Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: So far, Harry had just found out that he's Tom's horcrux, which was a fancy, elven-celtic way of saying 'sex toy'. Go fig. Hermione's got no reaction about it.
Notes: Thanks to those four wonderful people who reviewed. I loves you guys (huuug). T_T Sex galore, guys, but not yet.
TRHP
Hermione sat there, finding no other rational explanation for things. Her nose detected no signs of Polyjuice, nor did she hear any of the Dark Magic alarms she'd configured into her ear, connected to Dumbledore's own spinning contraptions in his office, which meant that Dumbledore had willingly allowed Voldemort into the school, and she'd already fired volleys of around a thousand detection charms, all of which coming negative for any Disillusionment, Transfiguration, Transmutation, plastic surgery, alien or mutant powers or Scooby-Doo masks. Nope, this really was Tom Marvolo Riddle, and, for all intents and purposes, he was relatively safe, and sane, and very much interested in Harry, who happened to be his horcrux, or, haha, sex toy.
And all is right with the world. Harry once again saved the Wizarding World.
Satisfied, Hermione returned to her own orgy. Of information, that is.
Hermione paid no mind as Tom whisked his horcrux away, bridal style, to Thor knows where. She just knew that she'd be dealing with a sulky, complaining Harry later. So, after molesting her brain with millions of worthless information, she finally twirled her wand in a fly-swatting motion, sending all the books to their original places in the shelves, and set about finding out what was happening.
She left the library, and went to Headmaster Dumbledore's office.
TRHP
"Where in Thor's name are those two?" Draco Malfoy complained, filing a delicate fingernail. He sat at the capital of a long, birch table, tapping his foot impatiently.
"Shutup, Malfoy," Ron Weasley huffed.
"Make me," Draco retorted, not giving the Weasel a second thought.
Ron pulled his wand out, and was ready to cast a hair-fall hex.
"Expelliarmus," Ginny Weasley said, stifling a yawn as she did so, which was really not conducive to casting the disarming spell properly, but since her brother was terribly weak anyway, it wouldn't have mattered. The wand shot out of Ron's hand, twirling towards the head of one Luna Lovegood-
-who deftly caught it with two fingers, the tip millimeters away from her forehead.
"Nice catch there, Luna," Neville said, blushing at his statement.
"I think you misplaced this, Ron," Luna breathed airily, staring at the stars. Ron promptly stood, trudging to Luna and snatching it from her fingers.
"Remember Ron,' George Weasley said.
"We're under strict orders-" Fred Weasley continued.
"-not to harm any of the Slytherins," George finished, both of the Weasley twins grinning.
"That's right, Weasley-not you, Gred, Forge, Gin-know your place," Blaize Zabini muttered haughtily. The whole table nodded their acquiescence. Ron sulked.
Dean Thomas pushed a sleeve back, glancing at his yellow watch. "Yes, quite. That's twenty minutes into the meeting."
"Cool watch," Theodore Nott commented, jamming a spoon of Frootloops cereal into his mouth.
"Thanks," the Griffindor replied.
"Ya' think they're getting it on at the back of the library?" Seamus Finnigan's accent broke through the silence.
"Seamus," everyone sighed.
"What? They could, you know," he whined.
"Seamus, Harry's gay," Parvati Patil explained, putting down a trio of aces with a three and four as trash.
"And hot," Lavender Brown added, waggling his eyebrows. Seamus waggled his right back. Everyone sighed again.
"Why is she here?" Ron griped and Lavender stuck her tongue out. Despite that, everyone silently agreed-why was Lavender here?
"King, Five, Ten! Zomg, I win!" Pansy Parkinson shrilly cried. Everyone cringed.
"You did not, Pansy. See, you still have ten cards left. And you used the highest set of cards already," Millicent Bulstrode pointed out.
"Oh... what?" Pansy said dully.
"Gar," said Vincent Crabbe.
"Gur," said Gregory Goyle.
"I'm surrounded by idiots," Millicent uttered, and Draco and Blaise nodded gravely. Neville helped himself to some Frootloops from Theo.
"But Hermione's book-sexual," Dean supplied, slapping down a full house, three queens and two nines, after Millicent had put down a straight from Pansy's hand.
"Book-sexual," everyone agreed, except Ron. Theo passed his turn, and Parvati passed her turn, and Pansy didn't know what to do, so she looked pleadingly at Millicent, who said, through her teeth, "Pass."
"Pass. ZOMG I really win!" Pansy cried manically.
Everyone face-palmed.
TRHP
Hermione stopped in front of the stone gargoyle. It stared at her. She stared right back.
It looked terrified for a second, and then it started to turn, revealing the staircase. She nodded to herself.
She climbed it, and then reached Dumbledore's office's door. She was about to knock when she heard someone prompt her to enter.
"Hermione, my boy! How nice of you to visit," Dumbledore exclaimed.
"Err, I'm a girl, professor," she said, seating herself.
"Oh, right. I'm sorry, dear. I'm not getting old and senile. Harry, my boy!"
She rolled her eyes.
"Right, uhm. Why is Voldemort here?" she asked, ever straight to the point.
But just then, two angry looking professors barged into the room.
"Albus! What is the meaning of this?" Professor McGonagall demanded.
"Yes, Albus, please explain why Voldemort swooped down towards a bunch of unsuspecting students in the Great Hall, saying, "I'm going to kill you, I'm going to kill you," then reverted back to his sixteen year old self, giggling as he exited the Hall," Professor Snape snidely added.
TRHP
"Unggh, Tom, fuuuck..." Harry moaned softly, as Tom's hands ran down Harry's back, and then cupped Harry's arse. They were fully clothed and had just entered what Tom explained was his quarters in Hogwarts, and they were wasting no time.
Tom sucked at Harry's bottom lip, his tongue deftly tasting the inside of Harry's mouth. Harry didn't know what the hell he should do with his hands, and so instead he slid them under Tom's shirt, running them down Tom's toned abdomen.
"Harry," Tom whispered, nudging Harry's neck with his lips. Harry gasped as a hand slid down his trousers and started doing stuff to his rising prick.
He guided Harry towards a bed, where the teen collapsed in a messy, beautiful heap. Tom licked his lips and straddled his horcrux, swooping down for another passionate exchange of tonsils.
TRHP