AN: Santa, sadly, still doesn't love me. I own nothing
I love my Nikita and I'm hoping to Buddha that Megan doesn't kill me for making her a Slytherin even if she displays more qualities than she knows.
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October 3-- Monday
Boooorrreeeedddd
rolling off the bed
8:22 PM
Snape is such a git. He told me to show up early tonight and he doesn't even come himself.
I'll have to kill him.
8:23
Oh! He's left me a note…
Evans,
Something has come up. I am unable to tutor you tonight, but I expect you to continue with the potion from Friday. Hopefully you will not have blown apart the potions lab. Professor Brown will not be pleased.
Remember to leave it simmering for an hour before adding the Viper Fang.
Yours,
S. Snape
8:25
What's he mean by "Yours" ?
And where the hell has he gone off to that requires him to leave me alone with a Gender Potion? Blow up the lab indeed. There won't be a dungeon when I'm through!
I must remember this curious development.
9:05
Am I supposed to add the Viper Fang before or after the potion simmers?
Bugger it, I'll just add it now.
10:10
OH GOD!
12:34 AM
I am in perpetual shock. Went and saw the Headmaster right after the potion exploded on me.
"Well Miss Evans, I dare say that although the potion certainly has… interesting side effects, Professor Brown will be happily brewing an antidote for you. Professor? When do you think Miss Evans will be able to come for the remedy?"
The bane of Gryffindor existence glared at me. It's not my fault Snape didn't show up and expected me to know what I was doing! He's tutoring me for a reason!
"I'll send you a note, Evans. Be glad you only lost your femininity and not your life!" That's all she could say to me before sweeping out in a swirl of Slytherin evilness.
James was waiting for me when I got in the common room. I didn't really want to talk to him, especially now. So I walked by him really fast and went up the girl's staircase. I would have made it too if at the third step the staircase hadn't become a horrible slide and I fell on my bottom.
James looked down at me and held his hand out, "What's wrong with you? And why wont the stairs let you into the girls dormitory?"
I looked at him. He was so concerned I felt my eyes watering.
"James," I mumbled, "Can I come with you to the boys dorm?"
His eyes widened, "Err, well, I mean, sure, Lily."
I took his hand and he led me along. We actually got pretty close, considering I was more self-conscious than I had ever been (even more so than when I'm pms-ing) and I just knew one of them would see us. I just knew it.
I swear I think I'm a seer.
Standing just outside his dorm room (Gods we were so. bloody. close.) was Sirius. He gave me a funny look, turned to ask James something before he paused and whipped his head around to ogle my chest.
"They've gone…" He looked so disappointed I didn't know whether to hit him or hug him.
James spun me around to face him and stared down at the two spots on my chest where my breasts should have been. He looked faint.
I glanced up at them and mumbled, "Had an accident in potions. Don't really want to talk about it." I walked into the dorm and, to my surprise, found a fifth bed in the circular room.
I heard Sirius and James walk in behind me, not wanting to talk with them I went over to this bed I currently sit and write on.
12:37 AM
What God did I piss off in another life to earn this?
1:03 AM
Did you know that Professor Dumbledore wears pajamas with neon pink and yellow flowers on them?
October 4--Tuesday
I woke up this morning hoping that it was all one big horrible nightmare. I believed it at first until I noticed something strange dangling between my legs. I let out a groan, which, of course, alerted the Marauders to my manly presence. Did not want to talk to them and settled for running like a fool to the bathroom.
Instead, I tripped over a trunk in the middle of the room, successfully meeting the floor and splaying my skirt over my head; giving the contents of the room a great glance at my bottom and the penis that would not stay in my knickers.
I jumped up as quickly as possible and straightened my skirt. I risked a glance at the four boys who were staring open mouthed at me. Their eyes were wide as saucers and the books Peter was carrying slowly dropped to the floor. None of us moved for quite a while and I was thrown back into the train ride to school.
Remus was the first to close his mouth (though it took him long enough) and he blinked several times. He walked over to me and steepled his fingers against his chin. He circled me twice before turning to James, "That's it then, Prongs. No more denying it. You're a pouf."
6:57
The school is in pieces over where my boobs have gone. Much teasing has come my way. The Marauders have been very understanding. Great pricks that they are not-with-standing.
James has been the one receiving teasing from his friends, but only in private. They'd find themselves suddenly todgerless if they had said anything to make the school suspect I had suddenly turned into a man.
Professor Brown has banned me from the potions classroom for the next week. Nasty woman took ten points from me for, how was it that she said? Ah, yes, "Walking like there was a corn up my bottom." Yes, well next time you turn into the man and I'll be the prat.
Snape still has not showed up. I'm wondering if I should be angry at him for leaving me alone with such a volatile potion or flattered that he thought I could do it. Mind you, he'll never leave me alone with a potion again.
I am perfect at every subject except potions. Why potions! What have I done to you?
October 6-- Thursday
Snape is back. I thought he would crack a rib trying not to laugh at me.
We're all in the common room right now doing Transfiguration homework. James has been huffing around lately. I asked Sirius what's wrong with him and he just winked at me saying, "He's confused because James Jr. is reacting still reacting to you. A guy."
I went beet red and said, "Don't remind me. It's bad enough having to go take a pee."
He just grinned at me and said, "Wait till you get a woody."
I had to smash my nose into my book so no one could see my face.
October 7-- Friday
Morning!
6:32 AM
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!
7:45 AM
The Marauders, thinking I was under attack, came running as soon as the scream left my lips. James ripped open the curtains on my bed and looked around in a panic. Then Remus and Sirius appeared with their wands in their hands ready to curse my attacker. Peter waddled up two seconds later with Sirius' beater bat. My army was quite surprised when they all stopped looking around and noticed me staring horrified into space.
Sirius cracked a grin, James bit his lip, Remus hid his face in his hands, and Peter was outright guffawing at me. They nearly wet themselves when I squeaked, "H-how do I get rid of it?"
7:32 PM
I don't want to talk about it.
7:54
Miss Evans,
Your antidote has been successfully created and finished. Come to my office sometime before curfew so that it may be administered.
I hope that this has been a lesson to you. Your stupidity and disregard for instructions has led you into exploding your cauldron and turning yourself into a male. It was at the request of Professor McGonagall that you were allowed into NEWT Potions. I was inclined to deny you the right of potions tutoring, but it was Head Boy Severus Snape who changed my mind. I do not expect to be creating ways for you to cover up your mistakes again. You have one last chance before I refuse you entrance into the dungeons at all.
You also still have not informed me of what your NEWT project shall be. If you have not come up with one by the end of this month you will be dropping Potions and all hopes of becoming a Healer.
Fondly,
Professor M. Brown.
7:55
What a git.
10:07
I'm a girl again! I'm a girl again!
10:26
Hate evil dorm-mates who used to be friends but are now satisfied with teasing me about spending the week in the boy's dorm. And calling me 'Lily the Uneven' for my missing bosom buddies. (Ahhh, I've missed you, Fred. And you too, George.)
They really are quite bitter. I say this too much, but should not have bought illegal Veritaserum and then fed it to Narcissa Black in a brave and selfless act of revenge that ultimately lost me my prefect badge and 200 points.
October 20-- Thursday
It has been such a long time since I last have written! But things have been happening a lot lately.
I had to settle for asking Snape for help on my Potions NEWT project. We have come up with something rather good. I'm going to kill two birds with one stone and infuse my Charms NEWT project into it. I'm hoping to create a potion that will heal blindness. I'll need the potion for the eyesight aspect and the charm for the amount of light that the person will be able to see. After living in the dark for so long, coming into the light will be painful and the charm will let a little light in at a time. After a while the charm will wear off and the person will have perfect 20/20 vision.
I should have so been Head Girl.
Even Professor Brown seemed a little surprised at my idea. Professor Flitwick says I have real potential in the area (as Charms is my best subject). I hope it all comes out to a success and I don't blow out half the school in the potions aspect. This could guarantee me a spot in the Healer Academy at St. Mungo's!
All the Professors have been cracking down on us more than usual. It's entirely too stressful, but I'll manage. I'm planning my review schedule for NEWTs. I should be ready to start reviewing by Christmas. I was thinking about making the Marauders a schedule too, but then realized that Remus has that covered.
Speaking of Remus, he and Sirius have been glaring daggers at each other for the past week. It's making for a rather difficult working environment, but I can't really argue.
I must remember this curious development.
October 23-- Sunday
In the Library with Remus. He just walked in and he looks as if he's been crying. I tried to get him to talk to me, but he's having none of it. If it's Sirius I'll murder him.
October 26-- Wednesday
Remus has been looking peaky again, which has been doing nothing to help the spat he and Sirius are in. They have been avoiding each other, not talking, and have, according to Peter, been prone to pranking each other beyond the friendly level.
James, Peter, and I have been all dithery trying to get them to make up, but it doesn't look like it's happening anytime soon. I'm getting really fed up with their inane childlike behavior. Even Snape noticed something was off between the two. He had said to me during Torture Lessons on Monday, "Tell your mutts to stop cheating on each other and to get with the shagging. It's distracting you and unless you want to end up with a prick between your legs indefinitely, I suggest making them compromise."
Quite the inspiring speech.
Why does he think that they're seeing each other? What's a few shags between friends? How does he even know if they're gay? And why did he call them mutts?
I must remember this curious development.
6:22
At the Quidditch Pitch. I've sent a note to both Sirius and Remus telling them to meet me here. I don't intend to wake up finding an erection in my lap again.
6:30
Both have showed up on time. Remus was snarling at Sirius. He seriously has some weird problems…
Anyway, I've put a charm on the stands. They're not going far.
6:31
Aha! Just as I suspected! Sirius was hurling himself against my barrier in a tiptop scary form. He swirled around at me, nearly foaming at the mouth, "Let me out!"
I shook my head, "Not until the two of you work this out! You are distracting me and others from our studies. I couldn't concentrate for the entire evening Tuesday because you were walking around in your birthday suit."
Remus growled (!), "That would not have had to happen if someone had kept their eyes to themselves!"
Sirius flushed around the neck, which, I must admit, was a rather fetching look for him, "You're the one who couldn't keep your hands off her! Always touching her here or patting her there!"
Her?
Remus gaped at him, "We're friends! Nothing more!"
But… Remus doesn't have any female friends excep— oh, no…
"Oh really! You couldn't wait to help her with her prick!"
Oh. God.
Remus blushed, "She's not a guy, Sirius! She was out of her mind with fright! And all it was was a spell to release the blood! But what about you! When she tripped over James' trunk and her skirt went up you were drooling!"
Let me die…
Sirius stalked over to him, "Her prick is nearly eight inches, Moony! How am I supposed to keep from looking!"
Can't… breathe…
Remus glowered, "You got that good a sight, huh! What about her arsehole, Sirius? Did you like that too!"
Really…. Can't…. breathe… white… spots….
"I was too focused on that pink thing jutting out of her knickers!"
Think… I've… died….
October 27-- Thursday
That Quidditch Pitch is deadly.
I passed out after the last comment. Madame Pomfrey said that I had hyperventilated. Lovely.
Sirius and Remus hadn't noticed I was off in lala land until they had each otherspants off in the throes of love. It had been James who had come looking for me and apparently beat them quite well.
Professor McGonagall is furious with us all. Gave Sirius and Remus a detention with Professor Brown on Halloween, so they can't go to Hogsmeade. Gryffindor has lost 50 points in the process. Rather rough.
James said that he had come to see me during the night, but I was still asleep, no matter how hard he poked my eye.
Something strange has happened though… When I woke up this morning in the Hospital Wing, someone had come and left a rose with a silk, black ribbon tied to it. Very beautiful. Very Phantom of the Opera. I don't know who it is that knows it's my favorite book, but it's not James. I told him thank you for the rose and gave me a strange look saying, "What rose?"
I must remember this curious development.
October 31-- Monday, Halloween.
It's a half day today so that the students can go to Hogsmeade.
I. Am. So. Nervous.
I spent the better half of an hour trying to decide what clothes to wear before settling on a loose fitting (but extremely snuggly) black turtleneck, a pair of black trousers, a black cloak, and my hair back with the ribbon from the rose. I hoped I looked alright.
I met James downstairs in the common and we walked to Hogsmeade. It was really pleasant though very awkward. What does one say to a boy who has been lusting after you for fifty thousand years? It didn't really matter though.
We got to the town and went to Honeydukes to buy some more chocolate since Remus had gotten into my stash (he denies it persistently, but his eye twitches whenever he says it). James bought my chocolate. It was very sweet of him as I was expecting to have to buy all my own stuff.
Then we went to The Three Broomsticks and James bought me my butterbeer. We were sitting by the fire talking about our NEWT projects when it happened. One minute I was telling him about wanting to be a healer and the next I was seeing the blurry outline of a bright shape and the words, "EXPECTO PATRONUM!" were ringing in my ears.
James was waving his hand in front of my face when it ended. I didn't know what had happened, but it really freaked me out.
James said to me, "Lily? Lily! Are you alright?"
His face was stark white and he was rubbing his hands along my arms, "You're so cold," he took his cloak off and draped it around me and my flimsy one. It was strange. I didn't feel cold, I felt… I don't really know.
James smiled meekly, "Come on. Let's go back to the castle and visit with Moony and Padfoot. They should be done by now."
He put his arm around my shoulders and held me close to his body as we walked back to Hogwarts. It felt good to be in his arms. Not like I thought it would. He was safe. I could almost smell it. It was a good comfort after the strange vision and the voice. It was no one I had ever heard before. Why would they need to be conjuring a Patronus anyway?
James led me all the way to the chairs in front of the fire in the common room. We sat down on floor and I melted in his embrace. I don't know how long we had been in front of the fire, but I was safe and warm. The sounds of the fire crackling and of the students playing chess and doing homework was like taking a sleeping draught. I let my eyes droop and when I opened them again I was on the couch with a blanket over my head and James snoring softly on the floor.
I smiled at him and gently moved his hair out of his face. He really was handsome when he was sleeping.
And this time, I meant to write that.