect the two of you. You are aware of that?"
A slight twinge of annoyance rose up in the pure blood. "Don't ask useless questions like that. Of course I'm aware of that. If it weren't for that I would have done something about this situation a long time ago. But, I can't live the rest of my life for everyone else."
"Even though we'd all sacrifice our lives for you?" Akatsuki didn't give Kaname a chance to respond. He stood up quickly, clearly angry but never one to reveal it outright, and left Kaname with his numerous thoughts.
Yuuki was lying in bed, gently rubbing the twin puncture wounds on her neck, when there was a soft knock on the door.
"No more," she called out, so quietly she wasn't sure if the person on the other side could hear her.
"It's me Yuuki," Zero's voice came through.
"My statement remains the same."
"I just wanted to make sure you were okay."
"I'm fine, Zero. Goodnight."
She remained quiet until she heard Zero's footsteps pad softly down the hallway.
It was all too much. Everything had happened so quickly, she wasn't sure what to do with herself. She had never planned for things to go as far as they did with Kaname, but a part of her was incredibly happy that they did. It wasn't that she hadn't thought about it before. In fact, she thought about it often, and it was even better than anything her own imagination was able to create. Still, she had reservations about it.
Could she make a relationship work…with a vampire? What would happen as she became older, and mortality became harder to fend off? Did Kaname even want a serious relationship?
She wished she had thought about these things in more depth before their "study session", but it was too late to go back now, and she wasn't sure she even wanted to go back; she just didn't know how to move forward.
A week had passed and she could still barely pay attention in class. She knew Kaname would come to her again sooner or later, to further repair the damage he believed he caused to their relationship, and she didn't know what she would say to him. It also didn't help that, from that night on, Zero had been hounding her. He wasn't trying to be invasive- he never even questioned her about what took place that night- but his constant surveillance of her was becoming hard to ignore.
She could feel his cold, curious eyes burning a hole through the side of her head as she stared blankly at the front of the classroom.
I just have to ignore it. I have to act like I don't see him staring at me. If I act normal, maybe everything will just go back to normal. For me, for Kaname, and for Zero.
When the bell for the final class rang, she couldn't have gotten out fast enough. She could hear several people calling after her as she bolted out of the room, including the teacher, but she ignored them all, wanting only to find a place of peace and quiet where she could be alone with her thoughts.
Just as the sun was beginning to dip down below the horizon, she made her way over to an abandoned building located near the Night Class dorms. She had patrolled the area around the building a dozen times before, but she never thought of going into it, until now. With the Day Class finishing and the Night Class beginning in a short time, the transition gave her the perfect opportunity to sneak in unnoticed by either side.
She pushed open the heavy wooden door and let herself inside.
The building looked to be an old church. There were rows of benches lined up on either side of the central aisle, and a small, raised platform in the front was holding up a worn down podium. She closed the door behind her and took a few steps down the aisle.
"They really should chain this building up or knock it down," a voice joked from somewhere inside. Yuuki scanned the poorly lit space and saw a leg hanging over the back of one of the central benches. Aidou sat up, his usual warm yet unsettling grin on his face.
Yuuki took a step back, startled by the presence of someone else. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize this space was already taken." She went to leave, but quickly felt a hand around her wrist. She turned around and locked eyes with Aidou.
"No reason to run out so quickly," he said pleasantly as he pulled her further into the depths of the building.
"It's okay, really. I can…I can go somewhere else," she stammered. "I didn't mean to intrude."
"No intrusion at all. In fact this makes my job much easier."
"Your job?" Yuuki questioned.
Aidou nodded. "I've been waiting to find you alone for a while now. So far you've done a fairly good job at complicating my task."
Yuuki looked at him, confused.
"Kaname had asked me to find you and bring you to him. I thought I'd have to tell him that it just wasn't possible, but since you found me instead you've saved me the trouble of delivering unpleasant news."
He led her to an oak door in the back of the building. As he opened it, a tunnel on the other side, lit up by old, flickering lights came into view.
"What is this?" Yuuki barely noticed the urgency with which Aidou was pulling her.
"It leads back to the dorms. Most students aren't aware of this tunnel, or if they are they know better than admit to it. It makes moving around the campus a little easier since no one expects people to come out of that old building. Kaname doesn't like his moves to be watched too closely so if he needs to he uses this route." He turned and smiled at her but it only made her more uncomfortable.
It wasn't long before they had reached the end of the tunnel and he'd pushed open another door.
They entered a long, minimally decorated hallway and walked for quite a distance before stopping in front of another door.
"It's his room, isn't it?" she asked nervously.
"It's more of an office." Aidou briefly knocked on the wood.
"Thank you Aidou," Kaname responded. Aidou opened the door and led Yuuki inside.
Kaname was sitting at a desk situated in front of a large window. The curtains were drawn, as the sun hadn't fully gone down, and just the thickness of them suddenly made the room feel small.
Aidou backed out of the room without saying a word and shut the door behind him.
It was the first time they'd been alone since he snuck into her room.
Kaname was the first to speak. "I actually didn't expect to see you tonight. Aidou can be terribly lazy and unfocused. I'm surprised he was able to find you and bring you here."
"Actually I found him when I wandered into that old church," Yuuki corrected.
Kaname smiled sheepishly. "Yes. That would make more sense than him actually succeeding in the task due to his own effort."
He motioned for Yuuki to sit down on a couch adjacent from the desk and she did.
"The first thing I wanted to do was apologize, for everything," he began. "I know that I haven't been myself with you and it must make you uncomfortable."
She stared vacantly back at him.
He continued. "When we were…together…I don't… I don't know what your feelings are about it, but I'm not sorry it happened. It may not have happened exactly the way I had thought it would…but, all the same I was happy to be with you."
"I was happy to be with you too," Yuuki agreed in a quiet voice.
Her response energized Kaname and he stood up from his chair. "May I?" he asked, pointing to the empty spot next to her on the couch. She nodded and he quickly made his way over to her.
He sat down and took her hands in his. "You have always been very special to me and I have always wanted to be very special to you. I hesitate to think that I am very special to you-"
"Of course you are!" She insisted.
Her volume flustered him momentarily.
"If I am special to you, then I have to know, why did you leave so abruptly that morning? What was going through your head? What were you feeling?"
He waited patiently for her answer. When she finally looked up at him, he saw that her eyes had begun to water.
"It was just all…things went very quickly and I didn't know what was going to happen as a result."
Kaname sighed, slightly frustrated at having to explain himself again. "Yuuki, you must have known how I felt about you, how I've always felt about you. What did you think the consequences of that night were going to be?"
"Maybe, you wouldn't look at me the same way."
A loud groan escaped his frowning lips.
"No, I mean it. You've always treated me as…a kid. I was someone that you looked after and kept out of trouble. You've always treated me, and I hope this doesn't sound insulting, but you've always treated me as a naïve, innocent child who needed protection."
She shifted uncomfortably under his intense stare. "I know I'm not like the other girls here. You trust them to be able to protect themselves. You see them as responsible, capable people. What happened the other night, as wonderful as it was, was somewhat irresponsible of me. I went into it without thinking and…I didn't want validate what you thought about me." She quickly wiped away a tear that had managed to escape.
He put her hands in her lap and leaned towards her, gently stroking her hair. "That's it?" He did his best to stifle a chuckle.
Yuuki pulled back from him, offended by the trivialization of her confession. "That's exactly what I mean. As serious as I'm trying to be, you still don't take me seriously."
His fingers tangled into her hair and he shifted his body closer. "I didn't mean to make it sound like you feelings aren't important or aren't serious. I understand what you're saying and I'm sorry if I made you feel that way. It's just that…I don't look at you the way you think I do."
He moved his head closer to hers, waiting to see if she would pull back from him again. When she didn't he gently pressed his lips against hers.
She moaned softly against his mouth. It was a nervous moan, if that was possible, as if she were deciding how she felt about the kiss.
He broke it and pressed his forehead against hers. "Yuuki, I know you're not naïve, or irresponsible, or incapable of protecting yourself. But knowing all of that doesn't stop me from wanting to protect you. You can see that, can't you?"
"But…I don't need protecting," she continued to protest.
"I know," he said, dropping his face down plant a kiss on her neck, "but I have to do it. It will sound selfish, but I protect you for my own sake as well as yours."
She reached her hand to his shoulder and squeezed lightly as his kisses migrated to her collarbone.
He looked up at her. "Do you want to stop?"
She tightened her grip on his shoulder and looked at him with pleading eyes.
"Do you want me to not ask you that question, so you aren't forced to answer it?"
Her body relaxed and she fell forward into him. The smell of her hair filled his senses, and his mind was thrown back to that night in the room.
Gently, he turned her body around to face him and they both kneeled in front of each other on the couch.
"How far…I mean…I don't like not knowing what the limits are. I don't want to cross the line with you again."
"I don't know what the limit is, Kaname. I don't even know what we are anymore."
He sat back on his legs, waiting for an explanation.
"That night in your room…afterwards…I spent the whole night thinking, 'how will this change our relationship'? I mean there was the obvious difference because of what had just happened, but I didn't know how it would be different long term."
"If you're asking me if this is a serious relationship, then the answer is yes. You are the person I want to be with. It isn't an issue of convenience or curiosity or hormones. I truly want to be with only you, Yuuki. I guess that's why I felt, and acted, territorial last week. I shouldn't have gotten into it with Kiryuu, and I certainly shouldn't have shown up in your room like that. I'm not perfect but I am trying."
Yuuki's face softened into a look of comfort. "I know you are."
This time she initiated the kiss. When her lips touched his, delicately and softly, his insides began to burn.
He felt her tongue brush against his bottom lip and he eagerly accepted her into his mouth. He could feel the relief wash over him as he moved closer, pressing his body against hers.
His insecurities, which were unfamiliar to him to begin with, were vanishing as the kiss continued.
He stroked her arm before picking it up and putting it around his neck, and repeating the action with her other arm. If it had been possible he would have absorbed her completely into his own body, but having her so tightly wrapped around him would have to do.
She pulled back and her eyes traveled across the room.
"Is there any place where…"
"What?" he asked, desperate not to stop.
"Somewhere more…comfortable?"
He quickly mapped out the building in his head. "Well yes of course there is but…"
"But?"
"But with the Night Class still in the building I don't want to…"
"Well what about the old building? The one Aidou took me from?"
"Nothing in that building has been comfortable in about 70 years," Kaname laughed.
Yuuki exhaled roughly, mildly frustrated and embarrassed. "Well, there's no need to do things again so quickly, I suppose." The defeat in her voice was evident, though it was nothing compared to Kaname's aggravation.
She stood up from the couch, much to Kaname's disappointment. "Would it be okay if I had something to drink?" she asked, spying the pitcher of water on his desk.
"Of course it's okay. I have paper cups in the bathroom over there. Sorry, normally I have actually glasses."
She made her way into the bathroom at the other end of them room to retrieve a cup. After a few moments of searching, she called out to him.
"Kaname, I can't find the cups."
He walked towards the bathroom but stopped short of entering. Framed by the black tile walls, Yuuki looked angelic. Her arms were behind her, hands placed firmly against the counter as she leaned back and awaited his assistance. Kaname couldn't help but feel aroused.
He shook the image out of his mind and went about the task of finding her a cup. He approached the mirror above the sink and was surprised when Yuuki didn't step out of the way. He reached over her, doing his best not to crush her between his body and the marble counter, and popped the mirror forward, revealing a medicine cabinet with a stack of plastic cups inside.
"Oh," she said in surprise as Kaname close the mirror and handed her the cup. "I didn't even think to check there."
"How comfortable?" Kaname asked suddenly.
"What?"
"The place where… how comfortable do you need it to be?"
"Kaname, I don't understand…" Her words fell as she felt Kaname take hold of her waist with both hands. "You mean…here?"
"I know it's not ideal but…" He stepped forward, pressing himself into her body and pressing her against the counter.
"What if someone hears us?" she asked with a noticeable tremble in her voice.
"We'll stop," he said quickly, leaning his head forward and pressing his face into the curve of her neck.
The giggle came almost automatically. "You won't stop."
"Then they'll just have to go away."
His hands were behind her now, palms damp, pressing against her own clammy hands. He felt more in control of the situation than he had last time. There wasn't the same sense of urgency- the feeling of 'this may never happen again'. Nor was there the overexcitement of it being the first time.
Her knees shook as she heard him inhale deeply against her throat. She wasn't sure why. Zero had bitten into her more times than she could count- so often that she never gave it a second thought when he needed to drink from her. But when Kaname was near her throat, the feeling was so much more intense. Zero did it because he needed to, because he was weak without it, but Kaname would do it for the sheer pleasure it would bring to him.
He brought his face to hers and kissed her again, his desire apparent in the pressure she felt on her lips. Without warning he took her by the waist and hoisted her onto the counter. He placed a hand behind her head to steady her as the quickness of the movement had her leaning to far back.
He didn't break the kiss as he slowly undid the first button on her shirt. Within moments another one was open. The unlatched third button finally began to reveal the soft, pale body inside the clothing.
He pulled away and stared at her flesh, causing Yuuki to blush and hunch her shoulders.
"Your body is beautiful. There's no reason to be modest," he whispered, almost as if he were talking to himself.
He opened the rest of the buttons and slipped the shirt from her shoulders, leaving it on from the crook of her elbows down.
He watched her heart beat in her chest- watched with curiosity, and delight, and a deep, deep hunger. "It's amazing- watching life pump through you so systematically. You probably don't even notice how prominent it is to someone like me. To see it and hear it…" Lost in thought, he brought his face to her chest and pressed against it. She could almost hear him purring.
Slowly, he began to caress her thigh, and then he laughed.
"What's so funny?"
"Your heart," he answered; a slight smile on his face. "It got so fast so quickly."
He moved further up her leg until he could feel the cotton beneath her skirt. After a moment's hesitation, he rubbed his palm gently over her and she inhaled deeply.
She struggled to get her arms free from her shirt but he raised a hand to stop her.
"Leave it that way a little longer, please."
He moved to her ear and whispered, "I'm going to start now."
He slipped his hand into the fabric and slowly teased her.
She curled her toes in response and moaned softly to herself. The confusion of the past week, the questions she'd only just gotten answers to, had made her forget just how good it felt for him to touch her in such an intimate way. She inched forward on the counter to allow him freer access.
He continued to stroke her, refusing to actually penetrate her until he felt the moment was right. He raised her up slightly so he could pull her panties off completely and she wrapped her legs around his waist in an attempt to push him over the edge.
He had to admit, he wanted to be inside of her. He wanted to be inside of her yesterday, and the day before that. He wanted to be inside her tomorrow and the day after that. If it was possible, he'd spend the rest of his existence making love to her, stopping only to shower and eat.
Defeated by his own thoughts and desires, he relented and pushed two fingers into her. Immediately, the legs wrapped around his body clamped together.
"Relax," he said in a hushed tone, and slowly her legs loosened and fell back against the counter. He felt slight movements from her and chuckled as she tossed her shirt down to the floor.
"How did you manage to do that," he asked, knowing that the steady rhythm of his fingers would make it difficult to answer.
Yuuki didn't bother to. She rested her chin on his shoulder and reached down to the button on his pants. He didn't stop her. He had tormented them both long enough.
When she finally had the zipper down, he backed away and stepped out of them and his boxers, then pulled her down off of the counter.
"Turn around."
"No. I want to be able to look at you," she insisted.
"You'll be able to."
He turned her around and pointed to the mirror in front of them.
She gulped. It was one thing to watch him as he was inside of her. It was quite another to watch him watch her while he was inside of her.
"It may be a bit awkward at first but…I want you to see what I see."
He pressed his chest against her back, causing her to lean forward over the counter. She gripped the sides of it as she felt him flip her skirt up over her hips and position himself.
With slow, controlled movements, he pushed himself inside of her. She took a deep breath and held it as her body worked to accommodate him. After a few tense moments, he started to move inside of her.
Her body moved just as he'd remembered it, and her moans and soft cries created flashes of their first night together in his mind.
He held onto her waist with one hand and slipped his other arm underneath hers. He reached up and gently pulled on the fabric embracing her chest and pulled down on it, earning a shriek as the new exposed portion of her body met with the cooler temperatures of the room.
He squeezed gently, losing himself in the feeling of her body around him in clutched in his grasp.
"Look up, Yuuki," he instructed.
Reluctantly, she lifted her head and stared into the mirror. She could see herself, lips parted, eyes half open. Beads of sweat hung like a necklace around her throat. She watched the pattern of her body jerking towards the mirror and then away again. She shifted her gaze to look at him.
He was staring straight at her through the mirror. His gaze was forceful it was if she was looking him straight in the eyes, face to face. His hair, now clumped together with sweat, was sticking to his forehead. His lips, normally thin and pale in color, looked full and deep in color.
His eyes fluttered before finally closing. His movements became more insistent as he got closer to reaching his peak.
"Yuuki," he moaned, moving his hand from her breast back to her waist.
They both froze as the sudden sound of a turning doorknob crashed into their ears. Instinctively, Kaname brought his hand to her mouth and covered it.
They waited, awkwardly positioned over the sink, to learn what the consequences would be for their impatient tryst.