"Jamie, get ready!" Benedict shouted up the stairs, holding a warm bag of nugs. "You know what today is, right?"
Jamie galloped down, excited to smell the nuggets, which she hadn't been allowed to eat in months. After the Hamburgular lured her away using the delicious treats, she hadn't had the appetite for them. But today was different: it was her and Benedict's 6 month family-aversairy. He signed the adoption papers exactly 6 months ago and they were one happy family.
Benedick looks at Jamie's long, sexy, red dress and gapes. His face turns firetruck red. "You look… hella fine," he whispered, concealing his desire.
Jamie thought Ben's comment was hella wierd but she continued towards the nugs. In the dining room, fine china was set at the table, along with forks and knives. Benedict took the nugs and placed them on the plates.
They sat around at the table and Jamie was about to start eating when Benedamn stopped her.
"No!" he boomed, "We have to wait for our guest!"
As if it were planned someone broke through the window.
ALAS! It was the dreamy British superstar, David Tennant!
Jamie blushed profusely and was surprised.
"Do you two know each other?" she implored.
"Well, back in the day, David taught me fly fishing and then took me on my first McDonald's pilgrimage."
David sat down, dressed in drag. He had purple lipstick, a bleach blonde curly wig, and a sparkly crop top with high waisted skinny jeans. "Thank you for having me, my fair people," he thanked, cutting his chinnug with his fork and knife.
"Why are you dressed in drag?" Jamie asked, blushing at her crush.
"I'm filming a new movie called National Treasure 4, have you heard of it? Anyways, I was too embarrassed to come home to my wife dressed like this, so here i am," he explained with a mouthful of chinug.
Jamie solemnly ate her nugs, sad to remember that David had a wife. Ben was v jelly, and fumed with rage. JAMIE WAS HIS WARD. SHE BELONGED TO HIM.
After supper was fin, David and Jamie walked to the parlor to watch Actual Cannibal Shia LaBeouf: The Musical special on TV. Benewhale, stayed behind to clean the dining. He was fuming that David was stealing all the attention of Jamie. As he walked past the window, plates in hand, he thought he saw a sombraroed man in the yard. However, when he looked back, the man was gone, and Benelamp thought nothing of it.
BOOM! CRASH! *PTERODACTYL SCREECH*, Jamie and David screamed from the other room. Beneworm ran to the other room to see what all the ruckus was about, only to find a gaping hole in the empty parlor room, and Shia Labeuof was eerily on the TV.
"Only one man could do this and that's… MARTIN FREEMAN," Benepenis accused his costar. Ben ran to the basement to the Benemobile, a sleek green car with orange fire decals. He sped out to Martin's house, a huge mansion about 3 blocks away.
"WHERE IS MY GIRL" Benepoop screamed, "AND MY GUEST"
Martin answered the door wearing a big sombrero. "Ahh, you think I'm behind this?" he laughed. "I'm not the planner this time. Come in and meet my friend for dinner."
Under his breath, Martin whispered, "You're the dinner."
Benestick ran into the house that was an empty shell with no furniture whatsoever and a dirt floor. As he walked into what would be the living room, he saw a horrific, disgusting sight.
A Savage beast, naked on all fours, covered in dirt and blood was running around and rolling in the dirt. But is wasn't just your average beast, it was….. SHIA LABEOUF!
"SHIA SURPRISE!" he screamed, lauching himself at Benedump wanting to take a bite out of his perfectly chilsed cheekbones like a rabies infested sherlock fan girl,
Luckily, Benny had super lightning fast reflexes and escaped from the fatal bite of a cannibal. Thank god he avoided the bite, if he was bitten he would have become a Were-cannibal.
"SHIA SURPRISE", shouted the washed up Tranformers actor, "I HAVE YOUR GUESTS, YOU OLD FOOL".
Without thinking Benenugget opened the door and Shia pulled a gun to his head with death in his eyes. Benetrash pulled out a knife and quickly decapitated Shia LaBeouf, not thinking of anthing but saving Jamie.
Shia's head rolled on the ground to the door that lead to the room that Jamie and David were being held captive in. Beneknob hastily ran for the door and opened it to find David crying with mascara running down his cheeks, and Jamie calmly playing solitaire
"Oh you came", Jamie said.
"I always do", CumberCootch said.
"I HAVE A CONFESSION", said David abruptly, "I have been having an affair with Martin this whole time, and I was in on this whole shennanigan".
Beezlebub Cookooclock gasped. Jamie continued to play solitare as her ex crush leaves to find Martin.
David and Martin kiss passionately and David puts on a sombrero over his blonde trampy wig. They go outside to Martin's stable, hop on a horse, and ride off into the sunset.
"I'm sorry about David," Jamie says, "but at least hes happy."
"And WE'RE happy," Benefly smiles, wrapping his arm around Jamie as they walk to the Benemobile.
"Can we go get some chinuggets?" Jamie inquired.
"Of course," Benefry started the car and they drove off, craving hella nuggets.