Alice is truly crazy

(((I do not own the name brands I use in this, if I did you could tell because there would be a law stating that reading Twilight and New Moon are required reading for every one age ten and up)))

"Alice, you don't have to. Really I can just go down to the department store and pick one up, there is no need to buy one online, I will have another one in three to five days anyway, Alice," Emmett dropped Bella's tooth brush down the toile, and then flushed it, I was buying her one on dun, dun, dun E-BAY! And judging but the sounds said toilet is making, it does not want to let go of the toothbrush Emmett is trying to get out of it. I highly doubt that it will ever work again. I think I should buy a new one of those too

"Shush up. I am getting you a tooth brush wither you like it or not. Nobody can stop me!" I have not got crazy. No I have not, everyone thinks I have. I don't know why. I am perfectly sane. Mwhahahaha. See sane, evil laughter inside one's head is perfectly sane. DO NOT DOUBT ME!!

"Alice, why are you laughing? Nothing happed that is funny," shoot maybe I am not as sane as I thought, after all I was sent to an asylum when I was still human. Oh well, they can't send me back unless they want to expose vampires.

"Uh… go… play in the woods." There that will get ride of her! I need time to buy stuff, like toothbrushes and toilets!

"Alice, you need help. I am going to Edward's room."

Okay so maybe she did not go where I said. SHE STILL LEFT. Now no one will question my motives. Hmm, I wonder if Emmett got that llama he wanted. Oh well. I will get him one any way. Oh look a mountain lion. I'm sure if I get Edward this, he will forgive me about the whole telling Bella to play in the woods while he is hunting thing. Yes, I am sure he will, he doesn't think I am in my right mind either.

Oh look plants. Esme likes pants. I think I will get her some. I want to get her some with meaning. Hmm. How about anemone for Bella. After all she is the most fragile of her children, being human and all. Oh and yellow carnations for me, I am the most hyper of the bunch. Oh and aster for Jazzy. He can make anyone content. He just has that effect on people. Hmm. Now Edward's turn for a flower, her first child. Oh a sunflower, that is a wonderful flower to remind her of him, she always adores him a bit more. She cannot help it; he is her first child of her new life. Buttercups are perfect for Emmett. He is, after all the most childish. Calla lilies are for Rosalie. I would do roses but that is not original, and calla lilies mean magnificent beauty. And that is Rosalie in a nutshell. Now Carlisle's turn, lilac sounds good. He is, after all her first love. Okay, now that I have my flowers picked out for the family, I need one for her. I've got it. Black-eyed Susan is good. As our mother figure, Esme encourages us all. Okay now I have just got to buy them. E-BAY TIME! ESME WILL LOVE HER PLANTS!!!

Let's see, hmm. Oh, look I can get them rushed!!!!!! The will be here tomorrow!!! Perfect, that is when Esme is getting back from hunting, SHE CAN LOVE THEM SOONER! I can buy her some new gloves too. They can be pink, with little flowers, AND IT CAN SPARKLE. And a new little gardening kit, of course it is not really little. It is actually quite large. But still, that is just what you call it. And now to press the little buy button, this time it's actually little!!!! Mwhahahaha!

I can get something for Carlisle, now! Oh look stethoscopes. A sold gold one!!! I have to get it; it's gold!!!! And one that has diamonds embedded in it. I bet that would look like vampire skin in the sunlight. I don't think I will have these rushed; they are much too fragile. But I will send them to the hospital, that way Carlisle can try them out as soon as he gets them!!!! HE WILL LOVE IT OR HE WILL DIE!!! Mwhahahaha!

"Alice, you need to slow down on the whole E-Bay mania thing. We don't have enough room for all of this useless junk. I, I mean stuff, wonderful, brilliant stuff. Not useless in the least. But we really don't have adequate room for all of your magnificent finds," Glares can change the world! Hmm, we don't, do we? I can buy a storage unit!!! I think that Bella's toothbrush is arriving today, so should the toilet! I would go check it out myself, if I didn't have a loving husband to do it for me, Mwhahahaha.

"Oh Jazzy, will you be a dear and go see if Bella's toothbrush has arrived yet? The toilet, too! It should be arriving today," that will leave me alone with my precious, dear computer, with the wonderful Internet, that has my beloved E-Bay on it. No I do not love E-Bay more than Jasper, it is a different type of love. Besides, you can buy stuff using Jasper. But you can on E-Bay. So there is no contest.

"Alice, the humans are starting to get suspicious about the amount of stuff being delivered here. And Esme will not be pleased at all about the whole living room being covered in boxes. I can't move any into the basement either; I already filled that up. So why don't you take a break from the whole shopping thing, and go hunter with me. Then after words I can take you to the movies, any movie you want, and we can do what normal couples do. What do you say?" What do I say to what? I was not paying attention. Sorry Jazzy.

"Uh… sure. Whatever you say, Jazzy, whatever you say," okay maybe he will leave now. Wait, why isn't he leaving? WHAT IN SAM'S HILL DID I AGREE TOO???

"Alice, you need to get ready if we are going to go hunt," WHAT that's what I agreed to. Now I have to leave my E-Bay. Fine, if it will make Jazzy happy, I will. I will do anything for Jazzy. He is my one true love, and I better be his!!! Mwhahahaha! "Alice, if you are laughing in your head, you should stop. I am getting some 'Evil' emotions from you."

"Oh, yeah. Okay, Jazzy I'll stop, and I will be right out. Love you!" Okay now time to go hunting with Jazzy. And not shop on E-Bay. I cannot think about shopping or E-Bay when I am out with Jasper today. I can't cause I wont, end of story. But if I could just order one more thing before we go. That's it just one more and I wont think about it all day. No I can't. If I give in now, I'll give in later. I have to be strong. My marriage is counting on it. I can do this; I know I can do this. I have to do this; I have to no ifs ands or buts about it I have to do it.

FOR THE LOVE OF JASPER I HAVE TO DO THIS!!!!!

(((Can she do it? Well you will have to find out next time. Why? 'Cause I said so.)))