Who He Wants To Be

by Gracefultree

Chapter Two: Calling James

Posted 8/23/2014

A/N: Thank you to everyone who followed, reviewed or favorited! I was so excited by the response that I decided to post the next (extra-long because I wanted to add more to the story and couldn't stop with just the phone call scene) chapter before I went away on vacation. Enjoy!

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It was just gone four when Ianto threw himself onto his bed and pulled out his mobile. The note from James rested safely in his bedside table. He'd long since memorized the number.

He took another look around his room. Several hours of dedicated cleaning, laundry, and chores soothed some of his anxiety, but he couldn't put off making the call forever. Wanking in the shower had helped, too, but he wasn't going to think about the fact that remembering kissing James was enough to get him hard. Nor was he ready to think about how quickly he got himself off, thinking about the night before. But that was hours ago, now, and he knew he had to do something soon, since he was starting feel that the anxiety would get worse again if he continued putting it off. He dialed.

"Yeah?" came the brisk answer. Ianto paused. He'd somehow forgotten what James sounded like, even though he'd been thinking of him all day. He forgot that James had an American accent that shone through even just the one word. "Hello?"

"James? It's Ianto. From —"

"Ianto!" James exclaimed, his voice changing from slightly annoyed to happy in an instant. "Ianto Jones, I'd just about convinced myself you wouldn't call."

"Really? After last night?" Ianto asked. "I mean, it was mind-blowing!"

He heard the shrug in James's voice, the slightly forced casual tone under the pleased chuckle. "I can be a bit intense for someone's first time with a guy. Wouldn't have been the first time someone cut and ran."

"I suppose not," Ianto replied. He paused, not sure what to say.

"Look, I'm really sorry about leaving like that this morning," James said after a minute. "I didn't expect —" He broke off.

"Expect what?"

"Can I be honest?" James asked, suddenly more serious. Ianto felt a moment of fear, his stomach clenching uncomfortably. Here it was… when he found out it was all a line, that James was just playing, that he hadn't had work, that… "I went out looking for a quick shag. I thought I'd be on the road by two or three."

"Oh," Ianto breathed, all the air leaving his lungs in a startled whoosh. A quick shag? Ianto felt disappointment coloring his mood. Why was he disappointed, though? It wasn't as if he knew James. Or knew what he wanted out of the relationship, if one night of sex could be called a relationship.

"I didn't leave until six," James continued, giving Ianto a modicum of hope. "I didn't want to leave."

"But you did," Ianto said softly, embarrassed about how disappointed he knew his voice sounded.

"My work hours are erratic. I couldn't stay any longer this time." James stopped, and Ianto could practically hear him thinking, debating what to say. "I want to see you again. I'd plan better, make sure I could stay longer, so we could wake up together instead of me sneaking out in the middle of the night."

"What do you do that had you leaving so early?" Ianto asked, deflecting having to respond, since some level of upset remained. He needed more information. He wanted to feel in control of the conversation again.

James chuckled. "It's not what I do. It's where I am. I live in Cardiff."

"Cardiff? What were you doing in London, then?"

"Consulting."

Ianto snorted. "That could mean anything."

"I research new sciences and had to give a report to the main branch of the company, which is in London. One of my staff called me back just before I went out, said an experiment needed my touch to settle down."

"So you were going to get laid and leave? Just like that?"

"It's common enough behavior," James protested, sounding defensive. "There's lots of men up for that kind of thing. That's why most of the men were at that particular bar. It has a reputation for hook ups."

"I know! I'm not criticizing," Ianto rushed to say, hoping he hadn't ruined everything with his careless comment. Shit, this was harder than he expected it to be. "I guess I'm just wondering what it was about me that had you stay so much longer than you planned."

James paused before answering. Ianto had another moment of anxiety, waiting for the reason. What if it was stupid? What if James was playing him and he was falling for it? What if James was just out to find someone inexperienced to do nasty things with? What if he was a stalker, or worse?

"When we kissed that first time, it felt like the most natural thing in the universe," James whispered, echoing what Ianto told his roommates earlier in the day. Something in Ianto's mind relaxed, and he let out a relieved breath. It wasn't the kind of thing someone said if they just wanted sex. "I wanted more. I want more. I meant what I said about taking you out," he added. "I know it's new for you to think of being with a guy, so we can take it slowly, but we've got great chemistry, and —"

"I'd like to see you again, too," Ianto said, interrupting him. "I don't know about dating per se, but I want to meet you for real."

"Really? That's great!"

"Yeah," Ianto said, a large smile forming on his face, matching the one he could imagine on James's. "How do we do it with the distance and all?"

"I'll drive up to London. Would Saturday work? Seven?"

Ianto glanced at the calendar on the wall. "That's my farewell party at work. I start a new job that Tuesday, after Monday's bank holiday. What about Sunday?"

"I try to give my staff Sundays off, so I need to stay here," James said apologetically. "I can't leave things unattended."

"Friday, then?"

"No, I'm on call because I was away last night. I'm usually on call on Fridays. What about the next Saturday? June 4th? You'll be able to tell me all about the first week on the new job."

"Saturday after next, seven," Ianto said. "It's a date."

Ianto could hear the smile in James's voice as he confirmed the day and time, Ianto's address, and how to spell Ianto's name. He suddenly felt very happy that he'd called the man. Plus, he had a date to get ready for, which was always a good thing, an exciting thing. He felt flushed. Would he need another shower? A cold one, this time?

"So what job are you leaving and what job are you taking?" James asked, and Ianto could hear him shifting in his chair. It sounded like one of those old wooden desk chairs that he pictured accountants having.

"I was a barista at a gourmet coffee shop, Matilda's. Now that I've finished university, I got a job as a junior researcher downtown."

"What did you study?"

"Anthropology and library sciences," Ianto answered. His sister had been appalled, commenting that neither of those would get him a good job. He wondered what James would think. The paypacket at his new job seemed quite high, as far as he could tell, for an entry-level position. And a full six months of training? That had to be expensive for the company if people couldn't make it through. The interview process had been so mysterious that Ianto was excited to go and find out what the Torchwood Institute was all about.

"I studied anthropology before I got into the sciences," James said, his voice wistful. "That was lifetimes ago. I loved learning about other cultures and times." They chatted for a few more minutes before James begged off when one of his staff knocked on his office door with some paperwork for him to sign about getting new processors for the mainframe.

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"How'd it go?" Gary asked when Ianto re-entered the sitting room. He and Steve were on the couch playing a video game. Steve killed Gary's character while he was distracted, then turned off the television to focus on Ianto.

"Yeah, was he for real?"

Ianto settled onto the spare chair and grinned. "We're getting together in two weeks. He said he'd take me to dinner."

"That's great!" Gary declared, throwing away his game controller. "But why two weeks? Why not sooner?"

"He lives in Cardiff," Ianto explained. "He can only come on the weekends, because of work. And next week is that party, remember?"

"Whoa, Cardiff? That's like, a different country!" Steve declared, his eyes bright. Though born in Cardiff himself, he moved away when he was eight, and his accent was more London than Welsh. He liked to tease Ianto about it, sometimes, though today it had a bit more bite than usual. Ianto scowled.

"He seems really nice," he said in place of the angry retort he wanted to make, forcing himself to let it go. He didn't need a fight with his roommate on top of everything else. "He's a scientist, and he has staff. He's the boss."

"Even better," Gary said. "What else do you know?"

"He studied anthropology in school before he got into the sciences, and he loves dinosaurs."

"Dinosaurs?"

"He said he dreamed of being an archaeologist when he was a kid and digging up their bones. Either that or flying a spaceship."

"Interesting man," Steve commented, getting to his feet. "Did he apologize for leaving like he did?"

"Yeah. He said he went out for a quick shag, but something about me made him want to stay. Kind of cheesy, right? I mean, could that be real?"

"He pulled a stranger, then left in the middle of the night," Steve said. "He could just be saying that to get in your pants again."

"I don't think that's it," Ianto protested. "He seemed genuinely interested in listening to me. He asked about what I studied, what my job was, the usual kind of thing. But he didn't just give it lip service, you know? It was like he really wanted to know."

"And he's going to take you to dinner," Gary interjected. "That has to mean something."

"I think he really understood that I was nervous. You know, about being with a guy."

"Is it a date, or just dinner?"

"I called it a date," Ianto answered. "But I also told him I wasn't ready to date a guy. He didn't push. I mean, he probably went through something similar, right?" He glanced over at Steve. "What do you think?"

"Any guy who's into other guys knows what it's like to be scared," Steve said after a moment of thought. "He would've had to accept that about himself, get used to it. He probably felt nervous the first time he did anything. Maybe he still does. Who knows?" He paused. "But I think he'd understand what it's like for someone who's not out, someone who's not sure. We all have to question at some point. I spent most of my life dating women to prove that I wasn't gay, and look where it got me. Six ex-girlfriends I didn't enjoy having sex with who hate me, and now I'm starting all over with men."

"And he might not be gay," Gary said. "He might be bi. Either way, he knows what it's like to question his sexuality, so he'd have empathy for you. Sympathy for you. Whichever one it is."

"Empathy," Ianto said. "Being able to imagine what someone else is feeling. Sympathy is feeling bad for them because of what you think their feelings are."

"Are you? Questioning your sexuality?" Steve asked bluntly.

"No. I'm straight," Ianto answered firmly. "I just tried it out once, that's all."

"But you want to try it again."

"I want to meet him, see who he is. It doesn't have to lead to sex again. We could be friends."

Gary and Steve exchanged a look that puzzled Ianto. It was like they were having a conversation without him.

"Friends, right," Steve muttered, shoving his way past the others to go to his room, slamming his door closed. Ianto looked at Gary.

"What's going on with him?"

"You rejected him for a stranger," Gary said. "He's a little upset."

"You know about that?" Ianto blurted, his cheeks heating. Why would Steve tell Gary?

"He told me. Wanted me to know so I didn't think there was anything weird going on between you two."

"I didn't reject him! I'm not interested in him. He's my friend." Ianto crossed his arms over his chest. "Besides, we were both drunk. It doesn't count."

"Try telling him that when you have a date with this James bloke and he's alone felling awkward because he kissed his roommate and didn't even get anything out of it."

"I don't —"

"Just give him time," Gary suggested. "You're the first guy he ever kissed, and it didn't feel good to be pushed away in favor of someone else, even if he's not interested in you, either."

"Well, when you put it that way," Ianto said with a sigh.

"And you had that fumble with Brandon, didn't you? Or was it just a snog?"

"Just a little kissing," Ianto said. "We've barely spoken since he moved out. I emailed him a few times, but he never wrote back, and he was the one who kissed me! I would have thought he'd apologize, at the very least, but he never did."

"Probably too embarrassed. Did you hear he's engaged already? Some blonde woman. I was in class with her, once, but I didn't like her. I swear, it's like he's trying to prove he's straight, like Steve was talking about earlier."

"Do you think I should apologize to Steve?" Ianto asked hurriedly. "Is that what you're saying?"

"Couldn't hurt."

Ianto sighed and rubbed his temple. He had a date with a man in two weeks, and a roommate with hurt feelings to soothe. It was looking like the beginnings of a busy time of his life.

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Ianto and James spent two weeks texting and talking on the phone, though three times James had been called away by a colleague to 'go on a retrieval,' and two more times James was needed to 'help with the animals.' Ianto still had no idea what James did. It didn't sound like any scientific research he'd ever heard of. But, then again, he wasn't particularly forthright about his new job, either. He couldn't tell a civilian that he just got a job at the Torchwood Institute researching aliens, now, could he?

On his first day he'd been made to sign the Official Secrets Act right before being told that aliens existed, which meant he couldn't talk about any of it with James. Or his roommates, friends, or family. He filled in the absence of those details by talking about acquaintances at work, as well as the minutiae of a desk job. Torchwood was full of gossip and rumors, and since it was mostly interpersonal, it didn't qualify as an 'Official Secret.'

Two days before the date with James, Ianto came home and barely made it into the sitting room before collapsing, completely exhausted. He hadn't even taken off his suit jacket, though he'd loosened his tie.

"You look completely knackered," Steve said, leaning on the back of the sofa next to him.

"They had me carrying these huge boxes all day," Ianto explained, the lie falling from his lips with alarming ease, even as he spread his arms to illustrate his point, an action which caused him to wince in pain. How could he tell Steve that he'd spent the day learning how to fire a gun and getting thrown about the training mat in what was supposed to be a session in hand-to-hand combat? He couldn't. He was supposed to be a researcher, a guy with a desk job, who wore suits and complained about paperwork. Of course, he could do that very easily, just as well.

Steve handed him a beer. "Better than my job," he muttered. "I had no idea it would be so goddamed boring working in the Apple store. At least you're getting exercise! I feel like I should join a gym, or something, sitting on my arse all day."

"Yeah," Ianto answered with a sigh. "But the paperwork... I have to memorize the training manual by the end of next week, and we're not allowed to take it home!"

"It can't be that bad, surely?"

"Over 300 pages," Ianto explained.

"What? That's crazy! How could anyone memorize 300 pages in two weeks?"

"I'll do the best I can. I suspect that come next Friday they'll tell me I have another week," he added, having overheard one of his new colleagues reassuring another new hire who was having a panic attack about it in the canteen at lunch. Ianto wasn't worried about the memorization, per se; he had a nearly eidetic memory. He just hadn't had time to sit and read the damned thing. There were five copies and twenty new hires.

Rumors said that only half of the new recruits would make it through the six-month training, and only half of those would make it through the first year. He didn't like his odds, but he was determined. It wasn't as if a job like this fell into his lap every day. He loved the idea of aliens and was looking forward to actually touching their things or meeting one. If they were alive. From what he overheard, Torchwood did more scavenging than anything else. "I have to go in early tomorrow," he decided. "That way I can read it in peace before everyone else gets there."

"Huh. Well, you want pizza? I was going to order some."

"Sure. Meat Feast?"

"What else?" Steve asked with a laugh. "Should I get enough for Gary, do you think?"

"He has that speed-dating thing tonight," Ianto answered. "Said he'd go straight from work." He leaned back and closed his eyes. "Thanks for taking care of it."

"That's what friends are for," Steve replied, leaving the room. So far, so good, Ianto thought, glad that Steve wasn't acting odd tonight. He'd accepted Ianto's apology readily enough, though things remained a little strained between them. Ianto had a feeling it would go away when Steve found a boyfriend, or even just a guy to hook up with. He'd been going to the bar on his own, so it was possible it would happen sooner rather than later. He hoped it was sooner. Though Steve didn't act as cold as Brandon had, there was an edge to some of their interactions when it was just the two of them.

Half an hour later Ianto woke from a doze to the feeling of his mobile vibrating in his pocket, since he'd forgotten to turn the sound back on when he left work. He answered without much enthusiasm, not bothering to see who was calling. It was probably his sister, calling to berate him for not visiting lately.

"Hello?"

"Ianto? It's James. Are you ok? You sound—"

"Exhausted," Ianto interrupted, feeling a little energy now that he heard James's voice. "Hard day at work. They had me running about and carrying heavy things all day. I feel like I've discovered muscles I didn't know I had!"

"Ooh, new muscles," James enthused. "I like the sound of that!"

"You would," Ianto said with a snort.

"I also like those beautiful Welsh vowels of yours," James added, his voice low and seductive. Ianto felt his cheeks heating as they always seemed to do when he heard the man's voice. He decided not to respond to the obvious compliment/flirtation.

"How was your day?"

"Normal," James answered. "We spent six hours taking this thing apart only to find out that there was a release button to open it."

"Sounds frustrating."

"It was fun, even if we felt like idiots," James corrected. "All four of us were working on the same project for a change, which was nice."

"Usually you do different things?"

"We each have our specialties," James explained. "But tell me more about these new muscles you've found. Where are they? Do you need a massage? I've been told I'm an excellent masseuse."

Ianto laughed at James's casual confidence. "Of course you have."

"Seriously, I'd love to get my hands on your —"

"Remember this is a family show," Ianto teased, still chuckling.

"— feet," James finished, talking over Ianto.

"Feet?" Ianto exclaimed, startled (and a little disappointed) that James wasn't talking about more risqué parts of his body.

"Feet," James affirmed. "I spent some time in China, studied a bit of reflexology. It's amazing how the smallest pressure on certain parts of the foot can affect the body. For example, I know just where to touch you, on your feet, to bring you to full arousal in seconds."

Ianto choked on his beer. "I can't believe you just said that!"

"Yes, you can. You love it!"

Ianto found himself grinning. "I suppose I do," he allowed.

"So what's on the docket for tonight?"

"Pizza with Steve, tv, nothing special. You?"

Before James could answer, he heard a loud beeping. "Hold on." He listened for a minute as James typed on his computer. In the background, he heard a woman call out something indistinct. "Looks like I have work, after all," James finally answered. He sighed in frustration. "I'm sorry, but I have to go."

"Yeah," Ianto replied. "Good luck with whatever it is."

"Thanks. See you Saturday!"

"Bye," Ianto said to the dial tone.

When Steve arrived a few minutes later with a pair of pizzas, Ianto was glad of the distraction. Thinking about James's hands on his feet had brought up more fantasies than he was willing to deal with, and the thought of James's hands on his cock instead…

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tbc with 'the date'