Chapter Two
John hadn't slept at all that night, he found himself wandering from bar to bar until his legs were too weak to walk , his brain too fried to think, and his body to numb to feel. He had informed Vicki of where Natalie was and even though she was none to happy with the decision but not much she could do about it, Natalie was not a child and she didn't want her to close off anymore..
Marty on the other hand was relentless with calling him, over and over until he finally shut his phone off, he just wanted to be alone and she would just have to understand that, she knew how he was, it's not like he ran around with his feelings on his sleeve, I mean hell they had been together for almost a year now and he still had his own place even though Marty was constantly trying to get him to move in or vice versa.
John laid in his bed, staring at the ceiling, his mind on Cris, he was angry, angry at the world for taking such a great person, and then there was Natalie, Cris loved her, John knew that and now she was a mess and he felt guilty for staying away, Cris was his best friend, he should be looking out for Natalie but then again he would have to see her and that didn't settle well with him..
A few days passed and Natalie would get up to use the bathroom, sit on the couch, and stare into the emptiness of the apartment. Her mother would come by and bring food and straighten up, even Marty would stop by and try and make small talk but it all seemed so pointless now.
She didn't know what to do with herself, obviously she had a leave of absence from work but she honestly didn't even know if she wanted to go back, she could only imagine the stares and whispers she would get, it would be too much to bear but then again when her parents would come by she would over hear them talking about her mental and emotional well being, they were concerned, would they try and commit her, the thought scared her so she began to put on a fake smile and move around whenever anyone came by…
Then there was John, she dreaded ever seeing him again and she hadn't seen him since he dropped her off after the funeral but he called a few times a day and she felt relieved that at least she had him fooled enough so that he wouldn't come by cause he would see right through her, he always could…
The sound of the doorbell going off made her sigh deep, would it never end…She walked reluctantly to the door and fixed her pony tail, wiped the sleep from her eyes, adjusted her clothes and put on a smile as she opened the door and to her surprise it was John..
Seeing her standing there made him want to run as he took in her appearance, he had never saw her like this, so disheveled..
"John?" she said with surprise, she wasn't expecting him and it took everything in her to not slam the door in his face..
"So I uh, brought some burgers" he held up a greasy brown bag..
"Oh,….I just ate" she lied and he knew it as he moved past her and into the apartment.."ok then" she said with frustration as she closed the door and he made his way towards the kitchen..
The place didn't look bad, apparently her mom was keeping the place up as well as Marty, that's how he got the majority of his updates even though he put himself so deep in his work that he barely even saw Marty these days, he had to do something with his time, and apparently Natalie needed the same thing cause sitting around here wasn't doing her any good.
Natalie stood in the living room trying to think of a polite way to make him leave and there he came, two beers in hand and sitting down as he dug into the bag..
"I'm sure it's been awhile since you had a Rodi's burger" he passed her one and she finally sat across from him, looking at the burger as he began to stuff his face…
"You didn't have to come here John" she began as he glanced up at her, food in his mouth…"I'm really not hungry"
"Oh now I know your lying,…eat" he finished as he swallowed his food, he couldn't let her go on like this, what kind of friend would he have been to Cris to watch her live this way..
"Fine… I will eat" she took an obnoxiously big bite.."Happy?" she said with a mouth full of food as he looked at her and shook his head.."what?"
"Nothing" he took another bite and so did she, they ate like that until the burgers were gone, neither of them talking till John got up and she did too, quickly..
"Thanks for the burgers" she practically ran for the door and he cocked his head at her and raised an eyebrow as he headed back into the kitchen…"John" she called out..
"Uh huh" he called from the kitchen and she sighed deep…
"I have things to do" she lied yet again, she just wanted him to go already, she ate, he should be happy damn it, end of visit!
"Yeah im sure you do" he came back in the room, another beer in hand as he plopped on the couch and she just stood there, shocked..
"Listen John I know what you're doing" she walked over to the couch, looking at him..
"Oh you do?" his eyes challenged her…
"You want me to say it, im fine ok..fine" she stomped her foot, she was getting mad now and he just put his feet up on the coffee table and sipped his beer..
"Your gonna have to do better than that" he took a large gulp…
"What do you want John" she gritted her teeth..
"when are you coming back to work, you can start with telling me that" he sipped some more and she shook her head..
"This is ridiculous, I took a leave of absence" she put her hands on her hips..
"Ok, and when are you planning on coming back, or are you not?" he began as she laughed a bit sarcastically..
"Oh im coming back" she rolled her eyes and began to pace some..
"You need out get out of this place Natalie, work , it will be,…good" this was harder then he thought.
"You know John just cause you're a workaholic doesn't mean I have to be, I mean who the hell do you think you are" she raised her voice, he was infuriating her..
"I thought I was a friend" he stood up now and she shook her head..
"I took a little leave of absence, I think I am entitled to it, considering" she didn't even want to say his name so she left it at that..
"Cris wouldn't want you to be like this" he spoke before he could stop himself and she felt a knot form in her throat…
"yeah well he aint here now right, so it really doesn't matter what he would think" her voice cracked..
"You're throwing everything away" he put his beer down and she rolled her eyes…
"Oh I am so sorry it is so easy for you John" she snapped at him…
"Damn it Natalie you have to pick yourself up, pick up the pieces of your life, look at this" he looked around the place.."look at you" he said with aggravation..
"You know what, you can just leave, like now" she was fuming, how dare he!
"I lost him too" he yelled, shocking himself as tears filled up in her eyes…
"Don't tell me about loss John, he was my everything, i…i…I loved him" she spun around quickly as tears streamed down her face and guilt flowed through him and he walked towards her..
"I'm sorry" he whispered and she just shook her head and refused to face him…"Its just that your hiding in here while your life passes you by, I know he wouldn't want this for you"
"I just….i don't know what to do ,….anymore" her words came out in sobs…"How am I suppose to go out there" she finally turned and faced him, tears on her face..
"You just" he ran a nervous hand through his hair, he was so not good at this.."You just do it"
A small smile curved her tear filled face…"look at you, John McBain trying to sound like Dr Phil" she laughed as she cried..
"I'm not, good at this" he wiped the sweat from his brow..
"No, your not" she finished as she wrapped her arms around him tight, hugging him, taking him off guard.."a pep talk from John Mcbain, I must be in bad shape"
"Im trying here" he swallowed hard..
"I know and I thank you" she pulled back and looked at him…
"I don't really do good with the weeping women thing" he looked scared to death and she couldn't help but laugh…
"You did more then you know" she wiped her face some and took a deep breath as he shoved his hands in his pockets.."Would you like another beer "
"Please" he said quickly, relief in his voice, that was one hurdle he didn't want to climb over anytime soon..
The next day at work John stood by the coffee pot, waiting for it to brew, he had a slight hangover from the night before but it was well worth it.. Him and Natalie watched tv, laughed some, drank beers, it was almost like old times except for Cris but she smiled, a few times she genuinely smiled and he wondered if she would come to work, and that question was answered quickly by the deafening silence that fell upon the lobby as his eyes turned and met hers, she looked frightened..
Natalie felt her knees grow weak as she stepped into the prescient and it got even worse as everyone got quiet, maybe she should of just stayed home, she froze as she stood there until his voice was heard…
"You all getting paid to just stand around" John's voice bellowed loud as everyone began to scurry around and he walked over to her…"welcome home"
"Thanks" she glanced around as everyone moved swiftly around her…"I'm gonna get to work" she swallowed hard as she made her way quickly into her office and let out a deep sigh of relief as she closed the door, now only if she could just keep herself locked away in the office all day long.
She made her way to her desk as a knock was heard and her body stiffened as it opened and she spun around..
"I thought you could use this" John said as he handed her a cup of coffee..
"Yeah I could, by the way…thanks again for last night" she sipped the warm liquid as did he..
"It was nice, right?" and he meant it, he really had enjoyed himself and for the first time he began to think maybe he enjoyed it too much.
"Yeah, I needed that, and now im here" she took a deep breath and looked around, so did he…
"yeah well I will let you get to it then" he spun to the door quickly…"its good to have you back Natalie" he finished as he left the office..