Well, every good secret agent movie has a few explosions, though I never thought I'd be in one. As Mom likes to say, every day is eventful in the emergency room, which is where I woke up. It was quiet, which seemed strange after all those explosions, and everything was white. Well, everything except me. It wasn't just the fact that my fur was usually teal, it was the issue with me being covered in soot and black stuff. I was a mess.
When I woke up, the first thing I noticed was that my hat was missing. I looked around and saw it on the table beside me. I quickly picked it up with trembling fingers and held it close. It looked fine. I hoped I wasn't much worse. Just then, the door opened and a strange pair came in- Major Monogram and Pinky. They tiptoed over quietly, so as not to wake me up, and sat beside the bed. I decided to listen and see what they would say.
"They say he'll recover," said Monogram in a whisper. "But it'll take time. What do you think, Agent Pinky?"
Pinky barked, which didn't mean anything to the Major, but was something I understood.
"I don't know. That explosion was pretty intense. I knew he shouldn't have asked for medium level! And there's a rumor going around that there was a malfunction…"
A malfunction? I had suspected that much, but now that I knew it was true, I felt a little better. At least I hadn't just screwed up. At least Pinky couldn't say 'I told you so'.
"Luckily, the android fell on top of him," continued Monogram. "I think that must have helped shield him from the explosion. Lucky, too. The practice lab was obliterated…"
"I don't know," said Pinky thoughtfully. "It looked to me like it just squashed him."
My heart rate must have increased, because there was a loud beeping noise from the foot of the bed, and Monogram and Pinky both whipped around to stare at it.
"Oh, I think he's waking up," said Monogram. "Agent Pinky, perhaps you should…?"
Pinky barked quietly. "Yeah, I'll just wait out here," he said, and he left the room.
I stirred and tried to sit up. Monogram tried to tell me to take it easy, but someone put a paw on my chest and pushed me back down. I looked up and saw the Agency's nurse, Agent F. She was a fox. Pinky once heard a rumor that she was so beautiful, agents would injure themselves on purpose in the hopes of being treated by her. I had never really agreed. But that could be because she was nearly always frowning and holding a bottle of headache pills whenever I saw her. I could see why- my head was killing me.
"You need to rest," she said sternly. "No getting up until I say so. And don't," she said, narrowing her eyes, "touch, move, or otherwise mess with your tail."
Now that she mentioned it, I realized that I couldn't move my tail. Getting scared, I tried to lift the blankets to see just how bad it was, but she gently pushed my hand back.
"Agent P!" exclaimed Major Monogram. "You're alive!"
There was no joke this time. He sounded serious. I put my hat on, and, out of habit, saluted weakly. Agent F pushed my hand back down again. I gave an irritated chatter.
"That was an admirable performance, Agent P," said Monogram proudly. Agent F scowled disapprovingly.
"What?" he said. She gave a short, clear bark.
"Oh, right," he said awkwardly. "An admirable, but dangerous performance. Perhaps I shouldn't have let you try the medium level. As for your results, we're still considering the fact that you didn't get out of the lab before it exploded. I've got my fingers crossed."
He crossed his fingers and grinned. Agent F rolled her eyes. I wanted desperately to tell him that Pinky was right and there had been a malfunction, but there was no way of getting the message across. Instead, I turned to Agent F and relayed it to her. She took out a pad of paper and a pencil and wrote it down. Then she gave it to Major Monogram.
He read it quickly and raised his unibrow. "A malfunction? Great googly moogly! I knew we needed a new intern, but this is ridiculous! Why, this could change the entire decision! Agent P, I've got to run before they flunk you. Get well soon!"
And with that, he dashed out of the room, still holding the paper message.
After he left, I turned back to Agent F.
"What's wrong with my tail?" I demanded.
She sighed. "You're not gonna like this," she said sternly. I rolled my eyes. Who knew why Agent F had become a nurse. She didn't seem to be the kind of caring, calm person you'd expect. And she didn't seem to be able to judge whether wounds were bad or not. So just hearing that told me that it wasn't as horrible as I had feared. I was wrong.
"Well, tell me anyway," I said decidedly. She covered her eyes with a paw, knitting her eyebrows together in an expression of concern. I gave her my full-force stare.
She gave in. "I'm just gonna say it. You've got third-degree electrical burns from the explosion all over your tail, and some other places, too. It's not pretty, I'll tell you that."
I was silent for a moment. I mean, I knew it had to be bad, but…
"Well, cheer up. It's not like you're gonna die," she said firmly.
I sighed. Though I wasn't too happy to admit it, she was right. It could be worse. My tail would recover in due time, and I'd be fine. Besides, I had expected much worse. Now I could have laughed at my previous suspicions, albeit shakily.
But Agent F wasn't done. "It'll take a while to recover. In the meantime, I prohibit you from all physical activities which require the use of your tail. You'll sit in bed, rest, and recover. If you like, I can check out some books from the library. Or you could study." She seemed to be trying to take the subject off of me being practically incapacitated.
I was horror-struck. No physical activities which required the use of my tail? Why did I ever ask for the medium level in the first place? Would it make me cooler? No. Would it help me graduate with top marks? No. Was there any point to it at all? I was beginning to think no. Just then, there was a fervent knock on the door.
"Come in, but be quiet, for heaven's sake," said Agent F, leaving with a sigh.
Pinky came in, panting and shaking as usual. He closed the door behind him quietly, then bounded over to my bed and started to talk at the speed of light.
"Perry, you're awake! You won't believe what just happened. I just saw Monogram run out the door and down the hallway and he said something about you getting flunked and he really looked worried, which is good I guess, but not if you're gonna get flunked. You're not, right? That would be really bad, huh? Yeah, I know!" he said, pausing to pant heavily. I didn't even have time to reply, since Agent F stepped back in and shushed him quietly. Pinky caught his breath and nodded. He continued talking in a hushed voice.
"It was really scary after you blew up- I mean, after the lab blew up," he continued quietly. "They carried you out on a stretcher, and everybody gasped, and I think some of the girls cried 'cause you were kinda limp and laying there like you were dead or something freaky, and your tail…"
"I know," I said, trying not to think about my tail. "Pinky, what happened? In detail."
Pinky took a deep breath. "Like I said, it was scary," he said. "Er, after the lab blew up, they sent out some agents to get you out. They found you underneath that android, and they said it 'acted as a shield'. Personally, I think you looked a little squashed."
"And then?" I prompted, feeling a strange mixture of curiosity and intimidation.
"Then they said your practice showdown was over, and they moved us all to a different practice lab," said Pinky. "I think they tried to proceed like nothing had happened and you were fine. No one bought it. I heard Agent K talking with Agent D," he said, referring to the cat and dog agents, "and she thought you were dead. Agent D…well, he just howled."
I nodded numbly. They thought I was dead. For that matter, why wasn't I?
"It doesn't matter, though," said Pinky with a grin. "You're alive, and that's what counts, hey, hey! Oh, and the results are tomorrow. I'm pretty sure they'll let you out for that."
Just then, Agent F cleared her throat. "Actually," she said, "You won't be going anywhere. But we can set up a video link so you can watch the results of your test."
"Dang!" said Pinky disappointedly. "Sorry, Perry…um, I'll bring you something from the graduation lunch, okay? How about a cookie? They always have cookies…"
I was silent. Maybe if I was lucky I wouldn't be left in the dust. But now I'd be stuck here, alone, while they all pursued their different careers. Basically, I was grounded.
Brilliant.