Bella's POV

I didn't even want to go to Arizona this summer but my mom insisted and my dad made me. I wanted to spend the summer with Emily before she had the baby and had to spend all her time with it even if Edward did get upset any time I spent time with her or with Jacob or Embry.

I think it was mostly because of Embry, he was always saying things about how Embry looks at me and how he'll brush up against me and how he only seems to pay attention to me whenever I'm around.

A week in Arizona made me realize that Edward wasn't crazy to try to keep us apart because it was Embry I ended up missing and not Edward. I didn't want to break up with him over the phone so I just avoided his calls, to be fair I avoided Embry's calls too. I only talked to Emily and Jacob.

Then one day Quil calls me and I thought about avoiding him just because I don't really like him but he never calls me so I answer and he tells me that the diner exploded killing everyone inside.

My dad, Emily, Jacob, Embry, Edward. Everyone I really care about.

Just like that my whole world crumbles.

My mom flies down with me and somehow I manage to make it through all the funerals and the memorial. Carson is a big part of that. Helping Sam take care of him gives me purpose and I know Emily would be happy I was helping.

I miss all of them so much but taking care of Carson helps but then my mom says it's about time to go home. This is my home but I know she means Arizona with my step dad. He always comes first.

Overwhelmed I run off and when I go home the next morning she informs me that she's selling the house and I'm moving in with Sam, all the money from the house will be given to me. Apparently my dad never bothered taking her off the deed. He never stopped loving her I know.

While I'm upset my mom is letting me just move in with a boy she barely knows and his infant son because she's too selfish to really care I'm relieved I don't have to give up Carson. And in the last couple of weeks I'm grown a lot closer to Sam and Quil too. We are each other's support system, we all need each other.

And that is why right now I'm cleaning up Sam's house after putting Sam's baby down for his nap. Sometimes I think Emily would be upset, it's like I've taken over her life but most of the time I think she would just be happy knowing Sam and Carson are being taken care of. Sam had to go back to work, grieving or not he still has the baby to support. I told him I would find a job to help with rent or something but he asked me to keep Carson instead.

I'm putting the dishes up when a letter falls out with my mom's address on the front. I figure it's one Emily never got the chance to send. With all the emailing and texting and facebooking Emily still preferred real paper and mailing things.

I sit down to read it and by the end I'm in tears. It's almost like she knew something bad was going to happen.

Bella!

I miss you. I hate your stupid mom for making you go and your stupid dad too. And I'm allowed to call them stupid because I'm pregnant and can blame it on that. I know you'll roll your eyes when you get this in the mail because you could have had it days ago on facebook but whatever. How do you like your cookies? Can't facebook those so ha.

Anyways I need to tell you some things and since I'm an emotional wreck I figured writing was better than talking. Not to mention you're far far away.

First thing… dump Edward and get with Embry. The boy looks at you with more love and adoration than a hooker looks at her crack stash. Haha! Pregnancy hormones remember? But seriously you fight with Edward all the time, Embry would never fight with you. Embry would die for you. You deserve that. Everyone can see it but you, even Edward knows.

Second thing… if anything should ever happen to me I want you to take care of Sam and the baby. Sam is a good man and I love with my every part of my heart but he got his emotional side from his heartless mother and somehow I wonder how that is going to affect his relationship with the baby. Now I'm not planning on dying or anything I just worry, you know that. You are my very best friend and I love you so much and I just want you to know it's you I would look to take care of them if I ever can't and I didn't want to wait until it was too late to tell you that.

Third thing… just kidding I think that's enough!

I love you and I will call you tonight as always!

Em

I'm sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor crying, trying to be quiet because now would be a crappy time for Carson to wake up when Paul walks in, sits next to me and pulls me into his arms letting me cry all over him. Somewhere in the back of my mind I'm thinking this isn't right, he hates me but right now it doesn't matter.

I cry for what seems like forever, until I can hardly breathe and then when I'm all cried out and breathing somewhat normally again I back away from Paul.

"I'm sorry." I whisper to him and he looks at me funny and asks for what. "For crying on you." I tell him thinking it's pretty obvious.

"You know I don't really hate you don't you?" He asks and I look up at him.

"Then why do you treat me like crap?" I ask him quietly.

"I was jealous of you. I moved here a few years and nobody paid any attention to me until Sam and then you move here and everyone loves you. Plus you were always crying about how your mom made you move here and complaining about your dad. My mom made me move here because her new boyfriend hated me and my dad died right after I moved here. I was 17 and completely alone. Your mom does seem selfish but at least you had your dad. But I'm sorry I treated like crap. Especially after I knew how Cullen treated you, it shouldn't have mattered, I should have said something. "

"Knew what?" I ask him even though I have an idea.

"That he abused you. Not physically, at least not often yet but verbally, emotionally. I should of said something but I didn't really think anyone would believe me considering neither of us really like each other and I thought if I talked you about it you would blow me off for being me."

"I would have." I whisper.

"Bella why didn't you tell anyone?"

"The men my mom had around treated her like that, I kind of that it was normal. But in Arizona all I could think about was Embry and I knew Embry would never hit me or tell me I'm ugly or not good enough and I knew that I deserved better so I stopped taking Edward's calls and I was going to talk to Jake when I got home and get him to help me end it. But now they're all dead! I was so stupid. I don't even think he loved me, I was like a toy to him and now Embry will never even know how I felt about him."

"He knew. Everyone knew. And you're not stupid Bella, you just fell into something bad. It's all in the past now." He tells me standing up and then holds his hand out to me. "Carson's asleep?" He asks and I shake my head yes.

Then he asks when I last ate or slept because I look like I'm about to fall over dead. When I can't remember the last time I did either he makes me sit down at the table while he reheats food for both of us because I tell him I don't like to eat alone and then makes me lay down to try to sleep promising to take care of Carson if he wakes up.

I lay down but I don't sleep. I can't sleep because whenever I close my eyes I see everyone I lost, memory after memory run through my head and I start crying and I can't sleep. I try for about 45 minutes and when I get up Paul is watching TV.

"There is no way you slept."

"I can't sleep. I see them, all of them and then I cry and I can't sleep. I can't close my eyes. I don't want to close my eyes. It hurts too much." I tell him quietly. "Thanks for feeding me and offering to take care of Carson so I could sleep but you can go, or I mean you can stay. It's Sam's house not mine. Um…" I stop talking because I sound stupid.

"I came to check on you and Sam, see if you needed anything. That's all but now I don't really want to leave you alone. You don't look good." He tells me perfectly nice but it's hard to just forget you can't stand someone. Though thinking about it my only reason for not liking him was he never liked me. And he ruined my 15th birthday party by bringing some bitchy girl who was drunk and stupid who ate all our food and fell into my cake. I can't even remember why he was at my party.

"So what you're saying is you don't trust me with your best friends sleeping baby?" I scream him at him and he looks at me in shock.

"No Bella, I'm worried about you and I'm worried about Carson. You are taking really good care of him but I think it's taking everything you have." He tells me calmly.

"He is all I have. Do you not understand that? All I have left is Carson and Sam and Quil. A month ago Sam was just my best friend's boyfriend and Quil didn't even like me. Now I freaking live with Sam and Quil acts like it's his life's mission to take care of me. The only reason I'm not eating is because his mom asked him to help out in the store this week so he can't be here hovering over me and I forget because all I think about is my dad and Emily, Jake, Embry and Edward. I guess he thinks when Sam is home than Sam does it but do you know what Sam does? He comes home, eats, kisses the baby then goes to his room and drinks until he passes out."

"Shit Bella I'm sorry, I didn't know. This is weird I guess, I mean I know we don't like each really but if you ever need someone to talk to or a break from the baby or anything Bella you can tell me. Do you want me to talk to Sam?"

I tell him no, Sam just needs time.

"Can I stay?" He asks cautiously and I tell him fine. "Sit please, watch TV with me."

I look at him for a minute and then decide I don't have anything better to do.

I sit on the end farthest away from him and I get tired, more tired than I can ever remember being and not wanting to close my eyes I try to get up but Paul grabs my hand and pulls me back down.

"Just a little while Bella, I know you don't want to close your eyes but I'm right here maybe you'll sleep better with me here with you. I won't move unless Carson needs me."

"If I do sleep will you wake me up if he wakes up?" I ask him and her says no so I tell him where all his stuff is and he'll probably be hungry and need a diaper change and Sam should be home in a couple of hours. Then I lay down next to him and I close my eyes and I see them, the memories but knowing I'm not alone does help and for the first time in a while I sleep.