He wasn't breathing. His heart had stopped. Johnny was dead. No, no he wasn't. Johnny wasn't dead, he couldn't be dead. I refused to believe it. He was my Johnny, like a little brother to me. I was supposed to protect him. Not let him die. Now he's dead. All because he wanted to save a bunch of kids.
I don't know what happened, one second I was telling him about us beating the socs, the next he was telling Ponyboy to Stay Gold or something, and then he was dead. Pony, that kid looked like he was in shock, I don't blame him either. Johnny, he was the gangs pet, our Johnny. Now he's just an empty body without his soul.
This is all those parents of his fault. I swear, I'm going to kill them, watch the light fade out of their eyes. If they had treated him a little better...
No, it's Darry's fault. He's the bastard that had to make Ponyboy run to Johnny, make him go to the damn park. Then the blame goes to those damn socs. If they hadn't tried to kill Ponyboy then Johnny wouldn't have had to ice that guy. Though he had is coming. After jumping the poor kid. He was so jumpy and shaky after that. It was awful.
Then, they came to me... I did this. It's my fault. I'm the idiot who sent tow kids to Jay Mountain alone. How could I have been so stupid? Now Johnny is dead, the only person I've ever cared about is dead. And it's all my fault. I outta had just let him hide out at Buck's place, let him live there. No, I just and to go on and send them to Windrixville.
"Johnny, man come on, ya gotta wake up." I muttered softly, staring down at his lifeless body. He seemed so young, so innocent. Under that was years of torture and pain though. I know that. He lived a life that no one deserved. I just wish I could have taken the pain away from him. Made everything so simple and easy.
"Those bastards!" I barely registered my fist connecting with the wall. A slight amount of pain hit, that's what I had to do. Ignoring Ponyboy I made my way out of the hospital. I knew what was coming for me, what I deserved. And I was willing to pay for it. Just to be with Johnny again.