Occulumency, the spell that will allow the caster to see the castee's memories and be in them as if they were there when they happened. It took a lot out of the victim because of the immediate draw back into their mind, concentration making their bodies clench and their mind work twice as fast to become blank. It was a complete invasion of privacy, and that was exactly why the Dark Lord loved it so much. It was why I was working with Snape to subtly change the course of his viewing so that he didn't know if I was changing it or if it was a different flow of memories. So far I was doing superbly. He couldn't tell when I was changing and when I was true.
"You are doing far better than last time. You will be able to fool even the Dark Lord when it comes to mind seeing." That meant I was almost his equal, if only in one place. There were places in my mind that would displease his Lordship, moments such as these where his most faithful Death Eater talk of how his soon-to-be pet would fool him should be kept away from him, if only for the fact that it would result in my complete existence becoming nothing more than trash to him.
"I studied last night so that I could do so." He nodded his head in approval, wiping at his sweaty forehead then offering me a handkerchief. "When am I to be in his presence, I am aware that it is supposed to be soon?" He stopped in his tracks and stiffened, expecting the question but not at this direct moment.
"During the Winter, when the snow begins to stick. I am to take you to him and have you stay there, a transfer sheet will be filled out with all your information, telling the Headmaster and the rest of the Professors that you are being transferred to be home schooled." I had not realized it was so soon, I would need to study a bit harder. My trailing thoughts did not change the tone he had said the confirmation in.
"You are displeased with the fact?" he turned on me, his hands clenched in fists and his eyes narrowed to slits of anger. I did not jump or move away, it was a justifiable question after all.
"Yes, I am displeased with the fact. You are a young woman, you should want things, do things, feel things. You are not a robot, damn you. Be as incredulous as normal teenage girls are, giggle about boys and live!" he said it all with disgust, though I felt as if it was aimed more at me. His rage at my uncaring was strange, though I found it quite settling.
"You are correct when you say that I am not a robot, yet I am living each day. I do want things, I want to fulfil my purpose, I do study and practice. I do not giggle, nor do I have any friends to do so with because He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named will kill them eventually or I will no longer see them once I am transferred." I think that, because I had a point, I had angered him further. He slammed his fists down on the table and stared me down. I did not recognize the glint in his eyes, nor did I recognize the reasoning behind him pursing his lips into a thin line.
"Are you aware that part of your 'purpose'," he spat the word, "is to join the Dark Lord in his bed, as his mistress, for whenever he chooses to have you?" I hadn't, and that bit made studying so much more apparent. I knew nothing of the 'sins of the flesh'. I knew I must remain pure and untainted, or so my mother had said, until I met the man that I would truly desire. Aunt Bellatrix had told me to make sure that I at least knew what I was doing so that I didn't cry when a man had me for the first time. She must have hoped that I would share a bed with the Dark Lord, how proud she would be at hearing this. "I see you did not, how do you plan on going about that? Are you okay with giving your body to him?"
"I have no objection to it, it's part of my purpose-" he cut me off with a slam of the door behind him, his behavior both stopping my speech and halting me from moving forward. He was either retrieving something or breaking many things in his office, when he came back in carrying a small parcel I knew it was what he had been searching for.
"Human beings do not have a purpose other than to live life. You are still a girl, turning into a woman, yet you are as mature and unfeeling as an old woman who is nearing the end of her days." He placed the parcel in front of me, a small rune glinting in the candle light. "Your mother sent these in today, these are the wedding rings she proposes we use in a wedding should one take place. Are you alright with that, with being married to me? Your mentor, your Professor?" I gingerly took the rings in my hand and studied them. They were of brilliant cut, and already sized to our hands.
"I will tell you as I told my mother, I am open to the idea. You are my mentor and my Professor, yet you understand me well. What is the matter, you have not been acting like your usual self as of lately?" he grit his teeth together and turned his face away, but not before I saw the shock that made his onyx eyes seem like a dark brown.
"I am myself, nothing has changed within me, but it has within you." He told me in a clipped voice, his head still turned away. Nothing had changed within myself, nothing I could think of anyhow. His sentence confused me, but he would not let me ask what he had meant. "The lesson is over, leave." He said as an answer.
"Very well, may I keep your ring?" he turned to me slowly, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. My hand was in between us, a proximity that I had not even been aware of. He slowly nodded and took mine while I placed his around my necklace, letting it drop next to the small crescent moon and encircle it. The gold and silver hiding underneath my blouse and resting just in between my cleavage.
"Do you want it?" he asked slowly, "Or do you feel obligated to take it?" there was only one right answer. One that I knew would end up being a lie. I had felt a bit obligated to take it, simply because my mother had already sent the engagement rings and for the fact that I had made him angry. I was not supposed to make Snape angry, I was not supposed to ruin his mood. Yet I had, and frequently. So I lied.
"I want it." He believed me, if only for a moment. He was still very suspicious, and yet he let me keep it and let me out with a small nod of his head. I had plenty of time to do as I pleased wherever I pleased, or I would have, had Headmaster Dumbledore not called on me to join him for a stroll by the lake. We said nothing for a while, just stared at the rippling water as a breeze passed by.
"Have you given any thought to what I had told you little under a month ago?" the month that I had been here was over, tomorrow the students would be coming back. I still had a full day and night to do with as I needed, yet Dumbledore wanted to speak to me. I was in no position to deny him any more than I was to deny Voldemort.
"I haven't the ability to love, it is because of that inability that I will not be loved in return." I said with a shrug, knowing that he wouldn't understand. He sighed and shook his head, going to leave. A quote stuck out in my mind, a quote that adequately explained what I was saying and what he was feeling. " 'But in these cases we still have judgment here; that we but teach bloody instruction, which, being taught, return to plague th' inventor:.' " he turned to me slowly, his brows furrowed.
"Shakespeare?" I nodded and he smiled, "And do you?" he questioned, "Do you think your parents, your instructors, are plagued with the fact that they are setting you up to be a pawn?" It would explain why Snape was so discontent with myself and my predicament. His earlier statement rang in my mind, I had to ask it to know if my appearance or outward visual was changed.
"Sir, have I changed in the least? Inside?" he stared at me, his eyes calculating and assessing. He moved around me in a circle and stepped away, his eyes darker with worry and his brow furrowed with agitation. He shook his head and told me that I had not changed, that I had become more unfeeling, a feat he thought impossible. "Very well, I believe I have studying to do whereas you have planning." He nodded and left, his thoughts bothering him. Studying was easy as usual, practicing was a bit more problematic. I was having trouble with a memory fragmenting spell, one that I knew Snape had mastered. I would ask him in the morning, no need to wake him up in the early morning when he would be needing his sleep for the taxing day ahead. I continued to practice until I fragmented my memory by changing the colors of my tapestry that hung around my bed. Black, black satin with green embroidery. I had switched the colors around. It was not a big accomplishment, but it was the best that I could do with what I had. With the notion of asking Professor Snape – as I would have to call him now that school was started – in the morning I fell asleep.
Breakfast was, by no means, ordinary. Each student was talking loud so that they were heard over the other friends talking. Gryffindor was the loudest of the lot, the quietest had to be us Slytherins. Professor Snape made sure that we were well behaved during our meal times and presented Slytherin house well. We would have time to talk in the common room and during our free time. We were not, by any means, to look a sight short of perfect decorum. I was a bit excluded from everyone else, since I was the only one studying at the table. I always was, it kept people from trying to talk to me, not that they had ever tried. My brother kept the attention of Slytherin house, it was no secret that my brother and I were Professor Snape's 'favorite's'.
"Belladonna," I slowly looked up from my book, confused as to why someone would be calling my name when I am normally left alone. I turned around in my seat and was met with the sight of Hermione Granger, a muggle born. She was very intelligent, and just as powerful as any full blooded I knew, yet she was still sneered at and made faces at by our table. It took a lot of courage for her to approach this table and call to me. "Would you mind helping me with a problem I am having at ciphering?" Most of our table was staring, for the reasons that I never helped anyone in my own house and that she was actually talking to me. I found no logical problem with it, so I nodded. My table hissed at me.
"I am none of your concern, I am going to get a level understanding of her intellect. 'Thy enemy of mine enemy is my friend.' " I quoted, speaking calmly but loud enough for those around me to clearly hear. "You are not my friends, therefore you are my enemies, she is your enemy, therefore she will be an acquaintance." I did not mind that she was beside me, listening to my words as if they didn't bother her. Truth was it probably didn't, I was neither insulting her nor calling her inferior. I was saying that to my own house, which seemed to please her a bit.
"I am sorry for asking, you are the only one I know who can correctly cipher it." I nodded, accepting her apology while we made our way to the Gryffindor table, the likes of which silenced as I approached. They knew I was a Slytherin, they knew I was powerful, and they knew that I was an upper classmen. Judging by their sneers they knew I was a Malfoy as well. When we stopped beside Harry Potter and a ginger that had to be a Weasley she handed me a paper written in Latin. "I am able to read it, but I cannot cipher it." I nodded, showing her that I could read it and cipher it.
"Would you like a translation of the cipher or would you prefer it if I wrote it down?" she asked for me to read it aloud, for their group to hear. To do so I had to sit beside her and let them lean in as I began. "When the souls joined by a common indifference are one death and magic shall never again touch them, for their joining is of the most powerful magic." When they still looked confused I made it simple. "When two soul mates meet and proclaim their love for one another – become one – they will experience a surge of magic more powerful than any known, then neither will be able to use magic again." Hermione was still confused, but for a different reason.
"Do you have any idea why a proclamation such as this would be used as a book mark for the original copy of Merlin's Misadventures?" I did not know why precisely, though a few scenarios came to mind. None of them possible. She thanked me and told me that was all she had needed. The woman in Pink, Dolores Umbrige, called to me as I made my way back to my house table.
"Why were you at the Gryffindor table when you are clearly a Slytherin?" her voice was high pitched, her pink attire was blinding me, and the madness behind her eyes made them sharp as knives. She was a pea body on a power trip.
"Conversing with other houses, no matter how turbulent the tension is, is not frowned upon. It has been welcomed and enforced to try and have civility between the houses. Inter mingling as I had just done for a mere task caused no trouble for either side." She was perplexed that I had outwitted her, perplexed and very, very angry.
"Cheek will not be accepted girl," she said it in a sickly calm voice, trying to deter me. The other teachers around her shook their heads, knowing that her bait would not be taken.
"Ms. Umbridge, I am unable to feel the need to make cheek, nor can I for it is not in my purpose of living. Furthermore you should not misunderstand my intellect as cheek. I have no reason, as I have said previous, to dissuade your purpose of being here as long as it does not alter mine." She was pale white when I finished, the other Professors confirmed my words as truth. "If I am finished being wrongly scolded may I ask for leave to attend my table once more?" she mutely nodded and dismissed me. Professor Snape was smirking as I passed by his position at the Professor's Table. For some reason I knew that Professor Umbridge was going to try and alter my purpose. The glare she tried to subtly send my way before making a speech confirmed my thoughts.
"You may now leave with your schedules, have a good night's rest and attend your classes on time!" The Prefects took us to our common room, the upper classmen being allowed to go to their rooms while rules were explained to the first years. The fourth years I was to room with were the two most idiotic beings in Slytherin house. They sneered at me, looking me over and disproving of my looks. I was not ostentatious unlike them, I dressed conservatively, as I had been taught too, so that the enemy, them, were unable to get a good reading on my abilities. Compared to their straightened hair, glossed lips, and tight blouses I was nothing short of meager. My bleach white hair was in a braid over my left shoulder, the end of it just reaching my rib cage, cream colored lips and the genetic pale skin. My eyes were the only thing not from the Malfoy side. I had my aunts ice black eyes. I had my clothes fit so that they actually fit. I showed as little skin as possible, and did not have an air of 'superiority' about me. Though I was, in fact, superior to them in many ways.
"Don't touch our stuff, don't talk to us, and don't make yourself visible when we're around." They informed me, as if I was actually going to listen. How surprised they would be when I ended up leaving in Winter, probably would think that it was because of their treatment of myself and gloat that they had made me leave. I nodded just to amuse them and began reading once more in the center of my bed, ignoring their name calling murmurs. When the first year came in they groaned and recited their words, the first year actually became scared.
"Excel in your learning and you will surpass their existence." I told her, earning a smile. The two fourth years scoffed and left the room, giving it to myself and the first year. She took the opportunity to unpack, and began to try and jinx her stuff. When she became un-successful I stood up. "You are making wand movements wrong." I informed her, showing her the movement with my own wrist. It was the duty of an upperclassmen to be kind to the first years, to teach them and help them get along with their new lives at Hogwarts. When she successfully made the jinx she laughed and did so again with the rest of her things. I sat back upon my bed and began reading once more.
"Thank you," she trailed off, looking at my name that was on my suitcase at the end of my bed. "Belladonna." She grinned and sat on her own bed. "That's a very pretty name." Her name, judging by my eyesight and the distance of her suitcase, was Evangeline. Her name was rather foreign and extraordinary too. I commented as such and watched as she flushed form her neck up. "Eva, you can call me Eva." Eva it was, now I was obligated to give her a shorter version of my name with which she could call me by.
"You may call me Bell." She nodded and accepted the small name, though I doubted I would ever answer to it as everyone who knew me called me Belladonna. It stayed silent as I continued to study, making motions with my wrist without my wand as if I was preforming the spell. Incantations I was good at, they were mostly for healing and growing things, it was still good to know the knowledge. The fourth year girls entered once more, giggling to one another and talking in hushed voices. Their words were not lost on me, however. They spoke of how they were glad that they were friends, and that they could be in the same housing together. They gave one look to Eva and giggled again, making the girl in question flush darker and hide behind her journal. I ignored the snickers that they sent to me and finished the book my father had given me for my birthday, already past all Dark Art lessons that they could teach us here. I just had to keep practicing and make myself worthy to the Dark Lord.