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Sinister black night settled over the winding roads of the 101. Bella had never really enjoyed this drive, and she enjoyed it even less in the shadowy umbrage of the night sky.
Her family's cabin sat vacant for years after Bella left for college. Her parents had lost interest and offered the cabin as a wedding gift to Bella and her husband. Unfortunately, Eric was allergic to just about everything, and would never be able to make it surrounded by the piney woods of the cabin.
Bella needed to make the trip to check on the cabin, but also planned to finally make her peace with this place. He still inhabited every cell of her body, but she thought if she could find peace in this place that the feelings would begin to recede. Six years had done nothing to change the tug she still felt in her heart at the flickering thought of him. Maybe if she could say goodbye to this space, eventually she could say goodbye to the idea of him being a part of her life.
They were barely a year into their marriage, and Bella still found herself saving certain parts of herself for a person that was no longer there. Eric was an amazing man, and he didn't deserve that. They met at freshmen orientation, and had been close friends for two years when he admitted his feelings for her. It had been so long since she had let anyone be that close to her, and she knew that he would never ever hurt her.
They dated for two years. She grew to love him. It wasn't an all-consuming kind of love. It was a comfortable and safe kind of love. He made her smile when she didn't think it was possible. He brought home flowers simply because he saw them, and they reminded him of her. He whispered sweet things in her ear as they made love. He was a beautiful person, and she didn't deserve him.
As her sleek silver Volvo drifted slowly through the hills of the Olympic National Forest, Bella's mind drifted back to earlier in the evening when she had said goodbye to Eric. He had placed a sweet kiss to her lips, and she had pushed her lips harder into his in an attempt to make herself feel it. Those sweet tingles that had so easily crept from her toes all the way up her body at sixteen were a distant memory. The beautiful burn of a kiss that would sear through her veins was something she desperately wanted to feel with Eric. She pinched her eyebrows together and forced her lips onto his. He had pulled back laughing, and told her she looked like she was in pain. She recovered quickly, making a lame statement about it hurting to leave him. She felt terrible, and rushed out of their tiny house.
Bella was feeling the need to drown her sorrows in a glass of wine, but the cabin would have nothing and she didn't feel like going to the grocery store this evening.
The streets of Forks blazed with the shine of freshly fallen rain and street lights. The sound of water springing forth under tires created an eerie symphony when mixed with the soft classical music drifting through the speakers in her car. She shivered slightly, and decided that she would need to stop for something to calm the tempest that was threatening to overtake her body.
She spotted the seedy looking bar, and decided it was better than nothing. She swung her car into a parking space, gathered her purse, and walked toward the door.
She walked inside, and there he was. Leaning lazily against the wooden bar, was the boy she offered innocence and light to several years ago. Only, he was no longer a boy, and the light she had given him had been lost somewhere along the way. His hair was still messy and the distinct color of worn pennies. He was much taller, and his stance no longer held the confidence of the boy who hoped things would get better some day.
Time didn't begin to crawl, and she didn't feel like the world stopped spinning for the two of them. It didn't feel like suddenly everything was right with the world. In truth, it was all so wrong. Everything was wrong. The feelings that had haunted her for the past six years were very real, and stared back at her in the form of green eyes and tousled hair.
The bitter taste of nostalgia mixed with pain filled her mouth. Each thought that formed in her mind was beyond logical. Emotions began to bubble up underneath her skin. Want, anger, sadness, elation, and terror. Each one flooded her senses and she couldn't think straight or take her eyes off of his.
He looked down at the bar and took a quick drink of his beer. She watched, as he sucked in a breath and closed his eyes.
The bar was small, and there wasn't much space between them. He approached her slowly, as though she might disappear if he moved too quickly. His hand moved slowly, and brushed against her elbow.
Her intake of breath was sharp, and happened at the same time that he closed his eyes.
"I swear I've dreamed of this a thousand times."
She wasn't sure how to respond to that statement. She had spent six years fighting this feeling, and she certainly wasn't ready to admit to it that easily.
"Uh…do you wanna sit down or something?" His voice was gruff and sleepy. He moved closer, and she noticed the deep circles that time and lack of sleep had carved underneath his emerald eyes.
"Sure." Her voice came out high-pitched, and was a startling contradiction to what she typically sounded like.
They moved to a small table in the corner that sat just underneath a neon sign. The orange and blue lights mingled gently over their jittery silhouettes.
"Did you…I mean…do you want something to drink?" His eyes were unfocused and stared at a spot just beyond her.
"Wine. Prosecco or a riesling."
"Uh…" He laughed softly and she felt the smile take its place on her lips. "You'll probably just have to take whatever was on sale at Wal-mart this week."
Bella was sure that the words "wine" and "Wal-mart" should never share a sentence together. Her mouth hung open slightly, but she nodded. At that point, as long as it contained alcohol she would gladly accept it.
He walked to the bar, and laughed quietly with the bartender. The bartender handed over a very full glass of what looked to be a blush wine.
He set the glass gently on the table, and finally met her eyes.
"Where have you been?" He asked gently.
"You stopped calling," she accused, as her fingertips traced the lines of condensation that formed on her glass. She hadn't wanted to go there right off the bat, but her heart was screaming for an answer to the agony it had suffered.
"Not intentionally." The comment was so off-hand that she wanted to reach across the table and slap him for being so nonchalant about the breaking of her heart.
"That's cryptic."
He shrugged his shoulders, and looked away from her. "My mom left my dad. He could barely afford to feed us, and the phone line was the first to go."
Bella never wanted for anything growing up. She always had food on the table; the latest technology; parents who were still madly in love with each other; and, brand new clothes every school year. Edward lived a very different reality, and she hated knowing that she thought so poorly of him over something that he had no control over.
He picked up his beer, and she noticed it. A sleek silvery band graced the ring finger on his left hand. Without thinking, her hand reached across the table, and grazed the smooth surface.
"You're married?"
He nodded.
"How long?"
"Almost two years." He didn't look up from the label of his beer, "You?"
"One year." It didn't escape her notice that neither of them spoke of their marriages with the excitement of people who were madly in love. Their voices were hushed and monotone; as if they were ashamed to admit that they had settled for someone else.
"What's her name?" Bella didn't want to know this. She secretly hoped it was something awful. It wouldn't have mattered if it was. Bella was certain that when her name fell from his lips in bed it sounded like the most beautiful prayer.
"Kate."
Bella nodded sharply.
"What about you?"
"His name is Eric. We met in college. He's a great guy. I'm really happy." He had only asked for his name. She couldn't even begin to explain why she had felt the need to elaborate. Her mind had never been able to keep up with her lips when she was around him. The last part was bound to hurt him, and it was completely unnecessary.
To her surprise, he looked slightly amused instead of hurt.
"Does it hurt your mouth to lie like that?" The mischievous smile that she only held memories of made an appearance.
"What do you mean?"
"You just lied to me. Your face has always given you away."
There was only one part of her statement that was a lie. She wasn't happy. At least, she wasn't happy with Eric. It wasn't that he couldn't make her happy; she just didn't allow him to. She was constantly waiting for him to come back into her life.
"Do you think that this is just how it was supposed to be?"
"What do you mean?" She asked before taking a long drink of her wine. The pinkish liquid was nauseatingly sweet, and she had to swallow it quickly to keep from making a face.
"Like, forever just wasn't meant for us. We were supposed to be passionate but not lasting. Maybe, we were always meant to say goodbye."
She had never thought of this before. Maybe they were only allowed to have three months of pure bliss in their lives. Maybe this was just the price that you paid when you experienced that kind of happiness. If that was the case, then there was one part that didn't make sense.
"Then why won't this feeling go?" Regardless of how hard Bella had tried to feel it for anyone else, the feeling lingered only for him.
"I don't know. Sometimes I find myself hoping that it never does."
"Why?" Didn't he want to be happy? Didn't he want to feel normal again?
"It's the sweetest pain I've ever known. It's the only thing I feel anymore." His hands ran over his face, and then they stayed wrapped gently around his cheeks and eyes.
She stood up abruptly and then turned on her heels to look at him. "I'm married. He doesn't deserve this."
His eyes filled with anger as he turned towards her. "Oh, and she does?"
She couldn't handle it. The tone of his voice. The spark of indignation in his eyes. The nearness of him.
Her feet carried her out of the bar and into the heavy sheets of rain falling from the massive clouds that stood invisible in the black night. She paused briefly outside of the door in the repulsive hope that he would follow her out and take her away from everything.
He didn't come, and she knew he wouldn't. Her body began to shake with the exertion she used to keep the emotions at bay. Her mindless body made its way to the safety of her car.
Her forehead rested against the steering wheel as the emotions finally tore their way out of her body. The storm was finally set free, and she attempted to tame it with words that meant nothing to her heart or her soul.
You can't feel this for him.
You can't.
He's just a boy.
Just a boy.
There aren't any chances left.
You have no more chances to give.
Thank you to my lovely beta's! This story would not be making an appearance if it weren't for them!
A/N: I just realized I didn't bold the a/n in the first chapter. Oh well! Hope you enjoyed the chapter! I will be updating weekly for as long as my writing can keep up with my posting. The chapters will alternate between young B&E and adult B&E. Let me know your thoughts, praises, constructive criticism! Reviews make my hangover headache all better!