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Memory Loss
Chapter 2: Mixed signals
The news about Niles remembering even Mister Sheffield's Tuesday tie and Sylvia's preferred cake (the answer is: all of them) but not his nemesis existence fell like a bomb in the Sheffield household.
Nobody knew how CC would take the situation, so Maxwell took the burden to tell her before Niles was back in the mansion from the hospital. The subject was brought up while they drank some tea themselves prepared in one of the few moments he managed to convince her to stop working.
The British man was careful enough to make sure Miss Fine was not in sight. He was afraid CC would be shocked and off control, and had decided to protect her from being exposed like that.
However, Maxwell didn't need to worry: after some moments of silence and wide eyes, his business partner's reaction was to wave the news off, saying something about God finally hearing her prayers and giving her some peace.
Fran had obviously heard the conversation through the intercom and, when Maxwell joined the family for take-out dinner, people were already trying to decide if they should be relieved at Miss Babcock not really minding that Niles had forgotten her, or if they should be worried she acted as a true sociopath who doesn't care for someone with whom she lived side by side every day.
CC and Niles had been kind of inseparable, even if for the wrong reasons. It didn't make sense that both suddenly acted like strangers.
xxx
The Police investigation led to filing the case as an accident, once Niles had been alone in the house, there was no sign of some outsider breaking and entering, and nothing had been robbed or destroyed. Some glass things had broken to pieces when they hit the floor, but no one believed it had been the work of some assailant.
(Fran mentioned the Butlers Association could be the culprit for such a creepy thing, saying they maybe 'wanted revenge or something', but no one really took her idea seriously.)
So, when Niles was released from the hospital two days later, Maxwell picked him up and they went directly to the mansion, so life could hopefully get back to normal.
xxx
And kind of normal it was.
To Niles, everything should feel normal: he was taking advantage of his light duties, roaming the house with his feather duster in hand while keeping updated with everybody's lives, cooking for the family (Sheffields and Fines and eventual Toriellos), counting with some hired staff for the most tiring tasks and enjoying his free time wandering through the house, joyous to order people around.
(And we mean the family, once he felt authorized to remind them, whenever he considered they were giving him more trouble than he was able to care about, of his condition).
Niles had decided not to tell anyone, but he didn't feel all right. Something was surely off, but he couldn't put a finger on it.
Walking through the mansion and looking at familiar things gave him some relief. It was like every place and object was ready to give him something more than what he could remember, and the hope for every lost memory was enough to give him a fuzzy feeling, for the time being.
xxx
If it was not enough that Niles wandered the mansion with a weird expectant look, the already unnerved family found out that, the moment CC Babcock knew the butler was back, she was the one to disappear from the mansion.
She sent a messenger with a list of business meetings she had arranged for the next days, offering herself to represent the company in every one of them. Maxwell realized what she was doing – he was not an idiot, and the fact she was not even making a phone call to not risk talking to Niles was an obvious hint –, and let her be for three days.
However, tired of the excuses and schemes that were messing with their work, and bothered by Niles' furrowed brow at the poor messenger who came at least four times a day, Maxwell knew something had to be done.
xxx
That was why, when Niles was starting dinner one week after the accident, a sudden blonde hurricane happened on his kitchen.
'Here I am. You have seen me. I'm out', was all she said, already turning to exit the room.
'CC', Maxwell's menacing voice came through the intercom.
She groaned, turned around again, crossed her arms and sulked.
Niles put the knife he was using on the sink, dried his hands and went to the intercom, 'Thank you, Sir. I take it from here'.
CC noticed with surprise that the butler turned the machine off before turning to her.
'So', he said, walking slowly to stand in front of the island, looking at her intently, 'You are the famous CC Babcock'.
'Famous?', she huffed, 'With you out of the picture, I don't believe anyone could have anything creative to say about me'.
He frowned in confusion, 'Are you praising me or trying to offend me?'
She breathed deeply, trying to sound calm and collected, 'Maxwell said you wanted to see me. I came', she spoke through gritted teeth, 'May I go, now?'
'What are we to each other?'
'What?'
'I asked what is…', he made a gesture between them, '…our relationship'.
CC joined her hands nervously, 'Why are you asking it?'
'Because I can't remember'.
She set her jaw, 'If you can't remember, it means it is not important'.
'If you are not important, why my heart beats faster when anyone speaks about you? They had to call the nurses when Mister Sheffield first mentioned your name in the hospital. And now…', he gulped, resting a hand on his chest, '…I'm feeling it again'.
The blonde was not prepared to answer to that.
She blinked at Niles' direct gaze.
Those blues, usually shining with a glint of malice or the fire of annoyance, now were inviting her to say anything that clarified their status to each other.
Reaching a decision, CC spoke calmly, 'It's called fight or flight reaction, Niles. When you're facing a menace, your body instinctively reacts, preparing to defend itself or run away – and both things require an accelerated heartbeat'.
'Well, I don't feel like fighting you'.
'That's a first', she scoffed, 'Thinking better, Fate helped us all and the memory loss is giving you some sense. Maybe now you will shut up and hide instead of provoking this beast'.
CC finished speaking and smirked, a victorious stance.
Niles stayed quiet, his head tilted to the side, analyzing her.
His silence took so long and was so unusual that she felt self-conscious and sneered to hide it, 'What?'
He still didn't answer.
Getting creeped out, CC uncrossed her arms, 'If we're over, I'm going. I had a full day of work that I thought couldn't get worse until Maxwell blackmailed me to come here and greet the slave'.
She waited for a reaction again, but it didn't come.
Not knowing what else to do, she turned to the swinging door.
His voice sounded pensive, 'You came here…'
She stopped in her tracks.
'… expecting to have fun'.
Now she turned, 'What's that supposed to mean?'
'Mister Sheffield may have done some menace to get you to come here, but you don't seem to be the kind of woman who enters any deal without getting something from it. Am I right?'
'You can bet on it'.
'So, you came to see me because you had something to gain. By the twinkle in your eyes at every quip, I suppose you enjoy me as a sparring partner'.
'Oh, sure. You make my blood boil…', she hissed, leaning towards him menacingly, her hands on her hips, '…with rage'.
'It's a start', he easily answered, showing her the first smirk since the accident.
It made her falter.
It made him understand what had been lacking.
'It is a pleasure to meet you, Miss Babcock', Niles said, smiling warmly.
'I'm out of here'.
And, in a second, there was nothing to see but a swinging door.
xxx
The family noticed, in a mix of worry and relief, that Niles couldn't stop smiling since he had talked to Miss Babcock.
Fran teased him about it during dinner, just to receive a happy shrug in return.
xxx
He climbed off the car hurriedly. The night was so misty he could barely see the black and white outlines of old airplanes and buildings in the distance.
Niles waved in front of his face to undo some of the humidity in hopes of seeing clearer.
And immediately found who he had been looking for.
He started walking towards her, his raincoat getting quickly wet, and he wondered if things could get worse.
'What the Hell are you doing here?!', she yelled as soon as she spotted him.
(Of course things could get worse. CC Babcock was mad at the sight of him.)
'You can't leave like this', he said, stopping right in front of her.
'Of course I can', she answered, 'I'm rich. I bought tickets'.
'I mean you shouldn't leave without talking to me'.
'Why not?'
He searched for the right words to not scare her while conveying his feelings, but none came. In a desperate attempt to make her talk, he asked, 'What about us?'
'We'll always have Paris'.
He opened his mouth to speak, but suddenly he got the reference and everything was clear.
CC saw his obvious distress and got a step closer, 'I'm doing the thinking, here, and deciding for the both of us. We don't belong together. It seemed nice for the last days, but we both know you'll-we'll regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but we will', she spoke and looked away, 'Just let it go'.
He lowered his head and closed his eyes.
She wasn't moving, and he prayed silently for it to mean she was having second thoughts.
Even if she had them, they were not enough to change her mind...
(Maybe nothing about him could make her change her mind)
…and he felt her passing by him, her hand brushing his one last time.
Niles felt burning in his eyes and opened them.
The mist was gone. The airplanes were gone. The black and white had turned into a colorful tropical landscape with palm trees and a crowded avenue.
He looked around, trying to find her.
Maybe now he could see clearly, but there was nothing really to see but a parting taxi.
Niles woke up suddenly, his throat dry and his heart heavy with the feeling of loss.
Realizing he had been dreaming, he calmed down, got off his bed and went to his bathroom.
He drank some water, washed and dried his face, and the process gave him a sense of reality that cleared his mind and helped to tell apart memory and dream.
He remembered clearly that holiday in a tropical paradise, and the initial happy feeling at finally being able to go to a place himself had chosen.
And he remembered the slightly unsettling sensation that, once Babcock was the one to suggest the place through the brochures she gave him just for mocking, it would be perfect if she was there with him.
He told himself he just wanted her there because then she would see him having fun as a tourist and not being the servant, but he realized he cared about her opinion on him more than he cared about the vacations themselves, and it got him worried.
It was not as if he really wanted her there, was it?
(As if he wanted her, period.)
To his chagrin, his first days on the island were filled with thoughts of what Babcock would say or do if she was with him. It felt like, in some way, he could not be there without her.
So, being slightly high from cocktails and trying to distract himself from what seemed an obsession, it was not that surprising that he said a festive 'Shake it, Miss Babcock' as soon as they met in a party.
After that first encounter, they started finding the other at the most unexpected places – it was almost as if they had the same tastes in everything! –, seized the opportunities to pull pranks, and quickly destroyed any possibility of social life and summer romance the other could have started at that point.
And then they met in a very secluded small restaurant both seemed to have chosen to hide from their nemesis: they entered through different doors and ended up in the same corner table at the second floor – the one with a beautiful view of the sea.
They looked at each other in shock for some moments and, tired of running, sat together for lunch, feeling like they had reached the only possible ending.
From that day on, they had lunch and dinner together every day, and tried some very exotic dishes.
They went to parties together, just danced with the other and loved every minute of it.
They went to the beach together, obviously ogling the other, pretending distaste when one asked for help with the sunscreen and exchanging barbs over every little thing.
They walked through the island, hiked and did everything a couple in a blooming romance would do – what included teasing each other's lack of spontaneity outdoors and then helping out at every hint that it was needed.
The useful niceties led to the occasional brushing of hands and to the warm smiles, that led to feeling comfortable and to begrudgingly admit they enjoyed being together.
One night they sat on the sand in their preferred part of the beach, in front of CC's hotel, watching the full moon and exchanging jokes over werewolves. After a good zinger directed at him, CC nudged Niles preposterously until he laughed and, in an impulse of affection, he took her hand and kissed it.
He lowered her hand and kept it in his, not looking into her face in order to preserve his bravado.
He could feel her eyes analyzing him.
Finally, she got closer enough to be positively snuggled against his side, and put her head on his shoulder.
They stayed like that for a long time, in silence, his thumb caressing her hand, her fingers caressing the hair on his nape, basking in a tenderness that had yet to be understood.
At some point she parted from him and said it was late, and he offered to escort her to her hotel.
They said a rather shy good night at the main doors, neither of them sure of what was happening, anymore.
Next morning, not able to sleep at all, Niles arrived on the front desk of her hotel very early. He intended on seeing her and making clear he had feelings for her – good feelings – and that, if she gave him a chance, he would do his best to show her how perfect things between them could be.
However, the clerk informed him Miss Babcock had left the hotel, for good, last night, leaving a very short note for him:
I'm going back to real life in New York. See you there.
Niles remembered exiting the hotel and taking his time looking at the crowded avenue and realizing there was nothing left to see, there, but the passing taxis.
No, that Casablanca conversation had not happened, but it felt as if it had.
Niles looked at the mirror.
The memories of her had started to come back.
There was no doubt CC Babcock was the most important person in his life.
He just needed to understand what he could do about it.