Okay, after having a hurtful (anonymous, of course) review, I think I need to explain to new readers how my fanfics work when I do a 'musical' fic. The first chapter is always a brief cast list, with more characters to be introduced later, and just a little rundown of the character's situations. I've written two musical fics before and nobody's complained about the first 'preview' chapter before so I shall continue in that fashion. I've also seen and enjoyed other short fics online and haven't seen anybody else complaining about them, and why should they? All stories, short or long, are something to read and they all have their place on this site. One more thing: This is more based on Bad Girls than Orange is the New Black, but Bad Girls and Bad Boys seemed a flat title.
Thanks to Gypsy Abby as usual for her ongoing support. Disclaimer: I do not own Casualty or any of the music used here.
ACT ONE
SCENE ONE
SIR ANTON MEYER'S OFFICE
(Constance Beauchamp, more informally known as Connie, and First Prison Officer Ethan Raceheart are putting forward their case for the modernisation of Holby Prison. For some reason which will soon be revealed, tambourines are on the table before the panel, consisting of Lord Anton, Sir Nicholas Jordan, and Prison officer Tess Bateman. Connie's personal assistant Rita is taking notes.)
LORD ANTON: … So we need to know exactly what your plans are, Mrs Beauchamp.
CONNIE: Certainly. Go, Rita!
(Rita hands out tambourines to the entire panel and goes into a lively tap dance. At the end of each verse Connie whacks her tambourine with her foot, and the movement shows her suspenders and long tanned legs. The men all shout 'wow!' every time she does this. They all rattle their tambourines in the chorus.)
ETHAN: Our plans for Holby Prison will be sure to stun the nation,
We're planning to give prisoners a top-class education,
CONNIE: We'll fill the Universities from Holby!
ETHAN: Until the sentences are served, or inmates get a pardon,
They'll be set useful tasks in Holby's library or garden,
CONNIE: We'll make them see their usefulness at Holby.
ETHAN: We'll teach them to file paperwork efficiently and neatly,
Instead of snapping off their heads we'll speak to them discreetly.
In short, friends, Holby Prison will be modernised completely, oh…
ALL: (Except a rather dubious Tess, who is shaking her head.)
It really is suprising what a thorough modernising
We shall bring about till Holby is a happy jail.
With some little tweaks and movements we'll have Butlins with improvements,
And that really wouldn't happen in a crappy jail!
(Rita continues her tap dance.)
CONNIE: We'll learn to know each prisoner, their needs and their ambitions,
ETHAN: There'll be no need for Happy Pills at Holby.
CONNIE: Because we're good to them they'll show respect for our positions,
ETHAN: There'll be no nasty rioting at Holby.
CONNIE: Jobs will be shared out equally so no-one feels neglected,
A phone call every day so no-one's family feels rejected.
Rita will speak to troublemakers, she will soothe them sweetly,
In short, friends, Holby Prison will be modernised completely. Oh…
ALL: (Except Tess again.)
It really is suprising what a thorough modernising
We shall bring about till Holby is a happy jail.
With some little tweaks and movements we'll have Butlins with improvements,
And that really wouldn't happen in a crappy jail!
(Rita finishes her tap dance. Anton and Nicholas put their heads together and talk. Then:)
ANTON:} We shall lend you the funding you need.
NICHOLAS:}
ETHAN: Oh thank you Sirs, you won't regret it!
TESS: (Aside like a panto villain.) Nothing good will come of this.
CONNIE: Thank you for this opportunity.
LORD ANTON: You're welcome my dear. We'll be in touch.
(The Holby staff go out. Lord Anton and Sir Nicholas look at each other.)
SIR NICHOLAS: Don't you think their plans are a little… er… idealistic?
LORD ANTON: Of course! Some time ago I tried to persuade the lovely Constance to – er –
SIR NICHOLAS: (Bluntly.) Give you one?
LORD ANTON: Well, yes, and she said no. I have long lived for revenge. If we allow their scheme to go ahead they'll have failed miserably in six months. Raceheart and Beauchamp will be among the unemployed and I shall persuade the DWP to cut their benefits!
(He laughs evilly as ominous music plays.)
END OF SCENE ONE
(For those who like to know where the music comes from, the music here is used in Gilbert and Sullivan's little-known operetta Utopia Limited. There's a scene on you tube, with tambourines and all, that inspired me to use the music here if anybody cares to search for it. )
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