A/N: Good god. I am so sorry that it took me this long to post the last part. I feel like a terrible human being. Well...Now that it's finally done, I hope you all enjoy it. I had fun writing it. Again, sorry for the wait.
It is late afternoon before his brother manages to drag him out of the house. Loki is nearly a picture of his former self as Thor takes a vice-like grip on his wrist and begins to tow him toward the front door where his scarf and shoes are laying discarded on the floor. He is spitting threats and growling and glaring daggers into his brother's soul. But he knows that Thor knows it is only because he is frightened by the prospect of seeing their parents for the first time in nearly two years. He talked to their mother on the phone regularly of course, but Loki has not seen her in person since he moved to the city. He desperately wants to see her, but Thor is insisting that if he sees Mother then he has to see Father, too. They are nearly at the front door when the expletives being to pour from his mouth and panic begins to set in, because the closer they get to the front door, the more real everything suddenly becomes. He feels like a trapped animal as he struggles in Thor's iron grip, his eyes wide and his teeth bared. But finally, his brother turns on him, grabs him by the shoulders and holds him still. And Loki is almost terrified by the calm determination in his forget-me-not blue eyes. He shivers and looks away when Thor tells him that he cannot push this off any longer, that sooner or later he is going to have to face their parents because he cannot just leave things unresolved as they are. Loki knows he is right, but that fact does not quell his fear. He knows that Thor is right, he knows it, but he still cannot stand it. And then he finds his face cupped in large hands that are rough with work but still gentler than any Loki has known, and Thor is pulling his face level so they are looking each other in the eye and he can see his own reflection in the clear blue of Thor's. And Thor is reassuring him, his voice as soft as his features and Loki believes him and gives a nod, grumbling that they had better leave now lest he loose his nerve again. So it is late afternoon before they finally leave the house.
It is cold today and their parents live on the other side of town, on the way outskirts so they decide to drive. Thor is a good driver, Loki remembers, as they make their way through the icy streets. All the while, he stares out the window, watching the houses and shops slip past. There are children building snow forts and snowmen from the powder that was falling when Loki knocked on Thor's door so early that morning and he smiles as he watches them slip past as well. It only takes them five minutes to drive to their parents' house on the outskirts of town, but it is cold today and neither Thor nor Loki wanted to walk.
It takes Loki a long time to work up the courage to actually get out of the car. Even with Thor there as his very own spirit squad, he is having a hard time. He finally glares at Thor and his brother closes his mouth and stops his encouragements with an apologetic grin and his hands raised up in surrender. After a few breathing exercises and counting techniques Loki learned over the years, he finally unbuckles his seatbelt and opens the car door. And slowly, with his hand clutching at his brother's, they make their way up the front steps and onto the porch. It took Loki much longer than he would like to admit to gather his courage to get where they are.
Thor reaches out and rings to doorbell. Loki does not know why, he knows his brother has a key. But then he thinks that maybe he does it to give him a little bit of time to steel himself further and a sudden swell of affection toward him bursts in his chest and all he wants to do is kiss him hard on the mouth, but he does not. Their parents do not know about their relationship—though Loki suspects that Frigga knows somehow—and he really wants to keep it that way for as long as possible. After an impatient moment, Thor rings the doorbell once more.
Tugging on his brother's sleeve, Loki murmurs to him to be patient, that Mother is probably upstairs or doing laundry or maybe even taking a nap. Thor just gives him a look that makes him grin sheepishly and duck his head. After another moment, they hear the locks click and the door is opened. Loki cannot help as he edges a bit behind his brother's bulk, clinging to the sleeve of Thor's sweater. He knows that their father is still at work and will not be home until later in the evening and that it is Frigga who answers the door, but he suddenly feels painfully shy and he does not know why. This is the woman who raised him for Christ's sake. He had no reason to be shy around her. Tugging a bit on his brother's sleeve, he cannot bring words to his lips.
And then the door is finally opened. Frigga is standing on the other side, her hair in a long braid down her back. She smiles at Thor and greets him warmly and Loki knows that she has not spotted him yet. But when she moves to hug her son, her eyes land on Loki's half-hidden form and she freezes. He steps out from behind Thor and keeps his head down, peeking up at his mother through his lashes. He sees the tears in her eyes and holds his breath, feeling the telltale sting in his own. Then Frigga moves to him quickly and her arms are around his shoulders before he even has time to react, and she is telling him over and over how much she loves him. It takes Loki a moment to gather his wits about him, but when his mind clicks back on track, he wraps his arms around her waist and buries his face against her shoulder. He can feel the tears prick at his eyes and then they're sliding down his nose and soaking into Mother's shirt. Loki feels like a child again as Frigga smoothes his inky hair and whispers encouragement and reassurances in his ear. It reminds him of the time when he was seventeen and he had had a particularly difficult day. He and Thor had gotten into it and Loki was surprised the police had not been called for all of the screaming that permeated from those walls. In his fury, Loki had broken the bracelet Thor had made for him when they were fourteen, tearing it from his wrist and hurling at his brother's chest. It was the worst fight the two had every had and as soon as Loki saw the look on Thor's face as he stared down at the mangled bracelet in his hand, Loki immediately regretted his actions, wishing he could press rewind and stop the whole thing from ever happening. The look held in his brother's blue eyes was one of hurt and confusion so intense that Loki had felt he would be sick. But he had not let Thor see his reaction; he had turned abruptly on his heel and run straight to his room, slamming his door so hard it made the paintings on the walls in the hallway shake. And then he had cried, buried his face in his pillow and just sobbed. That was when the door opened.
Mother had stroked his hair then, too. Had murmured reassurances until his shoulders had stopped shaking and he looked up at her, eyes rimmed red. She had smiled at him, pulled him into a comforting hug. It is the same now as she holds Loki close, and he drags in a jagged breath through his nose, willing his shoulders to stop shaking. Finally he pulls away from her, holds her at arm's length so he can really look at her for the first time in almost two years. She has not changed much at all. Her eyes are the same blue, her hair is the same blonde, the same as his brother's, and her smile is just as soft and welcoming as it has ever been. Loki pulls Frigga back against his chest, hugging her for a moment longer. She strokes his hair once more.
"Hello, Mother," he whispers.
"Hello, Loki," she whispers back.
Inside, they sit in the living room. Loki and Thor sit on the sofa and Mother sits in the armchair perpendicular to it. She sits with her legs tucked under herself as she sips her tea. Loki does not even realize he is sitting the same way until Thor leans over and rumbles in his ear that he must have picked up the trait from Frigga. He looks down and sees that they are sitting the same way, his long legs pulled up under him, his mug clutched to his chest. He shrugs and grins, and their mother laughs quietly, watching the two of them fondly. When they start talking, Loki cannot help but lean into Thor, more comfortable pressed close to his warmth, and he catches a knowing look in Frigga's eyes. Swallowing nervously, he looks away, occupying himself with the rich colour of his tea. He does not know what time it is when they finally hear the locks clicking from the front door, signaling that Odin is finally home, but it sends a jolt of panic through him like electricity and he feels the compulsion to flee, to get as far away from this place as he possibly can before his father finds him. But Thor must sense his anxiety and he moves his arm from where it has been resting on the back of the sofa so that it is draped over Loki's shoulders, thumb rubbing reassuring strokes into his upper arm through the hideously gorgeous sweater. His brother leans in so close that his lips brush against the shell of his ear and whispers for only him to hear that he can do this, that everything will be just fine, and above all that he loves him. Loki takes a deep breath and holds it. And they sit waiting in the living room.
It seems to take forever for Odin to find them where they sit. And Loki presses himself closer against Thor, hoping that if he does, he will become invisible. His hopes are dashed, though, when their father finally walks into the room, mouth open like he is about to say something to Frigga, and his eyes land immediately on the sofa where Loki sits with Thor. Odin is quiet for a long moment and he just stares at Loki, seeming to see past his brother. Loki sucks in a deep breath and he feels like a frightened child when Odin stares at him like that. It is the sort of stare that can see into your soul, that make you feel like you cannot hide anything. And Loki suddenly panics that Odin will see his true feelings for Thor and that he will see their relationship and the teeth marks on his shoulder where Thor bit him this morning. But Thor's arm is still around his shoulders, his thumb still rubbing reassuring strokes through the woolen sweater, and he takes a deep breath to calm himself. It seems to take forever for Odin to take the seat next to Mother's.
He does not say anything for a long time. The room is painfully silent and Loki feels like a deer in the headlights under his father's scrutinizing gaze. He cannot help as he squirms a little where his sits, pressed against Thor, but no matter how hard he tries, he just cannot tear his eyes from Odin's. They seem softer than he remembers, but perhaps Loki is just imagining things, just letting his hope get the best of him. Because even though he is still furious with Odin, still furious with the lies, a part of Loki wants his father to apologize for what he did, even though Loki thinks he will not forgive him right away. He waits, picking nervously at the wool of the sweater. But Odin does not say anything for a long time.
But finally the silence is broken. Odin speaks and Loki is surprised that the words are directed at him. He looks up and what he sees stuns him. Odin looks old and tired, and Loki catches in his eyes regret that he has never seen there before. His father is talking to him, and he snaps his attention to the words, trying to understand what they mean. But they sound like the apology he has been waiting years for, and that cannot be right. His ears must be hearing what they want to hear. The room is silent again and Loki realizes that his family is looking at him. But the words will not come to his lips and he feels so caught off guard that he is not sure he would be able to speak even if they did. Thor squeezes his arm and leans close, mumbling encouragement in his ear, and Frigga is watching him with soft reassuring eyes. Finally, he breaks the silence.
And he is almost astonished at how angry he is. Loki feels his muscles go tense and he is almost afraid of what his face must look like, if the expression of shock both Frigga and Odin now sport are anything to go by. All of the anger and resentment that he has kept bottled up since he was a teenager finally spills out of his mouth in a rush of angry words and curses, and his voice is raising until he can hear it above the blood pounding in his ears. Loki can finally tell Odin everything he has wanted to. He can finally take his anger out on the source of his hurts and not just Thor, who has put up with his rage since Loki was thirteen and he was fifteen. And he does, he tells Odin everything. He tells him how neglected he felt by him. How angry he has been for seven years. He demands to know why he should even consider forgiving him. When Odin does not respond, just stares at him like he is now the deer in the headlights, Loki laughs bitterly and shrugs Thor's arm off of him and stands. He watches his father for a moment more, giving him a chance to give him a reason, but when he says nothing, Loki shakes his head and turns on his heel. And he is almost astonished at how hurt he is.
Loki finds himself alone in the bathroom with the door locked. He stands with his hands braced against the counter, staring at his reflection in the mirror. And what he sees startles him so much he nearly jumps out of his own skin. The man looking back at him has the same face, cheeks ruddy with emotion, mouth set in a hard line, black hair curly and edging on uncontrollable. But the look in this man's eyes is so different from the look in them this morning. His gaze is clear and stronger than he has seen in seven years, perhaps longer, and there are no fractures there anymore. The past is behind him where it belongs, still there, but no longer interfering. These eyes remind him so much of his brother's that they cannot possibly be his own. They are still the same green of his, to be sure, but these are the eyes of someone who is healed, who has put their hurts aside to let them piece themselves together. This cannot possibly be Loki, because the man gazing back at him in the mirror does not have the look of a child, like Loki assumed would be the case when he healed, this man is grown. There are scars there, he knew there would be, but they are thin and pink, not the thick, angry lines he expected. So how can this possibly be Loki? And suddenly he finds Thor standing beside him in the bathroom, the door unlocked.
"I wish you wouldn't do that," he mumbles, tearing his eyes away from the man gazing back at him in the mirror to press his forehead against his brother's bicep.
Thor just rumbles with a low chuckle. He pulls Loki into his arms, pressing his cheek against the side of Loki's neck. Loki feels his muscles begin to relax and he sighs, hiding his eyes against his brother's shoulder. Thor's arms have always been safe, since they were children. He remembers when he was five there was a thunderstorm that had him shaking all over and he had pulled the covers over his head in hopes that they would protect him. At the time, he and Thor were still sharing a room, and he felt the mattress dip under his brother's weight, the blankets pealing back to reveal his worried blue eyes. Thor had pulled him into a hug what was warm and gentle, but kept all the monsters away. It is a good memory, one from before. Loki pulls away after a moment and gives Thor a small smile and he knows that Thor can see that strange man on his face because his eyes go wide and his lips part just a little bit. Loki rumbles with a low chuckle.
Now that they are alone, Loki snatches at the opportunity. He pulls his brother in close and kisses him the way he has wanted to kiss him since he first rang the doorbell. He knows that the bathroom door is ajar and he knows that Mother and Father are down the hall, waiting for them in the living room, but he does not care. Loki presses himself as close to Thor as he possibly can, one of his hands tangling in blonde hair, while the other clutches desperately at his shoulder. He knows he catches his brother off guard at first because he does not respond until Loki is drawing his tongue along the seam of his lips. But then everything tumbles into play so quickly that it makes Loki's head spin. Thor pins Loki's hips against the counter, and Loki tightens the grip on Thor's hair, deepening the kiss as he pushes his tongue past the barrier of his brother's lips. And now, all the anger he has towards Odin is melting away as he tastes Thor in his mouth and feels one of Thor's hands on his back under the clothes he is borrowing. But then Loki hears their mother clear her throat from the doorway. And now they are not so alone, and they pull apart, gasping.
Frigga just gazes at them with her knowing eyes. Loki can feel the heat in his cheeks all the way up to his ears and when he looks at Thor, his brother is flushed as well, forget-me-not eyes wide in a mix of shock and embarrassment at getting caught by their mother with his tongue in his little brother's mouth. But there is no shame there and Loki feels comforted by this, because even though he is healed, he thinks something like seeing shame on Thor's face would be enough to shatter him again. They are still pressed together, Thor's hand still pressed against the skin of Loki's back and Loki's hand still clutching at his hair, when Frigga smiles and asks Loki if he is alright. And it is all Loki can do to keep from laughing at how ridiculous the whole situation is. He returns the smile and nods, his fingers loosening on his brother's hair as he lets his muscles ease back into a relaxed position. She nods in turn and before she leaves, watches them with her knowing eyes.
When she is gone, Loki turns his eyes to Thor. And before he even realizes it, they are both roaring with laughter, clutching at one another in their mania. When he is calm enough, Loki pulls his brother into another bruising kiss that carries with it all of the euphoria he is feeling right now. Loki feels lighter than he has done in years and if it were not for his big brother, he would not be any nearer to being whole than he was yesterday. So he kisses him until he cannot breath and pulls away, letting his forehead rest against Thor's, eyes closed. Thor's arms encircle him and they stand there like that for Loki did not know how long. They just breath one another's air and bathe in the quiet, because there is no tension in the silence for once. And when he is ready, Loki turns his eyes to Thor's.
Sighing happily, Loki presses a kiss to his brother's lips. When he says they should probably go back to the living room, Thor grumbles, releasing Loki unwilling, smoothing the layers that are rucked up around Loki's stomach. With a smile, he kisses the tip of his brother's nose and flattens blonde hair where his fingers mussed it. Finally when they are presentable enough, Loki and Thor walk slowly back to the living room and Loki feels an uncomfortable pulling at his gut. Though his is happier than he has been in years, and though finally expressing his feelings to Odin was the final ingredient to make him whole again, Loki is still fiercely livid with the man. He does not want to be in the same room with him, but the way Thor holds on to his hand tells him that he has no choice. When they enter, they only find Mother sitting quietly in her chair, legs tucked up under her, paging through a home improvement magazine. Looking up, she smiles and stands, resting the magazine safely on the arm of her chair before moving to hug Loki. Sighing happily, Loki hugs her back.
"How did you know?" he asks quietly as they pull away. He looks Frigga in the eye and can see the way their blue is dancing.
And Frigga is still smiling when she tilts her head a bit to the side and shrugs a shoulder. "A mother knows these sorts of things, sweetheart," is her reply, and Loki shakes his head with a bemused little laugh.
When they are seated again—Loki and Thor sharing the sofa, Mother in her chair—Loki glances briefly around the room. In the back of his mind he is wondering where Odin is, but the majority of his thoughts are relieved he is not present. He wants to ask their mother where he is, but decides not to. It really is none of his business, and it would be a useless piece of trivia if he did ask. So pushing those thoughts to the back of his mind, Loki pulls his legs under him and rests his temple against his brother's shoulder and just listens as Mother gets him caught up on all of the neighborhood gossip. It is nice, just sitting in the cozy little living room he and Thor grew up playing in, listening the their mother tell them stories. Some of them make Loki laugh until his sides hurt; some of them are serious and he can feel his brows draw together as he listens; some of them are so embarrassing that he can feel his ears heat up and he has to burry his face against Thor's shoulder to hide his face. But all of them make a warmth grow inside him and Loki realizes that things are alright now, that things are better and, if he lets them, they will keep getting better. That thought serves to terrify him just as much as it elates him, because it has been such a long time since everything has been alright and he is not quite sure how to go about being alright. But then he remembers that he has Thor and he has Frigga, and they will help him as best they can. And that is something right there, that is something, already, that is alright; in fact it is better than alright. Loki is so lost with his own thoughts that he does not realize how late it is when Thor finally nudges him off of the couch and they stand. The sun has already been swallowed by the horizon and he is stiff from sitting still for so long. Mother gives him another hug and he absently thinks that he has been getting a lot of those today. Before they say goodbye, Loki glances briefly around the room.
When they get outside, Loki shivers at how cold it is. He can see snow drifting down in the light of the front porch and gives another shiver. From inside the car, they can see their mother waving at them from the doorway and Loki gives a small wave that his is not sure she can see. And then they are on their way home. The drive is short and quiet, and Loki spends as much time staring out the window and the snow flurrying by as he does staring at his brother's profile, tracing his outline with his eyes. Finally they get home, and when they are inside, Loki shivers at how cold it is.
He looks at Thor and for a moment, it feels like he is in a vacuum tube because he cannot breathe. Thor looks perfect; his hair is windblown with snow melting in its strands, his cheeks and nose are red from the cold, and his mouth is turned up in a radiant smile. And even though Loki is shivering and freezing, he reaches a cold hand out and brushes his fingers along his brother's cheek. When Thor turns to look at him, he holds his breath and keeps his hand where it is, another shiver wracking through his body, more from Thor's eyes than any cold he is feeling. And then Thor is bundling Loki up in his arms without a word, carrying him to the bedroom, and Loki has always been amazed that his brother is able to carry him like this when they are nearly the same height. His shoes are dripping slush onto the hardwood, but Thor does not seem to care, because when Loki glances back, he can see that Thor is leaving wet bootprints behind. Sighing, he closes his eyes and presses his face against his brother's chest, taking a deep breath. When they are in the bedroom, Thor lays him gently on the bed and Loki lets his eyes open the tiniest bit. And when he looks up at Thor, it feels like he is in a vacuum tube because he cannot breath.
Thor's eyes are soft. Loki can see so much love in them that it brings a lump to his throat that he cannot seem to swallow down. He reaches his arms out and his brother takes the hint, settling over him with his warm weight and Loki sighs. The heat his brother always gives off permeates the layers he is wearing and before long, Loki is no longer shivering. Soon, he finds his clothes being pulled gently from his body and Thor's hands are sliding over his skin, raising goosebumps in their wake. He reaches his head up and Thor meets him half way, kissing him tenderly. And then Thor pulls away all too soon and he is moving his lips along Loki's jaw to his ear, whispering how proud his is of him. How proud he is that Loki finally let the past be the past; that he is whole, that they are whole. Before Loki has time to reply, his brother's mouth is pressed against his once more, kissing him gently, and lovingly, and so many other ways that has Loki's head spinning and his hands grasping at Thor's shoulders for anchor. Soon the kiss becomes more raw and Loki clings to his brother's shirt, some part of his mind thinking about how unfair it is that his brother is still fully dressed while he is completely bare. When he has to breathe, Loki pulls away and his mouth is damp with their saliva; his eyes are hazy with want and love and adoration for Thor.
Everything is just right as his brother begins to undress. Loki crawls up the bed, pulling the tangle of covers around him as he watches, Thor's skin slowly exposed from the layers of clothing. And then Thor is under the blankets with him, pulling him against his chest, kissing his forehead, his cheeks, his nose, his lips, and Loki sighs, happier than he has been in a long, long time. Because everything is just right with his brother pressed against him.
The time spent until Sunday has Loki on cloud nine. Even though they do not leave the house often, Thor has always been able to entertain Loki better than anyone else. They watch movies and talk and Thor even talks Loki into playing videogames. On Friday night, Loki steps out of the bedroom with damp hair, wearing a pair of his brother's sweatpants and nothing else, but what he finds in the living room has him stop in his tracks. The lights are out and Thor has lit more candles than Loki thought he owned, casting the room into a warm glow. One of Loki's favorite bands is playing low on the stereo and Thor is standing against the back of the sofa with a nervous sort of smile on his face. Loki swallows thickly before he can move, walking to his brother and kissing him before pulling him into a hug. And then Thor is pulling them away from the couch and swaying them in a slow sort of dance, his arms circled around Loki's waist. They just dance like that for what feels like hours to Loki and when they pull apart, just slightly, Thor kisses his mouth softly, his tongue tracing the seam of Loki's lips. Before things can get too heated, Loki pulls away, ignoring the whine it drags from his brother's chest, and moves around the room, blowing out the candles and hoping it does not set off the smoke alarm. Then he is pulling his brother by the wrist to the bedroom and Thor follows him onto the bed, chasing him with little kisses to his temple, or his ear, or his throat. Loki pulls his brother's tee-shirt off and wastes no time, kissing along the man's collarbone and down his chest. He does not get as far as he would like when Thor has his hips and is pinning him against the mattress. And when Thor takes a wrist in each hand to hold him still, Loki feels like he is on cloud nine.
He gasps at the feeling of teeth scraping along his neck. The sensation has him squirming against Thor, bringing his legs up to hook the bend of his knees at Thor's hips. Loki strains his arms against Thor's hold, only half attempting to break free, as he rocks his hips up. His brother's breath is hot against his throat and sets his nerves on fire and sends his head spinning away. Before he realizes what is happening, Thor is moving away from his neck and down his chest, his tongue rasping against one of Loki's nipples, sucking on it gently, and that alone has Loki's back arching and a breathless sort of mewl sounding from his throat. When his brother moves lower, his mouth leaving a moist little trail against Loki's abdomen, Loki can hardly control his breathing, pulling in rough drags of air that have his head swimming with too much oxygen. Splotches of color are blossoming behind his eyes and he can hear his heart racing in his ears as Thor presses wet, open-mouthed kisses to the skin just below his navel. He gasps at the feeling of teeth scraping over one of his hips.
Looking down, he can see Thor grinning up at him. Loki growls, baring his teeth just a little bit in frustration. Before he can tell his brother to get on with it, Thor is pulling the sweatpants from his hips in one swift motion and Loki lets out a slow hiss of air when he can feel his brother's breath against his erection. He is slightly dismayed, though, when Thor makes no move to give him relief, moaning low in aggravation and the shock of pleasure that assaults his reasoning when he feels a sharp bite to the inside of his left thigh. With his wrists still trapped in his brother strong grasp, Loki can only throw his head back and worry his lip as he feels Thor's mouth work on the sensitive flesh. He continues that, licking or nipping or sucking as he sees fit, successfully working Loki into a writhing mess, pressing a kiss to his hip or his stomach every so often. When Loki thinks he is going to go insane, that his brain is going to fry in his skull from how hot he is, he looks down and Thor is grinning up at him.
And then everything is too sensitive and too wet and too much. Because he can feel his brother's cheek rubbing against the junction where thigh meets body, his beard scratching along perfectly, before Loki feels Thor suddenly go down on him, and it is all he can do to keep from screaming. It feels to Loki like he is burning alive, and he knows what will make it stop but he does not want it to stop, not yet. He feels like someone has pumped him full of gasoline and set his blood on fire as the flat of his brother's tongue rubs along his shaft perfectly and he cannot stand not having a hand tangled in that mess of blonde hair, so he manages to rip free from Thor's hold, his fingers carding through his hair before taking a fistful. Loki can feel his orgasm sneaking up on him and whines out desperately because he wants to come with his brother inside of him. Pulling Thor's hair, he tilts the man's head back and away from his cock, and tells him. And when he does, Thor lets out a throaty groan and pulls himself up, the slide of his body along Loki's causing Loki to cry out softly. The friction against his crotch from his brother's sweatpants has Loki bucking his hips weakly, his face screwing up into a grimace. He can hear the drawer of the bedside table open and close, and then Thor is no longer pressed against him. When he opens his eyes, Loki watches his brother strip off his pants. He snaps the top of the bottle he is holding open and spreads a good amount of gel over his cock with a breathy huff. Loki swallows and moans quietly, his eyesight swimming with want and his hips rocking up against nothing. Before he even has time to take a deep breath, Thor has him by the hips and thrusts into him. Loki's body jerks forward and he cries out, head thrown back against he pillows, hands clutching at the bedsheets. There is barely a moment's pause between the time Thor enters him and the time he begins to move, causing everything to go white and blurry in Loki's field of vision. Loki's breath catches in his throat and everything becomes so much harder as he tries to drag in viable gasps of air, his hips bucking to meet every one of Thor's thrusts. And now he cannot tell where his body ends and his brother's begins as every motion brings him that much closer to his climax. He cries out when his legs are brought up higher and the angle of his brother's thrusts change just enough to make bursts of color shoot behind his eyes. Loki is so close now that every move Thor makes sends a tremor through his body like tiny shockwaves before the actual earthquake. And then everything is too sensitive and too wet and too much.
For just a split second, Loki is completely still. Then his back is arching dramatically and everything shatters. He throws his head back and wails loudly enough that, if his mind had not been so blinded by the pleasure coursing through him, he is sure the neighbors must hear. And he can feel his seed smearing against his and Thor's torsos, hot and sticky, as his brother keeps thrusting. And he is still too sensitive as his brother comes with a muffled moan against his collarbone, and Loki keens, bucking his hips weakly. And now they are completely still.
Loki does not know how long they lay like that. It feels like hours, but when he squirms a bit, he can still feel the mess between them, sticky and slightly uncomfortable. And he can feel the puddle forming on the sheets where Thor's semen is beginning to leak out of him. Though he is content where he is, with Thor's comfortable weight pressed against him, legs still spread and wrapped around the backs of Thor's, Loki cannot help but feel distinctly grubby as the sweat dries on his skin. After another few minutes, he raises his head and kisses his brother's forehead, asking quietly if they can rinse off together. Thor nods and smiles drowsily, pulling Loki gently to his feet and leading him to the bathroom. This time, the shower is cool and Thor and Loki just stand beneath its spray, letting the sweat and come wash away. And before Loki even realizes it, they are back in bed and Thor is laying half on top of him, an arm draped over Loki's stomach and his leg crossing over Loki's. And he sighs happily, tucking his head under his brother's chin and lacing their fingers together on his stomach, and everything is alright like he knows they should be. Loki does not know how long they lay like that.
Before they even have time to register it, Sunday is upon them and Loki must go home. And though they spend the day just as they had any of the other days of the week—lounging around watching TV or playing videogames or chatting idly—the atmosphere is markedly sadder than it was yesterday. Loki does not even have to ask Thor to drive him home, it is like they have already agreed on it, he just knows it will happen. Even though he knows his brother is trying not to think about the inevitable, he catches through watching him with melancholy eyes every so often and a pang of guilt shoots through him because he feels like a horrible human being for leaving Thor after everything they have been through the past four days. He feels like he has no right to leave him, but he has to, he has to get back to school, he has to get back to the real world, no matter how much it will feel like pulling a bandaid off slowly. He knows he is lucky that he even still has a job waiting for him back home, because even though he called them to claim his sick days, they were not happy with him. He is lucky that he has friends who will be willing to share their notes with him, because he missed nearly six classes while he has been with Thor and he is going to be up for two weeks straight trying to get caught up on everything. But he thinks it is worth all of that, because in the four days he has been with his brother, he has become whole again and he has become a different person. Loki wonders if his friends will recognize him. And now the sun is being swallowed by the horizon and Loki has to go home.
He finds himself dressed in his freshly washed thread-bare tee-shirt, holey jeans, too-big sweater, scarf, and All-Stars, and seated in the passenger seat of Thor's car much sooner than he would have liked. He can feel depression settling on his shoulders like the weight of the world and he vaguely wonders if this is what Atlas feels like. Sighing, Loki puts his feet on the dashboard so that his legs are pressed against his chest and rests his cheek on his knee, watching his brother as he pulls carefully out of the driveway. Even though he knows the drive home is four hours long, Loki knows that that time is going to slip through his fingers like water and it makes his eyes itch as the tears begin to build up and he curses under his breath. Then Thor begins to talk and he just listens; listens to his brother reminisce about their childhood, laughing at the funnier stories or sniffing at he stories after things started to go downhill. He chimes in every once in a while and Thor smiles when he shakes his head and tells a story from his own point of view. He does not even realize he is crying until his brother reaches over and brushes a stray tear away with the pad of his thumb. And when he touches his cheeks, they are damp, and he scrubs at his eyes with the heels of his palms, cursing all the while. He finally gives up and all of the tension drains from his muscles as he just lets the tears come, gasping through jagged breaths that he is going to miss Thor more than anything; that he does not know why he is crying, it is all so silly, he can visit Thor whenever he wants and Thor can visit him. But the distance between them is enough to make Loki miserable before they are even separated. When he is done speaking, hiccupping every so often as the sobs die down, his brother takes his hand and laces their fingers together. He rubs soothing circles against Loki's thumb, murmurs that things will be fine, that they will always find away to be fine between them and it has Loki's breath coming more even and a calm washes over them after a few minutes. But he finds himself standing at his front door much, much sooner than he would have liked.
When he turns to Thor, his brother's eyes are melancholy again and a bit wet. Dragging in a slow breath to compose himself, Loki pulls his brother into a tight hug, burying his face against his shoulder. And God, he wishes he could just stay like this forever, close to Thor, close enough to breathe in the way he smells and feel his breath against his skin. When he pulls away and gives Thor a weak smile, he feels like he is saying goodbye forever, when he knows he will probably see Thor this weekend and if not, he will definitely see him the following weekend because he has Friday and Monday off for Autumn Break. Even knowing that does not make things any easier, because letting his brother go now, after the last four days, feels like the hardest thing Loki has ever had to do, like part of himself is being ripped away, and he knows how ridiculous that sounds in his head, but it does not make it any farther from the truth. And so he tries to talk Thor into staying for the night, just one night, because it is late and Loki does not want to have to worry about his brother driving so late in the dark that is black as pitch. He says that Thor can leave early tomorrow and make it to the class he has that afternoon, that it would be safer that way. And Loki feels his heart sore when Thor agrees. But when he looks, Thor's eyes are still melancholy and wet.
In the bedroom, they undress slowly. And as much as Loki wants to jump Thor's bones, wants to be consumed by him, he holds himself together because it is late and Thor has to be out of the house by at least seven in the morning to make it to his twelve-thirty class on time. So they just crawl under the covers and they share a kiss or two before dropping off to sleep. And even though Loki knows he has gotten eight good hours of sleep, eight hours wrapped in Thor's arms, he groans and swears when the alarm goes off at six-fifteen, because eight hours is not enough time and because Thor is dragging himself out of bed and into the bathroom for a shower and Loki cannot seem to wake his brain up enough to follow. He nods off again when he ears the water turn on and sleeps until the light rustling of clothes wakes him. He opens his eyes and finds Thor dressing slowly.
Everything hits him then. As he watches his brother pull his shirt over his head, big ugly tears being to roll down his cheeks and he is worrying his lips to keep from making a sound. When Thor turns to look at him, he has the covers pulled up to his ears and his body is curved into the fetal position. Loki hears Thor take in a breath and watches as he moves to the side of the bed, brushing the wetness away gently. And then he is gathering Loki up, blanket and all, and mumbling nonsense into his ear, and Loki feels like a child again and buries his face against his brother's chest. When he is calm again, he wipes his face with the corner of the bedsheet and smiles at Thor as best he can. And now they are walking slowly to the front door, Loki wrapped tightly in a warm blanket, Thor with his arm around Loki. Reluctantly, they come to a stop and face one another, eyes downcast, like they are both examining the tile beneath their feet. Sighing heavily, Loki rests his forehead against Thor's and gives him his best smile, tells him to call him when he gets home so he does not worry so much. Thor agrees, matching the smile and tilting his head a bit to press a kiss to Loki's mouth. And even though the kiss is just a press of their lips, it tells Loki everything he needs to know. And then everything hits him.
They are going to be just fine. So Loki smiles, really smiles, and kisses his brother again, fleeting and hot and holding promises of the future, and when he pulls away, Thor is smiling just the same. They say goodbye, and even though their spirits are lifted, the moment is still a little bit heartbreaking. When Thor pulls out of the driveway, Loki waves until he has turned the corner and can no longer see him, then he sighs and closes the door against the chilled air creeping into his bones. He is confident. They are going to be just fine.
Loki glances out the living room window and he thinks about how it is almost winter. He thinks about it as he walks back to the bedroom, about the way the frost had covered the windshield of Thor's car, had made the world shimmer in the early morning sunlight. He thinks about the way their breath puffed out in front of them, like baby clouds, as they shared one last kiss. And he sighs as he sits on the edge of the bed, wondering idly to himself what he is going to do with the three hours he has until his first class. For a moment he just stares blankly at the wall, his mind wandering here and there and everywhere, but then something catches his eyes; a small square box on the nightstand that has a note tapped to its lid. Scooting closer, he takes it and sets in on the bed beside him, careful not to rip the note as he pulls it off to read it. And what he reads has his eyes prickling and his throat closing up:
Loki
I know you didn't mean to break this way back when, mom told me. You were just in a hard place. I fixed it the best I could, it's not perfect, but nothing really is, is it? Well anyway, I hope you love it as much as I love you.
—Thor
And Loki is tearing off the lid of the box as quickly as his trembling fingers will allow him. Inside he finds the bracelet, the beads spaced out evenly between the knots of the string. If he looks closely enough, Loki can see the place where he had broken it, the thread knotted a bit more tightly around it to keep it from falling apart. Loki covers his mouth with a hand to stifle a quiet sob and just looks at it. After all of the things he put his brother through, Thor always came back to him, and this bracelet proves it. And Loki is smiling broadly to no one but himself as he slips it carefully onto his right wrist, admiring the way it looks there. And Loki is happy because everything is just perfect and it is almost winter.