HEY GUYS !!! Here's the next chapter. Sorry i took so long to update, but anyway, hope you like it.
Chapter 2
BPOV
I don't know how long I was unconscious, but when I finally regained consciousness, I was aware of a dull ache in my head and throughout my whole body. I opened my eyes to a stark-white room. Fluorescent lights shined from the ceiling, and the door was slightly open. I'm in a hospital, I realized. I tried to sit up, but there were a dozen tubes and needles sticking into me. Ugh. IVs. I turned my head slowly. Renee was sitting next to my bed with a dull expression on her face.
"Mom?" my voice came out all croaky. She whipped around and saw me. She started to cry. "Mom, don't cry," I pleaded.
"I thought… the doctors didn't know… you didn't even…" She blubbered incoherently.
"Mom, where is Jason?" I asked weakly. I needed to know that he was ok. That was all that mattered to me. She began to sob even more.
"Mom, where is he?" I asked, slightly hysteric now.
"I'm sorry, honey, he… he didn't make it…" She whispered between tears. I felt my whole world shatter. Jason didn't make it out of the accident. Jason didn't make it out of the accident. Jason didn't make it out of the accident. It felt like the same sentence was echoing throughout my head, again and again and again.
"No…" I gasped. My breaths were coming out in short gasps now, and I felt tears fill my eyes again. "Mom, please tell me he's ok." I begged.
"I'm so sorry, Bella," she began to cry harder. I collapsed onto the bed and started to cry again. Jason was… I couldn't even bring myself to think of the word. Just then, there was a sharp rap on the door. I didn't bother to see who it was. I was too distraught.
"Ms. Swan," a professional voice said, "Are you feeling better now?"
"No," I choked. I turned to look at him. He was a middle aged man, in a long white coat, a stethoscope slung over his shoulder.
"Are you ready to have a check up? We weren't sure if you were well enough to…" he trailed off. I nodded weakly. The sooner I got out of this depressing hospital, the better. He called the nurse from the other room, and she took out all the wires. She asked me whether I needed assistance in walking to the check-up room.
"No, thank you," I said as politely as I could. Renee gave me a hug as soon as I stood up. I sensed that she needed it more than me at the moment. Sure, I knew that Jason was…gone… but I hadn't accepted it yet. Some part of my mind still argued that he was ok. I couldn't give up hope. Renee held me close to her as we walked through the quiet halls of the hospital.
"Are you sure about this, honey?" She asked me tentatively. And I was. I didn't know how long it would take me to move on in my life, or whether I would even be able to, but this seemed like a good start. A part of me didn't want to move on, didn't want to let go. After what seemed like forever, the nurse turned into a small room with a few chairs, arranged in a circle. We followed her in and sat on the chairs. The doctor came in a few minutes later with a clipboard, Charlie at his heels.
"Bella," Charlie's voice was rough with tension, "Are you alright? You don't have to do this, if you're not up to it."
"I have to do this, dad," I said quietly. I turned to the doctor, who had been silent all this time. He seated himself across from me.
"OK, Ms. Swan," he began.
"It's Bella," I intervened. He looked at me appraisingly.
"OK, Bella," he corrected himself, "I want to ask you a few general questions and just check your vital stats. That's all, ok? Do you think you can do that?" I nodded lightly.
"OK, first question. What month is it?" He looked me in the eye.
"Excuse me, doctor, how is this even relevant to the check-up?" Charlie interjected.
"Dad," I murmured. He looked at me. "It's ok."
"It's June." I replied. He checked something on his clipboard.
"June, it is." He said. He asked me a few more questions, which I answered, and he looked satisfied, because he didn't press it further. "OK, I just want to check your eyes and ears, ok? He took out a small pocket flashlight, and turned it on. First he checked me ears and then dragged his chair directly in front of me to check my eyes.
It seemed like the following few seconds happened in slow motion. He brought the flashlight up to my eyes. It blinded me, overwhelming me with memories of the accident. I heard the collision of the two vehicles. I saw my brother's face in the light. I screamed at the familiarity of the feeling. The light was gone immediately and Charlie and Renee were at my side at once.
"What the hell are you doing?" Charlie demanded, glaring at the doctor. I was hyperventilating now, and Renee wrapped her arms around me, trying to soothe me.
"I told you that we needed to check her vital stats!" the doctor argued.
"By putting her through the pain all over again?" Charlie shouted. He stood up abruptly, and pulled me, too. "Look, I think that Bella's fine now. She just needs to get out of this damn hospital." The doctor pondered for a moment, and then sighed.
"Fine." He said finally. "If that's what you really want." He signed something on the clipboard and stood up. He told the nurse to gather all my stuff and told us it would be sent to our house. We left the hospital a few minutes later after completing the formalities at the reception.
A FEW DAYS LATER…
I didn't eat properly, I didn't talk much to anyone. I felt like I was all alone. A couple of days after I had gotten back from the hospital, Renee had hesitantly brought up the subject of Jason's funeral.
"He would've wanted us to say goodbye," she had choked on the last word. I looked down at my plate, where my food was still untouched. "What do you all think?" she asked me and Charlie.
"I think it would be it best," I said quietly. Charlie mumbled something in agreement. I swallowed. My heart started to beat faster. So, after that night, preparations for a funeral began. My mom called all our relatives and close friends. They were all shocked to hear about his… passing away. The next day, as I woke up, late as usual, I heard someone crying in my brother's room. I walked silently and peered in through the door. Renee was crying quietly, and putting away his belongings in a box. I saw her hold up a small silver chain, which sparkled in the sunlight. It was his most prized possession. His favorite necklace, which he had promised to give me one day. I walked into the room, and wrapped my arms around Renee.
"Mom," I sniffled, holding back the tears. I had to make myself strong. Jason wouldn't have wanted me to break down.
"It's just so hard, Bella, to say goodbye," Renee said sadly.
"I know," I whispered, and hugged her tightly. That was a few days ago. Today was the day I had been dreading. The funeral. I took a shower quickly and stood in front of my closet, my towel wrapped around me. What would be an appropriate dress to wear? I settled for my black knee-length dress which Jason had once complimented me on. Steadying myself, I proceeded downstairs. Renee and Charlie were already ready.
"Shall we go?" Charlie broke the silence.
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The funeral was like any other, but yet, as I watched the coffin being slowly lowered into the grave, I felt s strange sense of dissatisfaction. Maybe it was knowing that I would never hear his voice again, never see him smile. I would never feel his warm arms embrace me, never sneak out with him again. It was my fault that he was gone, my fault that he now lay unmoving in the coffin. My fault.
And I decided then and there, that I would never forgive myself.
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