Elena was relieved when Josephine's tour ended and she hastily ducked into her chambers. They were modest but comfortable and she wasted no time shedding her clothes and sinking into the steaming bath that had been brought to her upon request. The life and feeling sprang back into her tired limbs and she closed her eyes, savoring the moment of peace.
Soon, the Inquisitor would return and Elena would be tossed head first into the fray of the Inquisition. She had agreed to offer them whatever aid she could, including her limited knowledge of the Grey Wardens. There were few times she had ever felt so useless and now was most certainly one of them. What could she provide them that they did not already have ─ aside from a scapegoat and a direction in which to point the blame? The Inquisition seemed a capable and formidable force and with Leliana in their back pocket, their reach extended far more than what should have been possible.
When the water grew cold, Elena forced herself from the tub and into a waiting robe folded neatly at the end of her bed. Her bare feet padded silently across the ornate rug as she found the mirror propped against the wall and worked her fingers through untangling her wavy locks.
Elena couldn't recall the last time she had truly looked at herself in a mirror. She had been reduced to offering herself little more than a passing glance and upon closer inspection she could easily see why. She had become a shell of the woman she had been and she had come a long way from the round faced and rosy cheek youth she had been in the Circle. Her cheek bones were sharp and defined and her eyes were sunken and hollow. The soft hues of red and pink were washed clean from her face, replaced now with a sickly pallor that gave her the appearance of being little more than a single breath away from death. She could blame the Taint for corrupting her and draining her with each passing day, but it was more than that. Her will to fight was gone and were she to hear the Calling she could not promise that she wouldn't follow.
The gentle rapping on the door startled her and she jumped, reaching instinctively for the staff that sat on the other side of the room. She frowned and exhaled to steady herself before drawing her robe tightly around her slender frame and moving to open it just enough to peer into the corridor.
She was met with a heavy honey colored stare and she felt her heart stutter as his hand found the door handle and he pushed it open further without invitation. He was bold and it sent the butterflies in her stomach into a wild frenzy. "I came to let you know that the Inquisitor has returned," his words were soft in contrast to the rest of his demeanor and she nodded mutely.
"You could have sent a servant," Elena tried to keep her voice above a whisper but she failed.
"I could have," he agreed with a nod of his head. His hand fell away from the door and Elena took a step back, letting her eyes drink him in. She had promised herself that she would forget him and she had nearly done just that. During the Blight she had scarcely thought of the Templar from the Circle with his wandering eye and curly blond hair. But as of late, she had thought of little else. She wondered where he had gone and whether he had survived the madness that had consumed Thedas. She wondered whether he had found another woman to dote upon and admire from afar. There were no boundaries now and no Circle or Templar order to tell them that what they felt was wrong.
"It is...good to see you," he said finally, stepping into the room and closing the door behind him. She had half a mind to tell him to leave and that she was not decent enough for pleasantries and idle conversation. But Elena feared that if he were to step back through that door she may never get a moment with him again. Privacy seemed hard to come by at Skyhold, especially for those in a position of authority.
"And you. You look well," she responded, toying with the end of her satin belt. "Have you been with the Inquisition long?"
"Since the beginning," he sounded less than enthused and Elena glanced up. The ends of her hair had begun to soak through her robe and she tried to shrug the damp fabric away.
"Yes, well...congratulations, I suppose. You are no doubt a wonderful commander for their growing forces," she felt uncomfortable and the words tasted strange on her tongue.
He nodded in thanks and brought a hand up to rub at the back of his neck. "I hadn't known you would be joining us in our endeavors," he said, glancing up and over as he moved past her and further into the small room, suddenly interested in inspecting the tapestries that hung from the window. He threaded the crimson fabric between his fingers and she rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet.
"Neither had I. Leliana wrote to me and requested my counsel. She's a very old friend and I could not refuse her, so here I am. My duties in Amaranthine were not nearly as important as the Breach and besides, I was able to secure a second in command," she clasped her fidgeting hands in front of her and looked towards the ceiling. Maker, this is uncomfortable.
"Amaranthine would have been less dangerous," he murmured and she blinked. A slow smile tugged at the corner of her lips and she released a small chuckle.
"Cullen, I faced an Archdemon to end a Blight. A few rogue Templars and Mages do not frighten me."
"What about an old Tevinter magister hellbent on destroying the world?" There was a sudden sharpness to his tone and her smile faltered as he turned his head to look at her. He wore a pained expression and her heart ached for him, but she stood her ground.
"You needn't worry about me, Commander. I am quite capable of looking after myself," Elena informed him just as sharply. His concern should have been touching and it was, but she was not as fragile and helpless as she had been all those years ago in the tower. She was a hardened mage and she had been witness to more horrors than she would ever care to admit aloud.
Cullen opened his mouth but closed it soon after and nodded once, letting the tapestry fall free from his hand. Elena stepped back towards the door as he closed the distance between them and her breath caught in her throat as he extended a hand towards her. He seemed to think better of his decision and let his hand fall short. "I lost you once. I will not lose you again," his words were barely above a whisper and she felt the hair on the back of her neck stand on end.
In a single heartbeat he was already moving around her and towards the door, pulling it open and stepping into the corridor. "The Inquisitor will meet you in the War Room when you've dressed," with that he was gone and Elena was left staring at the spot where he had been as his words echoed in her head and reverberated somewhere deep in her chest.
I lost you once. I will not lose you again. "Cullen..."