My beloved people, here I am updating~ And look, I'm proud hahahaha, it only took me a week! Okay. That was not that good, but still. So dears, this one is very depressing. Just saying. Guess I like depressing and dark things... But anyway, here with the chapter. Hope you like it~ Soooo, enjoy! Hahaha

Disclaimer.: Sadly enought, nothing but the story is mine. If it were, well. Just better not to think about it :D~

I felt my heart twist and grow cold inside my chest as I walked around lifelessly. I wondered how long would I stay in this painfull numbness. Today it was 4 days in a row. Or was it 5? I don't even know anymore...

It made me remember his words three weeks ago, not so coincidently when I stopped going out. Either eating and sleeping properly as well.

'Why would anyone in this universe want to be with such a pest like you, damn flea? Everyone hates you, you're a nobody, a nothing, meaningless! Why don't you just go and fucking kill yourself? It'd be a favour to everyone. Tsc. Such a nuisance. To think you actually thought you had a chance. Disgusting. I hate you, I despise you, distasteful flea. Just get your slimy ass out of Ikebukuro, you slutty bastard! NOW! You're tainting the whole place and I don't even want to smell your putrid presence, just like no one else doesn't. FUCK OFF."

The memory made me shiver, a cold feeling running freely my spine. A knot hurting my throat as I clenched my teeth.

Why did I think if I were honest just one time in my life everything would be okay for once? Why did I think if I split my heart open just for him I could get a chance? Why did I think I could get a chance? Why? Why? Why...?

And now he's getting fucking married.

It hurt.

It fucking hurt... So much...

I felt something strange and wet sliding in my cheeks as the knot was now unbearable. I heard an alien noise, like a broken shriek, and realized a little shocked that it was me. I brought my hand to my left cheek.

Tears. Tears I don't let flow since I was eight.

Another shriek that sounded even more miserable than the first.

And then I was sobbing loudly, my whole body trembling. Bitter defeat crushed my being as I sat on my couch, not even trying to hold back. Today was worst than when I first knew it. Guess that today I fully realized the stent of my fucked up life.

The tears felt salty in my mouth as I cried inconsolably, the already tainted heart shattered, stomped, ripped out of my chest. The desperation was suffocating.

Why suddenly his sugestion of suicide was so atractive?

I felt disgusted with myself for even thinking about doing a thing that I claimed I would never do.

Fuck. But I couldn't deny it. My life did not have purpose. Getting imortality with Celty's head? What for? Living like this eternally? I never were a masochist.

I looked at my body. I was much thinnier. Considering that I lost ten pounds in three weeks and that I were already thin before all of this, seeing how I controlled my dairy amount of food, I must look like I can break at any moment.

This was a disease. And I totally not intended on beeing cured.

I just needed to see Shizu-chan right now.

That's when I finally get up of the damn leather couch and get my jacket. For the first time in three weeks, I'm going out.

I really didn't know when he was more beautiful. When he was happy, but with her, or when he had that animalistic grin that only I can bring. Guess I'm too selfish to say that I prefer his happy smile. Or, I'd rather make him smile both ways...

I sighed.

I was on the rooftop of a building, watching, like a masochist I weren't, Shizu-chan happy as ever holding hands with his now fiancé. It was like a cold hand had a death grip in my heart, pressing it harder and harder till it exploded. I wondered how much time my heart would resist.

Suddenly, I could see his nose twisting as if 'something smelled like shit' as he would say. My scent must've already come to him. I saw a frown and a scowl while he swirled his head around, looking for something.

This something beeing me.

I smiled like the true obsessive sick freak I was. I totally loved how he could only think about me when he was like that. Even if it was hate. He was still thinking about me. Exclusively me and nothing else mattered.

And then, that young girl placed a hand at his cheek, instantly calming him down. My smile faded away. He looked at her in a loving way that only made me want to cry blood so I could express my feelings more effectivelly. He would never look at me like that.

But not even salty water came when I lost myself in my own lonely and despairful mind for a minute. Time slowing around me as I saw then happy, as true soulmates. I could plainly see them growing old together, having a family together, dying together. Which were things I would never have.

Now there was only an empty hole in my already dark soul.

There's no place in Shizu-chan's life for me anymore. Not the hate neither the memories. I'm only something that he'd like to forget.

I gasped for air as my vision cleared again, closed my eyes shut and tried to bear the pain that now was way worst than any real wound I've ever got.

I got up and pulled the hood up. It was my time to get going. Here's not my place and I'm not wanted here. Shizu-chan's already smelled me and I have no intention to be seen.

I looked up to the sky that had no stars and no moon. Just darkness. In this moment, it suited me perfectly. Then I directed my gaze for the last time to the couple that had their backs to me. The night seemed to just get colder.

I laughed maniacally at myself and the irony of the situation. How twistedly funny... The laugh faded into a bitter smirk and I swirled, painfully turning my back to my only one and leaving him with his love.

He deserves to... Just... Let him be way happier than I.

And then I headed home, fully aware of my fate and the consequences of my decisions.

Soooo, hope you've enjoyed. If you so kindly think it's worth a review... I'd happilly read it~!