Chapter two: Guilt

Renesmee P.O.V

"Seth! Is that you!" I gasped.

I looked at his face, I noticed he didn't have a shirt on, his muscles were frozen in place, I went lower and noticed that he didn't have a pants on either, or underwear, or anything. Then I looked at myself, no red leather jacket, not very short mini skirt, not even a bra, nothing except my earrings and my knee length leather boots.

My eyes went wide, I was still at Seth's Bachelor pad, in his bedroom, on his silk sheets, with him, naked!

My cheeks went RED! They blazed furiously, but I couldn't move, I couldn't even tell my arms to pick up the blanket and cover myself with it.

After what seemed like a day of just staring horrorstruck at each other my brain seemed to finally unscramble the blacked out images of last night, after dancing with Seth, we went to the stairs, we made out, and went to his bedroom, I pushed him down onto the bed and climbed on top of him…

I suddenly flew off the bed and away from Seth, he seemed to unfreeze too and he flew to the opposite side of the room.

"Renesmee? D-d-did we um, h-have s-s-se-e-x last n-night?" he stuttered, part of my brain noticed that we were both still naked.

I couldn't speak.

"W-what happened!" I demanded my voice hysterical, and high. Sobs were coming from my chest.

All this time, I was saving myself for marriage, with one man, a man I loved and cared for, all that time and I end up losing my virginity to one of my best friends! I broke down immediately and sank to the floor, all that to make my parents proud of me, to show them that I was responsible, all ruined in one night.

"Renesmee! Um, uh, don't cry, uh." Seth was looking around as if something would just appear that could fix this. I sobbed harder. Seth came over, he stopped by the bed, he found his pants and put it on, then brought the blanket over to me and covered me with it, I cried for a long time, he awkwardly patted my back and tried to reassure me.

"Maybe we both just fell asleep here last night… nude." I sobbed harder when he said that, but there was no chance of that, I distinctly remember how our bodies were intertwined, how he felt inside me, how painful it was when he went inside me. How I eventually got used to it, how I moaned his name.

Eventually my tears all dried up, but by then the sun was far in the west.

Seth was now trying to convince himself that nothing happened. His head was in his hands, he was muttering curses.

I was sniffling.

"I should tell Jake."Seth said.

M head snapped up.

"No! He'll kill you!" I hiccupped.

"Then what should we do, we can't not tell him, that wouldn't be right." he trailed off.

I couldn't stop hiccupping.

"I'll tell him. I have to go, someone's probably looking for me." I said getting up with the blanket around me.

"Here take some of Leah's old clothes." Seth said giving me a pile of random clothes.

"Thanks." I couldn't look into his eyes anymore.

I went into the bathroom and put on the clothes, I found my costume on the floor beside the bed and left.

I went to my house, not far from my parents it was still in the forest, about a 2 minute run to my parent's house and another 3 minute run to the main house. The door was unlocked, just like I left it. The fire was just dying when I walked in.

I went straight to my room and took a shower; I don't know why I just felt I needed a shower.

I didn't think Seth had violated me, I mean I think I went willingly. I wonder where Jacob went. Why did he leave the party without me? Did he get drunk too?

The door bell rang.

It must be Jacob, and it was.

"Hey Ness, where were you all day?" he asked as he came in. I couldn't look him in the eye.

"I uh fell asleep at Seth's house last night, or maybe passed out. I don't know, I just got home. I need aspirin." I muttered and got some from my medicine cabinet.

"Okay, I don't know how I got home last night, I thought you drove me home." He said giving me a glass of water.

"Thanks." I said swallowing the aspirin.

"What's wrong Ness, you seem, I don't know…guilty of something." He said taking my chin in his palm and forcing me to look in his eyes. I averted my eyes.

"Ness look at me." He said, I kept my eyes away.

"Nessie look at me." He said again a little more firmly, I looked down.

"Renesmee Carlie Cullen, please look at me." He whispered.

I had to look into his eyes then, then tears started pouring down my face. Sobs ripped through my chest.

"Renesmee! Wha-what did I do?" Jacob demanded, startled by my sudden breakdown. It just made me cry harder.

"Renesmee, speak to me! What did I do?" he begged as I slid to the floor.

"P-plea-ease g-go, J-J-Jacob." I begged between my sobs, he stayed and still asked.

"Please! Jacob go! I-I'll call yo-you!" I shouted.

He left then, a worried look in his eyes.

I don't know how long I sat there crying, it was past nighttime that my tears finally turned into hiccups, then I fell asleep again on the floor where I was curled up.

Running through the forest, toward something, or someone. I can hear a baby crying ahead of me. I reach a clearing, there's a beautiful baby girl. Her eyes chocolate brown, her hair bronze, her skin pale but she had Seth's face.

I gasped awake, I was still on the floor. The house was dark and cold. I got up from the floor, it was still dark outside. I went upstairs slowly and got into my bed, I still had on my tracksuit pants and T-shirt I put on after I got out of the bath.

I hoped I wouldn't dream again as I drifted back to sleep.

I was kissing Jacob on the beach, we were inside the little cave where no-one could see us, our bodies were intertwined and our clothes were beside us, he kissed me all over. Where his lips touched my skin was fire. When his face came into view again, his hair was curly, and his facial structure changed, he turned into Seth!

Again I woke up, but I screamed this time. My skin was clammy all over, my bronze hair was sticking to my neck and chest, it was grey outside. My clock said it was quarter to seven.

I slid quickly out of bed and into the kitchen to put on the coffee machine, as I waited for the coffee to be made I took another shower and put on a three-quarter jeans and a black satin blouse.

When I was done dressing I brushed my teeth and untangled my hair and made it into a high pony-tail. By the time I was done with myself the coffee was done. I had some serious cleaning up to do. I started in the kitchen, there were dirty dishes and dirt caking on the counter. Then I moved onto my room and my bathroom, these were the only three rooms I used in my house plus the living room. my bedroom and bathroom floor was littered in clothes, I started the washing too, I finished everything at about one o clock in the afternoon, it was just my washing I was waiting for, it was only the second load in the machine, I decided to go to the main house for a bit. I would come back when the timer went off.

Just when I opened my front door to go, there was a pain in my stomach, I ran to the bathroom and threw up in the toilet. When I was done I rinsed out my mouth, the pain was gone again so I continued to the main house, I took one of my big hand bags so I could put the clothes Seth gave me in it, I wanted to give it back.

"Hey Ness, how was the party? Must've been some party considering you were gone all of yesterday." Emmett laughed as I came in the door.

"You and the wolf boy must have had a nice loud day yesterday." He taunted, I got so aggravated at him that I picked up one of Grandma Esme's favorite vases and threw it at him.

"Whoa! Renesmee, what's wrong with you? You nearly broke Esme's favorite vase?" My mother scolded me as she caught the vase, she was still holding her handbag which means that she just came in.

"Sorry mom, Emmett just won't shut up." I complained and sat down seething.

Seth P.O.V

I can't believe I had sex with my Alpha's imprint, I can't believe I had sex with my Alpha's imprint, I can't believe I had sex with my Alpha's imprint… I chanted over and over again in my head, I was too scared to phase again, just in case Jacob was phased and he saw what I did.

Plus I think that I might have broken her virginity, because Jacob certainly hasn't thought of it like Sam did when he and Emily got married.

"Hey Seth!" someone said from behind me.

I jumped about a meter away from the voice and shouted.

It was Leah.

"Geez, is that a way to treat your sister?" she asked and crossed her arms.

"Leah! What are you doing here? I thought you guys were still on your honeymoon." I said lamely.

"Why do you care? We just thought we should come home because Steven has a job interview in three days." She said and added, "Why are you so tense Seth, tell me, now!" she demanded, she used her 'second in command voice' so I had to obey.

"Please don't make me do this Leah." I begged.

"Tell me now."

"At my Christmas Party, I got drunk and…" I trailed off, I didn't want to go on.

"And?"

"I ended up having sex with Renesmee." I looked down in shame.

Leah gasped. "Oh. My. Gosh. She was still a virgin. Jake's gonna kill you, or skin you alive, whichever comes first.

"Don't you think I know that Leah!" I snapped.

Ding dong the door-bell rang, I went to the front door and opened it, there was Renesmee, her cheeks blushing furiously.

"Hey Seth, I just wanted to bring Leah's-"she was cut off

"Ahem." Leah cleared her throat behind me.

"Leah?" Renesmee asked.

"Who else?" she rolled her eyes.

"Hey, how was your honeymoon?" Renesmee asked stepping inside.

"Come on in." I muttered closing the door behind her.

She hugged Leah.

"It was…great."

"Well it should have been, you were there for six weeks."

"Switzerland has its advantages." Leah smiled.

I sighed

"Steven's waiting for me at home, I should probably get going." She said suddenly and left without another word.

I stared as she closed the door and looked back to Renesmee.

"So… yeah, thanks for lending me the clothes Seth."She said and gave Leah's clothes back, for some reason I noticed that she was careful not to touch my hand, and then she left. When I glimpsed into her eyes as she left I started feeling very guilty for being her first, I mean we were friends, that's it. and she was waiting twenty one years to save it for Jacob just to have it all gone in one night. The guilt was eating me up, and I knew it wouldn't go away until I told Jake the truth. Now I would have to decide which is more painful, the guilt eating me from the inside out, or Jacob ripping me into microscopic shreds.

I don't even know how I would bring it up, I couldn't just go, 'Hey Jake I had drunk sex with your imprint, she looks great naked, you're a lucky guy. Seriously, she's really great in bed. I wouldn't mind doing it again.' God I can't believe after all this guilt and awkwardness I still want to have sex with her again, I mean she was unbelievable. From her perfect lips to her exquisite legs. I remembered every detail of her body on mine. How she moaned my name and not Jacobs, how every time she moaned I got harder.

Another wave of guilt hit me, what am I thinking? That's Jakes girlfriend, not mine. She will never be mine.

Then images went through my mind, the first one, Renesmee and I were kissing on the stairs. The next one, me and Nessie having sex, a wedding ring on her finger. Another image where Nessie and I were in the hospital, she was giving birth. The last one of Nessie and I and two curly haired children at a dinner table.

Perfect, I was in love with my alpha's imprint. Fucking perfect.