Disclaimer: I don't own the Winchester boys nor Bobby.

Notes: I actually came up with the beginning and the idea for the ending and the rest wrote itself. I have all of the chapters written out, but I don't know if they'll get uploaded at one time though

Setting:Set after Season 2, 'Born under a bad sign'. But take an AU approach. Major AngstSam and GuiltyProtectiveDean

Warning: Deals with self harm, and thoughts of suicide. However if you are like me, you might be happy to know, this has a happy ending. No tragic ending here. I don't do tragic ending anyway.

Summary: Five times. Five times he has thought about it before he acted. The sixth time he couldn't stand it. Silence followed. Maybe various letters would save him....before the silence wrapped him up forever...

Chapter 2: Too Far

Dean had gone out to get some dinner leaving Sam alone. Sam looked at his watch. He only had about an hour to get this done.

Fear.

He felt fear before but never like this. He inhaled then let it out. He stood up from sitting on his temporarily bed in a no-tell motel. Shakily he reached over to his duffel bag and pulled out his night clothes. Then he pulled out his pocket knife. He breathed once before walking into the bathroom and shutting the door, locking it. He didn't need Dean's interference before he could get ready for this. He ran the shower before stripping and stepping in. Sam sat down in the tub clutching the knife in his hand. He let the shower rain down on him.

One small cut and it would ease the pain, wouldn't it?

It had to. He was at his wits end and didn't know what else to do. He couldn't tell Dean; it wasn't fair to him. He dealt with his issues long enough. It was time that Sam grew up and took care of this himself, back up the independence he claimed for all the time.

The blade gleamed under the lights of the bathroom. One cut and that would do for awhile. Sam took the blade to his wrist. Once he did this, there would be no turning back; he wouldn't be able to undo it. He didn't deserve to undo it. Sam set his face in concentration and slowly drew a cut over his wrist. Blood dripped from his self inflicted wound and hazel eyes watched in a hypnotic trance. For a moment, Sam felt a weight lift. And so he cut once more.

I won't go too far, Sam thought as he worked on his 3rd cut. He was not suicidal. He would never do that to his brother. He just wanted some kind of relief that's all.

Sam laid back against the tub. It felt nice. Very nice. He floated in a sea of content, losing track of time. He didn't know how long he stayed there. Logically he knew that he should get up and clean the wound so that it wouldn't go so far, but he couldn't. He was unaware of the small smile on his face. For the first time, he felt real good. Sam shook himself; he needed to stop this before it went too far.

But he found he could not move. Panic picked at his heart.

No, he could get up. He didn't go too far. He knew he didn't.

But he did.

Whether accidentally or consciously he did.

He feared what Dean would say. He didn't want Dean to see him like this.

But seems his body wasn't giving him any choice in the matter.

So with one last bout of strength he did what he had to do.

TBC....