This fic is going to skip around. I don't know what year this is, but it's a year with Fred and George in it. So, any year up through the fifth book. Actually, setting in fifth book would be funny. I've read some fics with funny Deidara-Umbridge mutual hate. By the way, if anyone has any suggestions for an interaction, please review and tell me. I'm always up to my neck in school work, so I have little time to write and develop ideas for funny interactions. Please help me by giving me ideas!

Anyway, this chapter is just the Akatsuki going to class. The Gryffindors get to show up twice because they're the ones with the loudest mouths. I'm not quite sure what Yahiko's personality really is. I still need to check Narutopedia. I'll do that eventually...Oh, and regarding his being alive. He remembers dying, and he knows he shouldn't be alive. He remembers little bits of being the Deva Path- he knows all of the Akatsuki's names and powers- just not their personalities, which is why he's a little weirded out by Zetsu. He also has no idea why he let S-rank criminals be on the team.

Yahiko and Zetsu sat in Potions class with the Gryffindors. To their delight, Hidan, Deidara, and Kisame were also there, though the three didn't seem to be enjoying themselves.

"What's wrong?" Yahiko asked.

"Why do we have to take this Jashin-forsaken course when we're not even students here?" Hidan asked, annoyed. "Grease-hair has already deducted points from us for not wearing the school uniform. We don't even attend this f- school!"

"This is such a waste of time, un," Deidara complained. "I could be training or making art instead of sitting in this smelly classroom, un."

"I'm one of the Seven Swordsmen of Kirigakure," Kisame hissed. "I graduated from the Academy ages ago. I don't need to be in school!"

"And it isn't even ninja training," Yahiko agreed.

"Hey, Leader, sir, are you feeling ok, un?" asked Deidara. "You seem really…happy, un."

"Happy?" Yahiko asked.

"Like, not monotone, ringed-eyed usual you," said Kisame. "Speaking of ringed-eyed, what happened to your eyes?"

"My eyes?" Yahiko asked.

"Care to share with the rest of the class?" Professor Snape asked as he walked over. "You three. Five points each from Gryffindor for disrupting the class and disturbing the other students."

"Hey! We weren't the only ones talking, un!" Deidara exclaimed.

"Um, is it a good idea to be talking like that when referring to Leader, sir?" asked Kisame.

"Since when do you f- care about the f- rules?" asked Hidan. "We're a bunch of S-rank criminals, for Jashin-sama's sake!"

"Detention for language, Mr.…" Professor Snape looked at his list. "You don't have a surname?"

"Nope," said Hidan. "Gave it up as a sacrifice to Lord Jashin."

"You can tell me just who this Lord Jashin is when you see me in detention," Professor Snape snapped. "What are the rest of you doing? That wasn't an invitation to take a snooze! Back to work!"

"Jeez," Yahiko muttered to Zetsu. "Does he have a kunai stuck up his butt or something?"

"If he did we wouldn't eat him. He's too greasy," said Zetsu.

"What's with you and eating people?" asked Yahiko.

"We are a cannibal," said Zetsu.

Yahiko sweatdropped and made a mental note to ask Konan and Nagato what sort of S-rank criminals his body as the Deva Path had hired and why. Then Zetsu decided to try the mandrake juice. Later, in the hospital wing, Zetsu told an exasperated Yahiko that the juice had smelled like a human.

l l l

The Gryffindors and Ravenclaws sat in Professor Binns' class, bored.

"Make the f- droning stop," Hidan groaned to Kisame, who lay slumped on his desk, snoring.

"This is pointless," said Kakuzu to Sasori. "I could be doing something productive. Like, learning this land's currency."

"I know," Sasori muttered. "I'll be practicing that Earth Release Konan made up."

"Professor, un!" Everyone turned to see Deidara with his hand raised. The nins noticed he was wearing a glove to keep his mouth from showing.

"Can I help you, Mr.…Deidara?" asked Professor Binns.

"Yeah," said Deidara. "How is this class supposed to help us, un?"

"Past is prologue," said Professor Binns before turning away.

"Yeah, but the way you teach it makes past the way to boredom, un," said Deidara.

"For once, I agree with you, brat," said Sasori. "All we're doing is hearing a bunch of random dates about goblin wars being thrown around. We're not learning how it applies to here and now, to our present and our future."

"And not f- once has Lord Jashin been mentioned!" Hidan exclaimed, knocking Kisame, so that he snorted and woke up.

"Language, Mr. Hidan," said Professor Binns. "Now, as I was saying before we were so rudely interrupted-"

"Professor, you don't understand," said Kakuzu. "Past may be prologue, but all you're doing is droning at us. You aren't teaching us past's relevance to now, and if we don't know how our past is applicable, how does it do us any good?"

"If you would pay attention, maybe you would learn something," said Professor Binns. "Continuing-"

"No, un," Deidara said loudly. "If you're not going to actually teach us something, and are going to read to us like pre-Academy kids, I'm not staying here anymore, un. Who's with me?"

Kisame sat up. "I'm in!"

"I'm outta this f- Jashin-forsaken place!" Hidan yelled.

"Until something important is taught, I don't see the point in staying here either," said Sasori.

"Agreed," said Kakuzu. And to all of the students' shock, the five students got up and walked out of the classroom.

l l l

The first year Hufflepuffs sat quietly in their first Transfiguration class. Professor McGonagall had just finished explaining how to transfigure a matchstick into a needle. "Alright, students. You may take your wands out. Here are matchsticks. Begin." Konan raised her hand. "Yes, Miss…Konan?"

"We don't have wands to channel your special chakra through," said Konan. "What are the hand seals?"

"You came to school without wands?" asked Professor McGonagall.

"We didn't mean to, Professor," said Itachi.

"Tobi says he accidently touched a scroll and everything went swirly and stuffy and then we were dropped out on the ground and then, and then-"

"Quiet, Tobi," Nagato ordered. Tobi was quiet. "We honestly don't know what happened, Professor. We were in our land, doing our work, and then all of a sudden we were here in this land, speaking your strange language that I'm not quite sure how we know."

"We're speaking another language?" Konan asked.

"Think about it," said Nagato. "I mean, really think about it. If we were in our land, we'd be calling Professor McGonagall McGonagall-sensei. I have to concentrate hard on it even to say it."

"You're right," Itachi said after a moment. "This is strange. In all my studies, I've never encountered a technique such as this one. Ah, I just did it too. I should have said jutsu, but instead I spoke in this language."

"I'll take you to the headmaster after class," Professor McGonagall said. "Until then, you may read the text so that you can understand the theory…if you don't have it, borrow it from someone."

"I wonder how the others are," Konan said offhandedly as she read. "I heard they have potions first."

"Oh, they'll have a great time," Nagato said with a quiet snort. "I heard the Potion's teacher is…well, let's just say he and the Deidara will clash. Violently."

"Then I don't want to see Hidan and the Potion's teacher clash," Konan said. "Good thing he doesn't have his scythe."

"Hm," said Itachi as he skimmed the text as well. "It seems the idea is to let the special chakra flow into the matchstick and to will it to change. Will it? Well, if I can create illusions that can drive hunter-nin insane with my Tsukiyomi, I don't see why I can't will a matchstick to turn into a small senbon."

"The technique is similar to the way I will my paper into different forms," Konan remarked. "I've never completely change anything's chemical composition before, though."

"Indeed, I don't think we have a technique quite like this one," said Itachi, interested.

"Snake…affiliated with Earth and Wood Release," Konan recited quietly. "Let's see. Doton: Senbon no ki no jutsu!" She slammed her hand into the snake seal and let her chakra flow. The ninja all watched as the matchstick changed rapidly from a matchstick to a senbon.

"Hm," said Nagato, carefully picking it up. "It feels normal and stable. I don't know how it's physically possible that a small piece of wood transformed into a relatively dense piece of metal, but I'll question the science of it later."

"Tobi wants to try!" Tobi exclaimed. "Professor! Professor! Tobi wants to make senbon too!"

"Tobi, don't shout," Professor McGonagall said. "You may have a matchstick, but you don't have a wand. How do you think you can transfigure it? Wandless magic is very advanced."

"Konan did it," Tobi said, waving his arm and pointing. "See? See?" He grabbed the senbon from Nagato.

"I'll try," said Itachi, taking a matchstick from another student's desk. "Doton: Senbon no ki no jutsu!"

Professor McGonagall watched as the eleven-year-old wandlessly transfigured the matchstick into an oversized needle. Stunned, she said, "Excellent. Make sure you all get a turn. We'll talk to the headmaster about this later."

And, yeah. I just stopped there. No idea what Dumbledore and the staff's reactions will be. I'll probably get back to that in, like, February vacation. And then upload it during April vacation. Yeah. Hopefully by then I'll have a couple of good ideas brewing in my head so I can upload more. Oh, and please send me ideas!