Author's Note: Written for the Shamy Fic Exchange. So as not to give away the plot, I'll hold off posting the prompt until the end.
Dear Readers: I've found I've bitten off more than I can chew. I've got three WIPs currently and while I would love to update all of them on a weekly basis, I frankly cannot. I love writing, but it's a painstaking and long process, and since the point is to enjoy it and relieve some of the stress from my job and my life, when the pressure to update frequently is causing me stress, I have to back off. Do not be concerned, I'm not giving up on any of my stories. I just need to pace myself. I will continue to update at least one story every week, and I will do more than that when I can or when I get a sudden spurt of inspiration. Unfortunately, this means that you may see an update of any one story only once every 3 weeks or so. Your support (and your reviews) mean the world to me, so I hope you will understand.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own The Big Bang Theory and I doubt CBS, Chuck Lorre or Bill Prady would sell it to me for anything close to what I can afford. I own only my own obsession(s), which are not for sale. This story is for entertainment purposes only. I make no profit and no infringement of copyrights is intended.
Chapter 2 – The Tautology Inevitability
The next morning, Sheldon attended the Nobel Prize Award press conference with Amy, as was expected of a good boyfriend. If he was unusually quiet and subdued, Amy was too caught up in the excitement of the proceedings to notice. He sat in the front row, together with Dr. and Mrs. Hofstadter, Mr. and Dr. Wolowitz and Dr. Koothrapalli and his companion, Marya Joshi. Amy, of course, was seated on the stage together with two of her colleagues from the addiction study which garnered them the Nobel. Other members of her research team were scattered throughout the audience, together with various officials and interested staff from the University. Sheldon recognized several members of the scientific faculty of CalTech in the audience as well, and suspected that there were likely representatives from all the local universities. A local Nobel prize winner was a big deal, after all. It was inevitable that everyone Sheldon knew would be aware that his girlfriend won a Nobel before he did. Amy's mother sat next to Sheldon and repeatedly gripped his arm, an activity which Sheldon tolerated only because he was too miserable to react.
He could hear his own mother's voice in his head, admonishing him that his attitude was not only extremely childish but also quite un-Christian. He should be proud and happy for his girlfriend's remarkable accomplishment. Sheldon countered – also in his head – that he was proud of Amy – more than proud. Much as he might feel that Biology was inherently inferior to Physics, nonetheless, he was well aware of the significance and exceptional quality of Amy's work in her field. He fully expected that she would earn a Nobel one day. He just assumed he himself would be a Nobel Emeritus when it happened. Thrilled as he was at Amy's achievement, his pleasure simply could not overcome his pique at not being the first to win the prize. He supposed he would grow accustomed to the feelings over time and, hopefully, when it came time to attend the award ceremony in December, he would be able to appear convincingly pleased. For now, however, the shock was too fresh. It was all he could do to maintain his composure and not break down sobbing.
After her introduction, Amy stepped to the podium and spoke briefly, honoring her fellow prize winners and thanking the others who contributed to their research. She acknowledged her mother, with a nod and a smile to the diminutive woman.
"And lastly," she continued, "I want to thank my very special friend, Dr. Sheldon Cooper, without whose support and affection I would not be the person I am today. Our shared passion for science and the joyous pursuit of knowledge have inspired me and buoyed me through the exigencies of dealing with fractious lab animals and the irksome bureaucratic minutia that are part of any scientific endeavor in the modern world." She began to step away from the podium and a smattering of applause rose from the audience. Then she stepped back and gripped the microphone. Leaning close, her lips nearly touching the equipment, she said, "Sheldon, I love you." She stood up straight, released the microphone and smiled broadly as the applause erupted in earnest.
Sheldon looked up and stared in shock at Amy, who was resuming her seat among the other awardees while one of her colleagues rose to give her own short speech. Sheldon's eyes locked with Amy's and he realized she was winking at him. His distress over his own lack of a Nobel was suddenly and ruthlessly supplanted by an overwhelming mortification as he realized that Amy not only remembered the ridiculous pact they made, but chose to act upon it.
Sheldon was fully aware that his friends speculated and gossiped over the nature of his relationship with Amy. He was accustomed to, and even welcomed the fact that his friends, acquaintances, family and even professional colleagues all knew that Amy was, officially, his girlfriend. Her status as Sheldon Cooper's girlfriend kept her largely safe from the advances of entirely unsuitable predators the likes of Stuart Bloom or that idiot ex-boyfriend of Penny's on whom Sheldon blamed Amy's persistent insistence that Sheldon continue to work on advancing the physical aspects of their relationship. He was honest enough to admit that, having worked his way past most of his issues with germs, he did enjoy their activities, and even paradoxically looked forward to – while still dreading – the day that he would lower the final barriers and fully engage in coitus with Amy Farrah Fowler.
Beyond the simple fact of their relationship, Sheldon preferred to keep any and all other details strictly between the two of them. Amy's public declaration was bound to cause no end of awkward comments and intrusive questions from both close friends and very likely from near strangers as well. And the worst part was that Sheldon could not even chastise Amy, or award her any infractions for her actions. He had, after all, agreed to it. He simply never believed it would come to pass. He thought he would have more time.
That Amy often influenced Sheldon into doing things he otherwise would never consider was sometimes exciting, but frequently terrifying as well. Some months earlier, as part of their anniversary date, she convinced him to indulge in the consumption of an alcoholic beverage. Her arguments included the social convention of the celebratory toast; she also reminded him that his effort to keep his promise to his mother, while admirable, was already in vain. She admitted that Penny showed her a certain YouTube video, and that, thanks to the same blond blabbermouth, she was also aware of his experiences with a type of iced tea that Sheldon's mother certainly never served. She urged Sheldon to remember that he was a grown man, no longer subject to his mother's control. Further, she convinced him that, with her work in addiction, he could safely experiment while she was there to ensure that he did not over indulge. She also promised to make sure he kept all his clothes on.
Sheldon was unsure if her arguments were truly convincing, or if he simply grew tired of resisting. Amy suggested they each have a Strawberry Kiss, a cocktail that looked and tasted so much like his favorite pink liquid that she had to prevent him from ordering a fourth, citing her role as the guardian of his sobriety and his pants. Just the same, when they returned to Amy's home, his inhibitions were seriously impaired. It was then that Amy began to discuss the relationship between the brain biochemistry affected by addictive substances, and those that were the sources of feelings such as love and attraction.
"Do you believe in love, Sheldon?" Amy asked, keeping her voice and manner nonchalant.
"Of course I do, Amy," he answered, his speech only slightly slurred from the effects of Strawberry Quik with a Kick, as he preferred to call his new favorite pink liquid. "I love my mother and Meemau, and my sister Missy and even my brother George. Those feelings for family are ingrained and to some extent, dictated by the biological imperative to preserve one's own contribution to the gene pool. And believe me, I am very motivated to preserve my genes." He frowned as he noticed what appeared to be both excitement and frustration cross Amy's face. "If, however, you are referring to what is commonly called 'romantic love', then per our discussion, that sort of love is simply the combined effect of certain chemical substances on key parts of the brain. It's simply science and you know I believe in science."
Amy reached out and took his hand, and Sheldon felt annoyed that Amy was about to interrupt what had been a spirited scientific discussion with more of her vexatious predilection to discuss feelings and the overly belabored subject of the relative intimacy of their relationship. He was gaining a new perspective on the term "buzzkill".
"I guess what I'm really asking, Sheldon, is do you love me?"
"Oh dear!" Sheldon responded. His first impulse was to snatch his hand back. He was never comfortable with this sort of thing, and even his ingestion of alcohol did not significantly change that. He'd learned a great deal in four and a half years of being Amy Farrah Fowler's boyfriend, however, so he opted instead to gently draw their joined hands into his own lap, and using his other hand to pat her wrist in what he hoped would be a soothing and placating gesture.
"Amy," he began. "In the absence of any scientific evidence, I am uncomfortable making irrefutable statements in that regard." Amy frowned and tried to stand and pull her hand away. Sheldon held on tight and tugged lightly, causing her to return to her seat. But she refused to look at him. Sheldon cursed inwardly and wondered if the alcohol was about to help him or cause him to dig an even larger hole in which his girlfriend would gleefully bury him.
"I concede that – – it is not unlikely – – that those physiological markers commonly associated with love and romantic – –" He paused, took a deep breath and continued, "– – or sexual attraction – – may be present." He waited a moment, and finally Amy looked back up. Her expression reminded him of when he originally asked her to be his girlfriend. He wasn't sure why she was annoyed. He limited himself to only two negatives this time, after all! He slumped his shoulders and glanced down to study his upper thigh. He wasn't sure the advancements he'd made in recognizing the emotions of those around him were such a good thing when he was not able to do anything about them. He sometimes longed for the days when he'd been oblivious to others' feelings. He knew he was hurting Amy, and it was the last thing he wanted to do. He also knew he simply wasn't ready to go where she wanted him to.
"Amy," he began again. "I know what you want me to say. I think you know as well that I can't say it right now. But," and he paused again, his brain frantically trying to work through the haze of alcohol to come up with a resolution that would alleviate some of her pain without forcing him into a declaration of something he was by no means sure he could make – – at least not yet. "I suggest we make a pact, Amy. If this subject has not been resolved by that time, when one of us wins a Nobel Prize, we will take whatever measures are necessary to assess those physiological conditions and provide solid, scientific evidence for a definitive hypothesis."
Amy was silent for some time. Sheldon wondered if he had gambled too much on Amy's love of science. The truth was, he simply wanted to buy himself some time. He felt reasonably sure that any tests conducted on his hippocampus and the other parts of his brain would show tremendous correlations between his reactions and those of a man in love. Head over heels in love, to express it colloquially if imprecisely. For some time now, he had accepted that his sun rose and set on Amy Farrah Fowler. But to admit that he loved her, to her or even to himself, would increase the already unbearable pressure that he felt to move the relationship into realms with which he was not yet comfortable. He was getting there. He realized the forward momentum might be imperceptible to others, but in his mind he was hurtling towards coitus and other unknown territory like a man on the downward spiral of an infinite roller coaster.
Only recently he realized that one of those realms encompassed the idea of marriage and family. He knew that, by modern views, he should experience coitus with Amy before seriously considering marriage. There was some concern, often mentioned in the websites where he did his research, of "sexual compatibility" between couples. He wasn't quite sure what was meant by that. Human males and females were, he was fairly sure, reasonably standardized physiologically to allow for satisfactory mating between any two exemplars. Anything else would be biologically inefficient. Nor was he particularly concerned that any marriage ceremony between them must, of necessity, have a religious element, although when it came to it, he would likely do what would make his mother happy. And that was the crux of his problem. He knew his thoughts of marriage were, in part, influenced by his mother's teachings that coitus before marriage was sinful. He was currently examining the depth of that influence on his desire to postpone intercourse until he and Amy were ready to make at least the legal commitment of marriage, inasmuch as the religious commitment held no meaning for either of them. He also knew that intercourse after marriage would be assumed and expected, and he wondered if thoughts of marriage were his own mind's way of tricking him into a deadline. He was determined to resolve these issues to his own satisfaction before proceeding with either marriage or intercourse. To do otherwise would be unfair to both himself and to Amy.
Sheldon was jerked back to the moment when Amy finally responded.
"Very well, Sheldon," she said, squeezing his hand gently. "But I propose one addition to the pact, to both strengthen our commitment and render the results incontrovertible."
Sheldon looked up and realized that Amy was smiling that sly, and terribly sexy smile that he long ago dubbed her "vixen smile". Alert bells began to ring in his brain.
"Upon analyzing the results of whatever evidence we gather, each of us will make a suitably public declaration of the results, up to and including the Nobel winner saying "I love you" in his or her acceptance speech."
Sheldon's eyes flew open and he scowled. Then, just as suddenly, he calmed down. This was obviously a bargaining chip, and he knew how to bargain.
"Counter-proposal;" he suggested, making the effort to keep his tone reasonable. "The Nobel Prize presentation ceremony is far too momentous an event in which to interject our personal affairs. However, there will doubtless be any number of more intimate celebrations, including dinners and parties with our friends and family, where such a declaration will be - - less inappropriate."
Amy appeared to ponder this a moment. Just as Sheldon imagined she might reject his counter-proposal or present one of her own, she nodded her head. "Agreed."
Sheldon released the breath he was holding. He vowed never to allow anyone to talk him into drinking again. No amount of Strawberry-Quik-flavored indulgence was worth the anxiety he went through that evening.
Sheldon realized the speeches were done. The president of Amy's university was inviting the attendees to stay for a reception where they could meet and talk with the Nobel prize awardees. He wondered when Amy had time to conduct the tests needed to make the announcement she had. He did not question that she would adhere to the pact enough to actually conduct the tests before going public, but there simply had not been time between her notification last night and this morning's press conference. He supposed she must have conducted the tests on herself already, without waiting for the Nobel award. How long had she known? How long had she kept the knowledge to herself? Sheldon could not decide if he was irked that she kept something so significant from him, or pleased that she spared him the additional pressure. Regardless, he realized that a battery of neurological tests were in his future. And after that, he would have to acknowledge what he already knew – and he would have to do so publicly.
The reception was as tedious as such events always are. Sheldon spent some time standing with Leonard and Penny while Amy and her co-awardees "worked the room" with the representatives from the Nobel committee. Howard and Bernadette had left early, pleading Bernadette's growing discomfort due to her advanced pregnancy. Likewise, Raj and his girlfriend left, citing a prior commitment to dine with her visiting parents. After about two hours, Sheldon saw Amy walking toward him, a tall and distinguished looking blond man following close behind.
"Sheldon!" She smiled broadly and reached out to grasp his hand, squeezing it quickly and affectionately before stepping to stand beside him. She smiled over at Leonard and Penny as well. "Sheldon, Leonard, Penny," she began. "I'd like you all to meet Doctor Josef Andersgård of the Karolinska Institutet. Josef is the chairman of the Nobel Committee for Physiology and Medicine this year. Josef, I'd like you to meet my friends Doctor Leonard Hofstadter and his wife, Penny, who is on her way to becoming a renowned actress." Penny nodded her head and smiled while Leonard reached out to shake the other doctor's hand. "And this," Amy continued, "is my very special friend – actually, my boyfriend – Doctor Sheldon Lee Cooper."
Sheldon gingerly took the other man's proffered hand. He'd managed to avoid most of the hand shaking obligatory at these sorts of events, simply by staying in the background. After the minimum required shaking, he deftly withdrew his hand and unobtrusively wiped his palm on the backside of his pants. He would run to the mens room at his first opportunity to wash his hands. He looked up and realized that Doctor Andersgård was regarding him quizzically.
"Doctor Sheldon Lee Cooper?" asked the blond man. "You would not be, perhaps, the same Doctor Sheldon Lee Cooper, the theoretical physicist who has been working on - - what is it called in English - - string theory - - at the California Institute of Technology?"
Having turned the topic to his favorite subject, Doctor Andersgård had Sheldon's attention. "Yes," he answered. "I am a theoretical physicist and I'm currently the preeminent physicist working on string theory at CalTech, or at any other university." Sheldon could not help adding, in his patently condescending way, "Although I'm surprised that a biologist is aware of me."
Doctor Andersgård was oblivious to the veiled insult, although Leonard scowled and Penny frowned.
"Well, this is amazing," exclaimed the Swedish biologist. "I don't believe the Committee was aware that we would award prizes this year to two doctors who are - - how shall I put it - - romantically entangled."
Sheldon frowned. "I think you're mistaken, Doctor Andersgård. Neither Amy nor any of her co-winners in Physiology are involved with each other in that way. They are merely professional colleagues."
It was the Nobel committee chairman's turn to look confused. "But no, you misunderstand me, Doctor Cooper. And perhaps I am - - what is your expression - - jumping the gun. I am not implying that Doctor Fowler or any of her associates are involved with each other. I mean that Doctor Fowler is involved with this year's prize winner in Physics, although I realize now the announcement has not yet been made. You must promise me, Doctor Cooper, when you get the phone call that you will act appropriately surprised. You, Doctor Sheldon Lee Cooper, are this year's Nobel Prize winner for Physics."
Sheldon fainted.
FF_1807614_ 7/7/2013