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Chapter 2
Walk of Shame

"Ah, Hummel, I gotta tell you—there's nothing as satisfying as the walk of shame."

"What the hell is that?"

"…"

"Smythe?"

"You're going to college next year? Oh God, Hummel. You don't know the first thing about college. The walk of shame aka when you hook up with a dude late at night, and then have to walk across campus in the same clothes you hooked up with the night before."

"—and why is that satisfying?"

"Come on, Hummel. The smell of sex is amazing in the morning. You walk down and everyone knows you know how to get some."

"I would rather not have a sweaty college freshman leave his scent on me."

"Pshh. Like he appreciates the scent of Chanel No. 5 on him."

"It's Change by Chanel. I changed my perfume."

"Shit."

"What do you mean shit?"

"I mean as in uh-oh, fuck, crap, as in shit."

"I know what—"

"I wear the same fucking perfume."

"…and?"

"Er…well—I slept with someone."

"Wow. And I put some lotion on my face. Can we please skip the basics?"

"Er…your intoxicated boyfriend thinks you slept with him, because we wear the same perfume. Funny, huh?"

"…you slept with my boyfriend. And you're wearing the same clothes you were when you fucked him."

"Yes."

"…you can keep him."

"What?"

"Dude, if I walk out of his bedroom smelling like that, then I'd rather watch Puck dance in a pink leotard, eating Toaster Strudels. Now, on to more important issues other than you sleeping with my boyfriend…"

"…I did not eat those Starbursts, I swear…"

"…pushing Starbursts aside for now…now, Blaine honestly tore off your shirt? What's your secreting for arousing him enough to get down and dirty?"

"Hmm…my secret, you know? It involves flannel."

"I thought Blaine hated flannel."

"No, no, you got it all wrong—he loves flannel. He especially likes it when you wear a 'bowties suck' shirt underneath and a tutu to match."

"…Smythe, I still have a functioning brain you know."

"Nope. Because you couldn't tell that I didn't touch your boyfriend. The only reason I smell like Change by Chanel is because I got you drunk and fucked you as revenge for fucking me in Berry's wedding dress. Ha!"